He was a little creature hardly worth mentioning. If one were to pass him on the street, they might try to run him over for the fun of it. He was an insignificant, unimpressive, ugly, and worthless creature and he knew it. He hopped along looking for scraps to eat or perhaps a nice juicy fly that dared venture too close. Then, he saw it; a bright blue-bottle fly quivering with meat. The creature could hardly believe it! A juicy morsel like this rarely came his way. He lined up his eyes with the unsuspecting insect and a moment later a long sticky tongue shot from his mouth and he…..missed.
The fly heard the snap of the tongue and flew away in search of a safer haven. The Toad (for that was what he was) mentally kicked himself. There had to be a better way of obtaining food! The brown and green Toad hopped along even further until he reached his pond. Ironically, he was the smallest one of his family and his siblings never let him forget it either. All too often, the poor Toad received a snap of the tongue on his flank, had his feet dangled above boiling pots of water, and was swung around like a lasso only to be thrown mercilessly into the water with a resounding 'plop.' However, this time, they were just under the water, waiting for him; the only things visible where they beady green and yellow eyes and the tips of their noses. When their smallest brother was in sight, the biggest and oldest brother of the group gave a secret signal and the all the older and decidedly bigger Toads all dunked under the water. The poor, unsuspecting victim-to-be was not quite ready to jump into the pond so he just stepped into a little puddle to wet his feet and began to relax.
"Maybe they'll leave me alone this time," he thought to himself.
But it was not to be. Underwater, his siblings surrounded him and then, with a mighty leap, they sprang from the water with a net in their hands and threw it over their younger sibling. When the Toad found that he was trapped he began to scream in his croaky language,
"Let me go! Lemme go!"
The biggest replied,
"I think not, little brother."
The bigger amphibians dragged him underwater and anchored the net to a rock. Now the Toad was really frightened. He could survive underwater, but he had never been able to hold his breath for more than five minutes. It was one of his many traits that his parents had always been ashamed of. However, he was determined to get out of this. He struggled, kicked his feet, bit the cords with his teeth, and then mercifully found a weak spot in the rope. He bit ** it and the cords fell away like a spiderweb, and then began swimming with all his might towards the surface. When his head broke the surface of the water, he took a great gulp of air and swam towards the shore. When he reached it, he collapsed on the muddy bank. He breathed heavily and when he had gotten his wits about him again he made a decision.
"I'm leaving this swampy planet, and I'm going somewhere else!"
His biggest sibling had been watching him and heard him say this. He approached his brother and callously asked,
"And where would you go, little brother? Somebody out there is still going to see you as the smallest of the small, and you will be nothing to them as well. What makes you think that you will be different on any other planet?"
"I'm going to a planet where I hear that everyone is accepted, no matter who they are! I'm going to Earth!"
"Earth? Bah! You wouldn't last five minutes. Do you know what those people do to frogs and toads there? They pluck your legs off and eat them!"
A malicious smile spread across his face as the thought of this disgraceful little Toad's feet being devoured by a hungry human filled his mind.
"I don't care! I'm still going to try!"
"Well then, I wish you good luck on your journey. Oh wait; no I don't! Hahahaha! Goodbye and good riddance to trash, I say!"
His older brother's words just strengthened his resolve to go. He hopped away from the place he had known since his tadpole-hood, and made his way to the only space-port on the planet. It wasn't a long journey, and when he arrived he put what little money he had down on the booth for a ticket to Earth. When he slapped his slimy foot down on the table, the Ticket-Toad eyed him up and down and croaked,
"Ain't you a little young to be traveling without an adult?"
"I AM an adult!"
"Oh; my mistake. Enjoy the trip, sir."
The Toad boarded the ship and moments later, it set him off towards a whole new life. Hours later, the blue sapphire of the Earth filled the window and the Toad thought it was the loveliest thing he had ever seen in his life. When the ship docked the conductor came out and announced,
"All ashore who's going ashore! This stop is New New York! Next stop France ! All ashore who's going ashore!"
The Toad stepped out of the ship and looked at his surroundings. There in front of him was the Statute of Liberty, and even from afar he could read her words of promise:
"Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free."
He stared at the statue for a moment and thought,
"I'm tired and poor; maybe someone will help me here."
He turned his back on the harbor and began hopping towards a sidewalk that looked promising. There were lots of people and many of them were human. His thoughts returned to his brother's words and he was immediately reminded of what humans did to frog legs. He shied away from them, but there were several other strange creatures that he might be able to seek help from. He hopped up to a purple, four-armed alien with a piggish nose and was carrying some brown bags, and he touched his slimy foot to his leg. The purple alien whipped around, nearly dropping the bags, and shrieked,
"Ayyiiiieee! What just touched me?"
Then he looked down and saw the Toad. His eyes got wide and he remarked,
"Holy Cannoli! You're the biggest Toad I've ever seen!"
The Toad croaked out in his language,
"Can you help me?"
But the purple alien didn't appear to understand him. He just looked at him weird and said,
"If that's supposed to be some kind of language, I don't understand you. Hey, I have an idea; why don't you come to my restaurant? I would be a pleasure to serve you."
The Toad didn't quite understand the language this guy was speaking, but he did understand one thing. This guy was carrying bags full of food. And he was gesturing to have him come with him. The Toad couldn't smile, but inwardly his heart was dancing. The purple alien led the Toad to a place that seemed rather ritzy. The Toad looked up and tried to read the words on the sign, but English had never been his strong suit. However, once inside, he smelled all sorts of things cooking. His heart leapt for joy and he tried to hop towards wherever that yummy smell was coming from. But he suddenly found himself unable to move. The purple alien had entangled him in a net and was now wielding a glittering butcher's cleaver. Terror filled the Toad's mind he croaked out,
"No, please! Don't hurt me!"
"I already told you, I don't understand you. Now, let's see; what shall I cut off first? These legs look especially tender. Oh, I know! I'll call it Elzar's Frog Leg Supreme, and it will be the star of the menu tonight, but one night only and first come first serve. I'll be rich!"
With a mighty leap, the poor trapped Toad gave one last ditch effort and he wretched the end of the net from the chef's hand. A few more mighty leaps and he was free of the doors, but he was hopelessly entangled. The chef and a few kitchen staff members chased him down and caught him again. The chef scooped him up and said,
"This is unacceptable! I will not have my main course hopping away from me again! I'm going to put you somewhere safe until dinnertime."
The chef tucked the tangled up Toad under his arm and took him back inside the restaurant. Once inside the kitchen, the chef put the Toad inside a large crate and said,
"You'll be safe there until it's time to kill you. Don't worry little guy, I'll be as quick as possible."
The chef turned away from the crate and to the freezer where he pulled huge chunks of frozen meat. The Toad watched as he picked up the glittering meat cleaver again, and hack away and the muscle and tissue with about as much finesse as a fat guy trying to do ballet. The Toad felt sick to his stomach watching this guy, and even worse, he was standing in a puddle of green goo that looked like it had a slight luminescent quality. It was giving the inside of the crate an eerie greenish glow that only made the Toad feel worse. Just as he was sure it couldn't get any worse, something happened. Some great blundering idiot with orange hair and a silvery robot walked back in the kitchen and the Toad heard the orange-haired one say,
"Bender, why did you drag me into Elzar's kitchen? We're gonna get in trouble."
"Shut up, meatbag, I want an autograph!"
"But you already have….."
(Slap)
"I said shut… (Gasp)! It's Elzar! Oh Mr. Elzar! Yoo-hoo! Over here!"
"Hey! What are you doing in my kitchen! Is Etzio giving private tours again? I'm gonna fire that guy. Etzio; you're fired!"
A scrawny teenager with acne ran out of the kitchen sobbing, and Elzar turned back to the other two.
"So what can I do for you guys?"
"Oh, Mr. Elzar! I would consider it a personal treat if I could have your autograph."
"Oh yeah? You got fifty bucks?"
"Yeah, right here in this wallet I found."
Bender handed the money to him and the chef exclaimed,
"This is MY wallet! You dirty, rotten thief! And you! Get away from that crate!"
The orange-haired one was staring at the Toad, and the Toad was feeling very self-conscious. However, he tried pleading with this strange creature in his own croaky language,
"Help me! He's going to kill me and serve me! And I'm standing in a pile of green goop, and I don't like it! Can you get me out of here?"
"Aww, poor little guy."
"You….you can understand me?"
"You're just afraid aren't you? I hate to see a poor defenseless creature get diced up. Hang on a second; let me see if I can get you out of this."
"Thank you, kind sir! Thank you!"
The orange-haired one turned away and said,
"Excuse me? How much for the giant Toad?"
"What part of him? The legs are going for $1500 apiece."
"Um, let's see. All I got is this old button that used to belong to George Washington and this Lou Gherig baseball card from a thousand years ago."
He held out the treasures, and Bender said,
"Fry! That button is solid gold!"
"Uh-huh. It was on his jacket when he got into office."
Elzar greedily looked over the priceless artifacts and flippantly said,
"Fine, I'll take 'em off your hands. Take the Toad; he's getting to be a pain in the neck anyway with that incessant croaking. Get 'im outa here!"
Fry went over and picked up the crate off the ground and walked out the door. He placed the crated Toad in an electric-green ship and when he set it down he exclaimed,
"Ew, gross! I've got green yuck all over my shirt! Oh, Leela's gonna kill me."
The Toad croaked,
"What's a Leela? Is it something to eat?"
"Oh, sorry little guy. I don't speak Toad. But I tell you what, let me find you something to eat, and then we'll drop you off at a nice pond somewhere."
The Toad began to croak happily and Fry left the cargo hold. Up in the cockpit, the captain of the ship, Leela, got a good look at him and scolded,
"Fry! You look terrible! What did you do to get that mess all over yourself?"
"I saved a Toad from Elzar. Me and Bender…wait, where is Bender?"
Bender came running up the ramp and shouted,
"Cheese it!"
Leela hit the gas and the ship took off. Down on the earth, Elzar was shaking his fist at the sky and yelling,
"You try to steal my recipes again, and I'll be serving Robot al a Mode for dessert!"
Up in the ship, Bender turned to his crewmates and asked,
"You think he's mad?"
"Why would you try to steal his recipes?"
"So I could sell 'em on the black market and make a fortune."
"Oh whatever. Fry, go clean yourself up. You're clothes are glowing."
"'K."
Fry went and showered and put some fresh clothes on. Then he amused himself by catching a few flies and he went back to the cargo hold and gave them to the Toad. It was a meager meal, but the Toad was grateful nonetheless. Then Fry saw that he had neglected to untie the poor thing, so he opened the crate and gently picked up the Toad. He cut the cords away from it and within moments, the Toad was free again. He croaked his thanks and Fry tried to put him back in there until they got home. But as grateful as he was for the help, the Toad was in no hurry to be put back in that cramped little space with the glowing green goop. He tried to protest, but it only resulted with a struggle. Now the Toad was beginning to get mad. He was NOT going back in there. He turned on the orange-haired boy and locked eyes with him.
A red torrent of fury filled his chest, a strange buzzing sound began to reverberate around the little cargo hold, and the Toad felt his pupils begin to dance and sway. Fry looked at them and the Toad saw his body go limp and nearly lifeless. The Toad croaked,
"I don't want to go back in there!"
There was no reply from the human and the Toad thought,
"Why doesn't he do something?"
Then the human replied in a monotone,
"I am yours to command."
"You….you mean…..you have to do whatever I tell you to?"
"Yes master," the human replied in that same monotone.
"Hmm," the Toad thought, "Start dancing like a chicken."
The human got up and began doing the Chicken Dance much to Toad's amusement.
"Now stand on one leg and call yourself a ding-dong head."
Fry did as he was told, and the Toad began to laugh harder than he ever had in his life. Then an idea hit him.
"Now bow to me."
Fry got on his knees and bowed to the Toad.
"Now call me something that will strike fear into the hearts of my enemies."
"Yes Master. What would you like me to call you?"
"Oh, I don't know. Make something up. Something….sinister."
"Yes Master. You are the All Mighty Toad Who Commands Everyone and Everything He Sees. All glory to the All Mighty Toad Who Commands Everyone and Everything He Sees."
"No no no; too wordy. Keep working on it, slave."
Slave. Heh heh. That felt good. After all the stuff that he had put up with, he finally had someone in his control. He didn't know how he was doing it, he didn't know that he even COULD do it, but he didn't care. This human was completely in his power and nobody could take that away from him. Just then the door to the cargo hold opened and the ugliest creature that the Toad had ever seen walked in. It only had one eye! One eye! The Toad made contact with that eye and thought,
"Take me to a suitable place where I can be free."
The one-eyed creature went just as limp as the orange-haired one and replied in that monotone,
"Yes Master."
"Now, give me a name that will strike fear into the hearts of my enemies. Your friend here obviously has no finesse with words."
"Yes Master Hypnotoad."
"Hypnotoad? Hmm; I like it. I suppose that hypnosis is a form of mind-control after all. Very well. All glory to the Hypnotoad!"
"All glory to the Hypnotoad."
"Mwa hahahahahaha!"
"Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha."
"Now get out of here and drop me off at a nice green pond or something. I'm hungry."
They left and the Toad followed them up to the cockpit. When he saw all the mechanical engineering the ship was made up of, a crazy idea popped into his head. They were flying. Instead of just having them take him to another little pond where he might rule some of the smaller creatures on the planet, why not set sights on a much bigger prize. He had the power of mind control.
"You know what, creatures? Take me to the highest authority on your planet instead. I'm going to have a little 'chat' with him."
"Yes Master Hypnotoad. All glory to the Hypnotoad."
"That's right; all glory to the Hypnotoad."
THREE WEEKS LATER
Fry was lying in a hospital bed looking pale, very ill, and quite thin. Most of his hair had fallen out and he was a mere shadow of his former self. Just then the door to his room slid open and an old man walked in pushing a sterile tray with a lot of sharp-looking instruments on it.
"Well Fry, it wasn't easy but Eureka ! I've finally found the cure for cancer!"
Fry managed a weak smile and asked in a barely audible whisper,
"How…..did I…get brain cancer…Professor?"
"Oh, who can know these things? All that matters is you're going to be fine. Now, give me your arm. This won't hurt a bit"
"You….always….say that. The last time...I was….sore…for a…week."
"Oh, balderdash! Now shut up!"
The Professor pulled back the covers and picked up a rather large needle. He raised it like a dagger and plunged it into Fry's forehead eliciting a rather loud scream of pain from the poor kid followed by a flat line on the heart monitor.
"Oops. Perhaps I did it too hard. No matter; he'll wake up in about five minutes feeling better than ever."
A team of doctor's came in at the sound of the code blue and rushed the Professor out of the room. Sure enough, five minutes later Fry woke up to the feeling of electric paddles on his chest and he screamed in pain again. The doctor's backed off and marveled at him.
"Amazing, doctors! Even his hair has begun to grow back! Who discovered this miracle cure?"
"Ahem! That would be me! Professor Hubert Farnsworth!"
"This, sir, is worthy of the Nobel Prize! We finally have the cure for cancer! Pray tell, what's the formula?"
"Eh, wha? The formula you say? I didn't write it down, but don't worry. It's all up here."
The Professor tapped on his temple, and then the TV came on with the news. The News Monster, Morbo, announced,
"Attention puny humans! Our Lord and Master wishes to address the nation! Go ahead, sir."
A blank screen came on with the Hypnotoad standing on a shelf in the middle of the screen. No words were spoken, and the only sound that came from him was a strange, annoying buzzing noise. When it was done everyone in the hospital room said in monotone,
"Yes Master. All glory to the Hypnotoad."
Within hours, a fleet of space ships consisting of armed cargo ships, military vessels, the robot mafia's limo ship and a bunch of others surrounded the planet on which the Hypnotoad was born. The Toad, who was now clothed in a rich purple cloak trimmed with white ermine and had a gold crown on his head, appeared on the screen of every ship and telepathically said to the armada,
"Let me send a message to the inhabitants of this planet before you destroy it."
"Yes Master Hypnotoad," the armada replied in a monotonous unison.
The Toad looked at the planet and sent out tendrils of thought to its amphibious natives and one in particular. Then he found it: his oldest brother. The one that had tormented him ever since he was a tadpole. A flush of anger went through him and he found his brother's consciousness and he said to him,
"I have returned, brother. Mark my words for they will be the last you ever hear. I rule the Planet Earth and all who live there. You may have been stronger and more powerful than me on our home world, but never again. Good bye brother."
Then he turned his thoughts back to the Armada waiting for his command,
"Fire!" he mentally shouted.
Weapons were armed and a blast of cannon fire, proton torpedoes, missiles and all manner of gun-fire, the swampy planet was destroyed. The Hypnotoad held on to his oldest brother's final moments of consciousness and the last words he heard the doomed creature exclaim were,
"Damn you, you insignificant beast!"
Then nothing. Everything and everyone on that little planet had been obliterated. The Hypnotoad took a moment to gather his own thoughts and he had a greedy little mental morsel that he kept to himself,
"Now no one can overthrow me. Earth and all who inhabit are mine. They are MINE!"
He appeared on the screens for a final time and with a resounding buzzing noise, every ship in the fleet began a steady monotonous chant,
"The Hypnotoad is our Master. All glory to the Hypnotoad. The Hypnotoad is our Master. All glory to the Hypnotoad."
