Mellie looked out over the hundreds of seats that would be occupied in mere hours just to watch her speak. Her and Fitz, at least. She gasped as footsteps came up behind her.
"Nice job, Mell, scheduling this for today."
Mellie turned around to face her ex-husband. "I didn't. I think Quinn did, or maybe Huck."
Despite having grown so far apart in their relationship, Fitz could still sense the grief Mellie was masking in her voice, in her eyes, in the way she was carrying herself. "You could have rescheduled."
"I'm busy, Fitz. Running for President, surely you remember what that was like."
"Do you even want this?"
"What," Mellie's questions always sounded more like a statement.
"The White House. The pressure. All of it."
"I do." While Mellie had been treading the (surprisingly) fine line between angry divorcee and old friend the whole conversation it was clear which side she was on now. "Fitz, are you okay?"
"No, Mellie, I am not okay!" Fitz raised his voice, causing Mellie to take back the one step she had made toward Fitz. Fitz's breathing was rushed now. Any onlooker may not have noticed it, but Mellie had memorized the sound of her husband's breaths long before.
"You know, sometimes I think the White House was the same for us. But then I realize it was completely different. Every day you were locked in that office doing something, making a difference. Every day I was alone, bored in my office, doing so much less than what I could have done. Someone should have told me. Someone should have told me. That in a house that big, with so many people, you can still feel small. Someone should have told me that everything I thought I would be doing would be useless. That it wouldn't happen. And someone should have told me about our marriage!
"Oh, my God. Fitz. Someone should have told me that the man I loved could hate me so much," Mellie looked down, holding in her tears before looking over to Fitz, seeing the same look in his eyes. "You know, I loved you. I don't know if I was ever in love with you. Maybe I was. You're the only man I truly loved, so I don't know. But Andrew wasn't love. He was… He knew my secrets, even the ones I kept from you, the ones you still don't know. And he wanted me, during the campaign, he really wanted me. It had been so—so long since I had felt wanted. And the last time I had felt wanted and safe like that," Mellie's tears fell freely now, "the last time, was before—before Big Jerry-"
"Mellie." Fitz walked to Mellie, stopping in front of her and looking into her eyes before holding the woman he had spent his life with. They didn't have a good marriage, Fitz knew that, but they were partners, best friends. So Fitz held Mellie as she cried.
Mellie pulled back and looked up at Fitz. "Did you get to go to his grave today? Did you get to see-"
"I went to Jerry's grave this morning. And I took Teddy." Fitz pulled Mellie's head back into his body.
"I took Karen. I thought she should be able to say happy birthday to her brother." Mellie's tears hadn't slowed but she was no longer sobbing. "He deserved so much more, Fitz."
"I know, I know," Fitz repeated, no longer sure if he was trying to comfort himself or Mellie.
"I miss him so much. I miss him so, so—I miss him."
"I miss him too."
Mellie took a step back, wiping away her tears. "I just… I just wish that all those years ago before I walked into that blind date, before I said yes to your proposal, before I married you, I wish that someone would have told me how much it would cost. How much it would take from me. And how I can never get that all back."
"I'm sorry, Mell." Fitz started walking away.
"It's not your fault."
They turned and looked at each other, exchanging so much in that second without words. And then they walked off.