I need a proper introduction into this fandom AKA I need to dump things because feels what is this help.
She laughs, long and hard, because the alcohol is bitter and she expected something alike to morphine in the way some people guzzle it down to keep it all out, yet she finds that it makes her insides burn like an old razor sliding down her throat, leaving pain filled paths that made her cough and choke and feel (more than anything), which was the last thing she wanted to do tonight. She can't do this, she's not Haymitch, she can't push everything out of her mind with liquor. All it does it make everything fuzzy and helpless and so completely and utterly empty. Because she has to hold it all together since her mom is still too weak and Prim is still too young and Gale almost died because of her and when she drinks everything just sort off spills over onto everything around her, goddammit she needed to get herself together-
Then again everyone had a noose waiting above their heads because of her.
There wasn't a real point in saving them anymore.
(As if she could from the start anyways.)
Suddenly there's too much weight on her back and her callused hands seem to screech against the crystal. She slumps against the chair while picking at the smooth glass with grime filled nails that still held a bit of gloss from her stylists.
Her hands find themselves grasping moldy oxygen as something shatters in the distance, but she's too far gone to put two and two together.
She smells the damp moss exhaling hot steam after rain, burnt bread with tidbits of dirt hiding in the exposed crevices, nitroglycerine laced locks and kind eyes that held promise and greenery (and a world where maybe she wouldn't have to be hiding and maybe she could laugh without worry) flicker behind her eyelids as she blinks, pale and tan intertwining, a hand for killing, another for kneading. Breathing in the smells of smoke and bloodlust; deep, shallow, fast, and it may have been her last. Memory melds with dreams in a surreal fashion as she falls into a drunken sleep.