Disclaimer: Own nothing
Summary: Sequel to "Ice Cold" and "The Sin of Envy." Mai is now seeing the full extent of the damage that is done for her betrayal to her princess.
You Lost her:
Mai was going to push aside her feelings of insecurity for a moment, she decided, when she faced her acrobatic friend. She had told herself that when approaching Princess Azula's chambers. Unfortunately, that steel resolve had melted the moment she had met the stormy grey eyes of Ty Lee. Whatever bravado she had been sure that she could summon no longer seemed feasible to find in her currently failing to communicate brain.
"Hello, Mai!" Ty Lee chirped happily, smiling more widely than Mai had ever remembered her smiling before.
"Hello, Ty." The Fire Lady said, nodding in acknowledgement, giving a small smile. Her exuberant friend always tended to bring out a smile from her involuntarily, "I didn't know you'd be here." The lie hurt to say, and it certainly hadn't been what she had been planning to speak about with Ty Lee, but it came out anyway.
Ty Lee tended to be able to do that simply with her presence. Ty Lee was compelling without even trying. Ty Lee's smile widened, though she cocked her head as she observed her ebony haired friend. Mai was the Fire Lady and always held herself in a proud stature, but that never appeared to matter around Ty Lee. Ty Lee made Mai uncertain-and the acrobat seemed to have the ability to tell when something was off with someone. Some nonsense involving auras.
"Why are you here, Mai?" Ty Lee repeated. There wasn't anything disrespectful in the tone, but the circus performer's voice left little room for excuses as well. Mai tried not to grimace. Only Ty Lee could ask a question without any rudeness, be completely cheery and yet utterly chilling and intimidating at the same time.
Mai's face was always a mask of neutrality, but internally, her stomach was twisting and fire was consuming her throat. She meant to come up with a witty remark but before she could stop herself she had demanded quietly, "Where is Azula?"
Heated panic crept on Mai, though she didn't show it. Ty Lee looked surprised, but she didn't say anything for a while . After a few minutes, the acrobat shrugged. "She's in her bedroom, waiting for me."
Mai swallowed harshly. She had been afraid of that. Something Ty Lee had said then caught her attention.
"Just for you?" She asked quirking an eyebrow, "Not Katara though?"
"Oh," Ty Lee laughed, her smile widening in a mischievous way, "Katara's in the bedroom with Azula. They seem very happy around each other." Ty Lee's voice wasn't jealous at all. Her voice was uplifting and sounded joyous.
Mai almost gagged when hearing that.
"I suppose I should be happy for you. And pray to Agni that you three will be happy together." The words came out more bitingly than Mai intended them to be.
Ty Lee appeared unfazed. "We are." She stated firmly, a pleased glint in her grey eyes.
"It's good to hear that…." Mai was tense and pivoted her foot to retreat, knowing this wouldn't end well if she didn't leave now, but Ty Lee interrupted her.
"Why don't you just say it, Mai?" The brunette asked, voice never changing its cheery tone, "You could have been happy too. It could have been you in there with Azula right now instead of Katara. The three of us. But you made your decision."
The Fire Lady stiffened. Flames enveloped her cheeks and she turned around and glared at her childhood friend. "And what was I supposed to do?" She sneered, "Let Azula kill Zuko?"
That argument usually got even the crudest parts of her mind, hating her for betraying their love to Zuko to shut up, but it didn't stop Ty Lee.
The contortionist's expression didn't give even a hint implying that she was wounded or startled by the passive aggressive question.
"That isn't what I was talking about, Mai," she said quietly, for once, the zealous happiness dimmed, "I'm talking about the lie you told Azula before I had to stop her from attacking you."
Mai's brows furrowed and then she stepped back. Her face became completely immaculate of emotion, but her eyes narrowed. She knew what Ty Lee was talking about.
" 'I love Zuko more than I fear you.'" Ty Lee's face became pained, "I know we got into an argument but did you really lie that you loved Zuko? I'm not a love expert, but I know you don't love him like that. And "fear you?" Really, fearing Azula, Mai? Since when have you been afraid of 'Zula?"
The question hurt. It wasn't an accusatory question, it wasn't an angry question, it was just a simple question full of surprise and it hurt worse than any pressure point that the acrobat might have tried to hit. Mai felt her throat go dry. Never. She had never been afraid of Azula. She had never stayed at Azula's side out of fear. She stayed at Azula's side for the same reason that she knew for a fact that her marriage to Zuko was a lie.
Azula threatened a great deal of the time. She bluffed, but she never truly went through with what she would say she'd do to Ty Lee and to Mai. No, Azula's loyal companions were loyal for an entirely other reason.
"It could have been you, Mai," Ty Lee said quietly, grey eyes sad, "It should have been you. I wanted you with us. And you know what's more important? Azula wanted you with us. You made your choice." She then lowered her eyes to Mai's bulging stomach, "I just hope you'll let Azula get to know your baby when he or she's born! Azula really wants to be an aunt. She acts like she doesn't care about the baby, but she really wants to meet him or her. I can tell from her aura, it's all bright blue mixed in with the pink."
She glanced up at Mai and her smile turned regretful again, "Katara and I are responsible for making her aura pink, Mai. You should have been the cause of it too."
Mai's fingers clenched against her palm.
Ty Lee's smile became bright again, "Both Azula and I love you, Mai, but you chose Zuko over us. I never wanted Zuko to die, I would have saved him too, but I never, ever will fear Azula, I will never make her think I'm afraid of her, and I will never love anyone else over her. That was your mistake and your choice. You miscalculated."
Mai was not prepared for that remark. Her lips pulled back, revealing her clenched teeth. She could tell from Ty Lee's countenance that the acrobat regretted saying those words.
"I'm sorry." Ty Lee whimpered, glancing at the door to Azula's room, face strained with remorse, "I shouldn't have said that. Mai, I want you with us, but I don't think Azula can bear it. She's gotten so much better than she was before. I just don't know if it's a good idea for her to see you in her room. Just give her space, okay? Her aura's pinker now than it's ever been. Please don't ruin that."
Mai didn't say anything or allow any emotion to creep onto her face. The words hurt though, unimaginably. She always knew Ty Lee loved Azula-adored the princess, really. She just didn't realize how focused on the princess's health the acrobat was.
She felt uneasy when she heard what Ty Lee said about Azula's aura being pinker than it had ever been. She and Ty Lee had known the princess their whole lives. In that whole time, was Azula truly never happy? At least till now? The question plagued Mai.
Ty Lee turned, sliding the door of Azula's room open and stepping inside. Mai hadn't been intending to see, (but saw anyway, no matter how much she wished that she didn't) Azula lying on her silken bed, head rolling back, neck exposed as the princess gasped, her lithe, beautiful pale body glistening with sweat, and to just add a worst insult, Katara kneeled before their princess, muscled, smooth arms wrapped around Azula's waist, holding the other young woman steady, her elbows were resting on Azula's thighs, keeping them open. The Southern Water Tribe woman's deep brown hair spilled over the princess's right leg and Mai's eyes were fixated to the waterbender moving her head. The water tribe woman's blue eyes were open and staring up at Azula; two sapphires watching the princess writhe, arch from the bed and move in a crescendo.
Mai turned away, breath caught in her throat. Heat accumulated in her stomach, her legs going shaky at seeing Azula like that. She slowly turned her face back to the room.
Her heart pounded when she realized something. Azula was looking at her.
Mai didn't move. She didn't even trust herself to breathe. Azula was curving off the mattress continually, but her golden eyes were on the Fire Lady. Mai stared and as the heat started to move to her core, the princess smirked as she gasped head thrown back, and eyes forced shut. Mai's heart thundered against her chest. She couldn't tell for sure, given the repeated movement of the princess but she was pretty sure that the firebender's countenance was a mix of deep delight and absolute mocking.
Mai's field of vision was cut off when Ty Lee's body blocked it, compelling the assassin to lock eyes with the acrobat. Ty Lee gave her a remorseful smile and slid the door closed. Mai slowly turned around. She knew what Azula's smirk had been about. She knew what the princess had been conveying to her without even a word. She heard it in her head perfectly in Azula's arrogant voice, "This could have been you, Mai. But you chose Zuko over me. This could have been you making love to me."
Mai tried push down the sensation of tears welling in her eyes again. Ty Lee's words echoed in her head, "It should have been you. I wanted you with us. And you know what's more important? Azula wanted you with us. You made your choice."
A sickening feeling came over Mai, and she was quite positive that it wasn't related to her pregnancy. She looked down at her enlarged stomach. Almost eight months now. Only one more month, and….
Mai closed her eyes, torturous thoughts swimming in her mind. The truth; she wanted Azula to know her niece or nephew. It was a cruel irony, Mai supposed that not only had Katara replaced her, but her child would know Azula and Azula would treat the child as if the boy or girl were a gift from Agni. Despite Azula's erratic and brutish nature, Mai knew that the other woman could be incredibly humane, at least to children, when she wanted to be. In truth, Mai wanted Azula to spend time around the baby, if it was only so that she herself could be around Azula. Of course, Azula would know Mai's intentions-she always did.
Mai never feared Azula-she just was disgusted that Azula tried to muscle her way into power through fear. She had decided to hit Azula where it hurt-choosing the firebender's brother over her.
Mai shrugged. She shouldn't have been surprised. Azula took everything so personally. Then again, both royal Fire Nation siblings did. Mai grit her teeth together and her blood boiled. Azula meant everything to Mai. Zuko didn't. Mai knew that she could never truly stay angry with Azula, or with Ty Lee or Zuko.
To be honest, she couldn't even hate Katara; a savage that had somehow won her princess's heart, but the one person in this situation she couldn't ever forgive….was herself. She was the one that had made Azula think that she was in love with Zuko. She had broken her princess's heart. It was always a surprise for the assassin when she admitted that her beloved indeed did have a heart, but it was there; more passionate and more vulnerable than anyone could imagine, and Mai had stepped all over it at Boiling Rock and Ember Island.
Perhaps there was one spark of salvation for her. She played all of her right fingertips against her belly. This child, boy or girl, maybe, just maybe, she could use him or her to get to Azula…somehow. If Azula wanted to get to know her niece or nephew, she would have to get that time from Mai.
Mai knew she should probably feel ashamed, but she didn't. Azula used underhanded tactics to get her way all the time, no one said she couldn't either.
Sorry, Ty Lee. Mai thought to herself grimly, No one said that I had to fight fairly.