That Thing About Me......

By: Dog of Glee

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

A/N: Now, here are a few little warnings for all you jumpy, paranoid people. This story is not clean! It is all about Hermione's coming of age and how she's dealing with her sexual discoveries and adventures. Don't be offended by explicit scenes or anything!!!!

Prologue: That Thing About Me...

The night was cold and I stood outside on one of the various balconies of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. My brain was in coddles for once, and I was so confused. Standing there in just a pair of short pajama shorts and a tank top I shivered, looking up with wide eyes at the harvest moon overhead. I couldn't believe the thoughts that were going through my own head at that moment, that I could be thinking the things I was thinking. But I was thinking them. And I just didn't know what to think. I had never been like this before, so caught in the middle of things. I was so used to knowing that not knowing had me breaking down into tiny pieces, like small chunks of me were falling off one by one and then they were just left to lie in the road. I couldn't go back and get them.

I had grown up in such a conservative family. My parents were both dentists and they were so in love. We were a happy family and we went to church every Sunday, donated money to charities and always went to fund raisers and bake sales to raise money for our faith. One year we even went to Cambodia, where my parents worked as Christian missionaries to help bring God's Word to people of misfortune. We were like

that perfect family that everyone envies, with special family nights and fun trips to the beach. We even had a white house with a green door and a cute little tire swing hanging from a huge beautiful oak tree in the front yard. We still have the beautiful house, but everything else is different. I ruined our family, all because I turned out to be a witch.

I knew my parents blamed it on me. Before I had received my letter they had told all their friends about me and my terrific grades in school. They bragged about how I loved to do sports, play the piano, and was already committed to the lord after getting baptized at the ripe age of four. I had discovered that small place in my heart that was only reserved for God and all his teachings. I was so committed, even at eleven years old. I was the Virgin Mary in the Christmas play every year and I was the president of the Sunday Youth Group. Now I can't help but wonder what my life would have been like if I hadn't come to Hogwarts. No doubt I would still be the apple of my parents eye and the valedictorian, and the perfect sporty, freaky daughter.

But it wasn't like that anymore. I barely saw my parents at all. I didn't even want to see them. I didn't want family picnics or church fund raisers. I didn't want to be the perfect little girl. I just wanted to be with my friends and have a good time. Not that they could ever understand that. I was still forced to go to church when I was with them in the summertime, even though I no longer believed in God. At least not that God. Harry and Ron never knew that the exotic trips I went on every summer were weird, goddy trips. I never told them because I believed they would laugh at me. I imagined them pointing at me, their faces red as they shouted, " You're a missionary?!!"

Even though I knew they wouldn't do that. Snorting, I turned away from the beautiful full moon and leaned my back against the railing. Even though I didn't really believe in those things anymore now that I had discovered the Wizarding World the lessons were still slightly impounded into my head. How could I do this? How could I be so.... different? So unlike what I was supposed to be in the eyes of God? Burying

my head in my hands, I let go of my reserves. My life was falling apart and it was all because off these feelings. I knew they were wrong, I shouldn't be having them. They would hate me forever, all of them out there in the world. They didn't like the people who thought like me, the people who were dirty. I was a mudblood, but not the kind of mudblood everyone thought I was. I was contaminated.

A small sob escaped my lips and I finally let my tears fall after so many long nights of holding back, trying to be strong. My parents believed that without the faith no one could be strong, so I had always set out to prove them wrong, that even without the faith I could be strong, even stronger then they could be. One night I even went so far as to shout at them. - Your faith is holding you back! You could be so strong, but you're dependent on God! You can't depend on anyone in this life, not even the people you trust most! You're going to get hurt! It may not be until the day you die, but you will get hurt!- I cryed hard as my parents sat there, identical looks of grief upoun their faces. I had hurt them myself because of the trust they had put in me. It had been long before that had forgiven me, but I didn't really want their forgiveness. I didn't need anyones forgiveness, for I was not sorry for what I had said.

But that was all in the past, and I'm sure that you all want to hear the real story. The story of all that happened in my seventh year at Hogwarts. Everything that changed me so much on the inside. My life turned in a direction I had never seen it going. It was something that not even Professor Trelawny could predict, not that she could ever really predict anything. It was something so horrible that I believed I

should die for my sins. The very sins that I didn't even believe existed. The very sins that had in fact been created by a very bored and slightly insane wizard that went by the name Merlin. Or God, if you prefer. I had never shared this bit of information with my parents. I knew that either they would call me crazy and kick me out or die of a broken heart. I felt to sorry for them to ruin their lives.

And so, here is my story. I believe it will be an inspiration for all that are like me. A little different, but scorned by society. I myself believed that I should be scorned until the day I realized that I wasn't wrong. They were wrong. Just because someone is not the same, not some mindless clone, does not mean that they are gross. It doesn't mean anything except that they are a little bit more independent, a little more individualistic, a little more free, then you. So listen up, because you could learn something from this. Something that everyone should know.