Silly Omakes
By : Andor Swiftblade
Disclaimer : Harry Potter belongs to the beautiful blonde lady famously known as J K Rowling. No monetary gain is being made from this story.
Summary : Nothing but a bunch of silly and stupid little omakes. Some are funny some are not. Read and find out.
Omake : Waddiwasi
Professor Lupin raised his wand to shoulder height, said "Waddiwasi!" and pointed it at Peeves.
With the force of a bullet, the wad of chewing gum shot out of the keyhole and straight down Peeves's left nostril; he whirled right way up and zoomed away, cursing.
"Cool, Sir!" said Dean Thomas in amazement.
After seeing Lupin use the Waddiwasi Spell on Peeves, Harry was inspired. He wanted to learn the spell. So on the way to the Staff Room, Harry drew his wand and started practicing the spell.
"Waddiwasi!" he muttered under his breath, and then scowled when nothing happened. Frowning at his wand, Harry tried to perform the spell, but this time by putting a little more power behind it.
"Waddiwasi!"
What Harry – as well as anyone else for that matter, thank Merlin – didn't notice was that while he was practicing the spell, his wand was pointed slightly to his right. And it was pointed right at Draco Malfoy, who was – as per usual – strutting around with that perpetual smug sneer on his face. Malfoy thought that the sneer made him look superior to all these Mudbloods and blood traitors.
Said 'Mudbloods' and 'blood traitors' thought that he had some stomach problems all the time, because the blonde ponce looked constipated whenever he sneered; which was always. And he always sounded like a ferret, what with all the jumping around in glee, like a small child who needed to pee.
Now, Harry had his wand pointed at Malfoy – unintentionally, of course – when he cast the overpowered Waddiwasi spell in frustration.
Harry was shocked when suddenly, with a very girly shriek of pain, Malfoy started his ferret act, jumping up and down while screaming "Something in my nose! Help! Burns!" in a very nasal voice.
"Mr. Malfoy, calm down. Don't panic, and tell me what happened," said Professor Lupin, trying to console the distraught girl… er, boy… er, ferret, er… no, boy. (He nodded to himself, now sure what the jumping thing was.)
"DON'T PANIC! HOW I NOT PANIC! SOMETHING IN MY NOSE! CAN'T BREATHE! HELP!" the poncy ferret shrieked, voice very shrill and nasal, still jumping up and down.
The students came out of their shock and started laughing at Malfoy's misfortune. Professor Lupin too was trying not to smile. Harry just stood there looking at the scene, shocked that his spell had worked. Then his face split into a broad grin and he too joined his classmates in laughing at Malfoy. This was his first prank at Hogwarts – unintentional, of course – and he knew that his father would be proud of him. His mother he was not so sure about. He came out his musing when he heard Lupin speaking.
"Mr. Crabbe, Mr. Goyle, would you escort Mr. Malfoy to the Hospital Wing?" said Lupin to the two dimwits who were Malfoy's goons.
Both nodded stupidly, took hold of Malfoy's arms, and dragged him to the Hospital Wing; all the while, Malfoy was still screaming and crying about the pain in his nostril.
Lupin turned to the class and addressed them, "Well, all I'd like to say is that whoever did that, please do not do it again. Magic is forbidden in the corridors." With that, he turned around and continued the trek to the Staff Room.
"Inside, please," said Lupin, opening the door open for the students to enter. The room was empty except for one person, the Hogwarts Potions Master, Severus Snape.
When Snape saw the assembled class, he sneered and got up from his seat. "Leave it open, Lupin. I'd rather not witness this." He strode past the class, his black robes billowing behind him. "Possibly no one's warned you, Lupin, but this class contains Neville Longbottom. I would advise you…"
That was all he was able to say because the next instant a large beetle with strange markings around its antenna came soaring from no where and entered his left nostril rather forcefully. He screamed something – no one could understand what he said – and started flapping his hands, like small kids did when they imitated flying like a bird.
"AH! GET IT OUT! DO SOMETHING! HURTS!" he screamed, his voice squeaky like a bat's. Everyone looked on in shock as the man who never displayed a shred of emotion was now crying like a baby, tears of pain running down his face. He continued his bat imitation and ran out of the Staff Room, still screaming, directly towards the Hospital Wing.
"Well, I wanted to inform him about Mr. Malfoy, but it seems that he will meet him there directly," said Lupin, still in shock. And then a snort escaped him. And when the students also realized the humorous situation, they too erupted in laughter.
In all this chaos, no one saw Harry Potter hastily stowing his wand back into his pocket.
Omake : Dealing With A Boggart-Dementor
In the Staff Room, everyone got a crack at the Boggart that had hidden inside the wardrobe. But that was after they learnt the charm to repel the Boggart, Riddikulus.
Neville's Boggart turned into Snape, Parvati's turned into a Mummy, Seamus's turned into a Banshee, Dean's became a severed hand, Ron's became an Acromantula, and there were many more things, like a rat, a rattlesnake, and other such things that scared the students.
When it was nearly his turn, Harry noticed that Professor Lupin was about to step in between him and his greatest fear; and Harry wanted to know what his greatest fear was, so that he could defeat it.
Making a split-second decision, Harry quickly pointed his wand, hidden within the sleeves of his robes, towards Lupin's legs and quietly murmured, "Locomotor Mortis!"
Professor Lupin was about to step between the Boggart and his dead-best friend's son when suddenly his legs locked together. Losing his balance, he collapsed. Looking up towards Harry, Lupin noticed that he had drawn his wand and was striding confidently towards the Boggart. Fearing what he was about to see, Lupin looked on, waiting for the
Boggart to turn into Lord Voldemort. Imagine his surprise when the Boggart turned into everyone worst nightmare – a Dementor.
As Harry looked on, he saw the Boggart turn into a Dementor, and finally realized what his worst fear was. But he had resolved that he would defeat his fear, and with that thought in mind, he decided to confront his worst fear. As he started hearing his mother in her final moments, Harry decided that enough was enough. Raising his wand, he cast the first spell that came to his mind at the Boggart-Dementor.
"Waddiwasi!"
The entire class looked on with shocked looks as a small Golden Snitch came zooming out of Lupin's office and struck the Dementor beneath its hood. Suddenly, the Dementor started wheezing and coughing, and its aura receded. It started convulsing as it slowly lowered itself to the floor, its rotting, glistening hand gripping what appeared to be its decaying throat.
A few moments later, Harry looked on in shock as the Dementor died, with a Golden Snitch stuck in the hole where its soul-sucking mouth should be. He had conquered his greatest fear.
That day was one of the greatest days of Harry's life, and also in the history of the Wizarding World.
This is an omake for my current story "Harry Potter : Hunter". This is not how it will really end. This omake may or may not be funny.
Also it is not necessary to read my story to understand this omake, as it can be considered as simply a one-shot of the final battle. A new way to kill Tommy Boy.
Omake : Final Death
Harry had qualified as a Hunter and had successfully completed many Contracts, which included, but were not limited to : killing Death Munchers (Contract from a foreign country whose Officials were killed by the Munchers); gathering Dragon Dung for Dung Bombs (Contract from Zonko's and WWW); saving crying little girls from Trolls (this was not a contract, but he saved them because they reminded him of the first year Troll Troubles and also because he had the Saving-People-Syndrome).
Finally, he was now standing in front of Dark Lord Voldemort, to whom he commonly referred as ole Tommy Boy. Today the fate of the Wizarding World would be decided. Today only one of them would leave this place alive. The other would be dead and their remains would be fed to the vultures.
Voldemort gracefully drew his wand from within his robes, his ruby-red eyes glittering with hate and malice.
"Potter!" he squeaked, and then blushed as his voice came out sounding like a five year old girl. He cleared his throat loudly and spoke in his famous high-pitched icy cold voice, "Potter! Today we will end this! I have let this foolishness continue for a long time and now it is time to end this once and for all! You will be dead soon, and after that I will kill all those filthy bloodtraitors and Mudbloods who stood behind you and dared to oppose me! Today everyone will feel the wrath of Lord Voldemort!"
"Alright, alright, cut with the theatrics and start fighting, you imbecile!" shouted Harry, his voice confident as his holly-and-Phoenix-feather wand appeared in his hand with a flick of his wrist.
"You dare! You dare insult the greatest Dark Lord Voldemort! You will pay for this insult, Pot. . . " he was abruptly cut off as Harry interrupted.
"Has anyone noticed that he always refers to himself in third person?" Harry inquired of his audience, who all laughed heartily.
"Quiet!" hissed Voldemort, and once again silence reigned over the battlefield. "Now, Potter, we will not duel this time. No, this time we will fight!"
He swiftly raised his wand, but was surprised when Potter had already pointed his wand and he was already whispering his incantation.
"Orchideous!"
The Dark Lord was shocked when he was showered with flower petals. He was enraged. How dare that Potter brat insult him like this! And that too in the middle of a battle!
As he again raised his wand, he was hit with another curse.
"Rictusempra!"
Everyone, including the Dark Lord himself, was shocked when he started laughing uncontrollably. He fell on the ground clutching his sides as the spell's effect continued, because he could not even think straight to counter the curse non-verbally.
As Voldemort rolled on the floor laughing, Harry summoned the Dark Lord's wand to himself.
"Densaugeo!" shouted Harry, his own wand pointed towards Tommy Boy.
Voldemort was lying on the ground, surrounded by flower petals, laughing his head off. And when he was hit by the new spell, his front teeth enlarged up to his neck. Now it was a bit painful for him to laugh because of his huge – not to mention very sharp - teeth.
Voldemort tried to leech some magic from his followers, but the spells affecting his had weakened his mind barriers. So instead of leeching his followers, he unconsciously pushed what he was feeling through their Slave Marks, also known as the Dark Mark.
Every Death Eater, present on the battlefield or away from it, suddenly felt the effects of the spells their Master was under and they too started laughing and instantly grew very large front teeth.
"That spell was for when that ponce Malfoy cursed Hermione," said Harry, as he continued to watch dispassionately. "Now, for something that I always wanted to do…"
He raised both his hands, a wand clutched in each of them, and pointing them towards Tommy Boy, he shouted, "Avis! Oppungo!"
With a loud blast like gun-shot, a flock of birds erupted out of both the wands and attacked the still laughing Dark Lord. They pecked every bit of flesh visible to them and they used every opportunity to do so with pleasure. After some time, Harry flicked both wands and the birds stopped their attacks.
"Droppings," said Harry to the birds. They obeyed their conjurer's command and did as he ordered. Soon, ole Tommy Boy was covered in bird droppings and smelled very disgusting, like bird poop.
This is still not over, Tommy Boy. I have a special surprise saved for you," said Harry, his eyes shining mischievously.
"Brackium Emendo!"
The spell Lockhart had used on him in his second year when his arm had been broken during the Quidditch match, was used on the Dark Lord many times, carefully vanishing the bones in his arms and legs. Now Voldemort's arms and legs were like fleshy gloves, but they would not do any more killing unless he was given the Skele-Gro, which Harry was going to make sure he was not.
As the Dark Lord lay there, helpless, bone-less, Harry got ready for his final spell. Gathering most of his very high magical power, he focused the power into both the wands – their tips glowing a bright white – and he thought of his most happy memory, the day he got one of the most precious things in his life.
Still concentrating, Harry turned to point both the wands at the Dark Lord still on the ground, who was looking at the glowing wands with apprehension and a bit of fear.
"Oh, you are right to be afraid, Tom," said Harry, still calm. "I have destroyed your abomination, the one that you hid in your snake."
Voldemort's eyes widened even more.
"Goodbye, ole Tommy Boy. Enjoy eternity in HELL." With those final words, Harry finally released his spell.
"EXPECTO PATRONUM!"
Two dazzling bright silver stag burst of the wands. They galloped around the fallen Dark Lord, circling him and watching him with their huge silvery eyes. Then as one, they lowered their antlers and surged forwards, their sharp antlers piercing the Dark Lord. At first, there was no visible effect, but then suddenly the inhuman creature started screaming in pair and slowly a black mist seeped out of the creature's nose and mouth.
As the mist came out, the body started melting and then it was only a blob of flesh and blood.
The black mist hovered over the battlefield, but it did not notice when two large stags approached it and as they gored the thing again, the mist dissipated into nothingness.
All over the world, every marked Death Eater collapsed where they were. They never woke up again.
Harry Potter just stood there with his eyes closed as a small smile crept over his face. His mortal enemy was finally dead.
All was well.
Another version of the previous omake.
Omake : Death By Debt
Voldemort swiftly launched his attack and Harry reacted quickly by erecting a powerful Shield. Some of the curses were absorbed by the Shield while some were reflected back towards the Dark Lord, who just stepped aside, moving away from the path of the curses. While he was not harmed, several of his Moronic Munchers were not so lucky. Those who were standing right behind the Dark Lord just stood there looking at the fight stupidly, and they were killed by the reflected curses. Those who were at the back of the group showed how much they valued their companions' lives by pulling them in front of them to take the curses coming towards them.
In this sudden mayhem, a lot of morons were hurt and injured, some lightly and some critically, and many of them had been simply killed. They were lucky. Because when the Dark Lord started Dark Spells like the Blood Boiling Curse and the Skin Shredding Curse, and when they were reflected back by Potter's Shield, they his several Death Munchers and the effect of the spell was gruesome.
Slowly, the Dark Lord was tiring as the continuous spell casting was leeching on his magic reserves faster and faster. He could not keep this up any longer. On the other hand, Harry's Shield was still standing firm. When the Dark Lord stopped casting any more curses, Potter lowered his Shield and raised his wand to his throat.
"Sonorous!" he whispered quietly, and then as he spoke his magnified voice was heard all over the battlefield.
"I call on your life debt to me, Wormtail; now bring me his wand!"
The audience of the Moronic Munchers and Orderless Order watched as the rat Animagus snatched the wand from the Dark Lord's shocked fingers and hurried to hand it over to Harry Potter. As soon as Harry had ole Tommy boy's wand in his hand, he commanded, "Now, Wormtail, go and give your shocked Master a loving hug so that he recovers from the nasty shock you just delivered."
Harry shook his head disappointedly and continued, "Tut, tut! I expected better from you, Wormtail. First you betrayed my parents and now you betrayed your Master. I understand that you're a cowardly rat on the inside, but you are still human. And we humans are not cowards. You were sorted into Gryffindor. Now go to your Master, hug him and tell him that you love him. Its time to show everyone why you were sorted into Gryffindor! Go! Shoo! Shoo!"
On the Light side, the Weasley twins were on the ground holding their stomachs and howling in laughter. Remus was chuckling along too as he watched the unreal scene. Some people were watching the unfolding events with bewilderment while others were recoiling in horror as they thought of the Dark Lord's reaction if Wormtail even touched him, let alone hug him. They were very worried about their continued existence.
As Wormtail was under an invoked Life Debt, he could not ignore the terms of settlement of the debt. So he resigned himself to his fate and moved towards the dark lord. As he neared his Master, the debt took over and he had a look of loving devotion on his face as he opened his arms wide for hugging his Master.
"I love you, Master! Please hug me and tell me that you forgive me! Please, Master, tell me you love me!" exclaimed Wormtail to his Master in a high-pitched voice, which in truth sounded like the squeaking of a rat.
Voldemort didn't even move as Wormtail approached him. He was so shocked that he was just locked in his mind and was unable to move as the disgusting rat moved towards him.
The watching people were shocked to core when Wormtail hugged the Dark Lord. The Darkest Dark Lord to have ever lived gasped when Wormtail made contact with him. A few moments later, he just spontaneously combusted into flames that quickly caught onto Wormtail. Within a few seconds, both Master and servant were no more and all that remained of them was only a few specks of ash-dust.
The Moronic Munchers simultaneously collapsed to the ground as the Dark Mark on their left-arms burned away, taking the few pieces of Voldemort's magic that still existed with them.
"Ah, the stupid Prophecy is fulfilled at last!" Harry happily whispered to himself and quickly disappeared to God knows where to celebrate the defeat of his greatest foe.
Loud cheers erupted all around as people started celebrating the defeat of the Greatest Dark Lord in the century.
All was well.
This omake idea came to me while reading a joke.
Omake : A Normal Day In A Goblin's Life
A random wizard entered the Gringotts Wizard Bank for some business with the Goblins. He walked inside and saw that people were standing in line at every counter. The counter farthest from him had the shortest line while the counter nearest to him had the longest. He decided to join the line at the nearest counter as it was near and he did not wish to walk such a long distance just to save some time.
A random Goblin messenger noticed this fact and sneered. To Goblins, time was money, and those who wasted time wasted money. And Goblins did not like people who wasted money. The Goblins liked the Potter kid somewhat, because even though he was a wizard and had quite a lot of money, he did not waste it on things he didn't need, such as new clothes. Why waste money on new clothes when old ones would suffice? It made no sense! And he didn't waste much time too, so it was a double benefit.
"Hello, I work for Madame Puddifoot's. She has sent me to retrieve some money from her Vault," said the random wizard to a random Teller.
The Goblin just looked at the man for a few moments over the top of his spectacles then looked back down at his Account Book. He queried, "And what form of withdrawal will you be using today?"
"Um. . . Money?" the wizard replied in a confused voice.
The Goblin sighed. These wizards considered themselves as a superior race, yet they had the common sense of a Flobberworm. Even that half-giant oaf Hagrid was more intelligent. Once again – just like everyday – he wondered how his ancestors lost the wars to such stupid beings.
Omake : Tales Of The Inbred
Voldemort (angrily) : Oy, you, Moronic Death Muncher #3! Where were you yesterday?
Moronic Death Muncher #3 (cowering) : My. . . My Lord, I was at my cousin's funeral.
Moronic Death Muncher #8 (inquiringly) : Why? Did she die?
AN : Silly Omakes will be updated. Next time : The First Task. It will have two new ones, I think. Maybe I'll add some more, I'm not sure right now.
If you have enjoyed my works, please review. I find that they invigorate me and help me write new chapters.
Also, can someone tell me what Harry's most happy memory was? What is the most precious thing for him?
May your sword stay sharp!