Title: Point A vs. Point B
Summary: When Allison Cameron first loves someone, she never stops. A one-shot in which Cameron looks back.
Self-Loathe:
She beat herself up a lot for the events that happened during her four years working under Gregory House, and even some of the events afterwards. She curses herself for being so naive and innocent; so trusting. She curses herself for not having a backbone, and for not being able to say no and take charge. Mostly, she curses herself for letting the man she was in love with trample over her heart.
Connect the Dots:
Even now, when she looks back on who she was, she cringes with embarrassment and disgust. How could she be that stupid? She was just a stupid cuddly toy stuffed by grandma. She laughs at herself when she remembers how she used to stand, head up, hands on waist, in a stupid little defiant gesture. It's amazing how much a person can change. She sees herself as two points, point A and point B. Point A is who she was then, a stupid little girl, unable to face reality. Point B is who she is now, more of a woman then a girl, with a backbone and rougher edges. Sometimes she really wonders how she connected those two points.
Together:
Still, she can't deny that there wasn't something there. He had never loved her. Personally, she wasn't sure if House was capable of loving. At least not after what Stacey did. But there was the little things, like the monster truck rally, and the corsage, and the way his eyes lightened, and perhaps softened at the sight of her caring. And of course, there was the kiss. She knows that, in another world, another place, another time, they could have been together.
I miss you:
She knows he misses her, at least to a certain extent. He's offered her Thirteen's job a number of times. He's even thrown little hints, and sometimes, when their eyes meet, she searches into those cerulean depths and actually sees something. But it doesn't last long. There's a part of her that wants to go back to him, and be a Duckling again, and play the game of red coffee mugs and whiteboards, but she knows she can't.
Growth:
Besides, it's not like she didn't learn anything. She grew a lot from House. He helped her develop, as a person and a doctor. Of course, there's a corner of her heart that desperately wishes she was married to House, and not Chase, but it's not very strong. When Allison Cameron first loves someone, she never stops. But she's not who she was then. That love belongs to another girl, another time. All she can do now is put one foot forward and put away the past.