I do not own any characters or dialogue, Libba Bray owns them all. This is Felicity's point of view from pg. 658-668 or The Sweet Far Thing.
I walk in, see Gemma and Ann. "I'm here. What do you want?"
"Fee, you can't stay here," I say.
That's just like Gemma, always coming in between me and my plans, always telling the whole lot of us what to do. Not this time- I HAVE to stay with Pippa.
I sit down beside Pippa, determined to stay with her. "Why not?"
"The realms are falling to chaos. The tribes are at war, the Temple's been razed, and Circe has gone to the Winterlands to join with the creatures," Gemma says. She really does sound afraid, but we haven't seen anything.
"Nothing has touched us here," Pip says, gesturing to the chapel walls. I wonder how she sees such a lovely palace, when all I see is a crumbling ruin. No matter. We're together. "Now shall we have another ball this evening?"
"Pippa, we can't have a party," Gemma exclaims, and it annoys me. If Pippa wants to have a party, to dance with me for an hour, why should we not? I would do anything o see her eyes turn violet again, as they almost always do when they focus on me.
Pippa laughs, just like she used to. "Let the creatures have at each other. They're no match for me."
She puts a berry to her lips and swallows. Her lips are still a little bluish from the juices.
"That's right. Miss Pippa will serve notice," Bessie says confidently, and she and Mae look at Pippa like they would die for here.
"Did you tell them how you came to be here? Why you can't cross?" Gemma says. That's obvious. She can't cross because she wants to stay with me forever. She loves me.
"Oh Gemma, really." Pippa and the factory girls laugh, but for some reason, I can't so the same.
"She asked me to help her cross the river, but she couldn't go on. Because she stayed too long here. Because she ate the berries," Gemma says, knocking over a chalice filled with the ripe fruit. The vines swallow them up, like how this new secret with swallow us all up.
"You meant to cross? Without telling me?" I say, softly, feeling tears well up. She was going to LEAVE? She was going to go away?
Pippa won't look at me, not at all. I find I'm praying to a God I don't even believe in to just let her look at me, with violet eyes, for one second.
Instead she looks at Gemma, with eyes that go from bluish white to violet and back again.
'What does it matter now? For I was saved fro a higher purpose," Pippa says, looking like a tyrant queen on her throne, grown too powerful for her own good. A queen who's just realized the extent of her power.
"Where's Wendy?" Gemma asks, looking around. Funny. I'd been wondering the same thing but for some reason I was hesitant to ask.
"She ran away," Pippa says coldly, but I see her eyes flask back to violet for one second before going back to that bluish white color.
"Will you tell me she bit through her cage too?" Gemma says defiantly. What is she suggesting?
Pippa just shrugs. 'If it will amuse you."
What happened to Wendy? What happened to Wendy? Dear God, what is happening to Pippa?
Pippa just puts her hands on her hips, looking down her pretty nose at Gemma. "Or what?"
I have to know. Even though I don't want to, even though my heart would give anything not to know, I have to know. "Pippa, stop."
"Arte you on her side now?" Pippa says angrily, and I wonder if maybe I am. What happened to Wendy? I feel as if I am being swallowed up by a great ocean.
"There are no sides. Are there?" Ann says a little fearfully. I would like to reassure her, but in a way I know there are sides. And I can't choose.
"There are now," Pippa says.
"She took Wendy to the Wonderlands," Mercy confides in a rush.
Bessie springs forward, hits Mercy heard across her mouth. Mercy falls to the floor.
"'At's a bloody lie, Mercy Paxton. Take it back!"
"No one likes a traitor, Mercy," Pippa admonishes.
The castle walls groan around us.
"Pippa, what have you done?" Gemma gasps, asking the question I am too afraid to ask. Philon was right. I did not have courage when it mattered most.
"What you wouldn't. Poor Gemma, always so afraid or her own power. Well, not me."
"Pip you didn't make a bargain with those creatures."
"What if I did?"
I shake my head wildly, trying to think straight. She couldn't have. "You didn't."
Pippa strokes my face so lovingly. Her touch burns. "It was such a small thing they asked. A sacrifice no one would miss. I offered that silly bunny-that's all. You see what we've been given in return!" My stomach lurches as she flings her arms wide to show off her ruins.
"Tell me that you didn't take her to the Winterlands, that I'm wrong for thinking it," Gemma begs, and I want to beg Pippa too, but my mouth won't open. I can't breathe.
"I shall tell you whatever you'd like to hear."
"Tell me the truth!"
Maybe I can't face the truth.
Pippa talks, her teeth black and blue from the berry juice. "She. Was. A. Burden."
I shall vomit; I know I shall, so I clutch my stomach. "Oh God."
"No Fee. You'll see," she begins. But what is there to see? My vision is blurred by tears.
"It's going to be so wonderful," she continues. But how can things ever again be wonderful after this?
"Shall I tell you what the tree promised? What I saw there after my sacrifice? I saw the Order's time ending and something new being born. Their days have passed. Our time is at hand."
The factory girls sit close to her, mesmerized by her looks, as I have been for so, so long. For so many years.
Even now, I can't look away from her beauty. But it's different now. She used to look like a princess, my princess. Now she looks like a savage animal that looks sweet but that you can not trust.
"I heard the voice whisper sweetly in my head: So special you are. You are chosen. I will exalt you. I am the chosen one. I am the way. To follow me, you must be as I am."
I turn her face, her lovely face, oh so gently towards me. "Pip, what are you saying?"
She pulls free and it stings. She walks over to Bessie with her chalice of berries. "Would you follow me Bessie?"
"Yes, miss," Bessie says and opens her mouth.
Pippa puts her berry on Bessie's tongue, wavering eyes on me. I spring into action and grab her, knocking the berry out of her hand. She pushes me.
I'm so angry that I push her back. Her face crumples up, and she screeches. She falls, her limbs jerking wildly. Oh God, what have I done? Why did I push her?
"Pippa! Pippa!" I scream, and I think that I might go on screaming forever.
Then the fit begins to subside, and she goes limp. She sits up and I hold her like she is a broken doll.
"Wh-what has happened?" she says softly, trying to stand. She falls.
"Shhh, it was a fit," I say softly, helping her to her alter. But she doesn't accept that.
"No. Not here. Not now."
Again Pippa offers Bessie the berry but Bessie stands away from her, with the other factory girls. They are afraid of her.
"No! I am special! Chosen! You will not leave me!"
She throws her hands out and a wall pf fire surrounds us. God, it's so hot.
Even though the other girls move even further away, Bessie moves forward, falls to her knees to the goddess that is Pippa.
"Oh, miss, you've been touched by the hand of God!"
Mae also falls to her knees, even Mercy.
"We saw it! We all did! A miracle it was. A right sign!" Bessie says passionately.
"A right sign of what?" Gemma asks.
"It was a fit. You have to tell them," I insist, holding Pippa's arm. This new power of hers scares me. What hath Pippa wrought?
"I will lead you to glory. Who will follow?"
"You must tell them the truth!"
"Don't order me about! Everyone's forever ordering me about."
I feel like she's stabbed me. In a way, she has and I let her go, because I can't hold her anymore.
"It was meant to be. It was all preordained! That it why I could not cross! How else to explain why the magic has grown in me?"
Because you made a sacrifice I want to say. Because you are evil. But no words come out.
"Pip," Gemma says.
"You had a fit," I say again, having to make her understand. But then, I don't even understand.
"It was a vision, like Gemma's!" she shouts, and I slap her, trying to put some sense back into her head.
'You'll be sorry for that."
The factory girls grab me, Ann, and Gemma, twisting our arms behind our backs until we're on our knees.
"I felt that Gemma! Don't try again!" Pippa shouts. Gemma tried to get to the magic.
We are forced outside and Pippa creates a new ring of fire.
"My whole life I've been ordered about. Now I shall give the orders," Pippa says. But I never gave her orders, and it hurts that she would lump me in with everyone else.
"Not me. I never ordered you about."
"Oh Fee," she says, and her eyes turn violet again. She pulls me up and then kisses me. It's not the first but somewhere deep down, I know it is the last. So I wind my fingers into her hand, and kiss her deeply. But all I can see is Wendy's face, so I pull back.
Pippa grabs my arm. 'Why do you always go? You are always leaving me."
"I'm not." But I am, I have to. I just can't admit it to her, because I've loved her for so long.
"Don't you see? Here we can be free to do as we wish."
"But I cannot stay,"
"Yes you can. You know how."
I might have before, but this is not Pippa. I know in my heart that Pippa has been gone for a long time. I just couldn't admit it.
"I can't. Not that way."
"You said you loved me. Why will you not eat the berries and stay with me?"
"I do. But-"
"You do what. Why will you not say it?"
Because how can I love someone who sacrifices a child's soul for power? I do love her. But I can't admit that.
"I…do," I say, and the words choke me.
She drops my arm and begins to cry. "The time has come to make choice Fee. Either you are with me or against me."
She holds out the berry and I stare at it, stare at my choice. If I stay, will I become evil like her? I want to be with Pippa-not this monster, not even a creature that is sometimes Pippa, and sometimes something else.
I just don't answer and Pippa begins to cry again.
"Let them go. We do not need unbelievers in our midst. Go on then. Leave!"
Gemma takes my arm and half drags me through the opening in the flame wall.
I hear her voice singing after me. "Oh, I've a love, a true, true love, and my true love lies waiting…"
The whole way back through the door and into Spence I say nothing until I get to them room, the room where Pippa and I once talked, laughed, kissed.
Hours pass. I keep thinking that I will never feel this way again, that I wish I could die. I clutch onto Pippa's glove as if it will save me.
Gemma comes in. Is she ashamed of me?
"Why did you come?" I can see it in your eyes Gemma. Go on-say it. I'm a degenerate then. My affections are unnatural. Say it! Tell me what you long to say, what everyone suspects!"
"I never suspected it. Truly."
What cold comfort!
"But now you know, and you despise me." I've lost Pippa, will I now lose Gemma?
She touches my back and it hurts.
"You will love again Fee," she says, but I know I won't. No one could ever be like Pippa.
"No. No I won't. Not like this."
"Shhh…"
"Never like this."