Title: I'll be here where the heart is
Author: lysangelle
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: PG13/T
Summary: Post 6x21, inspired by 6x22 sneak peeks. Could friends' words help Callie and Arizona get one step closer to getting back together?
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libellous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
A/N: Most of the time, in a break up, we concentrate on our own pain, often blaming the other for all the bad feelings and the destruction of the ozone layer and the dinosaurs' extinction. What if we could witness the other's pain, when that 'other' is the love of your life?
6 AM
If Arizona Robbins had been where her heart really was she would have seen…
Callie turned away from back of the couch to turn off the alarm on her blackberry. The previous night she'd been unable to get into bed for the fifth time in a row. She could barely look at the big empty bed, afraid that her troubled mind would conjure images of her now ex-girlfriend. Afraid of the memories deeply imprinted in her heart of her Arizona, asleep, messed up hair all over the pillow, a hand tucked under her chin. Or lying on Callie's side, a mischievous smile on, waiting for her to come and playfully shoved or pull her out of the way.
She finally gave up and spent the night on the couch, crying herself to sleep. Like the five previous nights since Arizona left.
She tried to stretch but the grey couch didn't really fit her height, the red couch would have fit better but it was the spot where they shared their last kiss. She avoided it since. Tears pooled in the dark eyes again at that thought.
She suddenly felt a bolt of fear flood her, what if she never could get over this? What if the pain never lessened when she saw the missing pile of cds on the bedroom's dresser? What if she could never stop her eyes from tearing up when noticing the absence of the coconut shampoo bottle next to her own on the shower's shelf?
Callie had her share of painful break ups before, George had cheated on her then left her, never really loving her like she wished to be. Erica just turned her back to her and disappeared out of her life. Even if in both cases she knew she had some responsibilities, she didn't feel she was the one that provoke the actual break up.
"Arizona" She breathed, like if saying her lover's name could make her feel the comforting presence of the blonde that she was missing so badly.
How could breaking up with Arizona make her feel so much more pain that all her previous separations when she was the one who pushed until they had no choice but to come to the conclusion it was better to go their separate ways.
Mark could spend twelve more hours trying to make her see the pain would lessen. And that she'd eventually feel the relief at being able to pursue her dream of having a family with someone else. She just couldn't believe it. She wished he could see that the words, 'having a family with someone else', were only plunging the knife deeper in her bleeding heart.
Callie swallowed back the threatening tears and stood, trying to push those thoughts down deep in order to get her day started and be able to function through it.
8 AM
If Calliope Torres had physically been where her heart's thoughts were she would have witnessed…
Alex Karev headed toward the nurses' station, arms filled with the charts they would need for the morning rounds. He was glad to be on the paeds' service again. He liked what working with children entitled and, in his book; Arizona Robbins was one of the best teachers he ever encountered. Overseeing any allusion to bricks in their personal's history, he also knew that she believed in him, had faith in his abilities and talent.
He respected her and cared about her. Not that he would have admitted to it to anyone.
It was why, as he got closer, a frown appeared on his usually disdainful face.
The sight that welcomed him so unusual he knew something was off.
Arizona was sitting at the desk, a chart open before her and a pen loosely held in her hand. But her blue eyes were staring into empty space. And it was not a good part of space, if her face's expression was to give any indication. Alex noticed the dark circles under those sky blue eyes and the lack of the ever-present spark in them.
"Dr Robbins, I have the charts for the rounds all ready." Karev said calmly, trying to not shake Arizona out of her thought too abruptly.
When he got no answer he reluctantly raised his voice; "Dr Robbins?"
Arizona jumped and turned to the man standing right in front of her, she blinked but not fast enough for Karev to miss the tears pooling in the beautiful eyes. She cleared her throat before answering.
"Oh, Karev! Good to see you back in paeds!" The blonde exclaimed, the perky attitude back in place. And Alex realized he might not be the only one hiding behind a mask, even if in his case it was a disdainful cold one.
"Glad to be back, boss." Alex answered in an atypical light way, realizing he wanted to lighted the blonde's mood somehow.
Arizona chuckled; "Ok then let's get to work, Dr Karev!"
Karev hesitated for a minute, considering asking his attending if she was ok but finally decided to let it go.
11 AM
If Arizona could have been where she thought her rightful place was, at Calliope Torres' side, she would have heard…
"Well, Mrs. Donahue, now that you're set up in your room, I'm going to be able to put a definitive plaster on your arm." Callie explained as she pulled a stool to the bed side to check the elderly woman's left arm.
The white haired sweet looking lady smiled at the ortho surgeon;
"Oh please, dear, call me Betty. I suddenly feel like I'm 20 after seeing Henry again. And I'm really not Mrs. Donahue anymore, not in my heart anyway."
Callie looked up in the soft clear eyes, seeing the sparkle there that wasn't present before, making the woman look so much younger. She leaned forward and whispered.
"I know a few of people around here, a couple even owe me some favors," the ortho surgeon started in a conspiracy tone. "What would you think if I put them to work and get them to assign Mr. Stamp to your room after he's finished in the ER?"
"Oh dear, you're such a sweetheart!" Betty exclaimed with a bright smile and a grateful look. "It would be fantastic. Maybe we can reconnect."
Callie smiled; glad to have the chance to make that woman happy.
"You knew each other for a long time?"
The elderly lady sighed and lost her smile instantly; "We were lovers once, half a century ago. We were so in love. But it was another time and our parents didn't want to hear about it because of our different social backgrounds. He was of a blue collar family, you see. My parents especially didn't want me to marry into a 'lesser' family. It didn't matter to them that I knew he was the love of my life."
Callie swallowed hard; this story was a hitting a bit too close to home but she needed to know. "What happened?" She asked in a tense voice.
"They separated us, sent him away somehow, I'm not sure how." Betty answered, a sad look appearing on her still beautiful face. Callie had to swallow the soccer ball size knot in her throat as the thought that Arizona would certainly grow old to stay as beautiful as this woman crossed her mind.
"We both made a life away from each other. Married others, had children, grandchildren." The white haired lady kept talking, more to herself than Callie by now. "And now after 50 years, he's back in my life. Out of the blue. And it feels like we never been apart."
The caramel skinned woman compassionately rubbed the woman's good arm.
"But you did make a good life, Betty. It does matter, doesn't it?" She asked gently.
"I did, I made a life, married a good man. And I did love my husband and my children, you know. But it's never been like with Henry. For the last fifty years of my life, I've been wondering what life with him would have been like, Dr. Torres."
The old woman looked deep into the dark eyes of her nice doctor.
"We both settled for the next best thing, it seems. And we had a life. Most would say a good life and I can't, in all honesty, say it wasn't a good life either. But seeing Henry again makes me realized I lived that life with a constant void in here." Betty said placing her good hand over her heart. "You know what I mean, Dr. Torres?"
"Better than you think, Betty, a lot better than you think." Callie answered, her eyes tearing up as she pressed the old woman's hand.
1 PM
If Callie had been where her heart kept insisting she needed to be she would have seen…
"Ah there you are, elusive Dr Robbins!" Teddy Altman exclaimed as she pushed the paeds head office's door open.
Arizona jumped in her chair as her friend's entrance pulled her abruptly out of her dark thoughts. "Teddy! You scared me, woman!"
The cardio surgeon chuckled and closing the door behind her she moved to sit in the chair opposite the blonde's desk.
"I didn't see you in a while, where did you disappear to?" Teddy asked as she unwrapped the sandwich she grabbed from the cafeteria before going on the search for the blonde. After not seeing her perky friend for a few days she started checking the board. Seeing Arizona had a surgery this afternoon she jumped on the chance to go look for her elusive colleague before she disappeared again.
Arizona sighed, not ready to talk about what happened. Even if she liked Teddy, she didn't feel they reached the point where she could easily confide in her at the drop of a hat. Very few people ever reach that point she realized.
"I took a few days off. I went to see my parents in San Diego." The blonde answered noncommittally, as she reached for a piece of her own lunch that looked pretty much forgotten before.
Teddy watched the face of her friend's closely, aware that something was very not alright with her.
"So did you hear of that amazing reunion in the ER this morning?" the cardio surgeon asked, deciding to let it go for now.
"Nope," Arizona answered with round eyes, "What kind of reunion can happen in an ER?"
"Well the kind that have a 70 something man with a heart problem recognizing his long lost love as she's wheeled past him on the way to her room." Teddy deadpanned.
"You're kidding me!" Arizona exclaimed.
"Nope, not at all." Teddy answered, glad she could lighten Arizona's mood to some point. "They've been apart for 50 years, each married with someone else, and still, just being there, you could still feel the sparks flying. It was so cute… And so sad to think they've been away from each other from so long when they obviously loved each other so much."
Teddy couldn't miss the hurt look quickly passing in the blue eyes or not notice the naturally pale face getting even paler.
"So," The cardio surgeon asked before taking a bite of her sandwich, "why are you hiding in here now?"
Arizona cleared her throat and assumed an innocent look, "What are you talking about? I'm not hiding."
"Arizona, the only way I knew you were in this building was because I read your name on the board." Teddy admonished gently.
"Teddy…" The blue eyed woman started with a frown and a sigh.
"Wait, before you send me to hell." Teddy interrupted. "Let me tell you a story, ok?"
At Arizona's nod, the heart surgeon leaned forward over the desk.
"You see, once upon a time; I was having a very bad day, oh forget it, I was having a bad week and I was busy pining for a person I shouldn't have." Teddy started grinning when a small smile appeared on her friend's beautiful face.
"Then, out of the blue, right there in the ER, appeared an overly perky, kinda pushy short blonde."
"Hey! I'm not short!" Arizona interjected heatedly.
"Yes you are, but that's not the point here," Teddy answered, "that SHORT blonde decided I needed a new friend, to change my mind, that kind of things, you know. And she volunteered to become that new friend. To my total dismay, I have to admit, and leaving me slightly scared."
Arizona chuckled but she could feel her throat getting tight as she listened to Teddy's speech.
"With time, I learned to know her and her sometimes quirky ways. I'm happy to say that this blonde, who's still short by the way, did become a real friend."
They shared a knowing look before the taller blonde added. "And she was right that first day, she is an awesome friend."
Tears now pooled in the sky blue eyes and the paeds surgeon smiled her thank you, unable to speak at that moment.
Teddy smiled back and reached over the desk to grab Arizona's hand.
"But you know what would make her an even more awesome friend?" She added, seeing Arizona frowning, she forged ahead. "She could open up to her friends and talk to them, sharing her feelings with them, instead of just being a great listener."
Teddy watched as Arizona fought to hold back the tears, allowing her the space to either break down or to pull herself together again. Ready to react in any case.
After a few minutes of Teddy patting her hand silently, Arizona swallowed hard a last time. She had to pull herself together, knowing that if she started crying now she wouldn't be able to stop and do her job.
Sky blue eyes met green ones and the blonde took the plunge.
"Callie and I decided to go our separate ways." Arizona admitted, her voice breaking down. It was the first time she said the words, and it hurt even more than she thought it would.
Teddy looked at her with a dumbfounded look.
"You can't be serious? I never saw two people more in love than the two of you!"
At the look of pain on Arizona's face, Teddy quickly amended:
"Oh God, Arizona! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to make it worse for you. I'm just so surprised." The cardio surgeon tried to comfort her friend, grabbing a pale hand. "What happened? Can you tell me?"
The paeds surgeon sighed but started talking, telling the full story. She realized talking about it helped some, despite the pain it conjured. She had to stop talking a couple of times to take some deep breaths, still refusing to break down and allow the tears to fall.
When she was done, they sit in silence for few minutes, both working through the pain.
Arizona had her arms tightly wrapped around herself in a self protection gesture and Teddy was trying to settle her own thoughts as her friend's story opened up some of her own wounds.
After a while the taller blonde started speaking carefully.
"Arizona, listen. I know it's not my place and I can't to tell you what you have to do, but you're my friend, really, and I don't want to see you hurting. So will you listen to me if I tell you honestly what I think?"
The small blonde almost bulked for a second but decided to listen and she nodded her agreement.
"Those two elderly people I saw this morning? They were obviously still in love. After 50 years. After each getting married and living what's probably was a full life. They meet again after all that time and they act like it was just yesterday that they were together."
Teddy's voice broke and she took a swig of her water. Seeing Arizona was still silently focusing on her she choosed her next words with caution.
"I don't know why they got separated in the first place. But I can't help wondering if their actual lives have been as happy as they would have been had they stayed together. When in truth they only settled for something less than their real love."
Arizona's eyes filled up with tears and she hugged herself tighter. She knew Teddy wasn't trying to hurt her on purpose but the pain was excruciating.
The cardio surgeon was aware she was hurtful to her friend but she thought maybe some tough love was in order. Someone had to make those two see some things are worth fighting for, even if it meant compromising with their own personal beliefs.
"How are you really feeling about Callie, Arizona?"
"She's the love of my life." The paeds surgeon simply whispered.
Teddy smile tenderly at the admission.
"Look, I know what it's like to be so badly in love with someone and knowing they're not yours. I live it everyday. And it's something I don't wish on anyone, especially a friend." The cardio surgeon's cleared her throat as tears were gathering in her own eyes. "And still, I choose to date Mark, to settle in a relationship I'm pretty sure isn't going to last or satisfy me on the long run. I know I allowed life to come between me and my real love and that it's too late for me, so I'm settling too I guess."
Teddy swallowed hard as her emotions were starting to get the best of her.
"Don't let life take you away from the love of your life that easily, Arizona." The taller blonde added.
"I understand you liked your life as it was, and you didn't want it to change. But it already changed with this break up and I don't think you really like it anymore. And I also realize that letting go of the life you know can be terrifying. But sometimes, the new life you find is better than the one you lost."
Teddy finished her water as she watched Arizona. The small blonde was obviously processing her words.
A beeper went off and Teddy jumped in her chair.
"911. I have to go." The cardio surgeon explained as she stood. "Are you going to be ok?"
Arizona lifted her head to look at her friend. "Yeah, don't worry." She answered in a low voice, forcing a smile out.
Teddy nodded and headed to the door.
"Teddy!" Arizona called after her as she was turning the door handle, making her turn around.
"Thank you." The short blonde simply added in a raw voice.
9 PM
If Arizona had been in the vicinity of the woman her heart was beating for, she would have witnessed…
Mark Sloan plopped down in the corner booth where Callie was hidden, working hard at drowning her pain with alcohol. He was grateful Joe mentioned her presence when he entered the bar; he wouldn't have noticed her in there.
He sipped from his beer for a moment, watching her best friend closely. He sighed as he realized his evening would more than probably consist in keeping an eye on Callie as she got drunk and make sure she got home in one piece when she reached her limit.
"Want me to kick her ass for you?" He asked roughly, hating to see his best friend in pain.
Callie lift her eyes from where they were glued to the half empty glass in her hands, she jumped like she just noticed his presence across the table.
"No!" She finally answered after gathering her thoughts. "Of course not! She didn't do anything to deserve that!" The dark haired woman defended her ex-girlfriend. The heartfelt answer told Mark a lot more than she thought.
"Too bad, it would be my pleasure to kick such a nice ass." Sloan goaded.
"MARK! Don't speak about her that way or I'll break every one of your bones!"
Callie growled.
"Wow! Easy there, killer." Mark laughed, a bit surprised by the vehemence of his friend's reaction. "So defensive in favour of an ex-girlfriend!"
Mark cursed himself when he saw tears fill up the dark eyes of one of his favourite people in the whole world.
He finished his beer and as an unspoken apology, gestured to her glass.
"Want another one?" he asked as he stood up, waiting for the certain agreement to come.
After just a couple of minutes, the tall man was putting down another drink in front of the forlorn woman and was sitting down across from her again.
"So I saw that radiology babe flirting with you earlier. Got yourself a date at least?" Mark asked with a smirk.
"No I didn't, Mark." The caramel skinned woman answered with a sigh.
Sloan almost choked on his beer. "What the hell not? She was practically drooling on you!"
"She doesn't do it for me." Callie tried to evade that line of questioning.
"Care to explain how that's even possible? She's a bomb and totally your type!" Mark exclaimed, unbelievingly.
Callie shrugged, her hope to drop that particular subject dashed; "I don't know she just doesn't!" She answered on the defensive.
"What you really mean is that it's because she's not Arizona. You realize that right?" Sloan insisted.
"Of course I realize that, Sloan! We just broke up… and it's too soon… and…" the dark haired woman stumbled on her words.
"And what, Callie?" Mark gently prodded.
"And she's still the woman I love more than anything." Callie admitted, burying her face in her hands.
Mark stood up and made his way around the table to sit close to his best friend, wrapping his arm around her shoulders as she shed hot tears. He held her until her silent sobs stopped and he felt her leans more against him.
"Callie, you need to start thinking about dating other people if you want to find someone to have a baby with." Mark gently reminded her, trying in his own abrupt way to help his BFF get over her heartbreak.
"Of course I'm always willing to help you with that…OUCH!" Mark finished in a yell as Callie slapped him hard up the head.
"You deserved it!" The caramel skinned beauty retorted darkly.
"Fuck, woman, you don't know your own strength." Sloan moaned as he rubbed the sore spot at the back of his head.
"Be useful for once and get me another drink." Callie mumbled, downing her glass in one gulp. "Make that a double too."
A while and quite a few drinks later, a drooling Mark was watching a bunch of young women dancing provocatively in the mainly empty space of Joe's bar.
From time to time he glanced at Callie who had only recently slowed down her consumption of alcohol. She was prostrated by now and he was about to grab her to bring her home when she jerked and straighten up so suddenly she made him jump in surprised.
"Her nightmares!" She exclaimed her eyes unfocused.
Mark sighed, "What?"
"Who's going to take care of her when she has a nightmare?" Callie said more to herself than in answer to Mark's question.
"Callie, please…" Mark started at a lost.
"No you don't get it, Mark. She has nightmares, terrible nightmares about little coffins. I used to hold her for hours after one of them…How is she…"
Mark stood up quickly, unable to take anymore of her pain, unwilling to start thinking about the pain Arizona must be feeling on top of it. He remembered seeing Arizona from afar earlier and he understood the dark circles under the usually blue eyes better. He really liked Arizona but he has his priorities and Callie was on the top of the list, he couldn't afford to take over the pain of both women.
He pulled his best friend out of the booth and grabbing her by the waist, pulled her toward the door and behind to get her home.
11 PM
If Callie had been where every atom of her body told her she should be, she would have witnessed…
Arizona looked around her as she decided to head to bed, she sighed sadly at the barely lived in look of the place. She's been sleeping here for five nights in a row now, the longer she ever been in this place since the beginning of her relationship with Callie.
She quickly got ready for bed, hoping for the momentary relief of the pain sleep could bring. Also hoping to escape the dreams that could destroy that chance at some reprieve from the pain.
She slipped under the covers and grabbing a body pillow she tightly wrapped herself around it like she had done dozens of times around Callie's body.
As she reached to the bedside table to turn the light off, her eyes fell on Callie's heart pendant she left there, unwilling to put it away but unable to keep wearing it constantly.
It's then than she felt the tight control she had to keep on her feelings all day slip and the dam broke. Hot fat tears started to run down her face and she buried herself deeper in the pillow, allowing the sobs she's been fighting too long to escape her, crying her pain and despair at loosing the best thing she ever had in her life. Unable to reconcile the true love she knew existed between them and the impossible situation they were in.
She cried and cried until her head hurt and her throat felt raw from the sobbing. And when, finally, too exhausted to even keep crying but with somewhat clearer thoughts, she felt herself drift to a hopefully healing sleep, Teddy's words came back to her.
'Sometimes the new life you find is better than the life you lost…'
Maybe… Yes maybe she needed to start envisioning the possibility of a new life.
That's it for now, guys. I know I probably frustrate some of you by stopping there. But I honestly can't decide who should bend at this point. I have a personal POV who would influence my decision but it would be somehow out of character and too big of a step in these circumstances. So I'd rather wait and see for a while. Maybe the answer will hit me soon.