A/N; This oneshot is set sometime after Carla finds out about Peter's affair. Based loosely on recent spoilers, does not follow storyline
Disclaimer: The characters that feature in this story are the sole property of ITV.
This is only my second piece of proper writing therefore, reviews and comments are greatly appreciated :) Enjoy!
"You didn't love her. You just didn't want to be alone. Or maybe, she was good for your ego. Or, or maybe she made you feel better about your miserable life. But you didn't love her, because you don't destroy the people that you love"
Peter was speechless. What could he say to that? An accusation he wished with every fibre of his being he could contradict but he knew it was no use. Rob would never understand how he felt about her, nobody would. Nor would he understand the guilt that crept up his spine every night as he lay in bed alone, without her. But he was her brother, wanting to protect her from all evil. An action which Peter was especially familiar with, he'd do it without a second thought, just to know she was safe. Did. An action in the past tense that he was no longer able to perform, all because of some pathetic little barmaid, who quite frankly he didn't know the first thing about.
"Your wrong Rob, I did and still do love her. If you'd just let me talk to her, make her understand why-"
"Sorry, understand why you jumped into bed with someone she considered to be a friend? Why, despite being married just under a month, you were caught with your trousers down round your ankles, Peter? Well no, you can't 'make her understand' because I will not stand by and let you wrap her round your little finger anymore! Despite the disgust she feels, you still seem to have this magical power over her, which makes it impossble for her to hate you"
"She actually said that?"
I looked at the sad pathetic excuse of a man before me. How I wanted nothing more than to smash his lights in, but that wouldn't help her. He promised himself he'd stay calm, become at long last the brother she needed him to be. So instead of using his gut instinct, he decided to do what she wanted him to do. "Hand over the keys to this place, Barlow, and while you're at it why don't you sign your shares over to my sister and then she can finally move on with her life and forget that you ever existed", his Manchester accent dripped with sarcasm. The look of shock in Peter's eyes, Rob thought quite comical. Did he really think, she'd take him back after what he did? The man was a bigger fool than he originally thought.
"C'mon Rob, just let me see her for five minutes! You know just as well as I do that I need to explain myself and despite your reasons for hating me, I'm still her husband"
He could then faintly hear the sound of the factory door banging shut, folllowed by the familiar sound of heels clicking. He turned round, only to be faced with the woman he loved more than life. But she wasn't his wife, she was broken, even he could see that. She was making her way into the office, head down, trying to obviously avoid eye contact with him.
"You sure know how to pick your moments sis, I was this close to having his signature on that dotted line" Rob stated as confident as ever.
"Just give me five minutes with him alone Rob. And I know what you're going to say, that I'm an idiot and so on, but we've got some issues to discuss.I'll meet you back at the flat in five minutes, yeah?" He looked at her and saw the pleading and defeated look in her eyes. He realised that she didn't need him spouting off right now, not after everything Peter had just put her through, so he decided that he'd just let her be. He put his hands up in defeat, "Okay, but ten minutes tops, or I'll come looking". As Rob exited the office he gave Carla a nod of encouragment while also giving Peter his famous death stare.
"Car look-" "Save it, Peter. I don't need to hear one of your rehearsed apologises again, I've heared enough of them that'll last me a lifetime! Besides, don't think for one moment that I actually want to talk to you, because right now I can barely stand in the same room as you without wanting to tear your limbs apart with my bare hands! I just came here to sort a few things out." She said, her voice quivering alittle as she tried to put on her strong act.
The truth was she was desperate to see Peter but she wasn't sure she could stand it; being so close to him without being able touch him caused a pain in her heart that she hadn't felt since Liam. This morning when she sent Rob to the factory to ask Peter to hand over his shares, she felt that it was only way, but as she sat alone in Rob's unfamiliar flat, pondering over her thoughts, she realised that she needed to find out some answers from him, otherwise she knew, she'd regret it for the rest of her life. From her slouched position in her office chair, she eventually plucked up the courage to look him in the eyes. She looked up into his gentle eyes ... the eyes that used to look upon her so lovingly, and she felt her heart flutter in her chest, secretly hoping for a second that this was just a nightmare and soon Peter would wake her up and wrap her up in his arms again. Carla was pulled from her thoughts as she felt a clammy hand grab at her own, entwining their fingers as if comforting herself. She immediately flinched from his touch, quickly she straightened up, closed her eyes and sighed, wiping her fingers across her browline, "How could you?" she whispered, her voice barley audible, but loud enough for them both to hear, as she fiddled with her hands in front of him. "How could you go behind my back like that?" she couldn't even finish her sentence without the tears
threathening to fall down her cheeks.
"I'm sorry. I know they're not the words you want to hear, but believe me I am truly sorry, I love you, nobody else comes close. You've got to believe me, I tired to stay away from her. After the honeymoon, I swore black and blue that my marriage was the most important thing. She was just abit of fun that was never meant to happen. It was pure lust not love, what we have is love. This last week has been hell, seeing you everyday in the street and not being able to hold you hand. The things I miss most though is the sparkle in your eyes, hearing your dirty giggle that causes my insides to flip and flutter, and your sharp tongue, the way insults and sharp come-backs roll off it so effortlessly. I miss the simple everyday things Car, that I once took for granted. You make me a better man, I wouldn't be who I am today without you. I still want to be holding your hand when it's wrinkly and covered in age spots, I meant that Carla. Please, just give me a final chance?"
Carla laughed almost bitterly, "Your nickname should be last chance Harvey, the amount of chances you've gone through,eh? You think that by giving me that touching speech, you'll work around me and I'll jump right back into your bed, as if nothing ever happened? I can deal with the lies and the betrayal, but the thing that gets me most is that, you were the only person who knew that there was nothing left of me, after Frank, after ... after the rape, Peter. You knew that I wouldn't have gotten throgh that without you. I'd still be on the bottom of the ladder had it not been for you. You gave up your family, I thought that meant something. And me, I gave up the .. trial Peter, all for us. I believed that one day someone would hug me so tight that all my broken bits would stick back together. I hoped that I'd find someone who wanted to trace the lines in my hands, just to feel close to me, who believed that the ocean was trapped in my eyes. Find somebody who loved the bones in my body and the skin that I lived in, someone who would help me to love myself again. The moment we got together, I knew, well at least I thought I did, that I'd finally after all the frogs I've had in my time, that I'd finally found that person, my soulmate"
Peter just stared at her. He didn't know how to respond. She was right. If he could built a time machine right there and go back in time, he would in a heart beat. She was the only person on this earth that loved him for who he was, not who he appeared to be, but the inside, deep down into his heart. He knew that there was no going back, not after his betrayal. "Nobody ever listened to what I had to say. Nobody understood what I lived. I had nothing, I was nothing but then you came into my life. Nothing became everything, Car. I knew after Framk that this would wasn't going to be easy, that we'd have to work real hard at it, everyday. But I wanted that because I wanted you, all of you, you and me, forver and ever. I'm sorry I pushed you away. Im sorry blamed you for Simon when all you did was your best. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to keep our vows, But I'm an addict. Some people bring out the worst, others bring out the best and then they're those remarkably rare addictive ones, that just bring out the most, of everything. They make you feel so alive that you'd follow them staright into hell, just to keep getting your fix. I'm one of those. I know there is no going back for us, I've destroyed that. But I want you to know, that none of this happened because you weren't good enough. Infact sometimes, it felt as if I was holding you back with all my baggage. You have a smile that could end wars and cure cancer and a heart that so hidden to the world that nobody except me is privledged to know the real 'Queen Bitch'. Promise me one thing, promise me you won't forget our laughs, our jokes, our smiles, our coversations, our plans, our tears, our memories .. our friendship". Even after he's finished pouring his heart out to her, it still doesn't stop the constant aching in his heart that he knows he'll never escape. He cannot bare to let her go, knowing that it'll be the last time he can talk to her like this. He looks at her now, the look of anger and confusion that was on her face earlier, has been replaced with tears.
"I'm not bitter because of what happened. On the contrary, I'm secure in knowing that what we had was real and I am happy that we were able to come together, even for a short period of time. And, if in some distant place in the future, we see each other in our new lives, I will smile at you with joy, remembering how we spent the last three years, learning from each other and growing in love. And maybe, for a brief moment, you'll feel it too, and you'll smile back, and svaour the memories we will always share together. The important people in our life leave imprints. They may stay or go in the physical realm but they always stay in your heart, beacause they helped to form your heart; there's no getting over that. After Frank. you showed me how to love again, how to feel again. I will never forget that, I despise myself because despite everything you've done, I don't hate you, not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all" she stated genuinely, grasping his hand in hers. There in that moment, she squeezed his hand wanting to never let it go. The squeezed each other tight, both realising that this was end.
"In my memory, this doesn't end, we just stay there looking at each other forever. Best friends are hard to find, difficult to leave and impossible to forget; that's what you are to me .. my lover and my best friend and it'll always stay that way. I'll never forgive myself for sleeping with her, I'm sorry for hurting you and going behind your back, but please don't let this destroy you. From the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry this has to be goodbye."
"Never say goodbye, because saying goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting. I'll love you always and forever."
"You and me forever and ever"
He stepped out onto the sidewalk outside, glancing back at the factory hoping in some futile way, that he would see her just one last time. There she was, standing on the top step, watching every step he took. He stared a few moments longer at her before garnering what little strength he had left in him to simply smile at her and take the first step back to his own flat, ready to go back to his old miserable life.
Her heels clicked along the pavement, as she slowly made her way back to the lace that held so many bad memories for her, but she knew that she couldn't stay with Rob forever. She didn't undertsand how she continued to let those that claimed to love her to treat her so badly. The reality of the situation was that she was on her own again and for the first time in a long while, she felt fear.