A/N: Hello! I decided to write another multi-chaptered fic with tragedy genre. I always love sad stories :') Little note, Vor means "Spring" in Icelandic, Sommer means "Summer" in German and Hiver means "Winter" in French. Also, there will be vague (really vague...) hints about Riku's secret which will be revaled throughout the story. Enjoy! –Anwy.

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Proof of the Dying

.:: Chapter I – Beginning of the End ::.

Monday, 15 September 20XX

Dear diary... Uh, it was such a cheesy way to start a diary. I won't use that anymore. Okay, this is my first time writing a diary. I write this diary for a reason, but I don't need to state it here, right? I won't forget my own reason to start this stuff. The other reason, I do this for the sake to keep everything in line—I don't want to forget anything before it's late. Well, who'd think I, Riku Hiver, would write a diary? Sounds like a boring thing that high school girl like Kairi would do. But again, I have my own reasons. Well, let's just start with what happened today, I guess.

Three teenagers were sitting on the bed of grass, relaxing right under an enormous tree, hiding under its leaves which casted shadow underneath. A boy with natural tanned skin, skinny body and brown spiky hair, Sora Sommer, was wolfing down his lunch in an unexpected speed, not tasting it, just filling his rumbling tummy. A pretty girl with small frame, night sky colored pair of eyes and red wine hair, Kairi Vor, was talking animatedly with another boy who had white skin, was slightly muscular, reserved and silver haired, certainly Riku Hiver who was patiently accompanying the girl in their small chat. All of them were enjoying their lunch time together just like every other day.

"Sora," Riku spoke, after his conversation with the girl finished. Cool breeze was blowing, caressing the silver hair which then drawn backward by the owner. "You might choke and die if you eat like that."

Irritated, Sora 'hmph'ed to him in lieu of answer, but still not slowing down his eating pace. Kairi laughed at her friend's demeanor even though it almost happened every single time they had lunch—well, Kairi always tried to keep everything light and happy for them, so she laughed and smiled a lot. Riku shook his head absentmindedly, minding that his free advice was miserably ignored by his best friend.

"He would die happily if so!" Kairi joked, patting the brunet's head gently. Riku laughed along with his friends, clearly amused with Sora being teased. The teased boy was jokingly pouted, but then joined them into the laughter.

"Hey, Riku, Kairi." After swallowing, the brunet called for his friends who quickly turned their attention to him. "Have you ever thought... what would happen if you died?"

"Well, if I die, surely you guys would be sad." Riku chuckled, amused by the sudden pop quiz. It was such a weird question, frankly. But the silver haired teenager knew that Sora was always full of surprises so, even though this one was quite suspicious, it didn't really strike him as odd.

"Yeah. Our parents—"

"I don't have any," Sora interrupted flatly.

"Mine clearly wouldn't," Riku deadpanned with an edge on his voice.

"—and also Olette, Roxas, Hayner, Pence and the others, too. Pretty much everyone but Seifer and his gang, I suppose." Kairi added, without glancing at Sora. She mused at the question for few seconds, now thinking more about it, imagining it inside her mind. "Why did you ask that?"

The brunet let out a doubtful laugh after he gulped down the last mouthful of his lunch. "Just thinking."

The bell suddenly rang, indicating that they had to be back to their class soon enough. Three of them stood up, tidied up their lunch leftovers and headed back to their class. Kairi went back first as Sora and Riku were on the same class. While marching down through the hallways together, Riku noticed that Sora was unmistakably quiet that day, which made him wonder. The peculiar brunet was usually all jolly with his goofy grin tightly plastered on his face. Well, the smile was there, but Riku could feel that something was definitely missing. The usual Sora wasn't there at that day.

"Sora?" Riku nudged his best friend's arm, minding the fact that his best friend had been spacing out and almost walked passing their class. He was sure something must be wrong. "We're here already."

"Oopsie." Sora laughed faintly, but it was really weird and awkward. It was languorous—at least compared to Sora's usual one.

"What's wrong?" Gripping Sora's shoulder tightly, Riku inched his body closer to the former. The proximity was raging between their almost-touching bodies, clearly demanding Sora to answer as he had been cornered.

Surely it made Sora felt uneasy because he decided to push Riku back a little bit even though the bigger man didn't budge an inch. He hadn't dared to look into his best friend's eyes, even after Riku forcefully lifted the brunet's chin so they would have made an eye contact. Sora still avoided the blue green piercing eyes intentionally, not wanting Riku to see into him.

"Talk, Sora!" After years being best friend, Riku knew that they had always been inseparable. There was nothing they couldn't say to each other—or at least it was how it was supposed to be. Riku was undoubtedly sure that he had always been honest to Sora about everything but, in exception, there were only two things he couldn't tell to him.

The first one was his feeling. Throughout the years, Riku had started to realize that his feeling towards Sora was different lately. He had crossed the "friend" limit—he fell in love with his best friend. But, of course, Riku Hiver, the most popular boy in high school who unmistakably had a gorgeous face and best abs, who always got straight As in his classes, who had stacks of love letters slipped into his locker—the "perfect boy"—couldn't admit that he was actually gay and had fallen in love with one of his best friend. He was such a prude when it was about love. He always wanted to be seen as an independent man who wouldn't be bothered with such "stupid" thing as love. It was (supposed to be) his life determination, not to be blinded, not to be enslaved by love. He used to say to himself repeatedly (in daily basis) that he wouldn't fall in love. But then everything turned into smoke, evaporated in less than a second, when he felt the fuzzy warmth inside his stomach, when his mood lightened up, when his heart beat faster—all of them happened when Sora was around. That feeling was indelible; Riku was sure, after few times trying to neglect it and ended up into a pure fiasco. His head would say nonono you don't love him but his heart would always go for you love him more than anything else in this world. At the end he could only accept the fact that he was in love with Sora.

The second one? He had no intention to even mentioned about it to the brunet, so he thought it would be better off this way for both of them. But still, it could be predicted that Sora would find it out sooner or later.

"I will tell you later, okay?" Finally Sora had the courage to look straight into the teal orbs that had been staring into his soul relentlessly. "We need to start our class, Riku."

Riku was relieved that he would let him know, but he was also felt betrayed that Sora actually had something he hadn't told him. It meant that Sora had been hiding something from them. Well, he couldn't fully blame Sora; he had been hiding few things from the boy too, after all.

"Fine, we will talk." Riku scowled by the fact that he had to wait until the class was over just to know what Sora would tell to him. He would have known if Sora had told something to Kairi—the girl always told everything to Riku, with or without him asking. Now there was clearly one thing that made Riku worried: it must be something really important that even Sora would hide it from Riku and Kairi.

Giving up, the teal color eyed teenager decided to follow Sora who already walked into their class room. Well, the waiting had to be worth it, he thought.

The bell had rung for the last time and the students rushed quickly out of the class, at least most of them. Two boys were still in their seats until one of them stood up and walked upon the other. Riku approached Sora, slowly and steadily in each step which was echoing with the deafening silence inside the almost empty class room. He grabbed a chair next to Sora, dragged it, placed it near his best friend and finally sat on it.

"Promise me, Riku. Don't tell this, any of this, to Kairi. I don't want her to know." The brunet smiled—a sad one—to Riku who was staring at him, completely confused.

"Why? What's wrong?" His voice strained, almost breaking with the raised suspicion. Why would Sora ask him not to tell a thing to Kairi? Sora had always been open to Riku and Kairi, and keeping a secret to one of them was something he couldn't comprehend. Such thing had never happened before.

"Well, there are two things I want to tell you, actually. First," the brunet blushed sheepishly and then scratched his head. Playing with his brown spiky strands, he continued, "I have a crush on Kairi."

For the first time in 17 years, Riku felt the biggest fear he ever had: being broken hearted.

Of course, Riku had seen how Sora acted around Kairi and, to be honest, he had kind of expected the day when Sora would tell him about this. It was just he was not and would never be ready to hear such thing from the person he loved wholly. His heart fell, if it was possible, it would have been buried inside the ground, already making its way into the earth core. Riku held the suffocating sadness inside his heart, forcing himself not to look disappointed. Certainly he would have run away if he could.

"That's great," he said, trying to sound excited with the "tidings". Riku didn't know exactly what else to say as his heart ached right away with the brunet's confession hence his mind didn't work properly; at least that was what he felt.

"I think it has always been there for a long time, you know? It's just... I just realized about it lately." Just exactly like Riku's case. Anyway, if so, why would Sora look so sad? It was supposed to be a good thing, right? The brunet still had the heart-breaking smile on his lips. "But honestly I don't want such thing happened to us."

"What do you mean by that?" Heartbroken and confused, Riku could only go along in their conversation, led by Sora per se.

"I'm just afraid if one of us fell in love to each other, it would break our friendship. I don't want the three of us to be separated." Sora sighed, shoulders drooping out of worry. At this time, Sora looked much more mature than all of his friends had thought. Sometimes Riku admitted that Sora was much more independent, even compared to him, who chose to live on his own. Being an orphan, Sora had gone through a lot of things in his life. But the brunet was wise enough to keep his bubbly personality; he decided to take his luck-less life positively rather than loathing it. That, had successfully made Riku respected the boy more than anyone else in the humankind.

Riku wasn't sure how to respond. Yes, he had thought about the same thing as well. Despite not wanting to coming out, their friendship was another concern that he had. But all he could do now was to cheer Sora up, making him sure that everything would be okay. After all, Kairi was a nice girl and they had known each other for years. At least Riku knew if Sora would date Kairi, he would be in the good hand. Kairi would take care of Sora, and the silver haired teenager could watch—or maybe guard—Sora from afar. He never wanted to be an obstacle in Sora's life in every possible way. Maybe, just maybe, Riku thought, it would have been better off that way.

"It's okay, Sora. I'm sure we will be fine. I mean, we've been friends for years, and such thing like love wouldn't break our friendship, would it?" Half heartedly, he forced those words out from his throat. But he had determined to support his loved one unconditionally. "Don't you trust our friendship, Sora?"

Sora chuckled, as if laughing at himself. He was a foolish, he thought. But it wasn't wrong be worried about that, either. Their friendship was priceless and he wouldn't trade it even for the world. "I guess you're right. But it's not like I'd tell Kairi soon. Maybe when I'm ready."

"Take your time. You will be ready when the time comes." Why he should be in such situation? Riku wondered, cursing the gods for making his love life miserably wrong. Let's just change the topic, he decided. "You said there were two things you wanted to say. What's the other one?"

"Ah, the other thing. Um... About this one, not only Kairi, but don't tell anyone else. I trust you, Riku." Sora's eyes suddenly clouded with something that Riku couldn't read. Slowly, he began to speak, his voice slightly trembling. "Riku... what will happen if I die?"

Riku's heart was pounding erratically inside the confining rib cage. He didn't know what would happen if Sora died. Even contradicting his own logic, Riku knew that living without Sora would be... pointless. But, what exactly would happen if Sora died? He, obviously, didn't know and didn't want to know about it. Sad? It would be much more beyond that. Lonely? Heck, even Bermuda Triangle would be a better place to live as long he was with Sora. Anyway, what was wrong with Sora and the question?

Realizing his best friend didn't have any intention to make any other word, Sora continued. "Surely you notice that I've been having nosebleeds lately, right, Riku? Also, I get tired easily." The brunet forced a smile, curling his lips upwards but then giving up after he realized it didn't make everything any better.

Of course Riku noticed it. And the silver haired man had repeatedly asked Sora if he was okay and needed any help when his nose started to bleed, but the crush had never taken it seriously. Anyway, he didn't answer, but he nodded to let Sora know that he was still listening.

"I went to the doctor at the other day." Sora, the only person that Riku thought deserved more love than anyone else in this world almost burst into tears. His voice became lower, stuttering, on the verge of crying. Riku hadn't had the heart to see his crush like that, but there was nothing he could do.

"What did the doctor say?" Finally, Riku collected his guts and managed to talk even though it was weak and full of doubts. Curiosity kills the cat? Fuck that. He had to know.

"He said I have a cancer," he said, and then he cried, "a Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia." Droplets of salty tears fell down from the cerulean blue eyes, wetting Sora's sun tanned skin, perfectly crushing Riku's heart for the second time. The plaintive sob became louder, slicing through the dead silence surrounding them and Sora had no intention to stop doing so. He couldn't say any other thing while Riku was silenced by the brunet's wail. He felt the ground crumbling under his feet, he felt the air sucked out from his lungs, he felt the earth falling into the black hole, he felt the universe shattering into pieces and, until that very moment, he had never thought he would want to die.

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A/N: I've heard people say to write what you know, so I have decided to write about few things that I know: being kindly rejected by my crush after giving everything I could give even though at the end it means nothing, seeing my crush being rejected and depressed and there was definitely nothing I could do to help, knowing my crush have a brain cancer and also being left by my father because of cancer. So, this story has fragments of my life experience that I will try to pour into my writing :) I hope the feelings reached you guys. Please leave some reviews, tell me if my work is actually good or bad. Feedbacks are always appreciated :) –Anwy.