This is a short story I have to do for English because we're reading 1984. THIS version is the one I'm handing in and the short version. I'm going to be writing a longer version with a friend of mine(The second character introduced is based off him) and that version will have romance more humor and more detail and action. I'm posting this to get others opinions on it.
BEFORE YOU READ. The whole beginning explains the world because since this is a short story (that I'm handing in for a grade) I can't let the characters explain it overtime in subtle ways, it would be too long, that's why it's all explained in the beginning. Another thing i don't say ages but the three are 17 and one is 16.
Summary: In a world where everything is monitored by the EYE four teenage boys set out to stop it and come home heroes. They've been planning a trip to the EYE for several weeks now and have gotten a believable excuse to not tip off the EYE of their plan. Rated T for two swears. This is a shorter version of the whole story. One chapter.
It was the year 2032; there were no flying cars or teleports. No one had any robot slaves or drones. Everything was pretty much the same as it was 20 years prior. Well except for a few things like the fact that most cities were now formatted as a big circle.
Each city was composed of layers or rings. Each ring contained a different class of person. There were 6 layers per city including the center. The whole city was enclosed in a dome. No the people weren't prisoners of some overlord. The dome was to help everyone live.
You see over the last 20 or so years all the trees and wild life were slowly depleted. Since there were no trees to make oxygen the cities had domes over them, on those domes were converters that converted the carbon dioxide in the air to breathable oxygen.
Now of course the converters towards the outer parts of the dome weren't always working so there was a lot of smog and it was sometimes hard to breathe in the outer most layer of the cities. But of course towards the center of the dome the converters were always kept in tip-top shape. This was because of what was in the Rings. The Rings are what people called the layers of the cities.
The outer layer had buildings and factories where most of the people of the second and some people of the third rings would come to work.
The second ring had a lot of open space but was very dirty and unkempt. The people who lived in the second ring were mostly poor people who were very poor and homeless from the third ring.
The third ring was very populated and was called the 'middle ring' for the fact it was the third and for the fact that it had middle class people. The third ring looked like how life looked like 20 years ago. There were shops and malls, normal neighborhood and suburbs, there were also a few areas with city like buildings where some people from the third ring and a few from the fourth ring would come to work. There were schools, colleges, hospitals, and other essentials.
The fourth ring was populated by the wealthy. They were mostly people whose grandparents had gained wealth and it was passed down through inheritance. But some rose to the top in business and were CEO and the head honcho of major corporations in the Third and Fourth Rings.
The center of the dome was off limits to everyone. In the center of each dome was the city's EYE HQ. The EYE was where all data and video footage was sent. Every EYE HQ was connected via a triple encoded – meaning you can try to get in but you'll end up blowing up your computer – network that let each HQ share it's information.
Each ring had a different level of security. The Outer Ring had the second least; it was mostly cameras in the factories and buildings. The second ring had the third least seeing as how there weren't that many people. The third had the maximum level, with cameras and microphones in every building, cameras on every street and alley, microphones in every bathroom and motion sensors on every sidewalk. Homes were left alone, by law there were to be no cameras or microphones inside homes but there were cases where people found bugs. Of course they left them alone; many rumors had begun to circulated over the years of punishments that would result from going against the EYE system.
From 2017 to 2032 the crime rate (for basically the entire world, give or take a few places) had declined to the point where the only crimes would be petty theft or small acts of vandalism – it was mostly from teenagers and young adults. The number of police officers in each city varied between 10 and 20 divided among the Rings.
Jails still existed but barely had any occupants, they contained people who'd stolen an object of little value or someone who'd committed a small act of vandalism would only stay in about a month. People were scared of the punishments. Rumors of what happens if you do anything major scared everyone to the core.
By the year 2019 every phone, computer, IPod/Pad, tablet and Kindle had a small tracking chip that relayed its owner's location to the EYE; texts, app usage and calls were also on record. The internet was basically the same story; all searches, e-mail, posts, every click and keystroke on any computer anywhere in the world was logged in record then transmitted to the EYE's main database. There was nothing the EYE couldn't see, nothing the EYE wouldn't know and nothing the EYE couldn't find out.
A yellow school bus pulled up to a normal two story suburban home. The doors open and two boys got off. The first boy, David, – who lived in the house with his mother – was average height, about 5'7", with short brown hair and blue eyes and he wore a T-shirt with a sweat sweatshirt over it, jeans and sneakers. The second boy who got off, Emlyn, was a year younger than David and three inches shorter. He had short brown, slightly curly, hair that fell into his hazel eyes over his glasses. He, unlike David, wore a button up white shirt with a blue sweater vest over it, tan slacks and white tennis shoes. The two walked toward the house as the bus pulled away. Neither boy said anything as they approached the house. David reached into his sweatshirt pocket and pulled out a key before unlocking the door.
"Mom, I'm home!" He called in after opening the door. The two walked in and took off their shoes, putting them on the rack next to the door. They walked through the kitchen where David's mom was standing by the counter.
"Hi Ms. Jones."
"Hello Emlyn." David's mother said with a smile.
"We'll be in my room." David said grabbing two sodas from the fridge.
"Alright, dinner will be at 5."
"Got it." David said before the two walked down the hall and went upstairs then down another short hall and to the door at the end of the room. They walked in and David closed the door. The room was fairly big with a full size bed in the middle of the room. On the right side was a tall brown dresser with a small TV on top – connected, of course, to an Xbox One and a PS3, and to the right of that a clothes hamper. On the other side of the bed was a light brown desk with a desktop and tower, a black wheelie chair, and a small bookshelf with a few movies and games. The two dropped their backpacks and sodas on the bed and started to search around the room silently almost as if it was routine. David looked under the bed, desk and book shelf while Emlyn checked the dresser, TV, consoles and hamper.
"Clear." They said in unison.
"When are Vincent and James getting here?" Emlyn asked.
"They should be here in a few minutes; Vin had to get his skate board and James wanted to try and ask a girl out after school. He should get here first." David added with a smirk. Emlyn chuckled slightly.
"He thinks he's such a ladies man." David nodded and walked over to the bed. He opened his notebook and flipped to a page that was folded over. Emlyn picked up his soda and opened it before taking a sip. A few minutes later there was a knock on the door and David folded the page over again.
"Yeah?" He called. The door opened and James walked in. He was a bit taller than David, being 5'9", and had short, blond spikey hair. He had brown eyes and wore contacts. He wore a black button up shirt, blue jeans and black converse. "Called it." David said looking at Emlyn who chuckled. James raised an eyebrow, closing the door behind him. "How did it go with… what's the girl this week? Rika?"
"Shut up." He said tossing his bag on the bed next to David. "And it was Rachael, that wasn't even close." David chuckled and James sat in the desk chair. "We waitin' on Vinny?"
"Yeah." Emlyn said. There was another knock on the door. "Speak of the devil." He mumbled. The door opened and Vincent walked in. He was the tallest of the four, standing at 6'2" and had short, slightly spikey black hair, cut all choppy, that made his green eyes stand out. He wore a band T-Shirt – Linkin Park – black jeans and black sneakers. On his left wrist were multiple Rubber band logo bracelets. He had a few black and silver rings and a watch on his right wrist. He had two silver studs in his ears that he got when he was 14. He had his backpack slung over his left shoulder and his black skateboard – that had a plethora of stickers of multiple bands and other logos – under his right arm. He closed the door and threw his bag on the bed.
"Sup bitches?" He walked over and took Emlyn's soda just as he was about to take another sip.
"Man, come on." He said dropping his arms.
"Hey, sharin' is carin' ain't it?" Emlyn and sighed, rolling his eyes. Vincent sniffed, scratching his nose, and looked around. "You check?" He asked looking at David, who nodded, before taking a drink.
"We're clear, no bugs." David said.
"Alright, let's get this party started." James said with a clap. Vincent set his skateboard against the wall and sat on the desk. Emlyn sat on the bed to the left of David.
"Em." Vincent tossed Emlyn back his soda which he almost spilled trying to catch.
"You're four feet away from me, you couldn't just hand it to me, you had to throw it?" Vincent shrugged a shoulder.
"More fun that way. You gotta get better reaction time, buddy." Emlyn sighed.
"You finished?" David asked standing up.
"Go 'head, D." James said.
"Alright." David looked at the three boys. "Now, tomorrow's the big day. Are we all still good on that?" The three nodded.
"Totally." James said.
"Ready to go, Boss." Vincent said.
"Yep."
"Alright, remember the plan, we have to act normal; we're going to the Fourth Ring for research on a paper for school." David said.
"I can't believe you actually convinced Principal Pyke to let us skip school tomorrow for this." James said. Emlyn rolled his eyes.
"Dummy we're not actually going to do research." He said. "Although it would help your grade." He muttered.
"We turn off the EYE it'll be great enough I'm sure we'll get rewarded with good grades by all the teachers." James said. "We'll be heroes; the girl's will love us. Chicks dig heroes." He added with a smirk.
"Dude you don't know what girl's dig." Vincent said hitting James' arm lightly.
"Getting back on topic." David said a little louder. "We'll leave tomorrow, get to Gate 4 by… let's say noonish. By the time we get to the station it'll be a half hour later, then three and a half hour ride to the building where Gate 5 is locked up. Once we get there-"
"We do whatever it takes to get past gate 5." Vincent said with a smirk. David nodded.
"That close, we need to do whatever is necessary to get in."
"But of course we're-we're not gunna kill anyone right?" Emlyn asked, slightly nervous.
"Don't worry, Em." Vincent said. Emlyn looked relieved. "I'll take care of anyone." Vincent added with a smirk and a wink. Emlyn's eyes widened slightly.
"Vin, stop messing with him." David said. Vincent chuckled.
"What would you even use?" James asked. "Your bare hands? You may be a giant but you're not as strong as one." With a bigger smirk Vincent pulled something out of his pocket before shoving it back in.
"Where did you get a switch-blade?" Emlyn whisper-yelled.
"How'd you get a switch-blade?" James asked.
"My grandpa bought it back before the domes. Kept it and gave it to my dad who gave it to me."
"Ugh, You're not gunna tell another one of Grandpa Anderburg's pre-dome stories are you?" James asked with an annoyed tone.
"Come on, man, it was awesome! There were-"
"Yes we learned this in history." Emlyn said. "There was weather, oceans, animals."
"I don't think those really existed." James said incredulously.
"What didn't?" David asked.
"Animals." James said. Emlyn sighed.
"Humans are animals."
"I mean real animals like rats, goats, porcupines... oh and fish!"
"Rich folk eat fish all the time." David said. Emlyn nodded.
"They breed them in tanks." He said.
"I know that." James said. "I don't mean fish like salmon or shrimp, I mean the really big ones; fish can't get that big."
"You mean sharks?" Emlyn asked.
"Nuh-uh." James shook his head. "uhh like… whales!" James said holding up a finger. Emlyn sighed and hung his head.
"Whales are mammals." He said. James frowned, his eyebrows coming together in confusion.
"How could whales have religion?" Vincent face-palmed.
"That's Mormons you dumbass." He said before smacking James upside the head. James glared and hit Vincent's arm.
"Alright, alright, that's enough!" David said loudly.
"Sorry boss." Vincent said.
"Yeah, sorry dude."
"Okay, now how much money do we have?"
"What for?" James asked.
"To calculate how much we can spend on food if we need it." Emlyn said pushing up his glasses. Vincent chuckled.
"That's cute." He said taking out his wallet before holding up a credit card.
"What did you do?" David asked there was a silence 'this time' implied.
"Relax." Vincent said putting it back in his wallet then putting that in his pocket. "It's my dad's."
"Did he give it to you?" Emlyn asked.
"What's it matter? We need it; I got it."
"What if your dad-?"
"Alright, he let me have it." Vincent said. "I'll catch hell if we go over $250."
"Okay, we're good on money then." David said. "Now," He walked over to his dresser and opened the second drawer. He pulled out a big piece of paper. "I borrowed a map from the library." He moved the backpacks to the floor and laid out the map. "Let's set our course."
The next day the four boys took a bus to Gate 4 and once they were through they took another to the station. When they got to the station, after a few minutes of waiting for their train to arrive, they boarded and headed to gate 5's building.
The four boys were sitting on the train; they'd been riding for about a half an hour when James suddenly nudged Vincent trying to hold back a big smile.
"Dude, check it out." Vincent looked to where James was nodding and saw three teenage girls, around their ages, all in the same school uniform.
"Yeah rich, snobby, girls." Vincent said with a shrug. "I don't see reason for excitement."
"But dude they're hot."
"Yeah and you're not." David said. Vincent chuckled and held up a fist to which David pounded.
"Oh ha ha, I bet I could get one to go out with me."
"Even if you could we live in the third ring." Emlyn said.
"So, I just won't mention that little detail." James said with a shrug. "Get ready to watch the master at work." He brushed back his hair and took a breath before getting up and walking over to the three girls. "Hi-" The three turned their heads to look at him.
"Ew." They said in unison before walking away towards the other end of the train car.
"Ew?" James held out his hands in a 'what the heck' gesture. He turned to look at the guys; David and Vincent were openly laughing while Emlyn chuckled quietly. James walked back over. "Yo, if you guys were chicks-?"
"Don't even go there." David said shaking his head. Vincent stood up and put a hand on James' shoulder.
"Face it buddy, you have no luck with the ladies." James knocked Vincent's arm.
"Shut up." He said before sitting down next to David to sulk.
Another three hours the boys reached their stop and got off. Gate 5's building was about two miles from the station; they walked around, stopping every few minutes to write down notes. The Fourth Ring may not have as many cameras as the Third Ring but it still had one on every street; the boys had to make it look like they really were going to write a report, they couldn't let the EYE know their plan.
About 50 feet from Gate 5's building was a tall – about 10 foot high – fence.
"What's the plan now genius?" James asked looking at David.
"See," Vincent said with a smile. "this is why you all should be grateful for my height. C'mere shorty." He said looking at Emlyn, bending his knees and cupping his hands together. Emlyn frowned but let Vincent help him over. Next was David then James; Vincent climbed over with ease.
"Alright, we ready to roll?" James asked.
"We'd better hurry." Emlyn said clear nervousness in his voice.
"What's wrong?" David asked.
"That camera's pointed directly at us." Emlyn said pointing. The three boys froze and turned to see a camera with a blinking red light looking at them.
"Let's go." David said pushing the other three ahead of him. They ran towards the building.
"Be unlocked, be unlocked, be unlocked." James repeated.
"You seriously think they would leave it unlocked?" Vincent asked. Emlyn got to the door and pushed. The door opened without any resistance. "Wha-?"
"Ha!" James shouted.
"Shut up!"
"Come on." David pushed the two inside before pushing the door closed. David started to run to the next door.
"Okay that was too easy, something's not right." Vincent said grabbing David's sleeve to stop him.
"We don't have time to question it, that camera saw us. It's one of the ones you can set to find motion and lock on it so I'm pretty sure the EYE knows we're here." Emlyn said.
"He's right, come on." David said pulling Vincent to follow him. The four ran to the door which led to a small room with a big door. Next to the door was a big panel.
"Alright little guy, let's see if Hacking for Dummies paid off." Vincent said with a little push to Emlyn. Emlyn swallowed and moved over to the panel. He pushed up his glasses and started working. "I'll go keep look out." Vincent said before going back out the door they'd come.
"I'm starting to think this was a bad idea." James said.
"You say this now?" David asked.
"I'm sorry but I've heard rumors that if someone tries to get through Gate 5 without the proper clearance,"
"In other words, if I mess up…" Emlyn added in.
"If he messes up a-a laser is gunna zap us."
"A laser?" David asked. "Where on earth did you hear this?"
"My brother told me."
"Dude your brother always plays pranks on you why would you believe him?"
"He said his friend's dad's boss's wife's sister's niece's brother-in-law's son's friend's mother's babysitter heard about a guy who tried to get through 12 years ago by blowing up the panel and when the gate opened and he walked in a laser zapped him!" Both Emlyn and David stared at James.
"How about this, gate opens we throw your backpack in; it gets zapped we'll go home." David said.
"Why my backpack?"
"Cause you failed to mention this little detail." Emlyn said before getting back to work.
About five minutes later there was a loud buzz sound and the sound of locks being undone.
"Vin! Get back in here, it's open." David called. The door opened and Vincent walked in.
"'Bout time. I was about to fall asleep."
"It didn't take that long." Emlyn muttered.
"Good job short stuff." Vincent said ruffling Emlyn's hair. The four boys faced the gate as more locking sounds were heard. After a moment the sounds stopped and the gate began to open slowly. All four swallowed simultaneously. On the other side of the gate it was dark; the only light came from a single building about a mile away. There were a few lights in windows but the biggest light was coming from the giant orange eye on the top of the building. "Let's go." Vincent said running.
"Wait!" The three yelled but Vincent was on the other side. The David and James covered their eyes and Emlyn squeezed his eye shut tight and covered his ears.
"Uhh, guys? I miss something?" The three opened their eyes to see Vincent, perfectly fine about 5 feet in on the other side. "Seriously, what the hell?" Emlyn lowered his hands and let out a sigh of relief.
"Nothing Vinny." James said walking over. He put a hand on Vincent's shoulder. "Nothing."
"Quit it, you're creepin' me out." Vincent said with his eyebrows together in confusion. David and Emlyn walked into the other side.
"How long do you think it'll take to reach?" James asked.
"How much you wanna bet they got snipers?" Vincent asked. Emlyn hit his arm.
"Not funny man."
"Well let's get a move on men." The three saluted.
"Yes sir, Boss."
"You got it, D."
"Right behind you." David rolled his eyes.
"Put your hands down, let's go."
Fifteen minutes later they reached the building.
"This is it. The EYE." David said.
"Be unlocked." James muttered.
"I highly doubt-" Vincent started to say but was cut off when David pushed the door and it opened with a squeak. "Oh come on, that can't be right."
"Let's not look a gift horse in the mouth." Emlyn said.
"What?" Vincent asked.
"I thought it was a cow." David said.
"What's a cow?" James asked.
"Forget I said that." Emlyn said with a slight face-palm. The four walked in. There was a big half circle desk with a computer and a few personal items – that of which looked like they belonged to a woman – on it.
"It's way too quiet." Vincent said looking around skeptically.
"Shouldn't there be a hot chick behind that desk?" James asked.
"Maybe everyone's upstairs watching us." Emlyn said nervously. Vincent shook his head.
"There's no cameras here." He said.
"How do you know?" David asked.
"Why would they put cameras on the people trusted enough to be allowed in here?" David shrugged.
"People used to steal office supplies." James said. Vincent turned to him.
"One, when's the last time someone didn't get caught from doing that."
"Uhh…"
"Two, are we in an office?"
"No?" James said. Vincent sighed.
"Alright you two, let's go." David said walking with Emlyn to the elevator.
"There's power so there's no excuse for this not to work." Emlyn said. David reached over and hit the up button. The doors opened instantly. Vincent frowned.
"Why would it be on the bottom floor if everyone was on the top floor?"
"Maybe someone left. Must you question everything?" David asked. "Come on." The four stepped inside and saw a button shaped like an eye. David sighed and pushed it. The doors closed and the elevator started going up. The four stood in silence for a few moments.
"Hey, so we get out of this alive, you guys wanna get a bite to eat after?"
"Shut up Jay." Vincent said.
"Shutting up." James said making Vincent glare at him. David's eyes were locked onto the display above the door. Big, bright orange numbers changed every few moments 15, 16, 17, then 18 before the numbers were replaced with an EYE.
"We're here." David said. "Ready or not, here we come." The elevator stopped moving with a ding and the doors slowly opened. The four walked out slowly into the room. The room was the center of the eye on the top of the building. Tinted glass made the orange glow a lot less overwhelming. Sitting in the center of the room facing the window was a giant screen; in front of that a long desk with many keyboards and consoles and in front of that a big chair. The boys walked around the screen and desk and stared at the empty chair. Emlyn looked up at the screen and saw it was blank. He quickly started hitting buttons on the consoles. The screen flashed and suddenly it looked like a normal desktop of a computer only folder files filled every slot. Each one had a different state name. Emlyn swallowed and clicked on their state. The other three boys watched as the folder opened and there was a list of domes. He clicked on theirs and a program, EYE, opened up. Three options appeared. Live feed, recordings, records. Emlyn slowly moved to click on recordings. Another window opened up with a list of videos. Each video was labeled with a name and a date – with each data being a day. A shiver went down his spine when he saw his 10th grade algebra teacher's name. He scrolled down to the bottom and blinked.
"Guys…" Emlyn started at the last video. "The last recorded day… was 11 years ago."
"What?" James asked.
"They started at the start of 2019; they only watched people for three years?!" Vincent shouted.
"Calm down." David said. "Em… check the records of data." Emlyn clicked back and clicked on records. He scrolled down and saw the last record was of a two minute phone call 11 years ago. "Check another state." Emlyn nodded and clicked back to the main desktop. He clicked a random folder and did the same thing.
"11 years ago." Emlyn said.
"Do another." David said. He did it again with another folder.
"…11 years." He tried four more; all were the same. The boys stood in silence for a good long moment.
"O-On the bright side we've only been recorded for six years."
"Shut up James." Vincent snapped.
"How could EYE be offline for so long everywhere and have no one know?" David asked aloud.
"Do you guys know what EYE stands for?" Emlyn asked. The three looked at each other before looking back at Emlyn who was staring down at the console. "Envisioning Your Eden."
The boys left the EYE and walked the mile back to Gate five which remained open. They walked through the building that was supposed to be locked and guarded. They walked through the fence gate they thought was locked and went back home. They tried to tell people that the EYE was all a lie. No one had been watching for a long time, no one was watching, no one would be watching. Everyone they told ignored them, for fear of being punished for believing, or told them they should just leave it alone. To just behave. Just go on with their lives. Just forget.