**A/N: For Liz, who needed a fix. =)
I walk this empty street
On the boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one
And I walk alone
Green Day / Boulevard of Broken Dreams
It made no sense.
The hours we'd spent together hiding from James hadn't caused this, the times he'd explained things about his history, not even the tentative moments when he'd nearly ended my life.
It simply made no sense.
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Jasper, distraught over the experiences I'd gone through the year Victoria had first come looking for me, had done his best to go out of his way in order to prove to Edward I was safe in his presence. It worked out for him, Edward needed to hunt, Jasper already had. So Edward went wtih the rest of his family, Jasper remained behind, with me.
During the hours Edward was gone, Jasper and I had played a painful game of chess. It had left Jasper chuckling. Then we'd debated the classics. Not having eternal time on my hands in which to study, Jasper had continually proven his superior knowledge of them with glee.
Then when I'd shown signs of being hungry with a phenomenally humiliating stomach rumble, Jasper had once again found cause for amusement.
Naturally, though he'd never shown any signs of such talents before, he was a much better cook than I was. We'd gone for a walk, he knew more about plants, flowers and even bugs. We walked to the store, he was more economic. Even Jacob, I began talking about the stories I'd heard about the Quileutes, thinking I'd finally found a subject on which Jasper would know less, but I was wrong again. Jasper had spent infinite hours reading about the Quileute Tribe, their territorial disputes, even their legends and customs. As I went up to Edward's room to sleep, I felt so frustrated I thought I might explode. I reached the top of the stairs and heard Jasper's voice from the bottom, "Good night Bella, sweet dreams."
I grumbled a good night back to him, half-heartedly and suddenly he was before me. "Bella, you feel angry? Have I upset you in some way?" His face was a study in disappointment, I felt my resentment melt away.
"No Jasper," I lied, "I'm just tired, and I miss Edward." That part wasn't a lie, I did miss him.
"Oh." He responded, appeased so easily by such a simple lie. "Well, he'll only be gone until tomorrow evening. They said they'd keep it short." He said, his tone hopeful.
"I know Jasper, I'm just grumpy. It's a very human thing, I'm sorry. I think I just need sleep." I touched his arm. "I'm sorry Jasper...I'll be fine in the morning. Goodnight." I said. Jasper mumbled goodnight back, and disappeared down the hall.
******
The next morning I awoke, the sun was shining brightly in the windows, the light dimmed by reflection off the surrounding trees. I rolled onto my back and stretched, yawning.
"Good morning Bella, I-"
I screamed, and rolled so quickly away from the sudden voice I fell out of bed.
"Bella?" the voice asked cautiously, a tone of concern, from above me. I looked up into Jasper's concerned, topaz colored eyes staring down at me from over the bed. I frowned at him, "Jeez Jasper! you scared the skin off me!"
I pushed myself back up to a sitting position on the floor as he sat back on his feet, his eyebrows creased, "I'm sorry Bella, I was only trying to let you know I'm in here. I wanted to explain that you had a nightmare last night, and I came in to calm you as you slept. You were peaceful then, so I stayed, there were only a couple of others, I calmed you for them as well." His eyes widened and unfocused a little as he trailed off.
I unwound myself from the sheets and stood. "I'm going to shower. Jasper, please don't scare me again when I come out." I said, startling him out of his thoughts.
"Of course Bella. I really am sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." He climbed off the bed and walked out, shoulders slumped and his head down.
I turned, shaking my head, and headed for the shower. I thought about Edward, missing him.
Once I was all cleaned up, and dressed, I went downstairs. I was hungry for some breakfast so I headed for the kitchen. I could smell food and knew Jasper had already been in the kitchen cooking. I turned the corner and saw a dozen covered metal serving trays, and small bowls with spoons, and various condiments, three bottles of syrup, tumblers of yogurt, tureens of fresh fruit, as well as orange juice, milk and coffee.
"Holy crow! Jasper, is someone coming I should know about?" I asked his back.
He turned around and grinned. He had a hot pink apron on that said "Mother Knows Best" across the front in white letters, flour in his eyelashes, what looked like raspberry syrup in his hair and the biggest grin I'd
ever seen. I laughed in surprise at him. His smile grew and he replied, "Not at all, I wasn't sure what you might want to eat, so I just made everything."
I gaped at all the food. "Oh Jasper, it's such a waste. I won't be able to eat one-tenth of all of this." His smile faltered. he frowned for a moment and seemed frustrated, but then recovering his smile said brightly, "Maybe you can take the rest to your Dad at the station?"
I chuckled, they'd probably never been served such a breakfast in the Forks police station throughout their entire history of operation. "Good idea Jasper, I'm sure they'll love it."
Jasper beamed, ear to ear. I went on, "Let me make up a plate, then we can transfer everything else into containers." I said, grabbing a plate. I looked up at Jasper, who was frowning again.
"Hmmm, we don't have any containers." he said. His face began to shine again almost immediately though, "Oh, but just take it as it is. Esme won't mind at all."
That happened a month ago.
Edward had decided it had worked out well, so they'd planned identical trips three or four times since. Each time Jasper had driven me crazy with attention and whenever I reacted out of annoyance, Jasper looked so crestfallen I'd felt guilty and we'd end up compromising on something. At the end of each day, Jasper would say, "Good night Bella, sweet dreams."
Then tonight, I woke up. Jasper was sitting on the bed next to me; his head backlit by the moonlight, his face a puzzle of light and shadow. His pale skin glowing slightly. I couldn't see much of his eyes, but what I could see conveyed a deep intensity. His mouth was slightly open, and when I spoke it seemed to take a minute for him to refocus.
"Nightmares again?" I asked quietly. I felt I needed to whisper in the dark in order to protect the nights hidden secrets or something.
Jasper shook his head no, he replied whispering as well. "No. Dreams.....such....emotional dreams...so strong, they drew me. I came in, you were restless, muttering....you said...." He trailed off, distracted. I cleared my throat to get his attention.
He looked me straight in the eye and shook his head as though to clear it. "I'm sorry Bella, I - you...were dreaming, and moving a great, eh.....deal...in your sleep. I came to check on you. I'll leave you to sleep. I'm sorry if I woke you. Your emotions were just so strong, uncontrolled," his voice broke slightly "passionate. I couldn't help myself. I-I'll see you in the morning Bella." He raised himself off the bed at that moment, and headed for the door.
I thought about what he'd said, and was struck by something. "Moving how?" I asked him before he reached the door.
His hands clenched into fists as he froze.
"Nothing special Bella, just kicking around and twisting. Go back to sleep now, sleep well."
His response triggered some level of memory, because I blushed and my heart sped up.
I couldn't have, could I? I wanted to know, and yet didn't want to know at the same time. Mortified, I moaned to myself, "Oh no." I threw a hand over my eyes.
Jasper was at the side of the bed in an instant again. He reached out and pulled my hand away, and I raised my head to look at him, the blush hot on my cheeks. He looked dismayed, "Please don't be embarrassed Bella. It isn't the first time, and it's only natural. Your dreams are so emotional I often come in just to feel them. They're so strong they're usually bordering on overwhelming. You often talk in your sleep, and you often say Edward's name during them, usually, this was the first ti....." he stopped himself. "It's nothing to be ashamed of Bella, it's beautiful, the love you give off in your dreams, all your emotions are."
I raised an eyebrow at Jasper, "I recognize defensive maneuvers in other people because I'm good at them myself, so what was this the first time for?" I asked.
Jasper's head dropped, looking into his own lap.
"It isn't important Bella, just go back to sleep, Edward will be here soon."
"Jasper!" I said sharply. I was beginning to get annoyed again.
He sighed, "It's just...I've been trying really hard, working to find things you'd ask me for, something you and I could bond over. Nothing I've tried has worked. Our...my sharing the emotions of your dreams has been the first thing I've been able to do that hasn't seemed to end up annoying you. So each time I've found a way to arrange watching you for Edward, I've come in here for them. You've had other nights, calling out Edward's name as you rolled across the bed, tangling yourself in the sheets, but this was the first time you ever called out...."he stopped again.
"Jasper?" I asked, trying to encourage him. He looked up surprised. "Yes!!" He exclaimed, astonishment clear in his tone.
I felt confused, "Jasper....what...." suddenly, I realized he meant this was the first time I'd called out his name. I gasped, and in a blindly sudden flash, small moments of my dream returned. I blushed again, and looked down.
Jasper cautiously and tenderly lifted my chin with his fingers. He cupped my cheek with his hand and ran his thumb around my lips. He looked me in the the eyes, my heart raced. I felt...something, a certain heat, a sudden tension, and realized it was Jasper allowing his emotions to wash over me. Jasper leaned in and gently pressed his lips into mine. He whispered, "Bella." his breath blowing across my mouth, making my face burn in blush, then he kissed my top and bottom lip, each, once and pulled away.
"You are always so, unexpected Bella." he said. He turned then, and walked out of the room then, closing the door behind him.
Yes, it definitely made no sense. No sense at all.