I follow after her into the living room furious and frustrated that she is being so incredibly difficult. Doesn't she understand that Gibbs and McGee love and miss her too. They want her to come home and they want to know that she is ok.
She practically yells, "You should not have come. Why are you here?"
That's funny. It reminds me of the last time I traveled halfway across the world to find her.
"Because you invited me." Which she did before all this craziness happened, but doesn't she understand by now. I came to find her because I can't live without her. Isn't it obvious?
"That was before."
"Before what?" What the heck is that supposed to mean. I know there is something else going on because her eyes look so desperate to tell me something. Is she just scared?
"You should not have come." Wow, yep, definitely the same bullheaded, stubborn Ziva that I rescued in Somalia 2 years ago. I refuse to let her slip by this time.
I reach out to grab her hand and stop her. "Ziva! Wait."
When I turn her around she looks as if she is about to break. Her eyes are so sad and I can see tears about to come to the surface. I know the only way to pull her back in is to tell her exactly why I came to find her.
"Do not tell me that I shouldn't have come. I came because I…I love you Ziva." My voice is soft and cracking because my emotions are getting out of control. I want her to understand what I feel for her is real. Otherwise, I wouldn't be traveling all over this foreign country just to find her. I refuse to let me hiding my feelings behind jokes or innuendos get in the way of me getting her back, again.
I can see her resolve cracking as she frames my face with her hands. So I continue with my rambling. I squeeze my hands on her hips to emphasize what I am saying.
"I can't. I just can't imagine life without you. I don't know why or how or when but I fell for you. Can't you see that? I don't want to go home without you because it won't be home without you there."
She still doesn't have any words. She is just looking at me with tears spilling over her eyes and her mouth slightly open as if she is in shock. So I keep going.
"I wouldn't have traveled this far and searched for you for months if I didn't feel…" I'm starting to get emotional again just thinking about how I thought she was dead. And it's getting hard to concentrate because she is so close and her scent is intoxicating. And she keeps glancing down at my lips.
"Tony, I am so sorry. You are my…you are my Tony. And I am sorry that I keep pushing you away. I want to let you in but I am afraid…afraid that you will not like what I have become." I try to interrupt and tell her that, that is nonsense, but she hushes me.
"Tony, I can not return with you. But I do want you to know. I am doing all of this for you, for Gibbs, and for the rest of our family. I love all of you. But I cannot return home until I am healed."
I feel the hot tears, pricking at my eyes, run down my cheeks. She reaches up to wipe them from my face. I pull her hips in closer, flush against mine so that our foreheads can touch. I hear her breath hitch and I squeeze my eyes closed tight. I cant believe I am going to have to let her go. Her hands are up around the back side of my neck playing with my hair. I open my eyes to see her staring right into mine.
I cant stand it anymore. I need to feel her close to me. I need her to understand that I can't breathe unless she is near. I pull her all the way into me and crash my lips onto hers. She moans into my mouth and that sends me over the edge. I run my right hand up under her shirt and up her back and my left is pushing her up against the wall. One of her hands is tangled in my hair, while her other is pulling me ever closer. Gosh, I have wanted to kiss her like this for so long. It seems that we both just can't get enough of each other. My lungs start to burn as I realize I need to break contact and get some air. I pull back to take a second and we are both breathing like we just sprinted a mile.
Her eyes. Her eyes have always talked to me when she wouldn't. They never shut up. I rise up my hand to brush the hair out of her face. I give her a tender kiss on her nose and then a deep, romantic; steal your breath away kind of kiss on the lips.
"Tony." She says breathlessly. "I love you. I always will. You know that, right?"
"Yeah. I know." Even though it breaks my heart that I am going to have to say goodbye to her. I know she needs this to heal. And what is that saying, if you really love someone, set them free and they will come back to you?
"I am sorry, but I have to do this. For the both of us."
"I know, Zi, I know." I say before I go back to kissing her again. I know it is going to be incredibly hard to let her go. But for now…for once… I have her in my hands and I am going to soak up as much as I can.