Christmas Eve was decidedly the worst day of the year for Steve. It was almost shocking how one terribly day could overshadow all the great ones throughout the year. It hadn't always been a cursed day, but this year it most certainly was. It reminded Steve of his mistakes, of his loneliness, of years' worth of heartache. It reminded him of how he had failed the person he cared about the most, and how he let that person go so easily, as if they were nothing to each other.

If only he hadn't gone to the grocery store that night…

XOX

Ice cream…Ice cream… Where did they move it to…? Steve's eyebrows furrowed as he concentrated, searching hopelessly for his favorite tub of Edy's in the frozen food aisle. To him, it felt like stores were constantly shifting things around, if only just to make his life more difficult. Things would change, it would take him a few weeks to figure out where everything was, and right as he would get used to it, things would change again. His life was similar in comparison, moving from place to place in order to gain attention and more money. Steve had never been traveling around in the music industry for the money, though.

Through his searching, he failed to find what he was looking for. What he did find was unexpected, knocking his breath out of him like a punch in the ribcage. There was a man in the aisle with him, his dark brown hair short and scruffy. The way he held himself reminded Steve of someone, but no… it couldn't be… His feet seemingly moved on their own, taking steps towards the familiar face, the sound of his heart beat overshadowing his shoes as they thumped softly against the tile floor. Before he knew what he was doing, his hand reached out and tugged on the man's sleeve. The man turned his head to look at Steve and for a moment, his face contorted with confusion. That was, until it hit him. "…Steve?"

Confusion melted away into recognition and the man turned around hurriedly to hug Steve. His rush caused him to trip halfway and the basket that had been on his arm fell to the ground, contents spilling everywhere. For a moment, both men froze, staring at each other with wide eyes. Steve was the first to break, erupting in laughter that echoed through the empty store. The other man followed, laughing just as hard if not harder. The laughed until they were wheezing, their lungs begging for oxygen, and until tears had long since begun to stream down their faces. Neither man knew what was so funny, but it took them a minute or two to calm down.

Steve helped the man gather his scattered items in silence, looking up to peek at his face occasionally and finding those beautiful, hauntingly familiar eyes staring back at him. Once everything was back in his basket, hanging on his arm, Steve placed a solid hand on the man's back and led him to the checkout.

"It's, uh, good to see you, Steve. Been a long time. What a reunion, right?" The brunet chuckled as his items were scanned and bagged, eyes lingering on the cashier's hands rather than the man standing next to him.

Steve smiled at his embarrassment. "It's good to see you, too, Tony."

Tony didn't reply, though he did freeze up at the sound of his name. He'd almost forgotten how perfectly it sounded coming out of Steve's mouth, how smooth and sweet it was. That scared him more than anything had in awhile.

"So, do you want to get a drink?" Tony asked after they left the store and he settled into his car.

Steve easily slid into the front seat next to him, watching the window as he got situated. "No, I… I don't really drink alc—"

"Oh, I didn't mean that—I mean, I'm a –" recovering alcoholic. " I don't—" drink anymore; three years sober. The man looked almost panicked as he waved his arms around in an attempt to convey what he meant. He gave up after the concerned glance Steve shot him and reworded his thoughts carefully. "I meant we could grab a coke or something… Actually, I have some Sprite right here. Unless—"

"That's fine," Steve murmured, cutting Tony's nervous banter off. He felt terrible knowing that he was the reason Tony was so skittish and uncomfortable. He couldn't events that happened in the past, not then, not now.

He was handed a bottle that had already been cracked open and they toasted before drinking. A simple 'to us!' that tried valiantly to break through the emptiness that had settled between them.

"So, what's going on with you these days?" Steve asked casually, his question followed by a gulp of bubbly soda.

Tony bit his lip, looking hesitant. "I… Well, for one, I married Pepper. We've got a nice house on the other end of town. "

Steve felt himself stiffen at the mentions of Pepper, but he caught himself and forced himself to relax. It was not his place to get… defensive, jealous, possessive. "Really? I always knew you two were a great fit. It's nice to know she's stayed by your side all these years. You two must share a lot of love." The words slipped out of his mouth before he could stop them and Tony noticeably avoided his eyes.

The conversation froze for a minute or two until Steve was pushing his luck once again. "After all these years, you're still as handsome as ever…"—chocolate eyes flickered up to meet his without a word—"And, your eyes, they're just as beautiful as I remember them to be."

He thought he saw the hints of a smile on the brunet's face at his comments, but it was possible to tell. The man's body language was unreadable and he had a hypothetical shell built firmly around himself, barring Steve from his emotions.

Tony cleared his throat and Steve knew he'd been caught staring. He averted his eyes immediately, focusing on the drink in his hand instead of the weary face beside him.

"Nice to know you pursued your art career, though not in the way I expected. I've seen you playing at the Music Shop. You and that guitar seem to be doing pretty good, am I right?"

Steve threw a sideway glance Tony's way, surprise lighting up his face. "Yeah, I'm doing pretty well. The audiences are always great, even if the traveling sucks. Sometimes I wish there were shops and places to perform all around the same place so I never had to move around."

Things between them grew tense again, the car filled with aching silence besides the sounds of them drinking. Eventually, their bottles were empty and there was nothing else to say. Both knew it was time for them to part ways.

As Steve opened the car door and moved to get out, Tony grabbed him by the collar and pulled him back, placing a feather-light kiss on his lips before letting go and turning away.

"Well, tell Pepper I said hello," Steve mumbled as he tarried by the door, prolonging the inevitable.

Tony gave him a fake smile in return. "Only if you tell Beth I miss her," he joked.

Steve clenched his hands into fists, shaking his head. "Actually, after college, I—" sold my motorcycle off and got a junky pick up instead. "Never mind. Bye, Tony."

He closed the car door and stepped back to watch as the sleek black car drove away. For a second, he felt as if he were back in time, making the biggest mistake of his life, saying terrible things and driving the one golden light out of his life. The memory tugged senselessly at his heart as he turned and begun the short trek to the empty apartment he called 'home'. To anyone driving by, he might appear homeless or a drunken fool, but they would never know the burdens his soul carried. They would never know the regret that made his head throb. They would never see the tears that flowed freely from hollow blue eyes. To anyone else, there was just a man walking alone down the side of a road as snow turned into rain and the streets were devoid of life while others sat inside surrounded by the comforts of their family.

XOX

If only, if only…