Lost – But Never Forgotten.
Disclaimer: All characters in the Harry Potter books belong to J.K. Rowling. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author's notes: This is just a one-shot that's been lying around in my computer for a while. And now I decided it was time to get it off my computer and onto the web. Read, enjoy (hopefully), and make up your own mind. Reviews are appreciated…
In a battle there are casualties and wounded. Always. A battle in a war in the wizarding world is no exception. There had been casualties, and people had been wounded.
Remus Lupin belonged in the wounded category, although he had been lucky enough to escape being hurt for life. Now he lay in a bed at the hospital wing at Hogwarts. He had been poisoned by silver, something which had made his transformation into a werewolf a much more painful procedure than what it normally was.
If he had not had an antidote administered he would have been dead.
Now, the night after the full moon he was recovering in the hospital wing.
He couldn't sleep. And when he couldn't sleep, he thought of many things. Most of the things he thought of were bad memories of his life, memories of Jacob, Lily, Sirius and Peter.
In despite of the bad memories he had, one period of his life had been truly happy. He had once loved a woman, and had her love in return. A muggle woman, her name was Andrea Foxx. They had met on a bright summer day, in a park near Godric's Hollow, years ago. It had been love at first sight for the both of them. They had been young and thought themselves invincible. She knew nothing of the troubles in the wizarding world, and for a time she was able to make him forget them too.
When the autumn came it became clear that the Dark Lord needed to be stopped. As a member of the Order of the Phoenix he had a place in the fight, and he realised that he was needed in the wizarding world. He had to tell her everything. She had cried. Then she had told him that she was pregnant. Then it was his turn to, first, be furious, and then cry.
As though a decision as it had been for the both of them they had decided to break all contact with each other. It would be safer for the both of them. He knew that even if they won the war against the Dark Lord, they would never find his every supporter.
The last thing Remus had heard was that Andrea had given birth to a baby girl. At that time it was all he had wished to know.
He couldn't lie still any longer. He got up and walked over to one of the windows. Then he looked out over the grounds.
He heard a voice behind him.
" Still awake, Remus?" It was Albus Dumbledore, headmaster of Hogwarts and leader of the Order.
" Yes, I couldn't sleep."
" I see. Is something troubling you?"
" No" Remus said firmly. Then he sighed. There was no use in trying to keep secrets from Albus Dumbledore.
" Yes…"
Dumbledore smiled slightly, and moved to stand beside Remus at the window. Remus saw that he moved more slowly now, and he had lost some of the grace that before had accompanied his every movement.
" Well Remus, would it help to share your troubles with someone? If that is the case, I am standing right here."
Remus was silent for a while. Did he really want to talk about this?
He knew, of course, that if he was going to talk about it with anyone, there was no one better than Albus Dumbledore. Did he really want to rip up in all the memories?
But then he thought to himself, what had he been doing all those sleepless nights if not ripping up every memory? He decided that he needed to know. He needed to know what had happened to his daughter. Where was she now? What was she doing?
And somehow he knew that Dumbledore would know. He always knew everything…
Remus hesitated, then said:
" My daughter…"
Dumbledore nodded.
" I see. Well, that is understandable. You know very little about her, if I'm not mistaken."
" You are not mistaken. I know nothing, really. And that's what bothers me."
" You miss her?"
" I don't even know if 'miss' is the right word. I don't know what to miss. I have never even seen her."
" So, you regret your decision?"
Remus drew his breath.
" Yes…and no. I regret it because I robbed myself of the chance of knowing my own daughter. And I don't regret it because that was the only way I could have protected her. She would not have been safe with me."
" I see. But now you regret it more than before…"
" Well, yes. It's been seventeen years since she was born, and I have yet to see her. I don't know her name, I don't know anything…"
" I'll have to correct you on one thing, Remus. You have seen her. But you didn't know that it was her you saw."
" Where have I seen her?"
Dumbledore smiled.
"Here at Hogwarts. She was in one of you Defence Against the Dark Arts classes a few years ago, when she was a third year. The same class as Harry Potter, Ronald Weasly and Hermione Granger if I'm not mistaken."
" She was in my class! … So she has magical abilities?"
" Yes indeed. She's good at magic too. She has that from you, Remus."
A horrible thought had just struck Remus. If his daughter had inherited magical abilities from him, was there a chance she could have inherited something else, something a lot worse?
"My daughter… She's…she's not a werewolf is she?"
The thought terrified him. After all he loved his daughter, although he had never seen her. She was his daughter never the less, and the thought of passing something as dreadful as lycanthropy on to her was excruciating.
Dumbledore shook his head.
" No Remus, she is not…" Dumbledore said calmly. "…That is one thing, thank God, you did not pass on."
A wave of relief came over him.
"Thank Merlin for that."
Dumbledore smiled.
"Tell me about her, Dumbledore. I want to…I need to know."
"What do you want to know, Remus?"
"Anything."
"I see. Well, your daughter was born 21.October, seventeen years ago. She was given the name Saybel Leona Jarae Foxx. Then…she was placed in an orphanage when she was a week old. She attended Hogwarts at the age of eleven…" Dumbledore stopped in mid-sentence
Remus had turned his face away from the window, and looked at Dumbledore, horrified. His face grew pale.
" Orphanage! But…are you sure? I mean, Andrea swore to me that she would take care of her…" His voice broke. She had sworn to him to take care of his daughter! She had promised!
"Yes Remus, I am sure. Andrea felt that Saybel held her down, and kept her from going back to her former life. So, she sent her away to an orphanage.
Remus' emotions had gone from shock to horror to anger in a matter of seconds. He now had to struggle to keep his voice calm.
"She left her…just like that?"
"Now, now, Remus. The decision was not made lightly. I know that. The break between you was as hard on her as it was on you. She loved you too, Remus. Don't forget that.
"Then, if she loved me so much, how could she send our daughter away? Tell me that!" He almost shouted the last words.
"Remus, calm yourself down! It tore Andrea apart to give your daughter away, and yet she did. Because she did not think she could go on living her life without you, and be reminded of you every single day. She had to either forget all about you, or live with you. And as she could not live with you, she had to at least try to forget you. Believe me when I say that it was no easy decision for her to give her daughter away. "
Remus covered his face with his hands. Then he sighed, and said; " I believe you, I do…but still. An orphanage has never been a good place to grow up, and the thought of my own daughter growing up without any family…"
"Your daughter have been safe from any enemies she might have had because of your work for the Order, and she has been quite happy. I know that for sure. And do not think that she has been without attention from the wizarding world. The orphanage where she was placed was and still is home to several people from our world. Of course the eyes of our world will follow a place like that." Dumbledore smiled when he saw some relief in Remus' face.
"Now I would suggest that you go back to bed, Remus. Get some sleep, and do not worry more tonight. Goodnight to you."
When Remus found his way back to bed some minutes later thoughts still swirled around inside his mind, but now they circled around more agreeable subjects. Who had his daughter become? What was she like? What did she look like? Which of his third year students had she been?
And with these thought occupying his mind, Remus Lupin fell into a deep sleep.