Title: Oh the Horror
Summary: A day in the life of Belphegor and Fran. To which the mansion blows up again, missions take interesting turns and massive side-trips are made. No pairings except a small mention of 6996, keep buckets near by and take anvils. Dedicated to The Prince and the Frog. From; your secrete santa. My insert for the wish list exchange. Enjoy the fic TPatF! Merry Christmas everyone!
Warning: Some swearing, might offend some people and there's violence. I'm trying to keep it down for the sake of Christmas anyway.
Good luck and enjoy my fic everyone! R&R please!
Style: One-shot
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Pineapples are stupid, sharks are stupid, and apparently, so are fake princes with disturbing fetishes for knives and wires.
Or at least, that's what went through Fran's mind as he ducked an incoming knife, courtesy of said prince. Only for his hat to be stabbed by a trident and his face to meet an extremely sharp sword that was getting a bit too close for comfort. But then again, when has any of that phased him?
"Pineapple-master, that hurts." He commented indifferently. "And long-haired commander, you should pull your other sword out your rear end."
"Kufufufu..." Well apparently, pineapples are able to twitch a nerve or two out of anger.
"VOOOOOOIIIIIIIIII! HOW DARE YOU?!" The silver haired man waved and slashed his sword angrily at the air, as if trying to brutally decapitate an invisible Fran clone.
"Uishishishi, froggy~" A maniacal laugh escaped the lips of one -fake- prince as he waltzed towards the poor frog in a leisurely manner. "I demand you make me-"
"NO TIME! GET YOUR FUCKING ASS HERE NOW! THIS IS AN IMPORTANT MISSION!" And with that, he practically slammed the file folder no one had noticed before into Fran's face and quickly walked away, grumbling about fucked up retards ruining his fucking day.
"Kufufufu, my next visit is scheduled next month, behave yourself Fran." Mukuro dislodged his trident from Fran's hat.
"Can Chrome come instead? She's actually sane." Fran piped up, having accidentally tossed the file folder into Bel's face.
"Kufufu, my dearest Chrome has more important things to do." A dark shadow formed over Mukuro's face.
"You mean besides you sucking her face off, peasant?" Bel shot Mukuro a giant sneer and Fran a glare. Not that Fran can see anything pass Bel's thick blond bangs.
"Oya, oya, at least I have a girlfriend." And with that and a poof of mist, Mukuro was gone. Leaving the two alone to prepare for their mission. Which probably means more knife throwing and snide insults somehow conveyed with a creepily straight face.
BAM!
CRASH!
"VOOOOIII! KEEP THE FUCKING NOISE DOWN! THE SHITTY BOSS IS-"
Click.
BANG!
The entire East wall disappeared, leaving a large gaping hole, a cloud of dust and some rubble littering the area.
"Uishishishi, the boss is angry." Bel drew out more knives, trying to take aim at the moving target that is Fran.
"Phony prince-sempai, I think the reason the long-haired commander sent us out is because the boss is PMS-ing again." Fran commented, ducking three incoming knives.
"TRAAASH!" A roar shook the mansion. Seems like said PMS-ing boss had heard them. Bel tch-ed in a Gokudera esque, before he and Fran quickly ran outside the Varia estate, their mission folder lay forgotten, burnt and abandoned on the mansion corridors.
"Its a good thing I read the file before boss woke up huh sempai?" Fran asked, dislodging 5 knives that had found their way into his back and throwing them aside.
"The prince demands the peasant frog pick up all his knives." Bel's unseen eye twitched as another knife he had recently threw into Fran's back flew past his shoulders.
"Maybe if you stop throwing more, I'd stop too." Fran threw yet another knife away.
"Uishishishishi."
Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab.
"Ow, Bel-sempai, that hurts." Fran tossed away the knives. "Anyway, we'd better finish the mission or we can't go back." Ah, the unspoken rules of the Varia. Have mission and left already? Don't come back before you finish unless you want to get 5th degree burns and get shipped off to Antarctica.
"The prince needs food, take me there, froggy." The proclaimed genius then proceeded to force Fran into a classy restaurant.
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"P-please, d-don't c-c-come ba-back!" The waiter who had pathetically crawled onto the sidewalk, promptly foamed in the mouth and passed out as Bel and Fran walked away from the ruins and carnage that was once a classy restaurant and it's high class customers.
"The service is bad." Fran scanned the area for a nice restaurant to dine in, when Bel's eyes caught something interesting.
"Come on froggy." Bel walked down the street into a small cafe that seemed nice enough. That is, if it weren't for the cops littering the place. As soon as Bel pulled out a knife, all hell broke loose.
"He's got a knife!"
CLICK.
The sound of safety switches of a gun being turned off echoed through the cafe as the owner cowered behind the counter. By then, every officer had their gun trained on Bel.
"Put. The. Knife. Down." A cop demanded and Bel's grin widened to one of a sadistic psychopath's. The cops felt shivers down their spines and Fran used this time of distraction to disappear.
"Uishishishi. Peasants, bow before the prince." Bel somehow produced more knives.
"What the-"
Bang!
That one gunshot was the start of a headline news that would create a war between the Varia and local officers, but first...
"We need backup! We need-" The communicator one of the officers had suddenly shattered and morphed into a hive of bees, making him scream and run around, swatting his hands in the air as his whole face bloated and swelled painfully from the few million stings. "AAAAAHHHH!"
"NOOO!" Some other cop shouted.
"GOD HELP US!" Another crawled pitifully on the floor.
"SWEET MERCIFUL VIRGIN MARY, MY FACE BUUURNS!" And another tried to claw his face off.
"KYAAAAAAAAH!" The girly shriek left the mouth of a large burly man before he unceremoniously fainted.
"OH SWEET BOWLS OF HELL, SOMEONE HELP ME!" This one tried to yank his hair off, rolling on the ground like a madman while other officers found knives sticking out of them before dropping dead.
"Bel-sempai, that's not fair. That was my kill." Fran commented as he disappeared again into thin air, effectively scaring the shit out of the remaining officers.
"Uishishishi. The prince gets to kill whoever he wants." As Bel produced more knives, what remaining few officers tried to make a run for it.
"OH GOD!"
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"That was fun." Fran said noncommittally, staring back at the small cafe that looked fine from the outside, but was a massive and messy massacre on the inside. Bel saw something interesting and grinned -evilly-.
"The prince demands we go there." Bel made a bee-line for a large building; one of Walmart's largest branches in Italy.
"Bel-sempai, wait for me." Fran followed with no other choice as cars and trucks swerved to avoid hitting the two ignorant pedestrians.
"Oh, what's this?" Bel pulled down a large stack of papers pinned onto a wooden post just out of the employee's view and stared at the title. His grin became that of one which would effectively scare the shit out of the cheshire cat himself. He skimmed through the papers and then tossed them onto the ground. "Uishishishi, come on froggy, let's go shopping."
"Wait for me." Fran jogged a bit to catch up, the papers already forgotten, and the title effectively blotched out by the water in the puddle it landed in. But if one tries hard enough, one could still make out the words.
333 Ways to Get Kicked Out of Walmart.
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"Clean up on isle 6! And 1! And 18! And 21!" The frantic voice boomed through the speakers as workers rushed here and there in panic, not noticing Bel who had leisurely lain down on a bench with a fake beach background around him nor did they see Fran with a fishing rod, casting and reeling over shelves, trying to see what he could catch from other lanes.
"This is fun and all Bel-sempai, but what about the mission?" Fran reeled in a squeaky toy from the other lane, took the toy off, and casted again, farther this time. He reeled again and suddenly felt the line stop with a jolt.
"MY EYEEE!"
"Medic on isle 9!" The speakers boomed again and the two assassins paid no heed to it. Bel plugged in his new earphones and turned on the music from his new ipod while Fran dropped his current rod to take a new rod from the ones scattered around his feet. He casted in the opposite direction and reeled something mildly heavy and the line tugged from the other end, probably the item dropping onto the floor and spilling it's contents along with it. "Clean up on isle 3!"
"Where the hell are these lines coming from?!"
"Somebody get the hook out his eye!"
"IT BUUUURNS!"
"Mission, mission, mission. It's high time the prince gets to relax." Bel turned the volume up. Fran pulled his coat over his head, wearing it like a hood and smeared some red goo over his face and body. It was a good thing those goo barrels were in stock and that they were in the toy section. A little girl came walking in and Fran sneaked up on her with a flashlight.
Click.
"Boo." Fran said in a flat tone. The sight of him covered with red goo that glowed like toxic waste under the flashlight, and the monotonous face under the hood that shadowed his eyes enough to hide them, seemed to be scary enough for the girl who screamed bloody murder and ran away like the devil himself was after her.
"The prince is hungry." With that, Bel discarded the ipod and the headset, and dusted himself off before walking off to find some food.
"Bel-sempai, don't leave me here." Fran shook off all the goo and straightened his jacket before following Bel towards what they hoped was the food section. How wrong they were. They somehow ended up trashing millions of dollars worth of electronics, because of a small argument.
"Bel-sempai, admit it, you have a bad sense of direction when you don't know your way." Fran dodged a set of knives that had embedded themselves into the speakers behind him, which sparked and billowed a small amount of smoke.
"Shut up froggy!" Bel sent more knives flying and this time, they met their target. But Fran kept moving, making the wires snag a large flat screen TV and sending it careening onto the floor. Glass and bits and pieces of metal littered the floor as the TV broke.
"Bel-sempai, Vongola won't be happy about the bills and paperwork we're creating." Fran pointed out to which Bel smirked at.
"Uishishishi. And what of it?" He laughed it off. Fran raised an eyebrow. Had he really forgotten what happened a mere few months ago that had led to Xanxus showing a new found respect to the Vongola?
"The Varia beat down." Those four words killed off all traces of laughter. That was what they called it now. The incident when Vongola had snapped and the Varia had the honor of being the first to taste Vongola's flaming and horrifying wrath. "So, the mission?"
"Hurry up and tell me froggy." Bel finally relented, plopping down on a couch that was once in front of a 16 inch flat screen TV.
"Its easy Bel-sempai." Fran started, finally pulling out the last knife. "Just kill someone and grab the compact disk in their pocket."
"Let's get this over with." Bel stood up and prepared to leave, but not before destroying the tapes from the previously trashed surveillance cameras (via knives) and scarring the employee working in the control room for life. And not to mention grabbing a tray of free samples of roasted chicken, and festive cookies on the way out.
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"What?!" A certain brunet shrieked in disbelief as tons and tons of paperwork were carted into his office. It even reached the already heightened ceiling!
"Shut up Dame-Tsuna." Reborn whacked the brunet upside the head. "Over half of those are the bills and paperwork are from Bel and Fran's latest mission. Also, the Varia's mansion was destroyed again, this time by Xanxus. Plus, the other half are repair and therapy bills from Varia's 3 hour stay so far."
BAM!
CRASH!
"VOOOOIII! YOU SHITTY BRAT!"
"Ahaha, its good to see you too Squalo!"
"Gyahaha! The amazing Lambo is here! Do not fear Gokudera-shi, I'll take out the Varia in no ti-GUPYA! T-to-le-rate..."
WHAM!
"WAAAAAHH! TSUNA-NII! THEY'RE BEING MEAN TO ME AGAIN!"
POOF!
"This is-the future! Juudaime! Juudaime, where are you?!"
"EXTREEEEME!"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP TRASH!"
BANG!
"Uishishishi..."
"Ah, Bel-sempai, you ruined my favorite coat."
"GOD WHY?!" Tsuna slammed his head onto the sturdy wooden table and Reborn smirked.
CRASH!
Something deep, deep inside Tsuna snapped for the second time.
"AAAAAARRGHH!" And bloodcurling screams shook the whole estate that day.
/~Last time you see me, promise~/
Well, that's all from me~ My best friend here, The Storyteller of Dreams will be uploading this for me since I have this big event today until the 28th so I won't be able to get my hands on a computer and I don't have a laptop, so I can't make it by myself-oh, nevermind. Got one for Christmas, well, I still have to go so yeah... Give her a big round of applause here people! She's the bestest friend, and non-blood sister and family I can ever ask for!
Anywhoo~ shout out to The Prince and the Frog! Hope you enjoyed the fic dude~
Thank you for reading and sticking around people! I love reviews! Review and I might continue this, the other or make a new story altogether! Ciao, ciao tutti! See you next time!