"Ah, so I see that the great and powerful Crocodile has been relegated to the status of 'babysitter' today." Crocodile's eye twitched, but otherwise he made no indication that he'd heard the comment. "Your baby momma need a girl's day?"
Crocodile scowled, "What do you want, Doflamingo? I don't have time for your nonsensical ramblings today."
The eccentric blond's eyes grew wide and his hand flew to his chest, "You wound me, Crocodile! And here, I thought we were friends."
The little leech shifted on Crocodile's lap, trying to worm her way deeper inside his trench coat. Her delicate pale skin was hotter than the unforgiving Alabasta sun, and yet somehow, she complained of being cold. She'd taken an early fascination with his fur-lined trench coat, and he'd realized that wrapping her up in a neat little ball on his chest seemed to quiet her down. Now, if only he could get her to stop moving.
It wasn't like he particularly enjoyed having the little nuisance so close to him. In fact, it was becoming unbearably hot. But every time he tried to move her, she'd whine and fuss, and that would kick up the mess of phlegm settled deep in her lungs, which would make her whine and fuss more - essentially creating a never-ending cycle of stress that Crocodile was not in the mood to deal with. If he wanted to get his work done, he'd have to do it with her on top of him.
"I've come to see if you'd reconsidered my offer." Crocodile rolled his eyes, returning his attention to the newspaper he'd been reading before Doflamingo had decided to make his presence known. "Together, we'd be invincible."
Crocodile didn't bother looking away from the article detailing Luffy's latest conquest, "I've said this before, and I don't like repeating myself. I don't 'work with' anyone." The leech sniffled, before trying to use his trench coat as a tissue. "Oh, for the love of -," he pried her off of him, stuffing a box of tissues in her arms.
Doflamingo snickered, "You've become so domesticated, Crocodile."
Merci blew her nose, before snuggling back down onto Crocodile's chest. She eyed Doflamingo tiredly. "Who is that, Daddy?"
"Nobody important." Crocodile huffed. "Now shut your trap and go back to sleep. You're of no use to me like this." Thankfully, the little leech listened to him for once and closed her eyes, much too exhausted to argue.
"Her lungs wouldn't be so crappy if she wasn't inhaling cigar smoke all the time." Doflamingo chirped. Crocodile frowned, teeth clamping down on the filter of his cigar. Give up cigars for a bratty little leech, who was too much like her mother for her own good? He didn't think so.
As if to prove Doflamingo's point, however, the tiny child slurred, "Daddy... I don't feel so good..."
He barely had enough time to pry the tiny form off his chest (for the love of God, that child had a grip like iron) and to turn the body around before she revisited what little food she'd managed to keep down for lunch... all over Doflamingo's chest. The blonde man's eyes were comically wide as he stood there, unsure of what to do. Merci looked just as shocked as he did, and perhaps a tad terrified of whatever Crocodile would do to punish her for what had just happened.
"D-Daddy... I..." and she only grew more terrified when Crocodile burst out laughing. That was definitely unexpected.
"That's a good look for you, Doflamingo." He said, just the barest hint of a threat lingering in his tone: daring him to say something to the little girl. "I like the kid's way of doing business. It certainly leaves no room for debate. Maybe she is good for something after all."
"I'm... going to go take a shower. Or twelve." Doflamingo muttered, disgusted. He hurried off, sulking over yet another failed attempt at winning over Crocodile.
The leech took some water and rinsed out her mouth, before settling back down on Crocodile's lap. She began to shiver, and Crocodile covered her up with a sigh. He wasn't domesticated. He just had an invested interest in ensuring that the child didn't die. And it helped that the leech had just utterly humiliated what had to be the single most annoying man on the planet. For that, she deserved to be rewarded.
"Merci?" He flipped the page of the newspaper, eyes never leaving the dark text. But he could feel her dark blue eyes on him, watching and analyzing his every move.
"Yes, Daddy?" She asked, weakly. Her lungs rattled and she coughed again.
"Don't ever think about doing that to me. Understand?" It took her a minute to realize that he was talking about her throwing up all over Doflamingo. She thought about telling him that it was an accident - and that he was the one that had aimed her at him in the first place - but realized it probably wouldn't matter.
"Yes, Daddy." She shuddered at the thought of what Crocodile would do. It was a situation to be avoided if at all possible.
"Good." And then, more firmly, "Now hurry the hell up and get better. Taking care of you like this is a real pain in the ass."
"I love you too, Daddy."
A/N: Just some more Daddy!Croc and Merci, since everyone seemed to like the first one-shot! Plus, I kinda like the idea of Doflamingo being taken down a few notches... or twenty. Let me know what you think!