Was It Nature? Was It Nurture?
When I reflect back upon my pathetic life, my feeble existence, I find that I regret most of the things that I've ever managed to do. I regret so much. So many things that I'll never be able to change, never be able to fix. The lives of so many people... Ruined, all because of me. But these last few months? I wouldn't regret them if I lived for a thousand years. Even as I lie here, short, gasping breaths ragged as they leave my slightly-parted lips, I can't bring myself to regret the past couple of months. How could I? I'd never experienced such warmth, such happiness and joy. I've been at peace, finally, all thanks to Shizuo. Shizuo, the man that I undoubtedly love. My first love... And quite possibly my only love.
I'd do anything for him. I've done everything for him. Even now, collapsed on my own floor as my blood pools around me, I can smile knowing that I was of some use to him after all. That my pathetic existence meant something, anything to someone, even if just for this short while. I'm honestly surprised to find my loyalties unwavering in the end. I've never been like this before, never knew that I could be like this. So... So utterly human, my emotions raw and unchecked, my heart beating desperately just to keep me alive, yet still managing to flutter at the very thought of him.
Even as I die, and at this point I know that I can't do anything but, thoughts of him consume me. His face in my mind is probably the only thing left for me to hold on to by now, the only thing that keeps me from screaming, from crying, from finally letting my walls down, letting someone, anyone know how much I'm hurting. My phone's been ringing for a while now, but I can't bring myself to care. It's not his ringtone. The one I always wait for. The one that never comes.
My vision is fading now, and I think that I can hear sirens in the distant, my hearing long-since distorted now, but I still don't care. Probably can't care anymore, but still I wait. I always wait. Finally, my phone stops ringing, and my ever-present smirk fades before I realize it myself, before I can stop it. In a matter of seconds, my eyes begin to burn. My throat tightens, my chest heaves, and I'm overwhelmed with feelings of fear and uncertainty. Finally, my eyes fill with liquid, tears, that I had long-since forgotten I was capable of producing, let alone shedding. Yes. So utterly human indeed.
A/N: This is a prologue thing. I'm trying to get the first real chapter done, but I wanted to see what people thought. I want your opinions, but that doesn't mean you have to be rude about it, so I would appreciate some constructive criticism or advice on how to make my story better. Just normal compliments are always nice too! See a typo? Let me know. Thanks for reading!
-Ice