"San, do you think they have like, a Do-You-Like-Girls scanner that you have to pass through before they let you in here?" Brittany asked, her cheeks pink. "Because with you around, there's no way I'm gonna pass the test. I haven't even studied."
Santana shook her head and fought back a smile. Brittany could be ditzy, it came with the package, but she managed to make it so adorable it could give cavities. "No, Britt. Lesbians practically get an employee discount. We're like a walking two-for-one special. Plus, did you see all of those practically naked girls in the windows? Who's that supposed to be bringing in, men?"
"Men can wear bras if they want to. Bras are like, a civil right," Brittany said seriously.
"A bra probably would make Finn look less squishy and moobish, I'll give you that."
Brittany giggled, but then her face turned serious and she began picking at her fingernails. "I just don't want everybody there to stare at me like they do at school. Like seriously, we're such a hotter couple than Rachel and Finn, and we don't sing nearly as many cheesy duets, so it doesn't make any sense."
Santana got close to Brittany and took her hands. She looked her straight in the eye. "They stare at us because we're hotter than them, silly."
Of course, she knew this wasn't entirely true. Sure, stupid boys stared in hopes that they'd start groping each other in the hallways. But there were the other stares as well: those of friends who worried that their bones would be jumped at sleepovers; the disapproving glares when she and Brittany held hands from anyone wearing a cross; the looks that said "it's a phase" from most adults. But Santana never wanted Brittany to feel the way she did when she knew what these looks meant, so she kept silent. She knew she was jaded as hell, and that was nowhere Brittany could ever go.
"Let's go, Britt," Santana said, holding out a hand. Her girlfriend took it and tentatively allowed herself to be led in, her nails digging into the back of Santana's hand.
As they crossed the threshold of the store, Brittany let out a huge sigh of relief and her grasp loosened, and Santana knew why immediately. "I told you, silly. No alarms. Come on," she said, pulling her further in.
"Hi ladies!" a girl at near the entrance yelled at them as she folded sweatpants that said "BOOTYLICIOUS" on the butts. "We're having a special two for one sale on all of our push-up bras today!"
Santana gave Brittany a mischievous look. "Toldja so," she said as Brittany returned the look. "Let's go find something sexy."
The two stayed in the store for almost two hours. They picked out bras for each other, ended up making out in the dressing room, and had a competition to see who could find the stupidest saying written on the butt of a pair of underwear. At one point, they ventured into the perfume department, and Brittany had to stop her girlfriend from bitching out a salesgirl for spraying her with "that shitty-ass perfume."
In the checkout line, Brittany rummaged through the bins on the displays on either side of the aisle, looking at the items they contained with a wrinkled brow. It didn't take long for Santana to figure out why.
She brought over a canister of something that looked like hair spray and a tub that looked like Vaseline. "Why do they sell food here?" she asked.
"They don't, hun," Santana said. Brittany raised her eyebrows and handed the containers to Santana. She looked at them, and couldn't help laughing like a crazy person. The canister said Vanilla Craving Kissable Body Crème, the tub Midnight Chocolate Edible Body Icing.
"This isn't to eat, Brit. Well, ok, it is, but it's for people who want to get their kink on. You know what I mean?" Brittany nodded seriously, laughing as well.
But when Santana wasn't looking, Brittany slipped the whipped cream into her basket. It was time that the phrase "sweet lady kisses" was literal.