Chapter 1 I dream of Christian Bale

Mist rose from the fathomless floor blocking the view of her feet as she stumbled through the humid jungle. She couldn't remember how long she had been walking for or whence she had come but she was sure about her current path. There was something she needed to reach just out of her grasp, perhaps a someone now she thought about it more.

Her brain was as foggy as the landscape around her and the silence permeating from the trees was really starting to creep the young woman out. What sort of jungle was quiet? The dangerous, predator filled kind, she mentally shrugged.

"Susan!" A dark and mysterious looking man shouted down from the branch

of a nearby tree.

"Yes?"

"It is I!"

"It is I who?"

"Christian Bale..."

"Christian Bale?" Susan paused, taken aback by the man's response. "What are you doing here? You know I heard that clip of you screaming at that sound guy on Youtube. Badly done, Mr Bale. Badly done."

"That wasn't me."

"Oh yes it was. Don't try to den-"

"I mean, that was a different Christian Bale." He swung down from the tree on a conveniently placed vine and instantly snapped her up into his arms. "I'm… your Christian Bale."

"My… Oh this is a dream." Susan grinned wickedly before crushing her lips against Christian Bale's in a passionate kiss. "Oh, Christian Bale… your even better than I imagined."

"Oh but you are imagining." Bale kissed her again, carrying his creator off to some love nest.

"RAWR!" Someone roared in the distance before the floor began to quiver with that someone's every running step.

"What the hell was that?" Christian Bale looked alarmed.

Susan sighed and frowned miserably before escaping from Bale's delightfully muscular arms.

"I knew it was to good to be true." The young woman dusted her white dress begrudgingly. "He always has to stick his nose into everything. Can't even enjoy a good sexual fantasy without that ogre stomping into it an-"

"I'm sorry to interrupt your angsting monologue Susan dearest but pray tell, who or what are you talking about?"

"Oh you'll see…" Susan took a few steps back and watched as a dreadlocked monster flew out of nowhere at Christian Bale and instantly began to dismember the actor.

When the Yautja was finally sure the many pieces of Christian Bale were equally dead, he clicked to himself menacingly, turning his head sharply in a spray of jingling tresses to watch Susan with predatory eyes.

"Bad boy." Susan scolded with an accusing finger and instantly received a disgruntled snarl from the beast before it turned its back on the woman and skulked away.

Opening her eyes, Susan, stared fixatedly at the wall as the murky realms of sleep cleared. As her brain finally kicked in she realized that the wall was moving, or more like breathing, and an unusual green speckled colour she didn't remember it being the night previous.

Moving a finger towards the obstacle she paused midway in her action to close that finger into a tight fist and punched the warm flesh as hard as her humanly frail biceps could pump so early in the morning. The creature grunted in its slumber at the strike and rolled around onto his back scooping his human along the way and depositing her on his chest to cuddle like a teddy bear.

"Bastard!" Susan attempted to flail against his tight grip only to be crushed further atop the smooth skinned alien.

Attempting to breath, whilst her face was being held uncomfortably amongst his pectoral region, she calmed her thoughts and began the formulation of a plan. The ticklish spot! She quickly reasoned; slinking her hands up over the Yautja's monstrous arms she felt around for the mandibles, nervously as if he might chew, and allowed them to guide her down to the sweet spot just under the forehead plating.

As she stroked and teased at the sensitive skin there was a sudden and deafening noise that could only be described as a high pitched screech of joyous agony. Along with the sound came stunned movement from the slumbering beast and Susan discovered she could fly. Or at least she discovered she could become airborne for a brief amount of time before having to hit the ground, hard.

Susan opened her eyes for the second time that morning and was greeted by something golden. As unconsciousness departed and her brain began to fill with thoughts she was immediately struck by a particularly loud brain wave that felt like pain, everywhere. The second thought came briefly after the first, and a moment where in multiple gods were cursed for existing, and consisted of basic recognition skills. That gold she was seeing was a pair of sunken eyes looking very sorry for themselves.

"You bastard." Susan tapped, what she hopped was a single finger and not the three she was currently seeing, against the space where the predator's nose would have been if he were human. "That really hurt."

The Yautja flinched at the light tap and yowled apologetically, much like a puppy. Mr big tough scourge of the universe was feeling very sorry for himself and lowered his head accordingly before sulking off somewhere out of sight.

"Don't leave me!" Susan instantly recoiled at the volume of her own voice ringing between her ears. "I might be dead… Actually I'm pretty sure I am dead… this feels like hell."

"It's just a bump, Su'ven." A deep gravelly voice hummed from some distant expanse that was probably nearby.

"Say's the one who bumped me." She attempted to sit but instantly regretted the action and dropped like an anvil back onto the bed. "You couldn't possibly understand how much this hurts, you unsympathetic bastard."

"Be quiet a moment female." Unsympathetic bastard grumbled as he returned into view holding what appeared to be a compress and a very large needle.

"Woah, Woah, Woah!" Susan rolled off the bed in a sudden burst of life preserving instinctual energy and poked out from her hiding place at the brute wishing her death. "What do you think you're going to do with that mister because believe me nothing that big is ever going to penetrate me!"

Mister tilted his head curiously and purred with amusement as he examined the comparatively small instrument in his paw.

"Your males must have a harder time than I ever suspected to encourage their mates." He looked back at his startled human, continuing to eye the needle suspiciously. "I am unsure whether I should be impressed or-"

"Don't bring sex into this! This has nothing to do with sex!" Susan flung something resembling a squirrel pelt at the Yautja. "You always have to make everything about sex. Needles are not the same as penis'. They don't poke into… they don't inject... Oh fuck."

The sex-crazed male rumbled loudly with alien laughter at the female's antics and thumped his chest to show his enjoyment of the situation.

"I'm glad you find this funny." Susan grit her teeth and attempted her best scowl. "But you'll never be able to compare to a human man!"

"I agree. I'd never be able to shrink so small" He continued to howl with laughter.

"Bastard."

"At least you are feeling better."

"Better? This is not better!" She grumbled. "I'm just to frightened and incensed to allow myself to feel pain."

"Here." Bastard tossed her the compress, a smile on his smug alien face.

Susan watched him with suspicion a moment before making a grab for the blue pad on the bed. With compress in hand she swiftly cracked the seal inside and pushed the soothingly cool material against her bruised skull with a pleased sigh.

"Wy'strn."

"Yes?" Wy'strn hummed.

"Thanks."