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-Author's Notes-
This is a parallel-type fic with Meiko speaking, creating a
different spin on the eps where she and Miki travel to Hiroshima
to confront Namura-sensei. Some details are not proved in the
anime or manga, such as them sleeping together, etc. It is also a
crossover from my life, as I wrote this with the episodes in
mind, but also with me speaking. Whatever. ^_^; It gets kind of
cheesy, but you know.
-End Author's Notes-
Hiroshima
When I go to Hiroshima, I will stand on the edge of the ocean,
looking out across the water, with my hair being blown and tossed
about in the wind. My green eyes will be brimming with tears- my
face will be chilled from the cold wind. You'll walk up behind
me, and I will turn to face you. My hand will cover my mouth,
hiding the gasp that will escape from my cold lips. You'll talk
to me casually at first, but I will hear nothing of that. I will
tell you how I have found what you told me to look for, all those
months ago. I tell you that I can't get over you because I love
you. I will throw myself against your chest and cry, asking you
to let me be by your side again.
Your hands will reach up, like
they want to hold me. Your jaw will clench, and then your hands
will drop once again to your side. You will stand in silence for
a few moments like this- moments that are so torturously slow I
will be able to hear time flowing like thick honey, pouring over
my senses. Then you will simply say, "No."
My eyes will widen, even though
I won't be surprised. I already saw that coming. I will cry
softly to myself first, then bravely raise my head. I tell you
that I won't come to see you again. I am not sure what you're
doing, or the reasons. "But..." I start, and turn
around. "I'll probably love you forever!!!"
When evening falls on Hiroshima,
an insidious darkness hangs in the air. One can hear the waves
crashing upon the jagged rocks along the shore. One can hear the
birds singing still, faintly- and in the distance, the last of
the cicadas buzzing, sending remembrance of the summer. My heart
pounds loudly, filling my eardrums with a wild, tribal-like
percussion.
But all I will hear is silence. Absolute silence.
Because this time, when evening
falls on Hiroshima, I will be going home alone. I will leave you
there. You, with your dark eyes and dark hair and tall, strong
body. You, with your words and emotions colder than this chilling
wind. I will walk away, and leave you there. I used to run to you
when I needed something. I used to want you to protect me,
because I felt like I needed to be protected. This is the last
time I will run to you. It will never happen again. It is over. I
am not the little girl I used to be when I would look up at you
with innocent, adoring eyes. I am not the little girl who would
cling to your arm while we were walking, like you were the one
who kept me upright. I am not the little girl you held in your
arms after we made love, green eyes wild and long hair
disheveled.
I no longer have that innocence
which all girls who have never been broken possess. I no longer
need someone to hold me up, to be my balance. I no longer devote
the passion I have inside of me to you. I do not need you to
validate my existence. I never did. I will leave you there, on
that beach, with the idealistic dreams of that little girl. I
will leave you there, on the edge of the ocean, with the piece of
my heart and soul that remains with a first love.
And when my mistress moon is
paled by the dawning of a new day over Hiroshima, I will leave
there with more maturity and perspective than I have gained in
all of my life.
Sometimes, for some people to
move on... to understand things... they must be immersed in their
own darkness. They must embrace it, and confront everything they
never wanted to confront. See all the things they knew were true,
but never wanted to see. They must have their final moment of
desperation. They must drop to their knees and cry until they
feel their soul pouring out of their eyes along with the tears.
They must go into that darkness. I will go there. I will leave. I
am calling it Hiroshima.
