A.N. Happy Ending. I promise.
Kurt had never been one to enjoy children, but he often found that he was his best around them. Blaine had brought out a side in him he never expected. Kurt wasn't interested in adopting children, even though someone to teach all the amazing designers and artists to would be something to look forward to. They had the discussion many times, which often led to an uneasy silence. Kurt created more pros and cons lists than he ever had intended to, but the outcome was always the same: It would be a tie between the child making them happy and the child being a relationship killer. He kept them all in a drawer in his home office. Blaine discovered the stash once, which also held all the Blaine ones from the past as well. Blaine was clearly upset; he confronted Kurt about it with tears in his eyes. Blaine left after that argument. He said he was just going to go stay in a hotel until they both had some time to themselves.
That night, Kurt was on the verge of doing something he would deeply regret. He went to a bar and many asked to buy him a drink. He declined every single one of them. He trudged back to their, no, his apartment and took it out on himself for being so stupid. He called Blaine at least twenty times that night, crying and apologizing in every message. Blaine didn't call back. Kurt didn't eat anything, and adding that to the cutting, it had been the worst week of his life. It was like he was back in high school.
After a week of calling in sick, Kurt's boss became worried and called Blaine, who sounded just as concerned. He apologized for being unable to tell her what was wrong, so he decided to check up on Kurt. The sight that Blaine experienced when he entered his and Kurt's apartment was sickening. Kurt was nowhere to be seen. There were tissues covering the couch and empty bottles coating the tables. Blaine checked the bedroom and came up empty. He approached the closed bathroom door and lightly called for Kurt. He heard a grunt and a crash. He shoved open the door, ran through the threshold, and stopped dead in tracks. "KURT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" he screamed at the small body of his boyfriend on the tiled floor.
Kurt shrunk smaller at all the yelling, and the razor he was holding clattered to the floor. Blaine hurried over, getting Kurt into his arms and already crying immensely, grabbed his phone, and dialed 911. Kurt plucked the phone out of his hands. He mumbled something that sounded like, "No, it isn't worth it."
"Kurt, I think this is worth it. What have you been doing? When did this start? Why did this start? Oh, no. Was this because I left? I'm so sorry; I should've stayed. I'm so, so, so, so unbelievably sorry," Blaine worried.
"None of this is your fault, Blaine. I was stupid and made so many stupid mistakes. I should be the one crying, apologizing, and begging for your forgiveness," Kurt whispered. Tears were already shed too much that week, so none came then. Kurt faded in and out of consciousness.
"Kurt? Stay with me, okay?" Blaine didn't know what else to say, so instead he picked Kurt up and carried him to a chair in the kitchen. He grabbed a rag and the first-aid kit from the bathroom, "Please, can I take you to the hospital? These can't be fixed by just bandages."
"Yes they can, Blaine. I know they can. Just please don't take me to a hospital. They'll ask questions I can't answer." He winced when he turned to face Blaine.
"Can't or won't? C'mon, Kurt, I'm gonna ask questions too; such as, what the hell were you thinking?" Blaine was angry again. At himself, at Kurt, at the world, but mostly himself. He was so close to breaking down again, "Kurt? Were you trying to kill yourself? I don't know what I would do without you."
"You left," Blaine winced, and Kurt softened, "I made you leave. I was stupid and what I did was unforgivable, Blaine. Why are you even here? I– I was so close. I needed to feel something besides loneliness, and physical pain was an easy substitute." He pulled at his sleeves until his hands were completely covered. He lifted them to his chest. He got down and tried to stand but fell to the floor immediately.
Blaine caught him and his eyes widened when he felt Kurt's stomach unusually bony. "Kurt, lift your shirt," he demanded.
Kurt looked away and blushed, still entranced when Blaine said anything of the sort. Though, Kurt knew it definitely wasn't in a suggestive manner. "Why? What's wrong?" He attempted to act innocent, but Blaine gave him a look, which Kurt knew there was no arguing. He shrugged off his sweater with the help of Blaine since his wrists were still bleeding. He slowly lifted his undershirt.
Blaine gasped, "Kurt! When was the last time you ate?"
Kurt looked at him blankly. "When did you leave, again?"
Blaine gathered Kurt in his arms. "Oh, honey. I'm here now, and I never want you to do this again. Ever. There's no way I'm ever leaving you. Sometimes we'll fight, but no matter what you or I do, I will be there, comforting you and loving you. For as long we both shall live."
"Blaine?" Kurt approached slowly, "What did you just say?"
"It's no mystery that I want to spend every second of my life with you, and now is as good a time as any to tell you how much I think we need to get married. I don't want to spend another second being your boyfriend. I want to spend all the future seconds as your husband."
"There is no way we're getting engaged like this. This would be terrible story to tell. This, like the last time, is something I never want to bring–" Kurt noticed Blaine's expression change as his brain caught up with what Kurt had just said.
"You mean... You've done this before?" Blaine had a pained looked in his eye that can't be be described by just one emotion.
Shit. He never told anyone about this. Not even Blaine. He never intended to either, but he and his big mouth always got him into trouble, as it had back then too. It was a dark time in his life, and he had nobody. Well, nobody but his father, but he had been wooing Carole at that point. It was shortly before Burt's heart arrested sending him into a coma for a week. Kurt was completely and utterly alone. That was when he did it. He had his house all to himself, and although his fellow friends in glee club tried to help, all they did was tell him to pray and believe in God, which he didn't. He hated being alone but knew the feeling well enough to deal with it, but knowing that the one person who was always there might not have been able to see Kurt even graduate was difficult. The issues with the bullying and the physical and verbal abuse didn't do anything to help either.
Blaine put his hand on Kurt's reassuringly. "Tell me when you're ready, but never do something like this again. My world would stop spinning. You, my world, my everything, so please, come to me with your problems, and we can talk it through."
"Alright, Blaine, then enlighten me as to why we should have a child." Blaine did a great job too. It was four in the morning by the time they were done talking, and Kurt was ready to pass out. Blaine quickly noticed and urged Kurt out of the chair he was in. Kurt's wrists wrapped, Blaine half carried, half dragged Kurt to his bed only stopping to readjust once. Kurt literally fell into bed with a plop and pulled Blaine with him.
Blaine giggled. "But Kurt, you need to rest. I'll just sleep on the couch. I'll clean off all the tissues."
"No, I won't feel right knowing that you're sleeping on that extremely unpleasant couch. You will sleep here with me because I made a colossal mistake, and it's about time I fix it," Kurt pleaded.
"Well, I definitely cannot say no to that, so how do plan to fix something that isn't broken."
"Very, very slowly." Before Kurt could completely seduce Blaine into getting what he wants, a thump sounded throughout the dark room signaling that Kurt really did pass out on the bed. Blaine carefully placed himself next to Kurt on his rightful side of the bed. Kurt reached over to take Blaine's hand and lifted it to his lips. There, he rested, as soundly as ever before with Blaine watching in gentle admiration.
He's so deeply in love. He wants to get married, to have kids, and grow old. Kurt will agree to kids soon because the energy that radiates from Kurt when he's around small children should be considered the Eighth Wonder of the World.
Blaine had been right. Kurt did agree to adoption. They got married right after the fight they had. Kurt didn't even care that he didn't have three years to plan his dream wedding. He just wanted his dream guy. The wedding was in Ohio because that's where all the families were, and it went smooth enough. Blaine's parents made it a little awkward, but they didn't make a huge scene. They were married and living in New York for two years before they looked into adoption. The paperwork was easier than expected, and the interviews went well enough, and soon, the social worker brought in a lovely child for Blaine and Kurt to get to know.
"This little girl's name is Zoe. Please, remember, she is four years old and lost her parents to a plane crash at age one," Mrs. Benowski reminded.
Kurt grabbed Blaine's hand. "Thank you. It'd be lovely to have dinner with her and try to talk with her."
"Is that an option?" Blaine wondered.
"Yes, yes, of course. The mess hall serves excellent food. I'll go and get Zoe."
"Yes, thank you very much. You've been very helpful."
She left the room and Kurt stood up and started pacing the floor. "Are you okay?" Blaine asked.
"No. What if she hates me? What if I screw this up like everything else. She's gonna like you better than me. She's gonna hate me. What if I–" Blaine kissed him on the mouth to shut him up. Kurt had expressed every thought and worry he'd experienced in the last few weeks. God, he was just so nervous.
"Hey, hey, no. None of the that will be true because you will be an amazing father. You're amazing with children. They cling to you without you doing anything. Zoe will do the same. They can tell that you have the most gentle, amazing heart out of anyone in the world, and you need to stop worrying and put on your charm because we might be meeting out future daughter in less than two minutes." Blaine sat down on the couch again and brought Kurt with him.
The door opened and a little girl with long, blonde hair stepped into the room. Blaine gasped, Kurt stared with his mouth open, and the little girl softly whispered, "Hi, my name's Zoe."
While Blaine sat there watching, Kurt got up and reached his hand out for Zoe. She took it hesitantly. "My name's Kurt and this is my husband Blaine. We have a few minutes before we can go eat if you want to sit and talk."
Zoe nodded and sat with Kurt on the chair across from Blaine. He introduced himself, and she smiled.
The night went perfectly. At the end of the night, Blaine and Kurt both agreed Zoe was the one for them and let Mrs. Benowski know to draw up the papers.
Zoe's first day of kindergarten was difficult because she didn't want to let Blaine's hand go. Kurt tried to talk to her, but she yelled at him. Kurt wanted to cry, so he told Blaine that he would just head off to work and let Blaine handle it. Blaine wasn't okay with it at first, but when Zoe kept whining and fighting, Kurt just left. Blaine finally got her to go. She was put in time out after school because of the way she acted.
Kurt said that morning didn't bother him, but Blaine couldn't trust him. Finally, after Kurt made a convincing speech, Blaine believed him. Kurt's predictions were originally correct. Zoe liked Blaine better. Kurt knew that and accepted it for what it was. He just struggled through the tantrums, where he left and allowed Blaine to calm her down. At bedtime, she wouldn't fall asleep to Kurt, only to Blaine's voice, singing soft lullabies. She never gave Kurt a chance. After Blaine and Zoe both fell asleep, sometimes Kurt would sit in the chair by Zoe's bed. He wondered what he did wrong, but he guessed it was because kids just didn't like him, regardless of what Blaine says.
One evening, Zoe was playing in the family room, and Kurt got a call from Blaine, who was going to be home really late. Kurt sighed and told Zoe, prepared for her to yell. She didn't. She asked, "What's for dinner? I want grilled cheese."
"We can have grilled cheese. Do you want to help me make it?" Kurt smiled.
Her eyes widened. "You mean I can use the stove? Daddy doesn't like me near the stove because it's too dangerous."
"Well, I learned to bake cakes when I was eight. As long I'm with you, and you never use it yourself, we'll be fine."
"Okay! Let's make 'em now. Can we? Can we? Can we?" Kurt had never seen her this excited before... around him, at least.
"Of course we can. Let's go." They made their way to the kitchen. Kurt got all the supplies out. "Can you get four slices of bread out, please?"
Zoe followed all of Kurt's directions perfectly, and soon, they were sitting at the table enjoying their dinner. "Hey, Dad, last time we went to grampa's and gramma's, why did you call gramma Carole and not Mom?"
Kurt retrieved two pictures from the bookshelf in the next room. "Carole is my step mom. She married my dad when I was in high school. This woman here is Carole," he pointed to the other picture, "and this is my mom, Elizabeth. She died when I was eight." He hadn't spoken of his real mother in months and never to Zoe. He just never mentioned it.
"My parents died too. I was only one years old. That's how I ended up meeting you and Daddy. I don't remember them much. I remember my mommy had dark brown hair though." She started sniffling, and Kurt's heart broke.
"Zoe, will you follow me? I have something I'd like to show you." Kurt never told Blaine or Zoe, but he asked the social worker for a picture of Zoe's parents when they brought her home. He knew someday Zoe would ask about them, and he would be prepared. He sat Zoe in the chair next to his desk. He went into his closet and came back out holding a gold envelope. He slowly pulled a picture out and held it to his chest. "Zoe, your mom did have brown hair. Your dad was blonde and very tall. Your parents were a lovely couple." He laid the picture on the desk in front of Zoe. This would make Zoe want her parents and not Kurt, but she deserves this more than anyone. She doesn't have memories like Kurt does.
She stared at the picture for a long time before she spoke again, "My mom was pretty. I have nightmares sometimes. You're in them too." Kurt looked at his daughter, startled by what she just admitted.
"Zoe, what do I do in your dreams?" Kurt was visibly trembling.
"Well, there was this boy at the place I lived before here, and you and him look sort of the same. He would always push me around and make fun of me." She started to cry. Kurt hugged her and told her to continue, "In my dreams me and a man and woman are next to a cliff, and when I call out 'Mommy! Daddy!', you push them off."
Kurt sat there, mouth open, staring at Zoe. Then he broke down and cried too. "I'm so so– sorry."
"Why are you sad?"
"Because I would hate me too if I had those dreams." He buried his face in his hands and sobbed. How could he not notice? He was a horrible father. Did Blaine know? If Blaine knew, he wouldn't have told Kurt in order to spare his feelings or would he tell him? He would tell Kurt. Right?
He apologized a few more times while bathing Zoe and getting her ready for bed. He put the picture of her parents in an extra frame he had. "Zoe? Would you like this by your bed, where you can see it?"
"Yes, I would. Maybe it will help get rid of those dreams." She yawned and looked Kurt in the eyes, "Did you ever have dreams about your mom?"
"Always. I still do, sometimes. A lot of them are happy dreams, and not nightmares anymore."
"When did they stop being bad dreams?"
"It didn't happen right away, but that was because my dad and I never talked about my mom or the dreams, so I never got help with them. Zoe, I want you to tell me if you have those dreams again. Even if they're about me because I wanna make sure you know that I will never keep you from your parents, even though they're not with us in the physical world, they'll always be in our dreams and our thoughts. They are why you're here. They are the reason I'm happy because I have you. I owe them everything."
"Thank you, I'll remember that. Is Daddy gonna be home soon so he can sing to me?"
"Why haven't you ever let me sing to you? That's how Daddy and I met, you know. The first time I heard him sing was when I fell in love. He was amazing and still is, in fact. It's no mystery why you like his voice."
"That's how you met?"
"Yeah. I visited the school he attended to spy for my show choir, and we met. Then he showed me to a room where he started singing with his show choir. I transferred there, and we got closer and closer until we finally got together." Kurt smiled remembering the good parts of high school, which all included Blaine.
"You can sing to me if you want to. I want to hear your voice too."
Kurt thought for a moment, then his smile got bigger, as he figured out the perfect song. He looked up at the ceiling, at the glow-in-the-dark stars that cover it. "Do you know what I like to think? That my mom and your parents are in heaven, laughing, and telling stories."
The music started playing in his head and began to sing the old Disney song.
When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
Will come to you
Blaine stood at the entrance of the room, hidden by the door frame. He stood there mesmerized by Kurt. When Kurt sang back in high school was when he fell in love too. He didn't dare intrude on this moment for Kurt.
If your heart is in your dream
No request is too extreme
When you wish upon a star
As dreamers do
The song ended, and Zoe kissed him on the cheek. "Will you sing to me from now on?"
Astonished, Kurt looked at Zoe, "But that's you and Blaine's thing."
"I know but your voice is pretty too."
"Yeah, so I've heard. Let's keep this bedtime ritual between you and Blaine. I'll still sing to you when Blaine can't be home for bedtime. I promise. Just remember that you have the stars up there to wish on, and your parents next to your bed to comfort you, so no bad dreams will come. I love you, Zoe. I'll make sure Blaine says goodnight too when he gets home." He heard the front door open and close. "That must be him. I'll leave you two alone. Goodnight, sweetie." Kurt shut the door.
"Goodnight, Dad." She waited for her daddy to come in and say goodnight too before closing her eyes and sleeping.
Kurt stepped in the shower and leaned against the wall until he heard a soft knocking on the shower door. It was opened to reveal Blaine, fully clothed and smiling broadly. "I would get in with you, but I think you've had a long night. I want to hear about it though. There doesn't seem to be any crying, so I assume it went well." Kurt agreed to talking about their daughter when he was less naked.
Kurt finished his shower and moisturizing routine and was startled to find Blaine not waiting in their bedroom until he heard the familiar, melodic voice coming from Zoe's room. The tradition continues. He laid on his bed in his pajamas and drifted off to sleep because of Blaine's voice. So smooth. So soft. So... nice.
Blaine laughed when he found Kurt on the foot of the bed and on top of the covers. he adjusted him so they were both able to lay down and settled in for a good night's sleep. Kurt grabbed Blaine's hand the moment they were settled in and pressed it to his chest. Blaine curled against him like he usually does. He didn't move away again, so that's how Blaine slept, attached to Kurt in the gentlest way.
Mornings weren't as hectic now that Kurt and Zoe resolved most of her nightmares. Being able to put a face to a name really helped. Blaine was surprised to find out that Kurt had the picture but got over it quickly when he saw how it made Zoe feel. He was hurt Kurt didn't tell him, but Kurt was scared and didn't even know if he would ever give it to her. Blaine understood and deep down, knew he would've done exactly the same thing. Some mornings went bad because Kurt had to get Zoe and Blaine awake. One morning was particularly awful and turned into an even worse day.
Zoe woke up screaming from a nightmare, and when Blaine tried to calm her down, she wouldn't listen. Kurt had a huge meeting the next day at his company and needed rest. He volunteered once he heard the circumstances. It was tiresome because the dream was allegedly gruesome. Twenty minutes were spent getting her to stop crying and thirty minutes was spent getting her to doze back off. Kurt stayed there for another half hour, so no more dreams threatened to repeat the cycle. Kurt fell asleep and then woke with a kink in his neck. Zoe was still asleep, but Kurt had to get her ready for school. He called her name a few times and pulled the covers off of her. She accidentally kicked him in the stomach, which didn't help things. Once she was ready and Kurt was making breakfast, she complained about what he was making. He suggested something else, but she refused that too. She finally agreed on a bowl of fruit.
Blaine was the one who took Zoe to school, so Kurt had time to himself before work. He looked at the mess on the counter from the attempts at breakfast, and his eyes locked on the brown bag and folder on the table. She forgot her lunch and homework. He sighed, dressed, and prepared to walk to the school. It was a nice day, and he could use some exercise.
Kurt had the forgotten items in his shoulder bag, and when he arrived at the school, he was directed towards Zoe's classroom. He didn't know if Zoe wold feel embarrassed to have him there, so he crossed his fingers that she wouldn't notice him. As he walking through the fairly large school, he heard a sound that resembled a bucket dropping. He turned around and walked the opposite way to investigate and see if any help was required. When he turned another corner, he tried to scream, but no sound came out. A little boy, probably a year older than Zoe sat slumped on the floor. His eyes were open, glazed over, and staring straight at the wall. He ran over to him, but there no help that could be given because the child was already dead. He felt sick to his stomach and had so many questions.
Before he could run to get help, a man his age grabbed him the by the shirt. This man had nice features. If Kurt hadn't known what this guy had done, he might have even said he was handsome. There was a gun in a holster on his waistband and a semi-automatic rifle in the hand not holding Kurt. Kurt started trembling and the man laughed, "You're scared? Do you work here?" Kurt shook his head, "Well, I didn't plan on shooting anybody who doesn't work here or go to school here, but if you give me trouble, you're gonna get worse than that kid over there."
"I– I don't want tr– trouble. I'm sorry. I didn't see anything. I just came to give my daughter her lunch and homework." Kurt had dropped the bag in the other hallway, so his hands were empty.
"You're daughter? Well, you may not have that chance. Where's she at. I might have already gotten there."
Kurt hadn't thought of that yet. He's such a bad father. "Why would I tell you? You might go and find her just because she's mine. How many have you shot so far?"
"I don't know. Somewhere between twenty and twenty-five. That includes teachers. I have the gun here, so why are you the one controlling the questions? I have one for you." He didn't wait for Kurt to respond; he just said, "Are you gay?"
Kurt's lack of a response gave the gunman all the confirmation needed. "I thought so. No straight man is dressed that well." His eyes rolled down Kurt's body. They stopped at his crotch, then moved back up until they stopped at his lips. He stood there, a hand holding Kurt's arm, basically eye-fucking him, and moved the hand on Kurt's shirt to his face
"Wh– what are you doing?" Kurt was still shaking with fear.
"Kids are evil, aren't they? They listen to whatever their parents say. If their parents say something is not normal, the kids will relay that information in public. Soon enough, they start acting on those ideas. A kid who fits the description of 'not normal' will never be treated the same. People's deepest issues start when you're a mindless, gullible child."
He wasn't even staring at Kurt anymore. Kurt knew that pained expression. Then something clicked in his mind. "You went to school here." It wasn't even said as a question. "You're also gay, and the children made fun of you," he whispered.
"You seem to know me so well, but you don't even know my name. Mine's Adam." Kurt didn't answer. "This is where you're supposed to say your name." Kurt opened his mouth to say his name but didn't get a chance because Adam pushed him against a locker and crashed their lips together. Kurt was surprised and was so used to Blaine kissing him, he kissed the man back. He stopped when he realized the situation. Adam already moved his tongue in. Kurt tried to squirm away but was pushed harder. Adam had dropped the gun and dug his hands into Kurt's arms. He whispered, "Just relax, baby," into Kurt's ear.
Kurt shivered and a flashback consumed him from high school.
Kurt was looking at a text from Blaine, while he was at his locker, and David Karofsky came up behind him. He shoved him into the lockers, so he fell to the floor. He grabbed Kurt's phone and went into the boy's locker room. He stomped in after him and confronted Karofsky like Blaine had instructed Kurt to do. Karofsky, instead of beating the shit out of Kurt, kissed him. Kurt was shocked because the bully had never shown any sign of being confused. Kurt pushed him away looking horrified. Karofsky glared at him, "If you ever tell anyone, I will kill you."
The flashback ended and Adam's hands started wandering. A phone ringing interrupted something that would've ended badly for Kurt. Adam stopped and grabbed the phone that Kurt held. Blaine was calling him. He probably just found out about the shooting and was calling to see if Kurt already knew. Adam answered the phone, "Hello?" He looked at the phone and saw the picture of Kurt and Blaine staring at each other. That had been taken after their first Broadway musical in New York together. "You're Blaine?"
Blaine sounded confused. "Kurt? Who is that? Where's Kurt? I need to talk to him quickly. Something's happened at Zoe's school."
Adam smiled, "I know, and Kurt does too. He's here... at the school... with me... but not for much longer. I'll tell him you said goodbye." Adam ended the call and threw the phone across the hall.
Kurt was speechless and very angry. "Why did you do that. You're gonna kill me, I know, but why did you have to tell him?" he was shouting hysterically.
"Kurt." When Adam said it, he paused slightly before saying the 't', so it sounded like Kur... t. "I like it. It fits you and your beautiful body, and I'd like to see more of it." He walked towards Kurt again, who was still leaning against the lockers. Adam picked up the gun.
Someone from a near hallway said, "Kurt? Kurt, where are you?"
"You're boyfriend, I presume." Adam looked annoyed. Kurt nodded, knowing nothing was going to end well.
Blaine turned the corner and saw Kurt. There was a gun pointed in his direction and one against Kurt's head, "Kurt?"
Kurt looked away about to cry, "Blaine, what are doing here, stupid? You're gonna get killed."
"Well, I came looking for you because a person on your phone said you were here. Is this the shooter?" Blaine looked to the man with the gun.
Blaine walked closer, and Adam pulled the trigger, but nothing happened. "Shit. This one's out of ammo." He took the pistol from Kurt's head and pointed it at Blaine. "Stop walking." Blaine did as he was told. "Good. I'm gonna shoot you anyway, then I will have my way with your little boyfriend here." They both glanced at Kurt.
"Kurt is my husband," Blaine corrected, angrily. Kurt took this opportunity to knock the gun out of Adam's hands. If only for a moment, Kurt had the gun pointed at Adam, but everyone knew Kurt could never kill someone else. Even though Adam was trying to hurt him, he just couldn't. He held the gun to his own head. Both men stopped and gaped at Kurt. Blaine was the first to speak, "KURT! What are you doing? I don't understand."
Kurt said, "Any way this goes, Adam's either gonna go to jail or die, and no matter what, one of us is going to die. It can be either me or you. If I have any say in the matter, it's me who will die. You're going to walk away and out those doors over there, where I can see you leave. Children have probably been evacuated already, so I want you to find Zoe, hug her, and never leave her. She loves you so much more. If either of us has a chance to make sure she's given everything she needs, it's you. Go, and remember I love you. I never wanted this. It has to be this. It has to go this way. You're meant to live. Now, leave. Please don't make this any harder than it already is." Blaine was frozen. He started crying and walking to Kurt. "No, don't. Please, just go."
Blaine started to protest and Kurt cocked the pistol, "Alright, I'm going," Blaine said through the sobs erupting from himself. He walked away backwards, looking Kurt in the eye until he was out the door. He put his hand on the glass for one last goodbye. Kurt returned it, sorrowfully.
He got tackled by Adam. The gun was wrestled out of his clutch. He closed his eyes, waiting for the shot that didn't sound. He opened them and saw Adam crying, himself. Kurt was confused. "Leave. Now. Do not leave the same way your boy left. Walk that way through the hallways for one minute. Sit down against the wall, and do not move, even if you hear something." Kurt didn't say anything back. He ran the way Adam directed. He sat down next to a set of lockers. Not long after he left, he heard a single shot. He knew what happened. He obeyed Adam, though. He sat there with his eyes closed until he heard a dog bark, then a man shout, and then he was being tugged to a standing position. He was fine, or at least, that's what he told the officer.
He searched the huge crowd that was formed outside of the elementary school, the scene of the crime. Police, emergency vehicles, students, scared and relieved parents, teachers, news crews, and bystanders loitered the area. The two people he sought out were nowhere to be found. Kurt was forced to go to the police station to give his account and his statement. He finished and started the long trek home. He no longer had his phone and had no clue where Blaine was anyway. After two subway rides, a ten minute walk, an elevator ride, and a search in his pockets for his key, he was safely in his apartment. Kurt sunk into the couch he had laid in so many times before.
Everything felt distant and foreign.
Kurt wondered, Was Blaine notified? Is Blaine here? Is Zoe here? Do we have any decent food? Should I take a shower, a nap, or try to call Blaine first? Kurt picked up the phone and dialed Blaine's number. He heard the ringtone coming from his and Blaine's bedroom, and he heard Blaine get out of bed. He also heard crying. Kurt stood and started walking towards his bedroom door when a confused Blaine walked out at the same time to investigate why his cell phone was being called by his home phone.
He screamed at the sight of Kurt. Zoe ran out of her bedroom at the sudden commotion and also screamed when she saw Kurt. She was probably told that Kurt died. Kurt broke down and fell to the floor, overcome by too many emotions. He was shaking violently and sobbing into his jacket. He tried to say things like, "I'm alive," or "I'm so sorry." All three of the people in apartment were crying, and none of them thought it necessary to hug each other. Zoe was the first to move. She threw herself on the ground next to Kurt and wrapped her small arms around him, whispering, "Daddy. Daddy. You're alive? I love you." Kurt hugged her back. He stood up and pulled Zoe with him, picking her up and letting her sob into his shoulder.
Blaine slowly approached and lightly touched Kurt on the cheek, as if he was afraid Kurt was just a ghost, a figment of his imagination. He felt the familiar, soft skin, and then he, too, wrapped his arms around Kurt. He sobbed into Kurt's other shoulder. They stayed that way for a long time. Zoe fell asleep there and was put back in her parent's bed. Blaine and Kurt sat on the family room floor, tangled in each others arms, while Kurt explained what happened after Blaine left.
Twenty-seven people died that dreadful day. Adam was included in the tally. He shot himself, knowing no better fate. A victim of bullying. No one but Kurt knew the real reason for the shootings. Kurt never defended Adam, not even in his head. He never told Blaine, the police, or Zoe, once she got older, exactly what happened, despite the pestering. Luckily, Kurt, Zoe, and Blaine were not included in the count that day. They got off lucky compared to others, but they wouldn't wish that experience upon their worst enemies. The fights they had meant nothing because they would remember what they all felt that day and didn't want to live without each other.
Kurt never did believe in God after the incident, but he thanked the one others believed in everyday for sparing Kurt and his family from being ripped apart at the seams.
A.N. Loosely based on the Sandy Hook shooting on Dec. 14, 2012. They will be missed.