Well…I don't see another story like this so hey, I'll take a shot at it. The first chapter will mostly center on the Italies and maybe a little bit of Spain at the bottom.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

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Once upon a time, there was a king named Romulus Vargas who ruled over the Kingdom of Italia. He was a brilliant war general when forced to become serious but almost all of the time, he was stupid. He became an object of paradox for philosophers to study and analyze for decades. Romulus had two grandsons, Lovino and Feliciano. Lovino was seventeen while Feliciano was fifteen. The boys' parents unfortunately died early in a war which left Lovino as Romulus's expected successor.

Nevertheless, Romulus was totally biased and ended up favoring Lovino's younger brother for the throne. Prince Feliciano was an airhead, easily gullible and frightened. However, despite his airheaded-ness, the boy was sweet and he had a knack for painting and making pasta that could give anyone an orgasm. Delighted at Feliciano's natural Italian heritage and talent, Romulus announced Feliciano as his heir which, of course, enraged the older brother.

After much persistent and annoying opposition from Lovino, Romulus settled for a compromise of dividing his kingdom into two parts. The northern part for his sweet little Feliciano while the southern part for his more…temperamental and bitchy grandson.

After bestowing the part with Venice, Milan, and crap to Feliciano while giving Lovino that region of Naples and Sicily on the other side, Romulus suddenly declared that he wanted to explore the world to sleep with different types of "exotic women."

So, yeah, Romulus just packed up and went on a really, really, really long trip for a quest for "true love." These were Feliciano's and Lovino's responses:

"Vee….have fun, Grandpa~!"

"Good riddance to you, you old bastard."

For the next five years, the two princes were left to manage their own respective parts of Italy. As Feliciano was not the least interested in politics or ruling, the king of the neighboring country, Austria, became his guardian and regent and was forced to supervise Italy when Feliciano couldn't. Which was pretty much almost all the time.

Lovino managed his own country quite well. His naturally bitchy attitude may not make him the nicest person in the world but it did prompt his people to follow his orders to get him to shut the hell up. This method only worked for five years. Where did these Italians get their patience for their prince? No one will ever know. However, by this time, the Italians were sort of annoyed with their prince and demanded someone to take over. At the urging of Feliciano who could not stand the fact of his older brother being overthrown, King of Austria arranged Lovino to meet up with the happy king of Spain in two months in order to somehow soothe his fiery and unbearable personality.

Lovino, the now unhappy prince of Southern Italy, was dead pissed.

Roderich, the ever so aggravated king of Austria, didn't give a fuck.

It did not help that Feliciano suddenly became engaged to some German prince named Ludwig about a month after Roderich's decision.

Lovino was met with the most unpleasant surprise when he found his brother and his damn fiancé in front of his door. "Hi, fratello! Meet Ludwig! Thought maybe you guys could really get to know each other! After all, you are going to be brother-in-laws~!"

Upon hearing those words, Lovino immediately smashed a tomato in Ludwig's fugly face and told Feliciano to "get this potato manwhorish bastard off his property," earning some distressed cries from said brother and a disturbed look from his fiancé.

"What the fuck are you looking at, potato bastard?"

After much coaxing, which included Feliciano crying hysterically for two hours in front of Lovino's door, the Southern Italian prince reluctantly let the "potato manwhorish bastard" and his "idiotic-as-fuck brother" stay in his castle for a couple of weeks. Nevertheless, while Feliciano was more than satisfied, Ludwig quickly found out that his honey's brother's personal mission was his desolation. Joy.

During these days, Lovino would usually yell some insults at his brother and Ludwig then run out of the castle, claiming that he was suffering from the "horrible potato odor that was clogging his home." He ran away quite frequently into the forest. Ludwig figured that this was just another effect of his unfortunately future brother-in-law's PMS.

He was partially right. Actually, Lovino ran into the forest to escape his brother and Ludwig. He couldn't stand the fact that Feliciano was able to find love before him. Lovino knew that everyone loved Feliciano dearly but why couldn't it be the same for him? For years, Lovino was envious of his younger brother's talent and natural people magnet abilities. He was reminded of his inferiority to Feliciano every time he saw his brother. The forest was the only place where he could cry and complain out his sorrows in peace.

Everyday, he would run to the lake hidden in the forest and cry his little heart out. The only thing that comforted him was the tomato ball toy his mother gave to him at birth, the only keepsake he had of her and proof that he was loved once. It was a delightful toy that was easily bounced or thrown.

One day, Lovino was wailing out his complaints to the world, letting his tears fall freely from his eyes. He cried hysterically and clutched the small tomato ball in his hands. He was so busy crying that he did not see a small frog emerge from the lake and hop on a nearby lily pad.

"¿Ah, amigo, que pasó? Llora mucho." asked the frog.

Lovino let out a surprised yell and dropped his precious childhood toy. The toy rolled on the ground and into the lake. Lovino screamed in panic as he rushed to the edge of the lake and peered into the murky waters. His worst fear was confirmed when he could not see a thing. Oh god…his last memory of his mother…gone in some filthy body of water…and who was to blame for all of this?

He turned sharply to the frog that sat innocently on the lily pad. Lovino pointed an accusing finger. "YOU! You stupid Spanish frog! Look what you made me do!"

The frog appeared a bit taken back before regaining his composure and smiling once more. "Aww! You look just like a tomato! Your face is all red and puffed up!"

Lovino froze for a moment at the frog's odd outburst before twitching his eye. "…you stupid animal."

"Ah, lo siento. I really like tomatoes so I thought that you looked just like one and…"

"No, you idiotic fucktard! My fucking ball! You made me DROP IT!" Lovino snapped.

"Oh, that was a very pretty ball you had there. I sincerely apologize for making you drop that." The frog commented forlornly.

"Well, if you're so sorry, can't you go get it or something?" Lovino answered harshly.

"But…But the lake is so deep and dark at the bottom. It's not a nice place to be in!"

"Well, fuck you. You're the one who made me drop it in the first place so now, go pick it up!"

The green frog frowned mournfully. "I suppose since you're so cute that I can try to get it but I give no guarantee. This lake is quite deep."

"GET IT, YOU STUPID TOAD!"

The frog sighed. "Dear tomato, I'm no toad. I am a magical frog. A frog named Antonio Fernandez-"

"I don't give a crap. Get my ball, you idiot!"

Antonio pouted and sighed. "…Very well, may I, at least, know your name, fair tomato?"

The Italian faltered for a moment before grumbling. "…Lovino."

"Oh, you must be the prince of this part in Italy! I-"

"I thought the royal clothing I was wearing gave that away."

"Hmm…you have a point there. I'll call you 'Lovi.' Anyway, if you want me to venture into the dark depths of this lake, you must promise me something. You must let me stay at your home for one night. You must share a tomato with me at dinner, give me another tomato before bed, and let me sleep in the same bed as you. After all that, you must give me a kiss!" Antonio said cheekily, ignoring Lovino's deadpanned-turned-disgusted expression.

"What the hell? You sound almost like that perverted king of France. No wonder you're a frog." Lovino grumbled, twitching his eye.

"Oh! You know Francis too? He's one of my best friends!"

"Wha-Well, that explains a lot."

"Aha! What a small world we live in! So, do you agree to my request?"

Repulsed, Lovino opened his mouth to let out a snarky response but stopped himself. This frog…this Antonio was crazy. There was no way a frog could actually survive so long from the water. Most likely, if Antonio came back with him to the castle, he would surely shrivel up and die, making the promise meaningless. The Italian prince grinned and shrugged his shoulders. "Sure, I promise. Whatever."

Antonio beamed happily and dived into the lake. Five minutes later, he reappeared and held the shiny tomato ball in his sticky fingers. He swam to the shore of the lake. He held the toy up to the Italian who immediately snatched it from his hands and ran away.

"¡Lovi! ¡Espera! Wait! Wait for me!" Antonio cried out but Lovino merely ignored him and ran as fast as he can, away from the lake and the freaky frog.

By the time Lovino got back to his castle, he forgot all about Antonio. Not that he cared much anyway.

But something happened at dinner.

Lovino was eating a bowl of tomatoes when his brother waltzed in with a very familiar looking animal in his arms. His blood ran cold.

"Vee~! Fratello, look what I found! It's a talking frog! He was asking to be let in so I did~! He reminded me of Big Brother Francis! Look at him, a frog!"

"Lovi corre tanto rápido. ¿Olvidaste tu promesa? Our promise, remember?" The frog in Feliciano's arms asked mournfully.

Oh. Fuck.

/

Well, there you go. Continue or not?

By the way, do you want USUK or FrUK? Quite frankly, I can make the story work either way though I'm kinda leaning towards FrUK, I'm fine with both.