Disclaimer: I don't own The Rocky Horror Picture Show

A/N: This story is very symbolic. The character Claudia represents me in a number of ways. Her career as writer is a reference to my attempts at writing fanfiction. Some (though not all) of the various original characters that appear throughout symbolize real people known by me. They're mostly just fanfic-related people.

Literally, it's a story about Frank and company through the eyes of his little sister. Figuratively, it's Cececat's memoir of her time spent writing fanfiction (but not M. L.'s story of all her life). And it's an apology for my increasingly bad - and unpopular - work. Often I wish the brief popularity I earned with that oddity A Sci-Fi Fan's Adventure could be recreated. Alas, it never will be! It was oddly unique and strangely innocent... very much like RHPS itself, if I may be bold enough to say so.

This is heavily inspired by both I, Claudius by Robert Graves and Lives of the Caesars by Suetonius. I reread parts of the latter's descriptions of Gaius Caligula for inspiration when it comes to things involving Frank. The overall style is that of a shorter, simplified version of I, Claudius. Especially the fact that it's written in English by an alien as I, Claudius was (in-universe) written in Greek by a Roman. The reasoning for this differs, of course, between the two.

This chapter is the prologue and therefore not written like a story. It's a messy attempt at introducing characters and ideas important later... and to explain why the character Claudia wrote this book.

Also... this takes place is the same 'world' as anything by "Gaius Cececatus Felix".

My name is Dulcibella Claudia, and I've lived a fascinating life.

You may know that I am the younger sister of famous crown prince Gaius Dulcibellus (son of Queen Dulcibella Livia) - often known as Dr. Frank N. Furter, a Scientist. You may also know that I became queen in later life because I outlived many more obvious candidates for the job. Or you may not, for I've written this in a language foreign to my own planet but well-known elsewhere. That would be an Earth-tongue called English. That I learned originally from a six-(Earth)month stay there that ended with my brother's death.

Anyway, I've decided to write the story of my life. Though it's more of a book about the three rulers preceding me and related persons. It's a quite colorful tale. Full of theatrically. Yet it still means something, it's still important. That's why it's written in English. I want only the worthy people to read it. Those of my planet with the patience to learn a primitive tongue from an obscure and distant place surely deserve a good story.

The secondary system of dates used is that used by Earthlings in this current age. I've added them in half for fun and half to make things more understandable in sections mentioning the Earth Mission. Since our world has a different year-length (they've got about 19 less days and things called leap years) the dates won't work out exactly. I'll try my best to explain when needed. Though the Earthling calendar is wonderfully organized season-wise it's not very pretty number-wise. Anyway, ages of people and such are rendered in both systems. And they said Prince Frank's Mission to Earth (in 1974 EY, which was about 1853 to us) was useless!

As you've surely noticed my life has been colorful and influenced by many odd experiences. I shall try to recall as much as possible for this. A number of my letters have been taken out of storage in the hope that reading them will remind me of things that happened years ago. It's amazing what rereading long-forgotten correspondences with older friends can tell you. Already I've read quite a bit of what I wrote to a Ms. Kitty Blofir and the many replies of hers. Not to mention stories I began and half finished, or complete tales I kept original drafts of. Though they probably won't show up in this book.

There's something I'd better mention! The game might as well be up! Many stories I have written, all published under the name Valeria Caecelia. I'm sure many guessed at this. Only a few knew, at least. One of those is my second (and current, at the time of this writing) spouse. This book really does spill almost every secret.

Speaking of secrets, many believed that I was insane in some way. My entire family is less stable than a three-legged horse. As the Earthlings sometimes say: "insanity doesn't run in the family, it gallops." Of course my brother Frank was a total wacko. It's just that I'm not good at hiding my issues as he. The troubles proper members of the family all have are useful for a person living in such a mad place as the palace. Lack of empathy makes death sentences easier to declare. Belief that you're a long-dead leader and similar delusions of grandeur help one cope with the job, too.

Going through phases that're gleeful and manic, and then suddenly becoming painfully depressed isn't any use. Nor are more-than-occasional descents into depression caused by actual happenings rather than a disorder. Though the wild mood swings I once was cursed with are something more common in rulers. This means I was insane by both my family's standards and the general medical professional community's standards. Most are only mad according to the latter.

All of that strangeness - and many other things - shall here be explained in relatively chronological order. Hopefully this will both entertain and educate the few who read it.

My brother Frank was born Currianus 9th, 1847 (sometime in 1944 EY). Our mother Dulcibella famously left him in the care of nurses mere days after his birth and went back to the party-hosting expected of a ruler. Three of our years and eight of our months after this (Hartlianus 9th, 1850) I was born. That would be circa 1946 EY. Because our year is 16 months (all exactly 24 days) my half-birthday is his birthday. This was an odd fact our mother often found amusing in later years. I think she saw it as an omen that meant I was equally important to my better-liked brother. Mother was very superstitious and had a personal team of psychics of various kinds that she often consulted. Ghosts are known to be real (thanks to researchers such as Dr. Venkmanus) and it's thought by many that Gods rule from some undiscovered star system far beyond our humble galaxy of Transylvania and Earth's galaxy. And our more open-minded polytheism inherited from our explorer ancestors is one reason we're better off than modern Earth in my eyes. But sometimes Mother went a little far with things and used religion as an excuse for stricter rules. At least some of her helped keep me from dying under mysterious circumstances like many court outcasts.

My Father, the King Drusus, died soon after I was conceived. Some people think my biological father was my mother's political advisor Lucius. They also say she poisoned Drusus. We do properly know that Lucius married her when I was three. One of my earliest memories was attending the ceremony. He was never an actual ruler in any way because of his lack of royal blood.

All this scandal made it even better that servants raised her children.

Practically from the moment I was born I was considered somewhat pretty. When my "odd behaviors" became more obvious my long curly hair and wide brown eyes were seen as my best traits - or, to some people, the only 'pros' to my existence. This is sort of unfortunate for one living in the Dulcibella Livia-era royal court. All were expected to be attractive physically and charming in manner. I never did well at public events and was left out of such things starting at the early age of six. Probably not by coincidence, they properly banned me from events just after I'd just been sent to and (after a month) brought home. This was when they began giving me medicines that helped suppress my issues. They actually do help me. I often wonder why I was banned from official public appearances and many events right when I was properly fixed. Presumably because everyone likes Frank better and they often forget about me.

Both Frank and I lived our early years in the care of nurses or nannies. Most memorable - and most durable - of these fine people was a widowed woman named Marcella Aelia. We called this lady Nona. She had long gray hair that she refused to dye (like most women did) and a no-nonsense attitude. Her greatest flaw was the desperate belief that even my fiendish brother had enough good in him to be worth it. At least she had more sense the most people. This meant she lived through dangerous court scandals and such. As far as I know Nona is still alive, living in the countryside with her three daughters and their respective spouses. Perhaps I should write to her some time. Though if I learn she has died I'll never stop mourning her. That woman is wonderful.

Anyone willing to put up with Frank for very long - which was a very short list that mostly included fools, family, and people like Nona - is wonderful. From the day he was born he was trouble. Though he could also appear to be a cute child or, later, a charming young man. It was hard for people to be mad at him. This made me hate him. The few people who could bring themselves to punish that boy were Nona, Mother, and the captain of the palace guard.

Since my mother Dulcibella became less and less important as time went on perhaps I'll give a description of life during her reign. Her era was repressed, old-fashioned, and lacked in our government's usual decadence. Sexual promiscuity was frowned upon for the first time in many centuries. Religion and superstition returned to daily life, thanks to her strangely intense interests in such things. Perhaps this is why my brother turned out so strange. Growing up in an environment so different from the rest of our history wasn't good for a potential future ruler. The various households he eventually controlled were all dangerously decadent in the view of both the old-fashioned and the young rebels. We shall get to all that later...

Please Review!