FULL MOON
Written by: Allie DeFries
1/20/09
Prologue:
I know what I am. I am a monster. That doesn't mean that I am ashamed. It just means that I'm aware.
Of course, I didn't choose this for myself. I didn't choose to be super fast. I didn't choose to only sleep once a week. I didn't ask to drink the blood of innocent animals. I didn't even ask for these beautiful vivid dreams.
My mom says that she used to have vivid dreams. She said that something really bad happened to her and daddy that put her in one very long nightmare. She didn't get over the terrible dreams until she became immortal.
My mom and I are alike in many ways besides this. We are both extremely and strongly stubborn. We are also both getting used to this immortal life. We both still have very strong human instincts. But the most important similarity is also the one phenomenon that sets us apart. We are both unconditionally and irrevocably in love with two very different men.
The major difference between us though: She chose this life. She was so in love with Edward, or should I say Daddy, that she chose him over the normal happily Ever After. For us, it is only now. We don't die, so there is never an "after" for us.
So, where does that leave me? Stuck at 18 forever? In love with a stupid wolf that could very simply start aging again?
Don't get me wrong. Jacob Black is the most amazing man I have ever laid my eyes on, but he is a werewolf. My natural enemy. My well earned rival. A life-long foe. Say it any way you want, but I find it a complete slander. It is a silly and frivolous grudge that started almost 70 years ago. GET OVER IT!
None of that matters to me. Jacob is an amazing love, and by some miracle he loves me ALMOST as much as I love him back. It's as if we were made for each other.
Mom says there is more to the story, but I would rather "live in the dark" than find out something that could separate Jake and I in the slightest.
The best part is knowing that Jacob can be human around me, and I can do the same. We have our natural human instincts. We don't have to necessarily be careful around each other either. We can be ourselves. Who better to be yourself with than your true love. Yes, I love Jacob. Most people would say that we are just normal high school sweethearts, but that has to be the farthest thing from the truth.
I am 4 years old. Let me rephrase that. I have only lived for 4 years. Don't make assumptions or conclusions just yet. I have the maturity and profile of a regular 18 year old girl. I will always have the profile of an 18 year old now. This is just one of those things I have to endure as a half-immortal. All half-immortals go through a rapid growth spurt. Jake went through one too. Mom says it was absolutely breathtaking.
She also won't tell me why she knows so much about my love. There has to be something that she is hiding from me.
They won't admit it, but I think our family will have to move soon. We have to protect ourselves from the Volturi. Like I said, I'm aware. I know who the Volturi are, except they haven't come back here for over 3 years.
What will happen to Jake if I leave? Will he come with us? Is that possible? My parents won't make me miserable, will they? Actually, if it were possible Jacob would already be a vampire. Just like me.
One more thing to keep Jacob and me in balance.
Chapter 1-Pointless
Why would I want to wake up from this one? It is one of the best my mind has thought up in a long time. The colors are so beautiful. Lots of pink. Of course I would dream in pink. It is only my favorite color in the whole entire world. Who couldn't like pink? Oh, that's right. Jacob absolutely hates pink. He finds its way to girly for a man like him. HA! I say that tough men wear pink. Oh well. This is my dream, not his.
I'm staring at all the pretty pink decorations and flowers. They cover the whole room I'm standing in. If it weren't for the smell, I wouldn't even be able to tell where I was. I'm at grandma and grandpa's living room. I know this because it smells like vampire and werewolf. (This is the only place that werewolves and vampires are ever together. None of my family goes down to LaPush like me. They are still a little cautious of the werewolves. Their trust is strong, but they find it unnecessary to take chances. I guess it isn't a big deal, but it makes the wolves feel degraded.
The flowers are beautiful. Auntie Alice always knows how to decorate. This is my happy place. My idea of heaven in a way.
Then, I notice my whole family, including Jake, is behind me, watching me soak in the room. They are all just staring at me. Why am I the center of attention here? What's the occasion?
Just then, I notice the sign above my family's heads. The sign that is always sure to put me in a bad mood. I hate attention. Everyone knows that. Why are they doing this to me? I decided to close my eyes to escape the terrible nightmare. My dreams are supposed to be happy.
Then, I hear a horrid screeching noise coming from somewhere in the room. Where is it though? It is sending chills up my spine. As soon as I feel my body shiver, I know I'm awake.
I decided that I might as well open my eyelids. After all, I need to stop the nasty noise. At first, all see is shadows, but his face soon cleared through the shadows. The only face I wanted to see. The most beautiful person in the world was standing outside the window that was in front of the foot of my bed.
It hit me. How can my dad not hear his thoughts? I ran to the window a little too fast, so the blood rushed to my head and I got dizzy. I tripped and fell. My dad is sure to wake up now. The quiet laugh reminded me why I was in a hurry in the first place. I got up and pushed the window open so I could finally get a good look at my true love.
I must have forgotten how gorgeous he is because my heart fluttered like a hummingbird. I just stood there and stared at his beautiful body. His shirt is off, obviously for the convenience all werewolves need. His skin is almost sparkling like a vampire from the moonlight. Only Jacob can be this beautiful.
Then, I noticed his dark hair. He got a haircut. The smooth luscious locks were short again. I like the shaggy look on him, but this is easier for him as a wolf. I don't' mind.
"Hey there beautiful. Are you ok?"
When he calls me beautiful, I can't help but break the moment with a giggle. He knows how to make me happy.
"Hello. Wait what? I forgot what he asked me.
"You fell sweetheart."
"Oh. Yes. Right. I'm fine." I said, clearing my head. "How has my dad not heard your thoughts yet? What if he catches you? You could get hurt. What if-"
He suddenly jumped up onto the window ledge and kissed me very earnestly, cutting off my loose thoughts that became word vomit. We don't have to be careful with each other...most of the time. His lips let go of mine to let me breath, but they never left my skin. He slowly kissed my jaw while I gasped for air.
"Happy birthday to me." I couldn't help but laugh again.
"Yes, it is. And how is your big day?" he asked as he moved his lips to the nape of my neck.
"Well actually, it's not over yet. Would you like to join me from the remainder of it?" He let his lips pull away from my skin. That reminds me that my parents are still around. "Crap. My parents will hear us."
"You silly girl." He pauses. He must be waiting for it to click in my head, but nothing is coming. "They are out hunting." he tells with sarcasm in his voice. He keeps going once he realizes that I truly had no idea. "They won't be back until morning."
How does he know this? He must see the question on my face because I see that he is now filled with chagrin. He goes on, "Your mother tipped me off yesterday afternoon. They were going to bring you, but your father wanted you to sleep."
"Wait a minute. Are you saying that my mom wants you here, but she doesn't want Dad to know? What if Dad comes by and hears your thoughts. You could-" His warm dark hand was suddenly over my mouth.
"You ask too many questions." His lips found mine again. I love the way our lips move together. It allows me to forget about everything but him. I leaned into the kiss. Actually, I leaned in a little too hard. Jacob fell off of the window ledge.
"Ooops. I'm sorry Jakey." I could feel the blood rush to my face. It burned my ears.
He just laughed, showing all of his white teeth as he pulled himself out of the snow. "It's ok. You're just stronger than me. That's all. I should have been more careful." Only Jake could be pushed around by a female vampire and smile about it. Only Jake could blame himself for some stupid thing a vampire did. I might have been mad at him for apologizing if it wouldn't have ruined the moment.
He pulled his arms up and crossed them over his chest. Jakey doesn't get cold, but he is just used to making dumb human actions. After all, if a human saw him walk around without a shirt in -20 degree weather, they might be suspicious.
Vampires must do this too. They tend to sit too still for too long. They have to purposely fidget.
"So are you gonna let me in or would you like to join me out here in the snow?"
"Well, some of us actually do get cold in the snow." We both laughed.
He climbed into the window looking a little cautious. Did I make him nervous from my mistake earlier? I was probably making something out of nothing. By the time he was through the window, I was laying in the middle of my huge queen-sized bed. The bed was pretty high off the ground. The bed posts are made of wrought iron in the shape of roses and vines. It's so beautiful. My parents moved it here from grandma's house when I outgrew my crib. I only got a chance to sleep in my crib for 3 months. I grew pretty fast.
"Took you long enough slow poke."
"I had to be careful not to fall out of the window again." he laughed half-heartedly. He must have seen the sadness and embarrassment on my face because he rushed over to my bedside. "I'm sorry sweetheart. I didn't mean it like that. I was only kidding Ness. I just have to remind myself that I must be careful with you."
He tried to pull my hands off of my knees that I pulled up to must chest when I reacted to his comment. "Please forgive me. You don't understand how bad it hurts when you are angry with me. It breaks my heart."
How could I possibly be angry with him when he was so good to me? I laid my head on my knees, but I tilted my head so I could lock my eyes to his. I could usually read his eyes like a book, but when I looked this time, all I could see was love. I couldn't even find the chagrin that covered the rest of his face. He looked sad, maybe even tired. He didn't look the Jakey I always see. He looked like a different person.
"I love you. Truly I do."
"You compare a small tree to a forest." I always heard dad say that to mom. It seemed like a pretty good time to use that sly line.
He smiled at my remark and climbed onto the commodious bed. He pulled me into his toasty warm chest. All of my muscles loosened, and I laid my head on his shoulder. I know that I smell bad to him. I don't smell as bad as Dad, or even mom, but I also know that that is just a small issue compared to his physical and emotional attraction to me.
My physical attraction to him was probably a little more though. How could he like someone so plain? I know I look normal. I may even look boring. My long, brown curly hair just laid there like a dead thing on my head. My small, insipid body was nothing to be excited about. I had no curves at all.
These are the times that I wish I could look more like my parents. Not a lot of people could admit it, but my parents are pretty good looking.
We just lay in my bed in silence for a while. It was pleasant. He must have been wanting me to go back to sleep. How could I possibly sleep when he was here with me?
"What time is it?" I sighed.
"It's 3:00. Do you need me to leave?"
"No! Please don't leave me!" I almost choked on the words.
He laughed the way that makes my heart skip a beat. He must have noticed it because he laughed a little more.
"I wasn't planning on it." He laughed some more. I glad I amuse him. "I just think that you should get some sleep. Your dad might be suspicious if you have dark circles under your eyes tomorrow morning. That would ruin your pretty birthday pictures."
"I don't want to sleep. We never have time like this. Please don't leave me now."
"I won't. Don't worry sweetheart. I'm right here." He laughed to himself. "I have worked too hard to earn your father's trust to leave you now."
"I didn't mean it like that."
"I know, but I want to make sure that you know I'm never going to leave you. In either sense. As long as your heart is still beating, I will be here."
"Are you talking about death? If I died?!" I almost squealed. "Don't even mention that. But if something were to happen, you couldn't abandon my family. They all love you. They all do. Even Rosalie."
"Darling, I don't think I could bare it here. There would be too much mourning. I couldn't even face my pack. I would probably just leave and run again. It worked pretty well last time."
"Don't you dare!" I actually did squeal this time. "I'm not going to let you life be ruined. What if the situation were reversed. Would you want me to just run away from it all?"
He looked at the ceiling for what seemed like an hour. "Ok, I see your point. But still, what will I do without you? I need you to be happy. I was literally miserable before you came along."
"Look, I don't want to talk about this right now. Nobody likes a 'Debbie Downer' anyway." I laughed at my own joke.
"Ok, so what would you like to talk about, birthday girl?" he asked. He kissed my hair while I tried to think of an answer. I loved that he was here. I felt so stupid for being mad at him earlier. I was just wasting valuable time.
"How can you stand being so close to me? I know I smell bad to you."
"Your smell is fading to me. I barely even notice it anymore. I'm simply getting used to you."
"That's a good thing, isn't it?"
"Absolutely! Actually, it makes it a lot easier to do things like this." He put his index finger under my chin. It was so warm. It felt so good. He pulled my face up to his.
The kiss started out slow, but it started to build with more eagerness. He put his other hand on my waist. I pulled both of my hands into his dark black hair so I could put more force into the kiss. He must have felt my eagerness because he pulled me on top of him with the arm that was around my waist. This moment was so perfect. He was so strong. I could feel the muscles in his arm tighten around my waist. It felt natural to me. It was like I needed him around to feel comfortable lately.
Then, out of the blue, I heard the noise that usually makes me feel relieved or happy at least. I like hearing the front door creak open slowly. It usually means my parents are home from hunting or their "human lives". I didn't want them here now. I pulled my lips away from his and pushed my hands on his chest to push myself up. My eyes shot to the door. I never wanted to move an inch from where I was.
As a matter of fact, I felt paralyzed. I was frozen. What should I do? Should I whisper to Jake to tell him to leave? Of course I couldn't do that. My dad would hear me. I was so stupid. I should have been listening for my parents to come home. Daddy was sure to hear Jacob's thoughts already. We were doomed.
I decided to move my eyes from the door to Jake's face. His eyes were tightly shut. I could tell he was trying not to think. He was quick on his feet, but only hypothetically. He didn't want to move either.
His eyes shot open. "Go get the door, honey. Let your dad think your alone." he whispered into my ear. Just then, I heard the knock at the door.
I got up and ran to the door. When I opened it, the only person who was standing there was my mom.
"Hey Mom. Did you need something?" I asked as if I was oblivious to what was going on.
Her eyes were immediately searching the whole room. When she came up short, she lowered her heard as if she were disappointed.
"Are you looking for something?" There was tension in my voice. I could feel it move up my throat and spit out of my mouth.
She went on glumly, "I just thought I heard...was there...who was..?"
"Spit it out Mom." I had to stop her from confusing herself. "What are you looking for?"
She was suddenly flooded with embarrassment. "I told Jake to come keep you company. I thought he would like to take advantage of this time with you. I was just coming in to say hi, but I guess he didn't show up."
I quickly turned away from her to search the room. Where did he go? Was he hiding? Or did he leave?
The sound of muffled laughs came from the other side of the bed.
"Oh!" My mother's quick smile reminded me that it was her idea that he was here. "Hey Jake. How are you?"
His head popped up on the other side of the bed. His big smile mirrored my mom's. "Hey Bells. Sorry, I thought you were Edward. Better safe than sorry, right?"
"It's ok. You're very brave though. If he comes, you should probably run away."
How could my mom say that? Jakey promised he wouldn't leave me. I was just going to have to look over that little comment.
Jake went on, "You're probably right. I wasn't expecting either one of you to return so early though. You said you weren't coming back until the sun was up."
She laughed at something that Jake and I weren't aware of. "I'm so full. I found a bunch of big deer just on the outskirts of town. Edward was craving mountain lion, so he headed for the mountains and I stayed behind."
"Mom, you've never gone hunting without daddy. He won't let you hunt by yourself."
"Why would you say that sweetie?"
"I guess you could say I'm aware. Remember that time last year when you went hunting with Auntie Alice and Grandma?"
Mom sighed and nodded slowly.
I went on. "Dad nearly lost his mind. The whole time you were gone he just sat on the couch as still as a statue. He was sick with worry. Ever since then, he insists on going with you. As a matter of fact, he won't even let you out of his sight most of the time. That's why I'm a little suspicious now. Where is he really at?"
Mom walked over to sit on the bed in defeat. She knew I was right. Jacob got up onto the bed too, but he hopped up and laid down, taking up most of the bed. Mom was speechless for a while.
"So, how did you get so smart? You must have gotten it from your dad. I was never that bright." She laughed at her own flaw.
"Mom, can you please just tell me. Is something wrong? Should I be worried?"
My mom sighed again. "You think too much, you know that?" Jacob sighed in agreement. "Nothing is wrong. There is nothing to worry about. Your dad is simply...planning something with your grandfather."
The thoughts running through my head instantly shot one of them to the front of all the others. "The Volturi are back! They are, aren't they? Oh no! What do we do? Jacob can't be here!"
Jacob started laughing hysterically. I shot him an evil glare and he stopped immediately. My mom was trying to hold back a smile, but it overtook her face.
"Darling, the Volturi are not here. They are never coming back, either. They have no reason to."
"Then, what the heck is going on here!" I shouted the words. I was so aggravated.
"Hey, lower your voice young lady! You know better than that."
"Sorry, mom. I just get so frustrated when I can't figure something out."
Jake was the one to reply. "Ren, it's really nothing to worry about. I promise."
"If it's nothing to worry about then why are you both-"
"Your dad is making sure your present is ready." she cut me off.
"Oh. I see." I was flooded with chagrin. I didn't want to make anyone angry. I was only curious. "Was it supposed to be a surprise? I'm sorry. I can still pretend to be surprised in front of Daddy."
Mom giggled. "I'm counting on that. I hate to see your father disappointed, especially when he has been working so hard to find your present."
I hate birthdays. It is just a simple translation for "all eyes on me day". I despise too much attention. They know that. Why are they going to do this to me? As long as there is no party, I am satisfied.
Jake broke the brief silence. "So, are you going to kick me out?"
My mom got up off the bed and headed for the door. When she reached the hallway, she yelled over her shoulder, "I never saw you."
And just like that, Jake and I were alone again. I was so lucky to have a lenient mother. I guess I should say an understanding Mother. She was just like me when she was 18. She told me that Edward used to sneak into her room at night to sleep. She also told me that they never did anything bad, but I'm not sure if I'm going to buy that.
Of course, it's easy to understand how your daughter feels when there is hypothetically only 1 year difference. Mom changed when she was 19. The same day I was born.
"Jake, do you think it's weird that my mom is only 1 year older than me?"
"Well that's a silly assumption. You guys have a 15 year difference. You are technically only 4 years old."
"Yeah, but Jake, I don't look 4. That's not normal."
He didn't answer right away. He was lying down, but he pulled himself up to lean against the headboard. He pulled me into his warm chest. "Sweetheart, there is nothing normal about any of this. We live in such a backward world."
"And you're okay with that?"
"Ren, any world with you is MORE than okay with me." He pulled my hand up to his face and kissed the top of it very softly. "I love you so much. Don't ever forget that."
"I love you too. Don't forget that either."
"How could I forget something like that? How did I get so lucky to have a girl that loves me almost as much as I love him?"
"I think you have it backward. You have no idea how much time I spend wondering why you love me."
Jake laughed at how ironic I sounded. "Sweetheart. I love you more than you could ever understand. You want to hear a secret?"
"Yes. Is it about you?"
"Well yes, but you must promise not to get mad. You know my choice to this life, so this secret is actually irrelevant."
"Jake, I promise. Please just tell me."
"Ok. How do I start this?" He thought for a moment and went on. "I fell in love with a girl a few years ago. It was before you were born. It was actually before I became a werewolf. I remember it so well. For our sake, let's call this girl...Marie."
"How did you two meet?"
"Actually, we met when we were only 4 years old. Ironic isn't it? We made mud pies when we were little."
"That's cute, but I'm confused. When did you fall in love?"
"I'm getting to that. Be patient. Well, I never noticed how pretty she was until she came back to town when she was 17. She grew up so much. We hit it off right away. We were best friends. There was only one issue. She was in love with someone else, too."
"Oh, I'm sorry Jake. Well, sort of. I'm glad you're with me now, but that must have been hard."
He kissed my hair. "It was hard. In my mind, I was like the sun and the air. I was good for her, natural. The other guy was like her drug. Her own personal brand of heroin."
"So, why didn't she choose you? You were healthier for her."
Jake thought about it for a bit. "I think that if I would have had more time with her, she would have chosen me. The problem is once you take in a drug, you can't stop. It was too late for me. I never had a chance when he was around."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Well, it was one of the worst things I have ever seen anyone go through. He left her. He thought he was making her safe by leaving her. It was just the opposite. She stopped living completely. The only thing that really kept her going was me. I become her personal sun again."
"I thought you said that he came back again."
He looked up at the ceiling again. "Yeah. He came back." He lay there, unmoving, for what seemed like an hour. "She almost lost her life for him, too. I hated having to sit on the sidelines wondering what was going to happen to US. Were we going to be happy together, or was he going to choose him?" He paused again. "Well, you know the rest to that story." He shrugged it off as if it didn't even matter.
"So have you seen her since then?"
He looked back down at my face and smiled. "Oh, I see her from time to time."
I struggled to ask, but I was too curious to blow it off. "Are they still together?"
He laughed obviously at his own inside joke. "Yes they are. They are very happy together. We both ended up with the perfect destiny. I get you, and she gets him." He leaned down and kissed my forehead.
We sat in silence for a while. I was thinking about the story. He was really in love with this other girl. Was I ever going to have the privilege of meeting her? Did he still love her? I couldn't help but ask.
"So, this girl. Do you still...well you know...have feelings for her?"
He looked at me bewildered. "How could you ask something like that? Of course, you have to know the answer to that."
I looked down at my hands. I was fiddling with my fingers, a human reaction that means I don't know the answer. He noticed.
He pulled me onto his lap. "Yes, I still love her. But, I don't love her the way I used to. She is just a friend to me now. We both found someone to love more than we could have ever dreamed of loving each other."
I could hear the smile in his voice. I had to look up to see it. And, to my right assumption my face was inches away from his big bright smile. He looked like he was only 16 when he smiled. His smile brought out his youth. He looked into my eyes. Again, all I could see was love in his eyes.
"I love you too."
He leaned down and gave me a quick kiss. He pulled away too soon.
"Hey, I wasn't done with you yet." He giggled at my little comment. Never-the-less, he leaned down to kiss me some more. His lips were so warm. It was like putting like face up by a fire. I loved it. I had to pull myself away to get a breath. I couldn't hold my breath as long as my parents. That is just one of the things that stink only being half immortal.
While I kissed my love, I thought about something that he told me earlier. Aside from the story, one word stuck out more than the rest. Destiny. That was a strong word. I knew that Jacob was more than just a boyfriend, but the word destiny caught me off guard.
The definition of destiny is a resistless power conceived as of determining the future. That means that we were meant to be with each other from the very beginning. Fate. Was there more to our love? Is there something that I don't know?
"Jake?"
"Ness?"
I laughed at how silly that sounded. "I was just curious. When you said that I was your destiny, what exactly did you mean by that?"
"I meant exactly that. YOU are my destiny. We were meant to be with each other. Forever. This is how God wanted it to be."
"That is preposterous, Jakey. God didn't make us. He didn't expect us to be here at all. We keep messing with fate. I shouldn't even exist. My mom should have fallen in love with a human guy, but now, that human guy is out there lost. He may never fall in love and get married. That's horrible to think about."
"I don't mean to make this worse, but that is why most vampires marry within their species."
I looked at him with anger running through my whole body. "Well, you did make it worse. Thanks a lot Jake. My dad loved her. THEY were meant to be together. You can just see it. Mom was meant to be a vampire her whole life."
"What do you mean THEY are meant to be together? Are you saying that we aren't supposed to be?"
"Ugh. No, that's not what I mean!" I got even angrier at his dumb assumption.
"Then, what did you mean Renesmee because I'm real curious." he asked very sarcastically.
I rolled away from him and buried my face in my pink, fluffy pillow. It muffled my words. "I don't know what I meant. I'm just frustrated." I started to feel the waterworks on, so I tried to hold them back. "I feel like I'm living a lie."
I felt him roll over toward me. He rubbed his warm fingers against my cheek. "Sweetheart, are you crying. You know I didn't mean it. I love you sweetheart. I think we were meant to be together regardless of our background. I wish you could feel the same."
"I do. I do. I'm just so confused. I love you, but am I supposed to?" My words came out muffled.
He pulled himself closer to me and put his lips to my ear. "I think it's too late to worry about if we SHOULD be together or not."
I knew he was right. Any life without Jake now just didn't seem worth living. I didn't know what to say to him. I just kept hiding my face in my pillow while he kissed my hair. Finally, I turned to put my face in his chest. I was still crying, but he wasn't about to stop me.
I felt stupid, crying over something so ridiculous. I couldn't even breathe right between the hysteric sobs. I knew he didn't mind though. He just kept his arm over my waist while our bodies faced each other on my big bed.
A sudden subdued laughed caught me off guard. "These are the moments that I wish I wore a shirt for you. My skin doesn't soak up tears very well."
I couldn't hold back my laugh. "Sorry."
"It's not your fault, honey. I understand." I turned so I could sit up. I started looking around the room.
"Are you ok? What are you looking for babe?"
"I'm getting some Kleenex. If you're staying the night, I don't want to lay my head on your wet chest."
His arm was still around my waist, but I pulled it off and headed for the door.
I walked through the hallway to the living room. I wasn't in any hurry to find Kleenex. I hated it when Jake saw me like this.
I spotted the Kleenex on the coffee table. It was a brand new box. Since I was the only one living in the house that still had bodily fluids, we rarely had to buy any.
I remembered last year, when I got a cold. It messed with my vivid memories. They got all hazy. It was aggravating, and my nose ran like a faucet. My mom had to show me how to use a Kleenex.
As I slowly walked back to my room, I noticed that I was almost done crying. My breathing was back to normal at least. When, I reached my room, I noticed that Jacob had turned my bed lamp on.
I peeked my head in the doorway before I walked in. He was sitting up on the bed again. He was reading my book. My mom gave it to me. She said that it would keep intact with my human instincts.
"Why are you reading Wuthering Heights?" I caught him off guard. The book flew out of his hand onto the floor.
"Geez. You scared me."
"Sorry." I said as I picked the book up off the floor by me.
"I was just curious. I'm interested in anything that fascinates you."
"My mom gave it to me. She said it would 'keep me in tune with my human instincts'." I said in a mocking voice.
"Hey, I heard that." my mother shouted from her room.
Jake was startled. He jumped up so high that he almost fell off the bed.
I laughed at his spasm. "Sorry, Mom." I crawled back onto the bed. I didn't need to get under the covers. Jake would keep me plenty warm. I handed him the book.
"So why is the page dog-eared? Did you find this part intriguing?"
"Actually, my mom just gave me the book like that. I think that she did it."
"Well, personally, I don't find anything good in this page."
"Let me take a look. I haven't read it in a while." I read the dog-eared page to myself.
And there you see the distinction between our
feelings: had he been in my place and I in his,
though I hated him with a hatred that turned
my life to gall, I never would have raised a hand
against him. You may look incredulous, if you
please! I never would have banished him from
her society as long as she desired his. The
moment her regard ceased, I would have torn
his heart out, and drank his blood! But, till then
-if you don't believe me, you don't know me -
till then, I would have died by inches before I
touched a single hair of his head.
Three words caught my eye right away. Drank his blood. Heathcliff had such an interesting way of thinking. It always intrigued me. It obviously intrigued my mother too. I made a mental note to ask my mom why she dog-eared this page. It couldn't be a simple coincidence that this page talked about drinking blood.
"So, did you find anything?" Jacob cut off my running thoughts.
"Jake. What three words do think caught my mother's eyes? Just take a look."
He quickly looked over the page again while I watched his eyes. I could see them move from left to right very quickly. Then, his eyes stopped on what seemed like the right part.
"Drank his blood." he repeated. "How do you notice stuff like that?"
"I guess you could say I'm just aware. I think my mom dog-eared the page before she was immortal. I think she was worried about becoming a vampire. She didn't want to become a monster, too."
"Ness, there isn't much of a difference between a vampire and a monster."
"Oh yeah! There's not much difference between a werewolf and a jerk either!" I fired back.
He looked down at the pink and gold bedding without answering. I laid my head on his shoulder.
"Why do we always fight like this?"
"I know. We are like an old married couple."
I looked up at his face. "Married? Be serious, Jake. This isn't healthy. We can't always fight like this. It's wrong."
He kept his eyes on the bedding. "I am being serious. We sound like any other couple in America."
"Well I don't want to be like any other couple. We are different. You can't exactly compare us to other couples."
He finally looked at my confused expression. His face mirrored mine. "You're right. I'm sorry. I just don't think before I open my mouth. It's a flaw of mine. It has always been sort of an issue for me."
Flaw. My mind immediately traced over Romeo and Juliet. Romeo was the tragic hero. His flaw eventually cost him his life. I couldn't even begin to comprehend what Jacob said. He had his own flaws. Would his flaw cause his own death?
No. Of course it wouldn't. Romeo was then. This is now. Life is different. Our life isn't run by the thoughts of Shakespeare.
"I'm sorry." He looked down at the bedding once again when I wouldn't reply.
"I forgive you. Just stop apologizing. Besides, it's my fault just as much as it is yours." I grabbed his hand that closest to mine. He didn't object to it.
"I will work on it. I just want you to be happy. I am going to think before I speak." he promised.
I smiled at him. "And I will do whatever I can to help out."
He laughed my favorite laugh. "Ok deal." He kissed the top of my hand that was interlaced with his.
We laid in silence again, until he decided to ask me a question. "So, did you have any good dreams lately?"
"Actually, I was having a really good one until I heard this really high pitched noise outside my window." I looked up at him and laughed. He laughed too.
"Oh yeah, sorry about that."
"Stop apologizing! Now do you want to hear about the dream or not?"
"I would love to hear about it, sweetheart." While I started to talk, Jake pulled both of us down onto the bed so that his head was on the pillow.
"There isn't much to it. I was at Grandma and Grandpa's house. There was pink everywhere, and the flowers were gorgeous. I think it was my birthday because there was a sign and everyone was staring at me. Come to think of it, the dream turned into sort of a nightmare towards the end."
He looked over at the window as if trying to replay the whole evening. "Why do you hate attention so much? You and your mother are so much alike."
"I hate when all eyes are on me. It makes me uncomfortable, and I usually do something spastic to embarrass myself."
He smiled in agreement. "Speaking of birthdays, what are your plans for today?" he asked with a smooth subject change.
"Spending most of the day with you, duh! What else would I do?"
"Well, I was just thinking that you should spend some time with your family too. I know that you barely spend time with them."
"That's not true. I spend almost every night with them. "I spend days with you, and 6 nights a week with them." I thought through the times knowing that I sleep once a week.
"Sweetheart, I'm not sure if that is enough time. How much do you really know about your family?"
"I know a lot."
"Ok. So what's your mother's favorite color?"
"That's easy. Blue."
He looked at me disappointed. "No. It's red."
"How do you know so much about my mom?"
"I guess you could say I'm aware." he said slyly using my line from earlier this evening.
"That's irrelovent. My mother's favorite color can change at any time."
"Ok. How about this one. What is your dad's favorite thing to do? Besides making your mother happy?" he said rolling his eyes.
"I don't know. Driving fast? What does this have to do with anything?"
"That's not it. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own. I'll spend some time with you tomorrow, but you need to spend some time with your family too. They don't get to celebrate birthdays too often."
I looked at him through eyes of anger. I finally closed my eyes in defeat. "Whatever. If it makes you happy."
"Thank you, sweetie."
"Sure. But, I do want to spend time with you tomorrow."
"I'm planning on it."
"Ok. Good." I said as I snuggled closer into his chest. I was getting comfortable. I didn't want to move. Of course, something had to happen to ruin the moment.
I could hear the wind behind my mom as she ran through the house. The wind stopped right in front of my bedroom door.
"Darling?"
"Yeah, Mom?"
"Sorry, but your Dad just called. He is on his way home."
That was Jake's cue to leave. I didn't want him to leave, but I would rather see him in one piece later today then in 100 pieces.
Jake replied. "Thanks, Bells." He jumped out of the bed in one swift move. Turning to face me he said, "I'll see you later today. I promise."
"You better." I leaned in his direction, waiting for a kiss. He knew what I was implying. But instead of kissing me on lips, he kissed me on the forehead. "Well, that was hardly a good night kiss." I said a little sad.
"Think of it as a promise that I will see you later today." he stood up tall and proud at his idea.
"Fine." I sighed in defeat. "I love you."
"I love you too, Ness. You should probably get some sleep. You have a lot to learn from your family tomorrow."
And just like that, he was left through the window. The same way he came. I laid my head back on my pillow. I was really tired. I only got a few hours before Jakey came. And, it takes a lot of energy to fight with him.
I was almost asleep when I heard her soft voice. "Darling? Are you awake?"
"Yes."
"Did everything go ok? I heard a little anger in your voice a few times."
"Oh, it's nothing. Just Jake being Jake."
She looked apologetic standing in the doorway.
"Mom, do you need to talk about something?"
"It's nothing, really. Just remind me to tell you a story about Jake sometime in the future. I'm not sure if now is a good time."
I was so curious about this story. What could it be? Would it explain why they knew so much about each other? I wasn't going to argue with my mother, so I just nodded in agreement.
The front door opened at the same time. Mom turned around, and headed for the door.
"Wait, Mom."
"Yes?"
"Bella, love?" Dad's charming voice rang through the house.
"I'll be right there." Mom replied. "What is it Ness?"
"I was just curious. What is your favorite color?"
Mom looked at me with confusion. "It's red. What brought this up?"
"I don't know. It's no big deal. Night, Mom."
"Night darling. Get some sleep. You have a big day tomorrow.
And she was gone. Jake was right. I need to get to know my family. Maybe I should sleep first, though. I started to doze off to sleep. The last thing I heard was my father say, "It's all set". Just like that, I was dreaming in pink, again.
Chapter 2-
I woke up as soon as the sun was up. I usually get to sleep in, but the sun shone through my window and woke me up. Jake must have forgotten to shut my blinds when he left last night. I lay in bed, trying to replay the whole previous night. There was a lot to take in. I actually dreamed so of it.
I dreamed in my mother's favorite color. I even saw my dad and me racing in 2 different cars on the interstate. I was in my mother's old car, her Mercedes guardian. Dad was driving his new Black and silver Bugatti Veyron. I think that he should trade my car in for something more exciting, but I know that he worries about my safety. I can still get injured in an accident, unlike the rest of my vampire family.
I know a lot about cars. Aunt Rose and I spend a lot of time in the garage. Rose is my best friend in a way. She took good care of me when I was young. She still does.
Rosalie is the one that convinced my mom to get the SSC Ultimate Aero. It is the fastest car in the world. Mom lets me drive it once in a while, but Dad doesn't approve.
I guess I couldn't afford to waste anymore time. If I was going to learn more about my family AND spend time with Jake, I was going to have to get started soon.
I crawled out of bed slowly. I blood rushed to my head, so I couldn't see right away. I stood there by my bed for a second and then headed for the closet. Since I am have-immortal, I don't have to shower or a wear makeup. There was no need for it. I never smelled bad or anything.
I reached for the closet door and opened it. My closet was bigger than my room, just like my parents'. Alice and Esme designed our house, so there is no surprise there.
Today was my birthday. I had to dress like I was happy. I didn't want to disappoint Alice.
I looked around for a cute cocktail dress. I found a cute pink one. It had an extra full skirt. Very girly. The halter top was perfect to show off my locket form Mom. I added a pair of strappy high-heels. Might as well go all out.
I curled my hair while I was at it. My hair was naturally curly, but I might as well spend this time doing something. I didn't want my mind to wonder. Who knows what bad things I could think up on my birthday?
I just finished curling my last strand of hair, when there was a knock on my bathroom door.
"Ness? You in there?" my dad's voice sounded just as I remembered it last night.
"Yes, Dad." I'm almost done."
"Ok, sweetie. We are heading to Grandma's in a little bit."
I opened the door and walked out. "I figured we would."
"Ness, you look so pretty. I'm glad you dressed up. Aunt Alice will be thrilled."
"I know. I figured I might as well make this day as painless as possible."
He smiled at me. "You sound just like your mother." I know I did. "Actually, when she finds something to wear, we will head over there."
"Ok. I'm going to go see if she needs any help."
He looked at me suspiciously. "She will love that."
I headed for their room at the end of the hall. Their room was so boring. It was bright, but never-the-less, boring. Everything was white. It sort of looked like a beach resort. The sound of unintelligible whispers came from their closet. I walked in to find my mother holding two dresses and wearing one.
"I like the red one." I pointed to the red halter dress in her right hand.
She jumped. She should have heard me walk in, but she must have been in deep concentration. She turned her whole body to face me. "Geez, you scared me. You like the red one, really?"
"Yes. It reminds me of you. The others ones don't really have much personality."
"Thank you, darling." He swiftly kissed me on the cheek and got into the dress I picked out. She grabbed my hand, and we headed for the living room with super fast speed.
Dad was waiting for us in a white button-up shirt and khakis. Not many people should say this, but my dad is very good-looking. My parents looked beautiful.
Dad picked up Mom and kissed her for a little longer than a peck. I wasn't going to stop them though. I thought my parents love was beautiful. They gave up so much for each other. They deserved to do things like this anytime they wanted.
Dad finally pulled away from Mom. "Ah, the two most beautiful girls in the world are standing in front of me. How could I be so lucky?" I wasn't sure if Dad was looking for brownie points, or not. Either way, he stumbled upon them. Mom leaned in and kissed him once more.
This time, I decided to cut them off. "Hey, not to ruin the moment, but I don't have all day. I still want to hang out with Jake tonight."
I didn't think I said anything funny, but my parents laughed at whatever I said.
"Alright, let's get going then." my dad said once he was done laughing.
And, we were off. We flew through the woods so fast. Like every other vampire, or werewolves for that matter, my favorite part is the speed. It is the best feeling to have your hair blow in the wind.
I'm not the fastest runner of all of us. I could beat most of my family usually, but I don't stand a chance against my dad. My dad is the fastest of all of us. I was the farthest jumper, though. I jumped over the river first, and I landed closest to the house.
We reached the back of Grandma's house in a matter of 2 minutes. I waited for my parents to walk in. I opened the sliding door and walked through.
I've seen this before. The pink decorations covered the whole living room. The flower scent overtook the whole house. It was getting worse and worse with every small turn I took. Then, I saw the sign hanging up in the doorway to the kitchen. It was the same sign in my dream. It read "Happy Birthday Nessie". My pink birthday cake was sitting on the table in the dining room along with pink-wrapped presents.
This was horrible. Everyone knows I hate surprises and attention. To endure them both at the same time was the worst feeling ever.
"Surprise!" everyone yelled as the jumped out from behind different pieces of furniture. Everyone was there. Rosalie, Emmett, Esme, Carlisle, Jacob, Seth, Embry, Leah, and Quil. Jasper was there too. He was supposed to be with Alice. They were supposed to be on their fifth honeymoon. Or maybe it was their sixth. It is hard to keep track. Why would you come back home for something this worthless. At least Alice had some sense.
"Oh, no." I managed to gasp out between deep breaths.
Jake came over and put his arms around me. He whispered into my ear so that I was the only one to hear him. "Take a deep breath. It is going to be ok." I did what he said, but I couldn't manage to move my arms to hug him back.
I tried to whisper back, but I was too upset to worry about everyone else's feelings. "You tricked me. Mom and Dad were never hunting. They were setting this up for me. You know I hate this."
Everyone looked at me with mixed expressions. Some were filled with chagrin while others were filled with anger.
Jacob whispered again in my ear. "It is going to be ok. I'll be right here the whole time." Why in the hell was he whispering in my ear? Everyone in the room could hear anyway. This was a stupid action.
Esme was next to approach me. She hugged me very softly. I finally got a grip and hugged her back. "Happy Birthday, honey."
Everyone took their turn to hug me while I got a grip on myself. Rosalie was happy to see me as always. Emmett gave me a playful punch on the arm. Jasper even gave me a hug. I know how hard it is for him to resist my scent.
It was easy to tell the difference between my vampire family and my werewolf friends. I sighed a polite thank-you to everyone.
"Umm honey, there is one more person that has been dying to see you." Mom said behind me. I was going to have to be mad at Mom later for keeping this secret from me.
"Who? Everyone is here that I know."
"Oh, well thanks a lot. I guess you already forgot about me." The short petite girl with black hair came down the stairs in one fluid moment.
I couldn't help but shriek. "Alice. What are you doing here? I missed you so much!" I ran to her and gave her a huge hug. I felt her move a little uncomfortably under my grip, but I didn't care. She was here.
"I missed you too, honey!" I let go of her, so I could check on Jasper. I should have known that Alice was here. Jasper doesn't look this comfortable without Alice around. "I had to come back to direct all the decorating. I wasn't about to let Emmett design your birthday." Everyone laughed at that thought. Emmett even let-out a small chuckle. "Unless you wanted a wrestling party?"
"Why not? It can't get worse than this."
"Young lady! You know better than to talk like that!" my dad spoke very sternly.
"Sorry, Dad." I looked down at my shoes. If I were human, I would have been screaming in pain from the high-heels. I looked over at Leah. She was wearing high-heels too. I felt bad for her poor feet right now. Even Alice wasn't going to help much today.
I had to find ways to feel bad for other people besides me. I started with Leah's feet. Then, I moved on to Jasper's pain to hold back from sucking my blood. Next, I thought of Jacob's first love. He has to still be hurting somehow from that. These were good distractions, but they won't last the whole day.
I let them sing happy birthday to me. Quil had to leave after they sang because he had to baby-sit Claire. Then, the werewolves ate the cake while I opened the presents. I made Jake sit by my side. I wasn't going to get through this without him.
"This one is from Esme and Carlisle." Alice said as she handed me a small, rectangular present. I opened it up very carefully. It was a white box. Nothing inside. Just a box.
"Awesome. Thank you. What's an I-P-O-D?" I tried to ask as polite as possible.
Esme laughed. "It's called an iPod. You can listen to music on it."
I turned the box over, then upside down. "How do I use it?"
Everyone laughed at me in the room. Was I the only one who's never heard of an iPod? "Here you go." Daddy handed me a skinny, rectangular piece of metal. "I added songs on it already. I'll show you how to use it later tonight."
"Ok." I turned to face Esme. "Thank you Grandma. Thanks Grandpa." I hugged them both. I felt weird calling them grandma and grandpa to their face because they looked about my age. But, they didn't mind. They've been waiting over 100 years for grandkids.
"Open mine next. It's from Jasper, too." Alice handed me the present. This one was rectangular too, but it was bigger. I ripped open the paper this time. Nothing makes Alice happier than eagerness. It was a porcelain doll.
"I sent in a picture of you, and they custom made the doll to look like you."
"Oh, Alice. Thank you so much. I absolutely love it." The doll really did look like me to an extent. I thought the doll was prettier, but I wasn't going to argue.
"Your welcome. Here, open Rosalie and Emmett's next." This present was smaller. It was a tiny, thin rectangular box. I opened it slowly. I felt like I was going to break it. It was a small envelope. I ripped open the envelope. It was a picture.
"Rosalie you didn't. No way!"
"Oh, but I did." She really did. She gave my car a paint job. The picture showed my boring old black Mercedes a candy apple red. "Your dad wouldn't let me paint it pink, but I got it as close as I could.
"That sounds like Dad. Ruining the fun. Thanks Rose." I kissed her on the cheek. Dad knew I was just kidding, but he didn't laugh either. Maybe I embarrassed him.
"Ok. Our turn." Leah said as she handed me a cloth bag.
Mom put her hand out to me in a gesture to hand her the bag. "Not yet. I have to give you my present first." Mom winked at Leah, but Leah was looking down. She was filled with chagrin. Mom handed me a jewelry box. "Here you go, darling."
I took the jewelry box. I looked up before I opened it. Everyone was looking for me. There was a definite separation between the Quileutes and my family. It didn't bother me, though. I was surprised to see that Jake was sitting at the dining table right next to me very patiently. I smiled at him, and he winked back. I mouthed "thanks" and turned back to the box.
"Open it, already!" Alice jumped in. She gets too excited over things like this. I find it unnecessary.
I hope that whatever is inside isn't real. I hope it isn't even that important. That is just one more thing that I have to worry about breaking. One more thing to make me look richer than Jakey.
"I'm going to jump across the table if you don't open the box already." Alice's voice sounded irritated and whiney, but very beautiful all at the same time.
"Relax, Alice. She is just taking in the moment." My mom cut in this time. That was the first thing I heard my mom say since we walked in the house. She hated attention more than I did. She is just glad that it's my birthday instead of hers.
"Oh, Sorry. Wait. Alice, haven't you seen what it is already?"
"Yes, but I want to see your reaction."
She was being silly. I felt overwhelmed, so I shook my head to clear all my thoughts. I lifted the top of the jewelry box.
It was beautiful. The golden bracelet matched the locket around my neck. It had a heart-shaped charm to match it, too. It looked real. That made me nervous.
"Mom! It's beautiful. I love it."
"Your dad helped me pick it out."
"Take a look at the charm." my dad said as he flicked the heart-shaped trinket. I looked at the lion detail. "It's the Cullen Crest. It is a symbol of our family and unity."
"Wow" was all I could say. It was so pretty.
"Do you really like it?" my mother asked a little worried.
"Yes! I love it. Thank you so much." I gave them both a big hug. "Oh. Can I see Leah's gift now?" I glanced over to see if Alice saw my sudden change in enthusiasm. She noticed.
"Actually, it's from all of us. Billy even helped." Leah added.
Mom handed me the cloth bag. I loosened the drawstring and turned the bag upside-down. An intricate charm fell into my hand. I've seen something like this before. It was on my mother's bracelet.
"Now we match." my mother repeated my thought.
"Thank you so much guys. How do I put it on my bracelet though?"
"Here, I'll do it." I handed Jake the charm. It only took him a few seconds. He placed it on the opposite side of my heart. I couldn't help but take offense to that.
"Why do I feel like this bracelet is an exact replica of my life?"
"What do you mean sweetheart?" Jake looked confused.
"I feel like I have to choose between wolves and vampires all the time. That's not fair. Just look at you guys. The only vampire and wolf together within a 5 foot radius is Jake and I. None of my family ever goes down to La Push. It's just very uncomfortable. I hate it!" Everyone in the room dropped their jaw.
Grandpa spoke. "You're blowing this out of proportion just a bit, don't you think? If we could just settle down, then we will try to understand your side of the story."
"Ugh! I don't want to calm down. I have held this entire inside since I was just a toddler, and I can't take this anymore!"
"Renesmee Carlie Cullen. What has gotten into you?" Dad looked angry.
I looked over at Jasper. I could tell he was calming all the tension in the room, but I wasn't done. I needed to let all of this out. I shoved my chair out from under the dining table. I stormed out of the room, right out the doors, and right to the river. I sat on the rock that Mom and Emmett broke with their arm wrestling 4 years ago. It left a perfect place to perch on the large rock.
I was surprised when no one came out after me. I sat out there for a long time by myself. The whole time I grabbed at the rock. I pulled pieces the size of golf balls into my fists. I squeezed my hand tighter and turned it to gravel. I threw the gravel into the water. This was helping my anger and confusion.
I was out there for a long time. Did they even care that I left. I listened in closer.
"Let me take care of this. She will listen to me." a guy's voice said.
"No, please let me. I know EXACTLY how she feels." a beautiful voice rang out.
"Your right. Try not to do anything too drastic. She just needs someone to calm her down." this voice sounded more familiar. I could pick it out in a baseball stadium. After all, he was speaking to me while I was in my mother's womb. It's the same voice that sings me to bed every night.
Then, I heard the footsteps coming toward me. I still wasn't ready to talk. I just wanted to scream and throw things.
I stood up on the rock and jumped across the river. I took off in a dead sprint. I didn't have a destination, but I knew what I was looking for. I just ran. And ran. And ran.
And, I saw it. What I was looking for. Sunlight. I reached the bright, open space. I was way up in the mountains. The only place in this stupid town where the sun shines. The grass was more green than usual. It was beautiful. I sat down and crossed my legs. I didn't know if anyone would find me, but I didn't care. I closed my eyes and let my mind wander.
I thought about everyone staring at me. Jake set me up. Mom knew the whole time. Dad was too hard on me. I hate attention. Everyone knows that. My life is so hard to live in. Why can't Jacob be a vampire? Why can't I be a wolf? Either way, my life would be simpler.
All of the thinking made me even angrier. I got up to find something big to throw. I grabbed a nearby tree and threw it across the luscious meadow. It made a large snapping noise as it broke against an even larger tree.
I suddenly felt a pair of arms reach around me. They weren't trying to hold me back. It was a calming gesture. A hug. She found me. I knew right away that it was Mom. Her bracelet, that now matches mine, was a dead give-a-way.
I expected her to say something, but she didn't. She just kept hugging me from behind. I felt relieved. I felt connected with my mother. I suddenly didn't feel like I could be angry.
"I know exactly how you feel. It's going to be ok. I love you." her voice matched the one that I heard inside the house.
"Oh yeah. And how is that? Did you ever have your family cut in two? Have you ever felt that you had to be cut in two because of your familes' actions? Have you been torn between a vampire and wolf? I doubt it."
"Actually honey..." I could she was going to tell me something, but she changed her mind and asked something else. "My parents got a divorce when I was very young."
"What's a divorce?"
"It's when a married couple decides that they made a mistake by getting married. They realize that their love was, well a lie." She let go of me and walked around to face me. I was very confused. "Wait, I thought that you have to love the person you marry."
"Honey, we live a little differently than other humans that you know. Some of us have lived for over 100 years. We have watched people mess up with love. Love is such a complicated thing. It is easy to mess up, so we have studied it often. We know that we love each other."
"Oh. So what happens when people get a divorce? What happened to you?"
"They separate. The man and woman go to live separately from each other. That is what made it difficult for me. I had to go back and forth from Mom to Dad. It was a terrible feeling. I didn't have a good interpretation of love at that point. If Daddy hadn't come along, I have no idea what my interpretation of love would be now."
"That's awful, Mom. How in the world could you be happy if your parents weren't? I would be so unhappy if you guys were sad."
Mom hugged me again. It was comforting to know that she has found love and happiness. "I know what it is like to fell torn apart. It's horrible.