You think I don't notice, don't you? You'd never imagine that someone could see the sorrow ripple across your face, quickly replaced by desire, then once more sorrow as you realize it is one to fight, to leave this peace that we have forged. After all, why would you be thinking about us, about this place? So many bigger things are happening worlds away in Kyoto, so it's no wonder why you lay there in the dirt outside our house, belly to the ground, shoulders hunched, looking for all the world like a kitten practicing pouncing on an imaginary bug.
You want to leave me. It's as simple as that. You want to go fight, to go kill.
I could accept that desire once, but not anymore. Can't you see that this is the life I want? You idiot. My dear, blind idiot.
So many people have called you ruthless, but this is the truth. You are simply a child,confused and naive. Violence in the name of peace. Seeking deliverance through pain. Honestly, where do you think these ideals will take you? I hope you don't expect to live happily with them. Then again, happiness never was that important to you, that of yours or others. So,because you are so blind, I feel the need to let you know that I am happy. You are capable of making someone happy; can't you see that? Why won't you let yourself be happy as well?
I can see the impatience return, starting at your toes, causing them to clench, before pressing its way higher. It's not long before you give in and roll over, now facing the house, finally realizing that I am in the doorway watching you.
I observe, unmoving, as you stand and take several steps towards our home before,muttering something about the garden needing water, walking away, eyes averted.
I had to keep myself from laughing from the irony of it.
Every part of your countenance spoke of hatred.
You hate me for keeping you here, don't you, for giving you something to care about. Well, don't worry, and most certainly don't be ashamed of it. After all, I hate you too. How could I not when the only desire you know is one to kill? As this is the only emotion I have known for years and the only one you will allow yourself to feel, I imagine that we will continue to hate each other until one of us breaks, quite possibly literally.
Until then, well, we've survived this long hating each other. We'll last a little longer.