Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
A/N: New story! And it will be Sam/Freddie. Hope it's satisfactory.
"Mysteries of the Mind"
by: the archduke
"You really owe Principal Franklin, Sam. Like, if he ever needs a kidney, you'll be the first to offer one, sort of owe. We are talking some big time owing right here," Carly said while pouring two glasses of punch. She looked over to Sam who was lounging on the couch, feet propped up on the coffee table. Carly's eyes glanced at Sam's ankle then quickly looked away.
"Yeah, yeah," Sam responded with a negligent wave of her hand in Carly's direction. "He can have the left one. That one's never done anything for me anyway." She glared down at her midsection. "Stupid, lazy left kidney."
Carly walked over and handed Sam a glass while she sat next to her friend. She put her feet up next to Sam's and nudged Sam's ankle with her foot. "I don't think you can blame your left kidney for this mess. It's that evil brain of yours that always gets you into trouble."
Sam raised her leg in the air and shook her foot, the monitoring device on her ankle firmly staying in place. "Carly, you know how I get about unicycles. I couldn't just pass by and do nothing. I still say it was entrapment."
"First, you're using 'entrapment' wrong. You've got to lay off the 'Rules and Lawyers' reruns, it's a tv show, not a substitute for law school. Second, you should never try to set fire to a bunch of unicycles, especially when they belong to the Seattle police department's Cops 'n Clowns program. They were on you before you even lit the match. And third, use a coaster, you're leaving a ring on my coffee table." Carly lifted Sam's glass of punch and slid a square of cardboard under it, preventing any further defacement of her table.
Sam gave Carly a lazy look. "I will consider all of those suggestions for the future. But I make no promises, unicycles are the devil's favorite mode of transportation. It's in the Bible. Look it up."
"I seriously doubt that. Anyway, Principal Franklin really sweet talked that judge so that my house is one of the approved places you can be without setting off that thing," Carly said while again nudging the ankle monitoring device with her foot. "He must have a soft spot for you or you would've been kicked out of school a long time ago. Or he's the biggest iCarly fan in the world. Mandy better watch her back."
"Eh, Teddy's just a big softy. I'm pretty sure he's made my graduation his own personal mission. I'm a challenge, you know."
Carly widened her eyes in mock shock. "You? A challenge? No way!"
Sam couldn't help but smile. Only Carly could get away with making fun of her. "Shut it, Shay."
The girls were interrupted by the opening of Carly's front door. "Hello, ladies," Freddie called out as he entered the apartment. "Just came to see how the jailbird is doing. Or has she already broken her proba-"
Carly and Sam watched as Freddie cut himself off. Sam was about to say something about stupid nubs and their equally stupid jokes, but before she could say anything Freddie's eyes had glazed over and his mouth began moving without any sound coming from it. His entire body became rigid and unmoving, almost as if it had been frozen solid. The suddenness of Freddie's transformation from boy to inanimate object was startling.
"Freddie," Carly questioned, freaked out by Freddie's behavior. "Are you okay?" When Freddie failed to respond, Carly looked over at Sam. "This is not good. You think he's having a stroke or something?"
Sam shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe those tick baths finally pushed him over the edge. I've been waiting for him to snap for years."
Carly was too worried about Freddie to chastise Sam for her rude language. "I'm gonna go get Spencer. Hopefully he'll be done fixing the car in the studio by now. The fire wasn't that bad." Carly turned to Freddie and yelled slowly. "I'll be back in a minute, Freddie. Don't worry, I'm going to get Spencer." She hoped an increase in volume would free Freddie from his trance. It didn't.
Carly pointed a finger at Sam as she stood from the couch. "Don't do anything to him while I'm gone." When Sam looked as if she was about to protest, the finger began to waggle. "I mean it, Sam. Freddie better not look any different when I get back." Carly paused for a moment. "Or, he should be back to normal. That would be okay." After one last finger waggle, Carly ran up the stairs in search of Spencer.
As soon as Carly had turned onto the second flight of stairs leading up to the studio, Freddie began talking. Or rather, chanting. "Uno, dos, tres. Uno, dos, tres. Uno, dos, tres." He kept on repeating the Spanish words over and over again in a monotone, as if he were a recording that was on an infinite loop.
Sam got off the sofa and waved her hand in front of Freddie's face. No change. "Wow, Freddo. Now you're starting to freak me out."
Freddie's face suddenly twitched and he grabbed Sam by the shoulders. She tried to jump back from his abrupt movements but he held her still. "Ay dios mio," he said, confusing Sam before he wrapped his arms around her in a hug. A very tight hug.
"Dork!," Sam shouted, struggling to get out of Freddie's unusually strong grip. She was essentially immobile, her entire body engulfed by Freddie. He had pressed himself right up against her, his legs entwined with hers and his arms locked around her. When Freddie snuggled his face against her hair, Sam had enough. "Carly, if you're not down here in two seconds, I'm gonna kill the nub, crazy or not!" Sam heard the pitter patter of Shay feet as Carly and Spencer ran down the stairs.
Carly gaped as she saw the position Sam and Freddie were in. She felt Spencer pause behind her. "Yup," Spencer said. "There is definitely something wrong with Freddie."
"Thank you for stating the obvious," Sam sarcastically said to Spencer. "Now get him off of me!"
Carly and Spencer could see that Sam's thin supply of patience was gone, so they sprang into action. Spencer grabbed Freddie's shoulders from behind and Carly tried to pry his arms from around Sam's back, with no luck. "Spencer, switch places with me. I'd never thought I'd say this, but Freddie's too strong."
As Spencer and Carly switched places, Sam's struggling suddenly stopped. Her eyebrows lowered in confusion before she let out a scream of what only could be described as disgust. "That's it! One headbutt and this is over."
Carly brought her hand up to Sam's forehead and stopped her mid motion. "No! He's not himself and you'll break his nose!" As she struggled with Sam's head while at the same time pulling on Freddie's neck, probably choking him in the process, Carly yelled at Spencer. "Spencer, you're older and bigger than him! What's taking so long?!"
"One, more, second," Spencer grunted as he slowly separated Freddie's arms from around Sam. "Come on, Freddo, you're making me look bad here," he pleaded as he finally gave Sam enough room to slide out of Freddie's grip. "Yes! Success! Score one for Spencer Shay!"
Spencer's victory celebration was short lived, however, as Freddie made a move towards Sam, his arms outstretched and ready to wrap themselves around her again. Sam ran around the breakfast bar, never taking her eyes off of the advancing Freddie.
"Get him away from me, or I won't be responsible for what I do!" Sam shouted as she ran towards Carly. While she would have normally beaten him into a bloody mess for this kind of behavior, even she had to admit something was seriously wrong with the boy. At least, more wrong than usual by Freddie standards.
Spencer got a grip on Freddie from behind, holding him back while Carly and Sam moved towards the front door. "Maybe you two should get his mom," Spencer said, trying and failing to keep his voice from becoming breathless as he struggled against the determined boy. Spencer privately promised himself he would start working out the very next day. Or week. Or sometime soon. Really.
"Good idea," Carly said. She jumped back slightly as Freddie made a desperate lunge for Sam, dragging Spencer along with him. "Hurry!" Spencer shouted, readjusting his grip, which had slipped.
When Carly turned towards the door, she saw that it was already opened and that the Benson's apartment door was in a similar state. Then she heard the yelling.
"He's gone insane! And I'm not talking Benson insane, I'm talking real person insane! Come get him or we're calling the guys in white coats to pick him up! Come on, lady, your precious little boy is kirking out!" Sam then came stomping out of the Benson's apartment, dragging Mrs. Benson behind her by her wrist. She passed Carly in the hall and entered the Shay's home. Carly's eyes widened in alarm as she trailed after them into her own apartment.
Somehow Freddie had gotten loose from Spencer, and was now again trying to envelope Sam in an embrace. An embrace that Sam was doing her best to avoid.
"Spencer!" Carly shouted. "Why did you let him go?"
Spencer looked bewildered. "He was fine! As soon as you two left he turned into regular Freddie. And then you came back and he was zombie Freddie! I am so confused!" Spencer wailed as he flapped his arms in agitation. Carly gave him a 'don't be a little girl look' then turned her attention to the other three current occupants of the apartment.
Sam was running around, dodging Freddie's pursuit and yelling out obscenities that made Carly wince. Mrs. Benson was following Freddie, clawing at him in an effort to make him stop and shouting about how this wasn't gentlemanly behavior. Carly could make out the repeated phrase 'por favor' coming from Freddie, as if he were pleading with Sam. All the noise was giving Carly a headache.
Sam faked a left then jumped over the sofa, heading up the stairs. Freddie tried to mimic her but tripped on the couch, landing with a thump on the floor. Mrs. Benson followed, landing on top of Freddie and preventing him from getting back up and resuming his chase.
As Mrs. Benson cried and Spencer flailed and Carly tried to soothe, nobody noticed that Freddie had stopped struggling. His cheek was pressed to the floor, the weight of his mother on his back restricting his breathing. "Hey," he croaked, trying to lift himself up.
Mrs. Benson must have noticed his change in movements, because she slowly rolled to the side, allowing him to sit up. "Freddie," she sniffed, trying to hold back her tears of worry. "Are you okay?"
Freddie looked around him in confusion. "Huh?" he said.
A/N 2: I really enjoyed writing the Carly and Sam scene at the beginning. These two need more friendship fics.
A/N 3: I usually wouldn't use a term like "kirking out" (means going crazy, derived from one Capt. Kirk) but I recently heard a police officer refer to a suspect in this way, and if it's good enough for the local cops, it's good enough for this story.