Comments, complaints, suggestions, sushi --> emi(at)overthrown.nu
All standard disclaimers apply. You're a crazy fool to think I own the rights to this game. ...a crazy fool...
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Chapter 1: The Great Phone Call Game
Click! A raven-haired man picked up the phone that sat next to him. He rapidly began to dial a number, fingers flying gracefully, yet nervously, over the buttons.
Ring.
No answer.
Ring.
Again, no one answered. The man began to sweat profusely, cursing himself for not calling the other number he knew. But, no, he had decided long ago that this was the right choice. The right choice.... Could he be wrong? Did he, the almighty ruler of Esthar make...a mistake? No, of course not! he said mentally with a laugh.
Ri-
"Hello, this is Little Caesar's™. How may I help you?"
"Hello?! Hello?!"
"Can I help you, sir?" the boy on the other end of the phone asked. He spoke slowly and uncertainly, unsure of the mental stability of his customer.
Halfway across the city, Laguna sighed in relief. It worked. "Yes!" he all-but shouted into the phone. "I would like a large pepperoni pizza with bacon and extra cheese."
"And where would you like that delivered?"
"The presidential building between First and-"
"Yeah. Right."
Click!
The boy, thinking it was a prank call, hung up.
Furious, Laguna yelled, "Dammit!", and threw the phone in the general direction of its receiver. "That's the eighth time this week!"
"Laguna, what's wrong?!" Kiros and Ward ran into his office, afraid for his safety. "We heard yelling and-" Kiros paused when he saw the pile of pizza coupons spread across the floor. "You told them to deliver it to the presidential residence again, didn't you," he stated, pursing his lips and staring down at the man in the chair as if he were reprimanding a child.
"So?" Laguna spat. "That's where I live and that's where I'd like it delivered." His bottom lip puffed out in a pout.
"Why don't you tell them somewhere else, then pick it up there? They think you're some punk kid making prank phone calls."
"Because I'm the president and I have my own army," he said, folding his arms.
Ward and Kiros sighed. Simultaneously. That happens sometimes.
Kiros muttered, "Do what you will....", before both he and Ward took to the task of helping their pizza-deprived leader gather up all of the scattered coupons.
Days passed without success. Laguna even tried several different pizza restaurants, just to be shot down by some smart-mouthed kid who thought they knew everything. He was getting desperate, his tastebuds yearning for a slice of tomato-saucey goodness, coated in three different kinds of cheese, and sprinkled from edge to edge with sweet, cooked animal flesh. He needed time to think; to devise a plan. Music is supposed to help with that kind of stuff, he thought. Laguna walked over to his radio and turned it on.
"-third task. So, we've decided to give away a year's supply of free pizza to the 500th caller!"
Laguna's head shot up and his ears perked. He unknowingly stopped breathing, excitement and nervousness taking control of his body. He scrambled closer to the speakers to listen for the number, and he would have passed out from lack of oxygen had he not accidentally ran into the corner of his desk and gasped briefly in pain.
"The number to call is....."
"What? What is it?!" he shouted at the small device.
"Ha ha!" the man on the radio laughed good-naturedly. "Sorry to keep you in suspense. The number to call is..."
"Tell me!" Laguna urged, picking the radio up in his hands and shaking it violently.
"Everybody ready? Here it is: 1-451-E3204. That's 1-451-"
Laguna wrote down the information on a yellow post-it and stuck it on his desk. Post-its are neat.
"-3204. Remember, I'm looking for the 500th caller! Start ringing!"
"I am! I am!" He jerked the phone to his ear and dialed the number.
"Sorry, you're number 23."
Laguna reset the phone and pressed redial.
"Sorry, you're number 123."
Again, he dialed the number.
"Sorry, you're number 223."
"C'mon!"
"Sorry, you're number 323."
"What the...?" He pressed redial.
"Sorry, you're number 423."
"Okaaaay, there's no way I'm winning," he said solemnly. 23 never was his lucky number.
Ring.
"Huh? I-it's ringing!" The president held the phone tighter in excitement.
"Hello, YOU'RE our 500th caller! Congratulations!"
"Ah! I won! I won! I-"
"No, no. You haven't won yet, sir," the disc jockey informed.
Laguna's shoulders slumped, mouth hanging open in disappointment. "I haven't...?"
"No, but if you complete the three tasks, you do!"
"Oh!" he exclaimed. "What are they?"
There was a long, awkward pause, and Laguna wondered if the connection had been lost.
"...Haven't you been listening to my show?" the man asked finally, sounding perturbed.
Laguna's brow knitted and he pulled at his shirt collar out of nervousness. "Err...yes, I love it..." he mumbled, not wanting to offend. Truth be told, he didn't even know what station he was listening to.
"Well, good! Now, the three tasks are-" A drum roll resounded before the man continued. "One: Send us a picture YOU took of the president. You must also be in the shot. The president will be speaking at the yearly parade, so you have a good chance of seeing him. Your photo will be judged by our panel, so try to make it innovative. And of course, the closer, the better! If your work is accepted, you can go on to the next round!"
"Heh, heh. No prob!" Laguna smirked to himself. He was as close to the president as anyone could ever hope to get.
"If you make it to level two, you will have to... Call up a friend or family member live on the radio, and coax them into picking up your dirty laundry from your house and taking it to get cleaned. But you may not tell them WHY. So, don't mention the contest."
"And three?"
"Do one and two first, then we'll talk."
"Alrighty!" Laguna answered smiling.
"Good luck, sir!"
"A picture of the president? Ha! I'll just...wait. He said I have to be in the picture too, but how can I be in a picture with myself?....Is the president even allowed to participate?" He rubbed his chin in thought. "Damn. I'll have to pretend I'm someone else."
Laguna walked into the main hallway and spotted his dear friend Kiros. "Kiros! Yo, do me a favor!" he yelled, running towards the other man. "Here." With no other warning, he pulled Kiros beside him and raised the camera above their heads.
"Oh, no you don't!" Kiros protested, pushing Laguna away. "I don't want my picture taken!"
Laguna looked surprised. "Why not?"
"You've blackmailed me too many times! I didn't make out with that antelope! You just rendered the picture on your computer, then posted it on the web!"
"Kiros," Laguna began, softening his voice. "I would never do anything like THAT."
"Tch."
"Fine! I'll find a passer-by and get a picture!"
The president stormed off, leaving Kiros utterly confused.
Arriving at Esthar's main square, Laguna began to search the crowd. "All right. Now who would make a good me?" Many citizens walked by, but none caught his eye. "What does it matter? I'll just pick someone....Sir! Please stop a sec!" he pleaded, walking toward a man about his age. The man didn't recognize him as the president (what is this world coming to?), which was all the better for Laguna.
"Yes?"
"I'm a tourist, and I was wondering if you'd let me take a picture of the two of us." Before the man could object, Laguna added, "I find your country very fascinating, and would love to get a picture with a native." The man was still unsure, but Laguna smiled cheesily, and it won him over.
"Oh, all right. Where would you like me to stand?"
"Right here's fine!" The man didn't have time to smile, Laguna snapped the photo of them and ran off.
"Get that picture developed?" Kiros asked, a tinge of annoyance in his voice.
"It's a digital camera, so all I gotta do is hook it up to the comp and I'm ready to go!"
Laguna plugged in several small wires, connecting the camera to the computer tower. A few clicks and the entire contents of the camera appeared on screen. Laguna skimmed through the thumbnails, landing on the lone picture of the tourist and...
"Where am I?"
"Yes... Where are you?" Kiros snickered.
"What the hell?? That should have taken!" Laguna all-but screeched.
"Laguna," addressed Kiros, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Digital cameras have replaced normal cameras because they are more convenient to use."
Laguna gave him an irritated look.
"There's so much one can do with a digital camera... One can upload and print out photos in the comfort of their home..."
Laguna's mouth turned into a thin line, then a frown.
"One can erase pictures and not have to buy new film..."
Laguna snaked out an arm and unplugged the camera.
"And one can see the picture they took immediately after they snap the button. Why didn't you take the time to loo-"
In one swift movement, Laguna turned the camera to face himself and Kiros, who, unfortunately, was still standing behind Laguna's chair. The flash went off, Kiros was blinded, and Laguna jumped from his seat and made his escape.