Emerald Green and the seven dudes!
*Snow White and the seven dwarves doesn't belong to me. I love writing these spoofs for
fun*
Scene opens and camera pans in on a flowing green meadow and a young girl watching
the ocean off in the distance move back and forth, back and forth, back and forth...
Emerald Green-Urp! I'm feeling sick! I think I'm gonna....
Narrator-Now you know why her name is Emerald Green!
Emerald Green-*walking back* Well thank you! That was a really nice thing to say!
Not!!!!! *walks off in a huff*
Camera follows her and the credits roll:
Director- Allison Wonderland
Emerald Green- Kirsten Dunst
Evil Queen- Julia Roberts
Woodsman- Hugh Grant
Mirror- Allison Wonderland
Prince- Jackie Chan
Narrator- Bob Smith
The seven Dudes:
Hottie- Erik von Detten
Famous- Heath Ledger
Spanish- Antonio Banderez
Annoying- Tom Cruze
Dumb-ass- Keanu Reeves
Athletic- Ichiro Suzuki
Musical- Craig David
Ms. Not appearing- Catherine Zeda Jones
Male audience- awwwww!
Narrator- Emerald green arrived at a nearby strip mall located somewhere in Hollywood.
(Boy this must have been 100's of miles away from the meadow!)
EG- After I rinse my mouth out I think I will try on clothes in "the Gap."
Narrator- Meanwhile back at the castle a mean old Queen got a bright idea!
Queen- Hey I have and illuminous idea!
Director- you know no matter how large of a vocabulary you have, you are still repeating
Bob!
Narr- Thanx...I feel so loved!
Director- now don't go that far.
Queen- *clears throat*
Narr- erm...right! She decided that she was so incredibly beautiful that no one else was
nearly as beautiful as her. So when she found a truthful, perceptive, talking mirror she
had to get it.
Queen- It was on sale! Marked down from $59.95 to $19.95 and they add a free car air
freshener...although it was $43 S and H and the air freshener was warm fish scented...oh
well!
Narr- As I was saying! She decided to ask this mirror who was the best looking woman.
Queen- Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who's the fairest one of all?
Mirror- well not you obviously! You are one ugly old fart! I mean Emerald Green is
extremely hot... well... when she's not sick. And you...hmm...your complexion is okay...
but your nose is huge! However that's nothing when compared to your hideous lips! Not
to mention...
Queen- Okay! I think I get it!
Mirror- ...And what's with the stupid rhyming bit...I mean Mirror, Mirror on the wall.
Honestly!
Queen- Shut the crap up! You stupid, horrid Mirror! I hate you, go to hell!
Narr- Queen breaks the mirror
Mirror- Ha ha! seven years bad luck for you! Did it never occur to you that I'm a "magic"
mirror for a reason?!!!?
Narr- Mirror starts to reassemble
Queen- Now I know why you were on sale you stupid dumb-ass!
Mirror- Yeah, but who is so stupid she has to repeat everything? What, you can't even
think of something witty to say so you just have to keep repeating the same thing over
and over?
Queen- That's it!!! To the storage shed with you!!!
Narr- Queen riddes herself of the perceptive mirror and continues with the story.
Queen- Yo Huntsman!
(huntsman enters)
Huntsman- Yes your ugliness!
Queen- Let me rephrase "Yo unperceptive, blind, stupid huntsman."
Director- Oww! That's gotta hurt!
Queen- Go find Emerald Green and kill her!
(Muffled mirror from storage shed)- Now you're resorting to clichés, boy are you
desperate, I mean....
Huntsman- OOOoooo that's kind of harsh, don't you think?
Queen- Am I hearing this? You're in a first class movie! You are working for the good
of all Americans (American flag pops up behind her) You are enabling all the decent men
and women of this fine nation to be individuals. Giving them the right to not conform to
the a cookie cutter cut out of society's depraved idea of a perfect person. You alone will
enable people to stand up for what they believe in. That's the American Way....
Narr- Osama Binladen shows up and tries to blow up Patriotic Queen, but he only
succeeds in burning the flag which just pisses off the people of the US even more.
Huntsman- Yeah, right... fine, whatever you want. *walks off*
Narr- Back at the mall...
EG- I guess I shouldn't have maxed out my credit card when I have to walk home! All
this exercise is making me sick...imagine that!
Narr- Huntsman pulls up with a black super-stretch limo.
Huntsman- Do you want a ride home...I have plenty of room... this is a super-stretch limo
after all.
EG- No shit!!
Huntsman- goodness gracious watch your language!
EG- oops sorry...my bad!
Huntsman- *sounds huffy* Well you know I don't HAVE to bring you home. I mean the
evil queen says to... darn I wasn't supposed to say that.
EG- You are starting to sound like Hagrid in that Harry Potter movie.
Audience- Yeah!!!!
EG- ...And what was that jabber about an evil queen????
Huntsman- *cough* she says *cough* that she wants me to *cough, cough* (kill you)
*cough*
Emerald Green's eyes swell up so that she looks like a sad puppy dog from looney tunes
untill the anime like tears pour from her face....while she looks sick....like usual.
EG- WWWWWAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!! She wan't you to kill
mmmmmeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaa!!! WWWWWWWwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!! *sniff*
*sniff* b-but you w-won't let her w-will you!! *sniff*
Huntsman looks like he's gonna break down crying as well.
EG- save me...pppppppwwwwwwwweeeeeeeaaaaaasssssssseeeeee!!! ("please" for the
literate)
Huntsman- *looks hurt* o-okay...
Sorry... this stupid scene has been inturupted by an important announcement... It seems
that our director is on the roof threatening to detonate a bomb unless we cut to the
murderous queen part...and she hopes that Erik von Detten who is playing "Hottie" will
come and negotiate the terms w/ her.
Hottie- Please protect me!!!!!!! Don't let that head-case harm me!!!
CandC- *laugh deviously* Sure we will! mu hu ha ha!
Erik von Detten walks up to most certain doom when he finds that the scene on the roof
is rather tropical and fun and there is a huge party... for his B-Day. (October 3)
Director- Now let's watch Julia Roberts try to kill EG!!!
Audience- Yeah finally!!!
*Snow White and the seven dwarves doesn't belong to me. I love writing these spoofs for
fun*
Scene opens and camera pans in on a flowing green meadow and a young girl watching
the ocean off in the distance move back and forth, back and forth, back and forth...
Emerald Green-Urp! I'm feeling sick! I think I'm gonna....
Narrator-Now you know why her name is Emerald Green!
Emerald Green-*walking back* Well thank you! That was a really nice thing to say!
Not!!!!! *walks off in a huff*
Camera follows her and the credits roll:
Director- Allison Wonderland
Emerald Green- Kirsten Dunst
Evil Queen- Julia Roberts
Woodsman- Hugh Grant
Mirror- Allison Wonderland
Prince- Jackie Chan
Narrator- Bob Smith
The seven Dudes:
Hottie- Erik von Detten
Famous- Heath Ledger
Spanish- Antonio Banderez
Annoying- Tom Cruze
Dumb-ass- Keanu Reeves
Athletic- Ichiro Suzuki
Musical- Craig David
Ms. Not appearing- Catherine Zeda Jones
Male audience- awwwww!
Narrator- Emerald green arrived at a nearby strip mall located somewhere in Hollywood.
(Boy this must have been 100's of miles away from the meadow!)
EG- After I rinse my mouth out I think I will try on clothes in "the Gap."
Narrator- Meanwhile back at the castle a mean old Queen got a bright idea!
Queen- Hey I have and illuminous idea!
Director- you know no matter how large of a vocabulary you have, you are still repeating
Bob!
Narr- Thanx...I feel so loved!
Director- now don't go that far.
Queen- *clears throat*
Narr- erm...right! She decided that she was so incredibly beautiful that no one else was
nearly as beautiful as her. So when she found a truthful, perceptive, talking mirror she
had to get it.
Queen- It was on sale! Marked down from $59.95 to $19.95 and they add a free car air
freshener...although it was $43 S and H and the air freshener was warm fish scented...oh
well!
Narr- As I was saying! She decided to ask this mirror who was the best looking woman.
Queen- Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who's the fairest one of all?
Mirror- well not you obviously! You are one ugly old fart! I mean Emerald Green is
extremely hot... well... when she's not sick. And you...hmm...your complexion is okay...
but your nose is huge! However that's nothing when compared to your hideous lips! Not
to mention...
Queen- Okay! I think I get it!
Mirror- ...And what's with the stupid rhyming bit...I mean Mirror, Mirror on the wall.
Honestly!
Queen- Shut the crap up! You stupid, horrid Mirror! I hate you, go to hell!
Narr- Queen breaks the mirror
Mirror- Ha ha! seven years bad luck for you! Did it never occur to you that I'm a "magic"
mirror for a reason?!!!?
Narr- Mirror starts to reassemble
Queen- Now I know why you were on sale you stupid dumb-ass!
Mirror- Yeah, but who is so stupid she has to repeat everything? What, you can't even
think of something witty to say so you just have to keep repeating the same thing over
and over?
Queen- That's it!!! To the storage shed with you!!!
Narr- Queen riddes herself of the perceptive mirror and continues with the story.
Queen- Yo Huntsman!
(huntsman enters)
Huntsman- Yes your ugliness!
Queen- Let me rephrase "Yo unperceptive, blind, stupid huntsman."
Director- Oww! That's gotta hurt!
Queen- Go find Emerald Green and kill her!
(Muffled mirror from storage shed)- Now you're resorting to clichés, boy are you
desperate, I mean....
Huntsman- OOOoooo that's kind of harsh, don't you think?
Queen- Am I hearing this? You're in a first class movie! You are working for the good
of all Americans (American flag pops up behind her) You are enabling all the decent men
and women of this fine nation to be individuals. Giving them the right to not conform to
the a cookie cutter cut out of society's depraved idea of a perfect person. You alone will
enable people to stand up for what they believe in. That's the American Way....
Narr- Osama Binladen shows up and tries to blow up Patriotic Queen, but he only
succeeds in burning the flag which just pisses off the people of the US even more.
Huntsman- Yeah, right... fine, whatever you want. *walks off*
Narr- Back at the mall...
EG- I guess I shouldn't have maxed out my credit card when I have to walk home! All
this exercise is making me sick...imagine that!
Narr- Huntsman pulls up with a black super-stretch limo.
Huntsman- Do you want a ride home...I have plenty of room... this is a super-stretch limo
after all.
EG- No shit!!
Huntsman- goodness gracious watch your language!
EG- oops sorry...my bad!
Huntsman- *sounds huffy* Well you know I don't HAVE to bring you home. I mean the
evil queen says to... darn I wasn't supposed to say that.
EG- You are starting to sound like Hagrid in that Harry Potter movie.
Audience- Yeah!!!!
EG- ...And what was that jabber about an evil queen????
Huntsman- *cough* she says *cough* that she wants me to *cough, cough* (kill you)
*cough*
Emerald Green's eyes swell up so that she looks like a sad puppy dog from looney tunes
untill the anime like tears pour from her face....while she looks sick....like usual.
EG- WWWWWAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!! She wan't you to kill
mmmmmeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaa!!! WWWWWWWwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!! *sniff*
*sniff* b-but you w-won't let her w-will you!! *sniff*
Huntsman looks like he's gonna break down crying as well.
EG- save me...pppppppwwwwwwwweeeeeeeaaaaaasssssssseeeeee!!! ("please" for the
literate)
Huntsman- *looks hurt* o-okay...
Sorry... this stupid scene has been inturupted by an important announcement... It seems
that our director is on the roof threatening to detonate a bomb unless we cut to the
murderous queen part...and she hopes that Erik von Detten who is playing "Hottie" will
come and negotiate the terms w/ her.
Hottie- Please protect me!!!!!!! Don't let that head-case harm me!!!
CandC- *laugh deviously* Sure we will! mu hu ha ha!
Erik von Detten walks up to most certain doom when he finds that the scene on the roof
is rather tropical and fun and there is a huge party... for his B-Day. (October 3)
Director- Now let's watch Julia Roberts try to kill EG!!!
Audience- Yeah finally!!!