Oneshot.

My bedroom.

It's cold. Dark. The pinks and reds are fading with the light of the sun. And so I lie there, sprawled like a starfish on my bed. The restaurant below hummed with quiet intensity, the evening conversations of the villagers. The clinking of dishes was non-stop. Sometimes the murmurs would grow louder, then die back down again. I was thinking.

I'm supposed to be down there, I thought slowly, Doing the dishes. Taking orders.

But instead, I was simply lying in bed, thinking of the past. Over-thinking, making myself sad, making myself feel stupid for things that happened so long ago and don't even matter anymore...When I chased after Garu. When I was 10, and chased after Garu. The thought was swirling around my head like a fly that always missed the open door. I kept internally cringing at the memory, having sobbing spasms, but not really crying. I was so stupid. Why did I have to chase him? Then kiss him? I was 10. I wasn't supposed to be doing thaaat.

I covered my face with my hands, groaning softly to myself. Can I just not remember that anymore...?

I did this so often now: skipping work with the excuse that I wasn't feeling well. My best friend, Ching, decided to take my job as waitress and delivery girl. She was supposed to be training with the younger kids at the turtle training hall, but decided that feeding the village and supporting her best friend was more important. I silently thanked her for that. And my mind was still hovering at the memory of me chasing my childhood crush; giggling, gaining up on him, jumping on him, then kissing him as his face turned blood red and sometimes he even cried. Sigh. I put him through too much.

I'm such a...burden.

I shriveled inside, even though I've made this conclusion several times. I don't know what got me to start thinking about those memories. Maybe puberty? I have no idea. I'm 19, so yeah, probably really really late puberty and me going through that stage of 'finding myself' through hours of solitary overthinking. But why am I so hung up on something that happened like 10 years ago? Because it was never properly resolved? I did stop chasing him when I was like 12 or 13, when I was actually gaining some sense. So it just died down to trying to cuddle him and whatnot, to just treating him like a normal friend. I was still pretty in love with him though, but not like the obsessive type love I used to have. It's just...love. Definitely more than a friend. I guess I just learned to tame it, I guess. I'm sure he was warming up to me when I started toning it down. He wouldn't be so anxious around me as much. Abyo, a mutual friend of ours, started going out with Ching, and started teasing us about how we weren't officially together, and were technically still single, and how Garu should make a move on me already. I just smiled, and Garu gave him a look that said 'lmao why would I do that tho'.

Someone knocked on my door, and I sat up. The sudden noise cracked through the still air of my room and made my insides jump.

"Pucca?" Ching called.

I breathed out a weak "Yeah".

"I'll bring your food up here if you want." she said.

I hesitated, "...No. I'll eat out there."

"Okay. Don't take long then." And I listened to her footsteps fade away.

I breathed in and out deeply, then swung my legs over the side of my bed. My body felt heavy, and I would feel even more bad if I made Ching bring me food all the way up here when she could be serving the customers. I stood and stared ahead for a few seconds, feeling the rubble of my destroyed confidence pulling me down with it. I willed myself to shuffle around my room, trying to make myself look presentable to the public. Feeling a bit more energized, but still really sluggish, I cracked open my bedroom door, unaware that the buzzing of conversation and constant dish clinking had stopped long ago.

So it surprised me to see the restaurant's lights dimmed, completely silent, but for one glowing orb of candle light down below, with a single table of white cloth, with the single man of no words, whom I adored, whom I chased when I was 10, the only man I have ever truly loved.

He looked at me with a soft smile, while I stood still, standing at the top of the staircase, and began to run towards me.