At this gross injustice I thought I would die.
I told myself it was because I didn't have a name,
because I hadn't achieved international fame
but I was desperate for recognition
and getting nowhere though intuition
so though I told myself I wouldn't depend on reviews
or frankly give a damn about the public's views
I turned to the only person I knew
who could help me get a clue
on how to win the public's love.
Yes, that was what Erik was the master of.
I asked him his advice, in my phangirl head,
and here is what our Phantom said:
"Insolent girl! What are you doing in my lair?
I should Punjab you, standing, gawking there!"
"Erik," I replied in a rational tone,
"The situation you've drastically overblown.
I come here seeking only advice --
but, hey, a kiss would sure be nice -- "
At this, I nearly met my demise
saved only by my hand at the level of my eyes!
"Erik," I plunged on, in a manner most brave,
"I implore you not to send me to my grave.
I only come to lament my lack of love
in the glorious world of phanphiction above.
It seems no matter what I do,
my reviews can only be described as a few."
With this, I finished my eloquent speech
and was thrilled when Erik began to preach:
"To succeed in phanphiction,
you feed the public's addiction.
The only thing that sells these days
the one thing that's always the craze
is that plot device called fluff.
If you don't got it, life is rough;
it's the thing they'll never stop reading
even when their heads start bleeding.
Forsooth! a nonfluff phanphiction
is but a self-crucifixion.
So while you have your pretty rhymes,
know that these are changing times.
It may have worked for William Blake,
and, sure, Shakespeare got his break,
but when today the modern teen
is running solely on caffeine
due to staying up all night
doing homework 'till first light,
she only wants to-the-point romance!
Poetry just won't entrance
unless it's angsty teen-queen trash
that, frankly, should be burned to ash."
Then he turned with a whirl of his cloak,
confident that the words he spoke,
which caused in me the greatest strife,
were the single truth in life.
I, to comfort my grieving soul,
left the lair and took a stroll
down the alley of Fanfiction dot net
where I turned to fluff to help me forget.