Author's Note:
I
don't take responsibility for any brain damage you may suffer reading
this fic.
Also, I have no idea if a vaccine will actually do
that.
I don't know anything about vaccines in Japan.
This is
written purely for humor.
Warnings: Adult themes.
Hehe...
Vaccine
Neku sighed heavily. Health was,
without fail, his most boring class. Language arts, he could deal
with. Social studies? Easy. Even math was interesting; though Neku
would never admit it, Minamimoto had effectively drilled several
important elements of mathematics into his head, permanently.
Of
course, it may have helped that Shiki shared most of those classes
with Neku, and she was always fun to talk to. Health class was shared
with Joshua, whom, though he had his charms, wasn't always the best
person to have a chat with.
Neku watched Joshua out of the corner
of his eye. The smaller boy was paying attention, or appearing to.
Ugh... what was the teacher even blabbing on about, anyway? Neku
tuned his brain out of dreamland and back into his teacher's
monotonous voice.
"...though your parents might have informed
you already, a law went into effect recently, stating that all
adolescents are required to be vaccinated for HPV. We've touched base
with all of your parents, and you're all to recieve your first dose
today. If you'd all please get into line..."
Neku rolled his
eyes. Vaccinations were no big deal. Compared to getting a bullet
through your head (twice), needles were a breeze. He shuffled into
the line, leaning against the wall apathetically.
"Neku!"
The
boy in question turned his head. "Um... what is it,
Joshua?"
"We've got a bit of a problem, I believe,"
Joshua hissed into Neku's ear, sidling up alongside him.
"What,
afraid of a little needle? I thought you wouldn't mind, prick that
you are."
Joshua wasn't smiling. "Very funny, Neku.
Ugh... haven't you been paying attention to any of our Health
lessons?"
"What do you think?"
Joshua sighed and
shook his head sadly. "Neku, Neku, Neku. When will you ever
learn? So you have no idea what this vaccination even is, am I
right?"
"Nope."
"It's a relatively new
invention," Joshua explained, flicking his hair nervously.
"First let me explain a little about HPV. HPV is a virus known
to cause cervical cancer."
Neku snickered quietly. Joshua
glared, annoyed, but continued.
"However, recently it's been
suspected of causing rectal cancer."
Neku stared blankly. He
really didn't see where Joshua was going with this whole virus
talk.
"This is going in one phone and out the other, isn't
it? It's an STD, Neku!" Joshua said, exasperated. "Which
means this vaccine is meant for virgins!"
"So?
Even if it's not effective, it's just a vaccine."
Joshua
crossed his arms impatiently. "No, Neku, it's not just a
vaccine, not if you have
HPV. You know how
vaccines work, right?"
"I'm not stupid, Joshua. There's
a bit of the virus in the vaccine so your body learns to fight it
off."
"Roughly, yes. Very good, Neku, I'm so proud. But
anyway, don't you get it? If someone already has the virus,
and then gets a vaccine, the small amount would be enough to
aggravate the existing virus, and would cause severe
symptoms."
"Joshua, are you sure you're not high or
something? As far as I know, neither of us has HPV."
"Mother
did."
"Oh. Oh shit."
"Yes,
Neku."
"So that means there's a good chance you-"
"Yes,
Neku."
"And so there's also a good chance that I-"
"Yes,
Neku."
"You bastard!" Neku shouted, grabbing Joshua
by the collar. "Why the hell didn't you tell me about this
before?!"
"Next two students!" the nurse called
briskly.
Neku released Joshua grudgingly. "Think we're going
to be able to talk our way out of this?"
"Not likely,"
Joshua said, following the nurse. "Come along, Neku."
A
short while later, the two boys walked out of the nurse's office,
rubbing their arms.
"Well that wasn't so bad, was it?"
Joshua asked, grinning unconvincingly.
Neku only grimaced.
They
spent the next week sick in bed, with painful warts in some very
uncomfortable places.