Fragments&Fissures

Part One: Aftermath

byHollowPointBullet

(All that's left of my heart are pieces and parts.)

Author Note: Please search for Rascal Flatts' song of the same title and play it right after reading this chapter. It is required. Thank you.

Fragments&Fissures: Aftermath

[086M-CNC]

Since when did I start living as if it was simply a dull and daily routine?

Don't ask. I don't ever want to find the answer. Sometimes, it's easier not knowing. Sometimes, it's just meant to be left a mystery. Because sometimes, unlike what most say about the truth, finding out isn't freedom, but chains of barb leaking with poison that clenches your heart until it rots.

So don't ask me when it all began, but finding myself alive on the bed each morning had been a routine, daily curse.

"Mama! Mama, you're going to be late!"

I had already been awake for fifteen minutes when my daughter's voice echoed from downstairs. Unmoving, I stared at the ceiling of the bedroom. Countless times, I had noted the blotches on it. And for another time, I do this day. There's this one shadow that always seemed like a witch to me and I often stared at it wondering if it was the one who gave the princess the apple.

— that which made her slumber forever. I blinked in wonder. Waking up meant that I wasn't the cursed snow white devil, at least. If I were, I'd find myself luckily waking up in the eyes of my dear savior prince.

But this isn't a life of a fairy tale.

Looking at the window on the right side of the bed, I took in the morning light with my eyes as the breeze pushed the curtains aside. I had forgotten to close the panes again this time. Some insects were stuck on the white cloth. When did I start being this irresponsible?

Again, don't ask.

Reluctantly swinging my legs to the side, I sat up from the bed that's too big for its lonely sleeper. Why was it even — don't ask.

I trudged downstairs towards the smell of brewed coffee and bacon ham and egg. Vivio had grown to be quite a reliable high schooler. But I still question her choice of food for breakfast. Though I'm not one to actually voice out any complaint. Some years ago, we both enjoyed the vegan life. And I was an early bird, always. How did things — Stop. No more asking.

"Mama, I forgot to buy milk yesterday. Sorry." My daughter said as she paced around the sink to deposit her plates, her copper-blonde hair pony-tailed at the base of her neck swaying in her motions.

Yawning, I took a seat on the dining table and opened up a terminal to read about the current events, and said, "I'll be fine with black coffee today."

She dried her hands with a towel and prepared me a hot cup. "Here. Oh, right. I've to drop by the Library today. Are you meeting with Yuuno-kun? I want to consult him regarding some books." She asked, putting the mug before me.

I hummed in thought, weighing whether or not I should tease around the fact that Vivio was trying to discreetly gouge my date plans from me. "It's fine. Call anytime."

She frowned at me. "It would be bad for Daughter to call in while you're in a date."

I chuckled softly. "It's fine. I'll spend dinner with him though."

This appalled Vivio. "Wait, what?!"

I raised a brow before upturning my gaze at her. She looked genuinely surprised at her own reaction and brought a finger to her nose in a sheepish reaction. "That came out wrong. I just hoped you said so; I was set on cooking something fancy tonight."

"Oh, didn't I? Ah, sorry! It slipped my mind...wait, what exactly is the occasion?"

Vivio froze in shock but then sighed helplessly. "Honestly, mama, are you that old now?"

I glowered at her. "Hey, hey."

"Uuu..." She half-pouted, half-glowered. "You really don't remember what today is?"

Now the look panicked me. Vivio can be either grousing and displeased but rarely both at once. "It's not your birthday, nor mine...Or any of our relatives'..." I trailed off uneasily. "Might it be you won some award at school? But..." Vivio shook her head. "No...? Uh..."

Vivio's moueing turned to glum momentarily before she closed her eyes as if she was desperately trying to convince herself of something. Until she apparently gave up and sighed, "Mama."

"I'm sorry, really." I said, joining my hands and bowing slightly. "What is today?"

Vivio raised her head towards me with hurt and longing eyes. "You forgot this year too..."

That sudden change in her tone, that familiar catch in her voice, that unmistakable reflection in her eyes... I noticed it wasn't the first time I felt as though a broken glass leaking blood whenever I witness these changes.

"Nanoha-mama. Today is..."

I wonder when it all began. But even though I constantly wonder, I don't want to actually know.

"Today is..."

Perhaps I have been struggling not to know.

"Today is..."

Perhaps I've been struggling to forget.

"Fate-mama's..."

The name itself froze me, stopping my breathing, shutting all my nerves and causing bile to rise in my throat. I could hear the pitching of my blood in my ears, accompanied by the tingling sensation of summer and a wind chime, along with the sound of my name in a voice I try to wonder whose.

"This is a promise. Today onwards, you and I..."

Fate-mama's...

"Nanoha..."

"Today is Fate-mama's..."

I silently pleaded Vivio to silence, which she did grant. But I didn't escape the realization that her eyes hadn't been on me all this time. She was looking past my shoulder. And even though I didn't look, I knew exactly what lay there, past the arch that divided the kitchen from the living room, in a niche where someone had built a traditional Japanese altar.

A name reeked of dead memories; and of dead promises.

I was still as rock, stolid and helpless, as Vivio wordlessly exited the kitchen. I didn't see but I heard the high tune of the metallic stick striking a steel bowl. The tingle reached my spine, sending further waves of nausea from the back of my head.

"Fate-mama...I'll be going now." Vivio whispered but it was too silent for me to miss it. Some footsteps later, I heard Vivio opening the front door. "Nanoha-mama! I'm going!"

I did not reply. Only a minute later did the door close with a thud that sounded haunted inside this seemingly abandoned house. And I was, once again, a prey to this silence, to this loneliness, to this emptiness as I consumed breakfast that ran stale in my throat. I drank the coffee – that's long been cold – from the mug that's long been alien. I nourished myself for the day well, and held my palms together afterwards, saying, 'thanks for the food' to the gods. I got up, washed the dishes, got dressed, tied my hair up to an askew ponytail, and walked towards the living room; towards that corner lit by a red candle stick and kept holy by the incense smoke. I rang the chime and let it reverberate in my body that belonged to the metallic coldness of its sound. But I didn't look at that photograph. That portrait. That woman. That...that smile. I did not look; could not; would not. I simply uttered, in an alien voice just like yesterday's, just like the day before that, just like the months and the years prior, in half-hearted routine, in a voice as hollow as the words themselves,

"Take care of the house, Fate-chan."

…

Chapter I

"Today is Fate-mama's..."

…

HollowPointBullet

I was not sure where to go from this when I began writing it. I just happened to play Rascal Flatts all night, read some of the most disturbing Nanoha fanfics I can ever stumble upon, and somehow, these characters began appearing in front of me, asking to be written. Yeah. I'm broken for sure. Originally a LONG open-ended one-shot as in 11, 000 words. Then I began wanting to know more about what happened to Fate.

It's an attempt to perceive what could have happened to Nanoha should Fate met a devastating end (obviously). Also, I wanted to tease angst on YuuNano since all we ever make of his character in NanoFate centered Ffics is: villain, or rapist, or someone in between (one way or the other).
I may receive flames for the chapters that follow though. Nonetheless, I'm a solid NanoFate fangirl which makes the story itself sold and gay.

And DARK.

Anyway, like I said, this was written in one fell swoop aiming for a one-shot so for the chapter breaks, I am splitting the original into parts that seem to have their own focal point. This makes the chaptering jagged. Not to mention slow and inconsistent in length. The following chapters will be a little longer. Perhaps twice, then thrice, before I could adjust to a chaptered flow. With that being said, don't mind the Part#-ChapterLabel formatting that much. I just did it impulsively.

Beyond the point stated above, I've yet to write a word. But hopefully, ideas are coming quite readily. You're welcome to think with me. Just leave reviews or PM me. I can't promise exact update schedules. But count on this being labeled COMPLETE. Its a dream which you and I both long for and which I definitely will thrive to earn.

Thank you very much for the time! We'll see each other again soon!