(Hello all! This is a kind of fic that I've been meaning to do for a long time. It basically spawned from the idea of Polly turning into a jealous sort of sibling, mainly because Barry, Moira, Claire, etc probably never told her what happened to her sister, so she can't comprehend why Moira has to stay in or why she has PTSD. I also hc her to be the kind of family member that's just.. always so judgmental and makes assumptions, so.. do with that what you will! Hope you guys enjoy this!)
Ever since the first day Moira had been home since her return from that dreadful island, she'd taken to staying inside most of the time, especially her old room. She hadn't left the house since she walked into it about two months ago, barely ever dared to try and go passed the threshold of the Burton household's porch, and if she were to see the neighbor even glance to her? She'd duck inside in a hurry. Both Kathy and Polly had grown concerned about that as well as other occurrences until Barry calmly explained a few things about the eldest Burton sister's experience..
Only he kept the more horrifying details away from Polly, Moira asked him not to say more than the basic details. Her past, her choice, not his.
She didn't mean to be such a shut in, but PTSD was a horrible wench. While her biggest fears had been conquered on what she would call 'Hell's Island', PTSD formed temporary, yet horrible new ones.
The first one to show itself was her fear of being watched, as mentioned above. Kathy had asked her to go on a quick grocery shopping trip with her, to which the eldest child reluctantly said yes to.
First step into the place- or rather, the first sight of a camera had Moira rushing back to the family vehicle, hyperventilating and trying her best to stop herself from cracking before she could reach the car door. The many stares of people passing by didn't help that much either. She couldn't even stand to be looked at by strangers for the first month or so, and even after that the occasional glance would make her feel the need to panic. Her mother of course rushed to her side, allowing her to hug onto her while trying to help her firstborn ease back to normal, then let her stay in the car with her seat pulled back to lay and calm down on.
The second, less severe fear was one of the radio, which popped up when Polly turned it on to listen to the local pop station. The station had a female host whose voice was somewhat deep, slow but sounded a lot like you know who.. It was minor, didn't send Moira flying into an anxiety attack like above, but it freaked her out for the first few weeks, to the point of almost yelling for it to be shut off or running to her room. Polly, not knowing what her sister had been through, scoffed like an annoyed teenager every time this happened.
"You're overreacting," She would comment. "It couldn't have been that bad, I just want to listen to music." All this only to be almost shut up by Barry, who would be absolutely shocked by the level of ignorance. His youngest, of all people, should know that trauma isn't something to take so lightly. Polly only kept on going. To be honest, in the weeks since her sister had come home, she was starting to get a bit jealous of the attention that Moira as well as the most recent addition ( Natalia ) received, which probably fueled her spite and anger.
"Oh come on, tell me the truth; she was hiding with some guy wasn't she?" She'd say out of spite. This earned her a trip to her room, with orders to do her homework and then some. Her stereo privileges were taken away for two weeks.
After all of that, Kathy supported Moira the best she could with the hope- no, the knowledge that her daughter would overcome this. She could not even being to imagine the hell her baby had gone through, and admired her for being so strong.
Polly? Not so much.
The now middle child of the family hated that Moira hid inside so much, despite the fact that she was warned time and time again that Moira needed time to readjust. She wanted her sister back so bad that after a while of seeing her shut herself away, she was willing to drag her out of the house herself.. verbally, at least.
Finally, one day, Polly decided enough was enough.
Moira had been huddled up on the living room couch for a nap, safely secured in a nice warm blanket while Natalia played with Lottie in front of the TV.
Things were strangely peaceful in the eldest sister's dreams for once, her features calm as she lightly snoozed away. Natalia kept on glancing back to her oldest sister, each time showing a smile seemingly pointed at her sister's peace. This all came to an end, of course, when Polly stomped on down the stairs, fully dressed with full intentions on getting her sisters to go with her to the mall. There was no one around who could stop her from trying, their father was busy with work and their mother went out to get some groceries with the truck. That left the family car available for the taking, which supported Polly's plan.
The stomping jolted Moira out of her nap, when she shook herself out of the shock, the look on Polly's face told her today wasn't going to be a good day.
"Moira, you might want to get dressed." Polly started simply.
"Why?" The eldest Burton sister sat up with an eyebrow raising in suspicion. Natalia stopped her quiet playing to observe the conversation, clinging lightly to Lottie in preparation for the inevitable confrontation.
"Because the three of us are going to the mall." Polly then stated matter-of-factly as she crossed her arms over her chest. She gave off an aura like that of a spoiled brat that was waiting to get what she wanted, that aura alone made Moira want to cringe in disgust. "You have no say in the matter."
"You're fucking kidding, right?"
"No, I'm not, and watch your language around the-"
"Polly," Moira interrupted before her sister could go off about her choice of words. "No, I'm not going. Fuck that."
"Yes, you are. You can't stay cooped up like this! You're getting so lazy!"
"..How the hell did you get to be so insensitive?" The eldest stood up slowly as she talked, her eyes glaring daggers at her little sister. How, just how did the sweet sister she knew, loved and defended through the years become such a bitch?! And in such a short time frame, at that! She was her normal self before Moira had been kidnapped, acted all relieved and such when Moira returned, and now she decides to develop such an attitude? That confused Moira more than it angered her.
"Oh, come on already." That's when Polly reached a hand out to push Moira in the direction of the stairs. "Get dressed, Natalia and I will be in the car."
"The fuck, Pol-"
"You're going, and that's final."
"Who the fuck do you think you are?"
"Someone saving you from being a lazy bum for the rest of your life, now go!" The jab made Moira want to kick her sister's ass, but knew fighting would get her no where, plus she would still not dare to lay a hand on her. With a huffed, aggravated sigh, she turned to the stairs to go to her room.
"She's not going to like this, y'know.." Natalia suddenly piped up from beside Polly, making the previously youngest child jump out of surprise, clearly not used to Natalia's quiet way of walking. Getting rid of the shock, Polly didn't even respond to the comment, instead she started making her way to the key hooks to grab her purse as well as the car keys. She flat out ignored her adopted sister's warning in favor of accomplishing her little mission.
"Really? Fine. If you don't believe me.." Natalia trailed for a moment, a childish scoff leaving her while she followed Polly out to the car with Lottie in tow. "Just.. watch."
Moira could have just stayed in there until their mother got back, could have texted either parent about the situation- in fact, she should have. But she didn't, the level of fight within her had been diminished because of her sister's constant complaining, she was nearly worse than Barry before he and Moira made up!
The short haired brunette walked down the stairs in a white t-shirt, black denim pants, a pair of old boots and a leather jacket, all accented by the scowl which graced her face. She shoved one hand into her jacket pocket, the other reaching for the doorknob before pausing right at the door to the car port. Fully frozen in thought, she bit her lip, contemplating whether or not she should even continue. There were many ways in which this could all end horribly for her, she could list hundreds of them off the bat, if only she could make Polly understand what Moira is so.. paranoid about without going into the gruesome details..
A sudden honk made her jump, through the window she could see the impatient look on Polly features, staring her down like a strict mother would her child. Oh, in that moment Moira hated that stare, cursed it even, her eyes throwing more daggers at her sister in the form of a glare. She could see a tiny bit of regret flash on Polly's face, before that look came back.
..If Moira doesn't end up slapping Polly by the end of this, it'll be Polly's lucky day.
Moira reluctantly climbed into the front passenger seat of the car, half-tempted to slam the door shut behind her to show how.. unhappy she was at the predicament.. or, to be more specific, how pissed she was at Polly.
"Ready to go?"
Polly's seemingly fake cheery voice rang in Moira's ears, and all the eldest sister gave in reply was a scowl.
"You can pout all you want, but you have to get some fresh air." Polly pulled the car out of the car port as she talked, then mumbled her next line as Moira tried to keep her mind occupied by the surroundings they were passing. "You can't just sit on your ass all the time and be pampered by our parents.."
Moira's gaze shot right back to the driver with a look, realization hitting her like a brick wall. In Polly's tone, she heard frustration and.. jealousy, and when she watched Polly's face she could see it in the way she rolled her eyes, deep in thought as she drove.
That's what this is? She thought to herself, tilting her head as her eyebrows furrowed. Fucking jealousy? Really?!
Just when Moira was about to question her findings, Natalia interrupted to tell Polly to turn on the radio. Polly obliged, only to put it on that one channel with the weirdly deep-voiced female host again.
..This is gonna be a long day.
Immediately upon arrival, Moira kept her eyes low to the ground, forced them there even when something caught her attention. Polly tried numerous times to get her to 'act normal and not be such a downer', to point her chin up to observe their surroundings. Every time Polly tried to force it, Moira simply pulled the hand away from her chin, then went straight back to observing the tiling on the floor.
Polly would try to shout something about Moira being disrespectful and unappreciative when this exchange happened. That was not the eldest sister's plans at all, she was actually avoiding the possible sighting of a camera. She could not risk a panic attack, oh no, she will not let it happen..
Natalia helped a lot with her oldest sister's plans, somehow, that kid knew what Moira was trying to do. When they went inside a store full of doll and teddy bear clothing, she pulled Moira around, getting her to look down to Nat's level in order to see all the wonderful apparel that would be just Lottie's size. Polly tried to help in the suggestions, but huffed and pouted when Natalia seemed to cater more towards Moira's picks. When Polly asked why she didn't want Lottie to be all cute, Natalia's excuse was that she wanted Lottie to be just like Claire and Moira; strong.
"I want Lottie to be strong, JUST like them!" Natalia declared.
That brought a small smile on Moira's face, to hear that she was an inspiration for Natalia. It helped her get through most of the day, actually!
..Most of it.
"-Moira.. Moira!" Polly flicked Moira's shoulder to try and get her sister's attention. "Could you please look at me for five seconds?"
Moira, sighing, let her guard down for that requested five seconds. It was getting close to the end of the day, she had gotten tired of her sister's constant nagging so she decided to give in for a little bit. Golden eyes glancing at the garment her little sister tried to show her, then to said sister's face..
"Finally, do you think this would work with.."
..And her voice faded out as Moira then brought the glance upwards, catching a glimpse of a security device, hidden away in the corner of the store. To most, it's just something meant to keep the people of the area safe and to capture anything wrong.
To Moira? Her good sense attempted to tell her the same, but that was quickly overcrowded by the sudden flash of a memory.
A dirty room came to mind, walls covered in dirt, grime, blood.. At the very corner of it, placed just below the caved in ceiling, was a camera. The recording light blinking like mad, showing it was on and in use.. exactly like the mall one was doing. Both were white, and though the mall one scanned the entire room, every time it looked her way she could feel her heart stop for just that moment, she could swear that it stopped to focus on her once or twice. Good sense has been thrown out of the window, replaced with thoughts of that camera watching her not for safety reasons, but instead for more experimental reasons.
From that point onward, her thought process only went downhill.
"..Sis, are you okay?"
Polly's voice cut in and out between the ringing in Moira's ears. Suddenly, the oldest looked as if she were frightened, her breath shallow as her eyesight went blurry for a spell. Ignoring any attempts that her sisters, even a cashier made to get her to snap out of it, Moira bolted out of the store, yanking her arm out of Polly's hold when the blonde tried to get her to stay. That only added to the panic, made her think something grabbed her to pull her in, and made her think she needed to find some place to hide, to seek cover in.
In her panicked state of mind, she saw the ladies sign for a bathroom, and immediately ran for it.
She couldn't even recall the run she made to it, or walking all the way through to the back of the surprisingly empty bathroom, or even locking the paneled door behind her when she made it to the biggest stall, scurrying to the corner so she could pin her back to the wall.
Slowly, she slid down until she sat on the floor, then pulled her knees up to her chest. Her heart felt as though it were beating in her ears, her lungs aching with every hyperventilated breath she took. She didn't notice, but there were tears starting to stream down her cheeks, fear creeping in and attacking out of nowhere. The sounds of the door opening and two pairs of feet running in made her shake as she pushed herself into the corner.
"There she is!" Natalia pointed out the old boots she found when she leaned down to look for the stall that Moira hid herself in. The two rushed to the end of the bathroom, Polly reaching to knock harshly at the door before Nat stopped her.
"-Don't!" She reached to pull the hand away from the stall. "She-She's scared enough!"
"Why? Why is she scared, why is she doing this?!"
"..Camera, I think she saw one in there." Natalia pointed out after a moment's thought.
"But.. You're joking right? How the hell could a camera scare her like this?" Polly stepped back from the door, wincing as a few sobs could be heard from inside the bathroom stall. Mixed in the sobs were a variety of curse words and.. a cry for help? Did she hear that right? It sounded desperate, hurt, scared.. Guilt struck Polly's heart as she started to realize this trip might not have been the best thing for Moira.
"..I-I don't know! But you need to call Barry!"
"What? No, we don't need to drag him away from work! She'll calm down-"
"Call him! He always helps, go now!" Natalia started to push Polly back towards the exit door. Polly tried to resist, determined not to get in trouble for the impromptu trip, but Natalia easily won that fight with her childish pleas.
As Polly left the room, she thumbed through her contacts, hand shaking under the pressure she suddenly felt in the situation, and only did more so when she saw a ton of texts from her parents. All were of Kathy checking in on and worrying about them, and Barry, not even knowing they were out, making sure all three were okay and getting along at home. They both warned her to keep a close eye on Moira. Polly mistook that to mean they were being overbearing on Moira once again, but after this started, she was beginning to realize there was much more to that than she thought..
She found her father's number quickly, but she froze before tapping the call button. Foolish thoughts were going through her mind, all circling around her getting blamed or ratted on for this. Hearing a sudden, muffled screech of a sob from behind her cut through those vile thoughts and made her hit the call button.
"..Hello? Polly?" His gruff voice answered the call, and Polly felt guilt rush through her yet again.
"Hey, dad.." She shyly started. "We, uh, have a bit of a situation.."
"Wait, what? What's going on?" Barry sounded much more alert at that, making that feeling ten times worse. "Where are you? Doesn't sound like you're at home."
"I.. may have done a bad thing."
"Polly," She scrunched her shoulders up hearing his concerned yet warning voice, admitting herself to the blame that was soon to come. "What happened?"
"..Look, I was tired of seeing Moira sit on her ass at home! She never does anything anymore!" She spat out in an attempt to rush through an explanation. She never was good with being the one behind a scheme, that was always Moira's role in Polly's opinion. Polly always stuck to being the good kid in the family.. until now. She liked to keep up with her own expectations, so the feeling of possibly being the one behind something made her panic a little. "I brought her and Nat to the mall and-"
"You.. WHAT?!" She could've sworn if that yell were louder, the speaker would have been broken. She heard a sigh follow that boom of a voice as well as the rustling of something from the background. "Polly, we've told you time and time again, she will go out when she's good and ready. Where is she? Put her on the phone."
"..See, I can't because she.." She hesitated, closing her eyes like a child trying to confess to a big mess, which is exactly what she's made. "She flipped out and locked herself in the bathroom, she won't come out."
"..Where are you?" She could tell just from his tone that he was holding back a full blown rant, so she complied, not wanting to cause a fight.
"The mall near the house, bathroom's right next to the south exit."
"Don't move, I'll be right there." Barry informed. "Stand outside the bathroom so I can find where you are."
Before Polly could try to convince him otherwise, her father hung up.
Meanwhile, inside the bathroom, Natalia still stood before the doorway, clutching Lottie to her chest. She looked down to the ground, full of sadness at the frightened noises that echoed throughout the room. Thankfully, because it was later in the day, there weren't that many people in the bathroom. Anyone else who came in heard the sobs and either went on with their business, or asked before deciding to go to a bathroom upstairs instead to give the girls some space.
The youngest Burton kept wracking her brain, hoping to figure out a way to help calm her big sister. She already tried offering Lottie to help comfort her, and though Moira did her best to decline without freaking out or diving even more into a panic, the offer only proved to make matters worse for her. Seeing a sorta creepy, red stuffed bear peeking in from under a bathroom stall door would make just about anyone freak out, and in the vulnerable state Moira found herself in, she is no exception. Natalia then started calling out reassuring things to Moira, reminding her to be strong and that she's okay, anything she could think of. When there was no response but a panting breath, as well as mumbled pleas, Natalia gave a sigh, turning away from the door, resigning to waiting until something new happened.
She hoped Polly went through with calling Barry, and that their father was on his way to help, because even Natalia was starting to get scared. She couldn't help her biggest sister when she needed her! She couldn't be there to hug her because she couldn't climb into the stall, the hole underneath the door was much too small for her to squeeze under. She's essentially stuck listening to the fearful cries.
Natalia, with nothing to do about the current situation, made to head to the exit door to find Polly, only to stop when the sounds of both Polly and Barry talking back and forth. She seemed to only catch the end of their talk, but just hearing Barry's voice told her he was not pleased with what Polly did.
Couldn't say anyone didn't warn her..
"-Take Natalia and go home."
"But dad-"
"Now, Polly. Go home." Barry stopped her from making any excuse to stay, this was something he needed to do by himself. Polly didn't know what Moira went through, judged her based on assumptions infact, and Natalia needed to be home in time to wash up for dinner and bed. This left Barry to be the one to pick up the pieces of this mess. "Don't you dare pull this stunt again."
"You coddle her too much, she needed to-"
"Pol, you have no idea what she went through or what she needs."
"I think I know plenty, who c-"
"Polly." If his tone beforehand didn't signal any hint of the amount of trouble she was in, his warning voice should do the job. He's had enough of her inconsiderate behavior and quite frankly, if he wasn't afraid of certain events repeating themselves, he would scold her to hell and back. "She needs to recover. You need to get in the car and go, we will talk about this tonight." He pointed to the exit now, his brows furrowed, jaw clenched and his lips pursed, all giving off the very disappointed father vibe he was aiming for. "Go."
Hearing this, Natalia decided it was best to quietly step out, giving Barry a hug on his side without a word. The feeling of two tiny arms wrapping around him, of course, caught Barry off guard for all of a moment, but he soon brought an arm around Natalia's shoulders to return it, lifting his hand patting her head. He knew what her plan was; to do what she could to get him to calm down. It worked, for the most part at least, it wiped that stern look from his features and reminded him he had to bring his anger down a notch in order to help.
After telling Nat to follow Polly, he didn't say another word until after he awkwardly walked into the ladies restroom. At this point, the mall's closing time drew near, so nobody was in there to judge him, not that he would care that much anyway. He's here to help his daughter, that's what mattered.
"..Moira?" He called out to her, only to hear the most heart wrenching sobs to hit his ears in a long time. As a father, hearing/seeing your own kid go through this sort of thing ( especially the one who tried to be such a tough punk ) is like a kick to the balls, and in that second he felt the urge to keel over, cursing every little thing that hurt her on that island. Instead of that, he steeled himself before walking all the way to the very last stall, the source of those weary pleas that stabbed him right through his heart and kept giving the knife a twist.
Keeping himself steady, his voice low and gentle, he raised a hand to knock at the board separating him from his baby girl.
"..Honey, it's dad."
He could hear her breath hitch in her throat when he spoke up, as if she stopped when she recognized the voice. He could see her shadow move as if her head lifted to look towards him, she even went mostly silent save for the sniffling that hit his ears. A good sign, one that meant she was not too far deep into her usually horrid flashbacks, he might be able to coax her into winding down enough to walk out with him. It would just take a little time..
"..Listen baby, I'm here to get you out, okay?" He pressed on, wincing when hearing her hiccups, and her breathing which threatened to go back to it's previously quick, shallow pace. He worried about that, knowing if it went on much longer, she could very well make herself black out. As much as he wanted to hold her and carry her away from this place, he knew that needed to be taken care of first.
"Hey, hey now, everything's alright. Breathe with me." With his voice as soft as he could get it to be, he made sure to keep her attention on him, not whatever sick memory her brain tried to cook up for her. "You need to breathe.." He demonstrated an eight second breath loud enough for her to hear as well as follow along.
She paused hearing him, and though her chest hurt every time she inhaled.. still, Moira followed.
Not instantly, mind you. For a few moments, all she did was stare at her father's boots with wide eyes before she eventually allowed herself to give in.
She closed her eyes and focused, developing a slow, steady rhythm when she gained control of her lungs once again. Breathe in for eight seconds, pause, breathe out for eight seconds, she rinsed and repeated this just as instructed.
And much to her own surprise, while going through with those instructions, she found it helped her to stop clenching her hands so harshly, and stop pressing herself into the wall. Panic levels were slowly trickling down, and even more exhaustion started to settle within.
She eased into calmness with him because, unlike with her two sisters, she knew Barry would be getting her out, she trusted him, now more than she ever could in her past. Though her head tried it's damndest to make her not believe that those muddy boots she saw were real or that his voice was her hearing things, common sense told her he was no illusion.
Also unlike Polly, she'd be willing to 'escape' with him because he wouldn't force her to be out there again, under the watch of cameras manned by someone she did not know for equally unknown reasons ( as told by her paranoia ). He'd be bringing her home, somewhere she was safe and sound, hidden away from any watchful eyes.
Her head was exhausted enough to not play any other tricks on her, helping her plant herself firmly in reality. It was just a matter of keeping her thoughts and sights away from anything that could send her reeling back into a panic..
A few moments of silence passed on before she could hear him speak again.
"Now, Moira, do you think you can come unlock the door?" He asked, then quickly added on. "-Don't rush yourself, take it easy."
She reached up to the little handle bars on the walls of the stall, then used them to lift herself up on her feet. God, that whole event took a lot more out of her than she thought it did. Her legs felt weak ( almost to the point of wobbling ), her head splitting as she struggled to regain her balance, and as she took a step away from the wall, she found herself unable to really stay up. Not trusting herself to make it the few steps to the lock, she walked along the wall, her weight on the handle bar the entire way. She stopped right at the edge, where the lock was just in reach, stretching a hand out to flick the lock open. She then leaned her shoulder on the stall boards, looking up when Barry pushed the door open.
His heart broke even more at the sight of her, she looked like a mess.
Her eyes were nearly bloodshot from crying, and her flushed cheeks were stained with her tears. The bangs of her hair were stuck to her forehead and the sides of her face, the rest of it was a frizzled up disaster ( more-so than it normally was ). The fatigue weighed heavy on her expression, almost beating down the tiny bits of hope that she showed. Of course, those little bits were crushed by pity anyway when she looked down to the ground.
"..I'm-I'm sorry for.. for.."
"No, no no. Don't apologize, you didn't cause this."
"But.. but you had to come rescue-"
"-Stop. Look at me, Moira." Barry ordered, stopping her from continuing that sentence, waiting to talk again until she brought her eyes back up to look him in his. He suddenly felt horrible, remembering all those times he failed to help her. In his own eyes, he was a crummy father way back then. He may have had good intentions, but no matter what he did, it only further drove a massive wedge inbetween them, so now that they've reconciled and promised to fix their relationship, he had a lot of mistakes to make up for. This, however, was simply him being the father he should have been a long time ago. "I'm your dad, dads are supposed to 'rescue' their kids, doesn't matter if it's from monsters or their own memories." He instinctively brought up a hand to wipe away a strand of hair that was stuck to her cheek, and immediately knew just how tired she was when she didn't even try to pull her head away from his hand. "I don't care what I have to do or where I have to go, from now on I'll always be there to save you kids from anything." Even if it's from each other, he refrains from adding. "Got it?"
She nodded after a little bit of time, sniffling when she tried to breathe in and let out a sigh.
"Now, come on," He reached out his arm for her to use to steady herself. "Let's go back home, get you cleaned up.."
Instead of taking hold of the arm, she used most of the strength she had left to go under that arm and hug onto him tightly, both out of a need for comfort and a need to stay upright. He paused to look down at her with a bit of surprise on his face, then softened his face, letting a small smile form as he let out a relieved breath. He gave her back a few gentle pats, leaned his head down to place a kiss on top of her hair, then wrapped an arm around his child. Making sure both of them kept their balance, he began leading her out of the stall, through the bathroom door, then his vehicle. He will have to have a big talk with Polly later, but his only focus right now? Getting Moira back home.. for a second time.
(I think I'm going to split this fic into two parts because holy hell it got long. Hope you guys enjoyed!)