Chapter one: colourless colour
John's P.O.V
I'm not allowed to talk in front of people, that's not my job. Mostly because I stutter when im filled with anxiety. My job is to do more of the female type of things in the church, which I don't mind, but maybe help do labor too you know? My jobs are:
Organ player.
Sunday school teacher.
Goodie giver, i.e giving away the baked goods that my father has made.
Light the votive candles.
And most importantly, take confessions when my father can't.
Church is about to end and I am playing one of the psalms listed on the board. I smile and watch my fingers dance around on the keys, hitting each one as I played each and every psalm over and over in my mind and on every instrument imaginable. I hit the last note and everyone claps, then my father hushs them with his hands and smiles.
"We gather here today to rejoice in our great lord Jesus Christ. Christmas is around the corner and we all hope you celebrate it with your loved ones, have a great Sunday, bless and be blessed."
Everyone stands up and heads to the back to get their free small cakes that father has made, it's one of his favorite Christmas specialties. I stand and stretch, standing on my tip toes and reaching for the ceiling. Sometimes I wish I could jump and touch the ceiling, but that's just silly, right?
I hop off the stairs and my father looks at me, smiling.
"Don't do that John, you'll hurt yourself."
I nod, "Sorry father."
I could see the bags under his eyes, he hasn't been getting much sleep with all the bugging from the networks and news.
A baker and a priest? A must have story!
I go over to him and place my hand on his shoulder, "Why don't you rest for a bit? I'll go take confessions."
"What about Sunday school?"
"I'll get Jade to do it, you know how she loves the kids, maybe she can find Rose too."
He smiles, he is very tired and I am worried for him.
"Oh, alright, I'll be in my study if you need me."
"You mean your man cave?"
He chuckles and ruffles my neatly combed hair, I stick my tongue out at him, I feel like a kid again as he leaves to go to his den.
My name is John Egbert and I am eighteen years old. I live with my father and I think I am asexual for the time being. I'm not really in the mood for looking for a relationship, or just it hasn't stricken me. I'm waiting for that right girl to take her hand in marriage and have little kids with, grow old and have our ashes spread over the ocean of an island of Hawaii.
Something like that.
I go find Jade who is enjoying the cake with Rose, "Hey you guys!"
They both turn, Jade is in a nice green and black dress with a green little jacket and black tights. Rose is in a lavender skirt and a white old Victorian blouse with white knee highs.
"Hello," rose says.
"Hi!" Jade says.
"Listen, I need you two to take over Sunday school for me while I go do confessions, my father is really tired and is taking a nap in his den."
"Oh, sure thing John!" Jade says.
Rose nods and I smile my normal toothy grin. I start to go to the confession room and see theres a whole line of people waiting to get their confessions taken, there always is.
I sit on the other side of the closing sliding door with a floral pattern and take in a deep breath. I hear peoples inner most thoughts and regrets and give them advice, I'm not so good, but my father is the best and has taught me everything I know.
"You may come in one at a time," I say loud enough for the first person to hear me.
The first person comes in and tells me that he wanted to run over his neighbors dog because it barks way too much.
"It doesn't know what's its doing, you should give it a second chance. Running over peoples dogs is not a pleasant thing to do, its animal cruelty and a sin. Consider it next time you think that way alright?"
A woman comes in crying because she can't have children and doesn't want to adopt.
I ask her if she likes pets.
She says yes.
"Maybe a cat? Cats have their own personality you know, but you have to look really hard to find that right one, I also hear that sometimes the cat picks you. If not try a dog, I'm sure you'll love them like you'll love a child."
A man comes in wanting to shoot himself.
I start to sob, he asks why I am crying.
"Suicide isn't the way to get anywhere in life, you have to keep living. Think of everyone around you and how they love you! Think about how they will miss you when you're gone, it might be a sin and you will go to hell. But it's your life, you have to be happy, please, don't take your own life. Think of positive things."
He thanks me and says he will think of positive things, he says I have made a difference in his life.
This goes on for an hour and most of the people are gone, I start to gather my stuff when the door opens.
"Hello?" a male voice asks.
"Hi, are you here for a confession?"
"Yes, yes I am."
I sit down, smiling even though most people cant see it, "Please sit, I'll take it."
"Thank you."
He sits and he's about my age, he's blonde and is wearing aviator shades, I find it kinda rude.
"What is your confession?" I ask politely.
He is quiet, then sighs, "I'm just going to come out and say it okay?"
"Alright, this is in all confinement."
"I like guys, and im a guy."
My eyes are wide and I want to leave.
"I like dick, cock, penis, whatever you wanna call it."
My breathing just hitched.
"And there's this guy, I know him, he doesn't know me. I'm such a fucking idiot you know? Liking him from afar, masturbating to him, he's so innocent and pure, I know he's a virgin. I'm so disgusting."
I look away, I don't know what to say.
"I want to touch him and tell him how much I like him, but I can't. He's um, in another country or something."
He wipes his eyes under his shades and I look at him, feeling a bit bad for the homosexual.
"Father I have sinned so many times and I am not worthy for the heart of an angel."