Hiya everyone ^^

Yes yes, I know, I'm a naughty girl for not updating my "Friends, Family and a Misbehaving Kitty" story, but I had writers block and school is EVILLL. I will update soon, promise!

Any who, I had a dream involving Utau and Ikuto, and then I started to consider making it into a story and then it developed and so this was the result. Usually I'm all for Amuto, but this was just too adorable, so I had to write it ^^

Yeah so I'm really very proud of this, I wrote it for my best friend =3 Originally, I had planned it differently but now I have changed it and I prefer it this way so I have re-uploaded it.

There will be 4 Chapters, 2 in Ikuto POV, the other 2 in Utau POV. Enjoy ^^

Summary: No matter how hard it got, he'd always helped her through it, but he was her big brother. He didn't love her like that. He knew it killed her inside, but he couldn't do anything. It wasn't right… Was it? - Ikuto x Utau

Disclaimer: I don't own Shugo Chara

Forbidden Feelings - Chapter 1

I lay there silently, my eyes reluctant to shut as I attempted to fall asleep. Nothing seemed to be working because despite the fact it was now around two in the morning, I wasn't tired and apparently I wasn't going to sleep anytime soon.

My mind began to wander, and as always, my thoughts landed at Amu. Amu Hinamori, the pink haired, thirteen year old angel. She was just too adorable, risking her life for complete strangers, day in, day out. I'll never understand how she manages to put everyone else before herself like that. She's so sweet, so pure, so innocent. I felt myself smirk at the word 'innocent'. Some day, I'd be the one to take that, innocence, from her. I'd never loose to kiddie king, I was sure of that. I wasn't going to loose her like the other hundred girls that I'd screwed around with. I'd take care of her, protect her, and be there for her. Did I love her? Maybe that's a bit exaggerated, but I did like her.

My hand began to trail down my body as I thought of her, but I was soon interrupted by a knock at my bedroom door.

Ugh, I really didn't feel like talking to my parents, especially not after the way they'd been acting recently. In fact, I'd consider it polite to call them my 'parents'.

I was slightly surprised to see my younger sister enter my room and more than a little uncomfortable when I saw that all she was wearing was a thin and very short black nightdress.

"What are you doing up?" I asked in a bored tone, averting my eyes from her revealing clothing.

"I had a nightmare." Utau replied in a small, frightened voice and I couldn't help feeling sympathy for her.

She always came to me for comfort when she was scared, or upset, or sometimes just bored. It had always been like that. As we were growing up our parents ignored us as much as they could and on top of that, my father was always treating us badly, forcing us into Easter, shouting at us for anything he could think of, threatening us, and even hitting us. Well, he used to hit us, but I soon got older and a considerable amount stronger than him. Around two or three years ago, when I was probably about fourteen and my sister was twelve, I remember he had hit Utau, hard, for something she probably didn't even do. I can't remember what it was she had 'done', but I was sure it was something pointless. I remember how Utau looked up at him, I'll always remember. She looked so scared, so weak, so small. I remember feeling like someone had just kicked me in the stomach; I never, ever wanted to see Utau like that again. I got so mad that I just snapped, I punched him hard in the face and held him up against the wall. I remember my words, my voice low and deadly.

"Never do that again. NEVER."

I remember my fathers face, utterly shocked, scared, completely taken back. Since then, he hadn't hit either one of us but I often found myself in arguments with him. Since I'd joined Easter though, I had to be careful about what I said or did in fear of getting into too much trouble… I knew what they did with "troublesome brats" and I'd been through their torture far too often. That company was evil. I hated everything about it and I had no choice but to be part of it. Thankfully I'd managed to save Utau from it, at least now she had a real shot at making her life a good one. She'd finally achieved her dream of becoming a famous singer and was becoming more and more successful. Seeing my baby sister's happy smile made all of that pain and effort worth it. I'd never tell her that I was the one that got her out of Easter. Never.

I sighed.

"What about?" I asked, sitting up and staring at the ceiling.

"Easter again…" she said, she was close to crying, I could hear it in her voice.

I didn't know how to answer. After the things they did to us at Easter, no wonder she was having nightmares. I hated them for that. I'd regularly tell them to leave Utau alone and just give her punishment to me, but she'd never find that out. She'd blame herself.

Before I could say anything, she had shuffled over to my bed and lay down next to me under the covers. Immediately I pushed her away from me, not off the bed, just as far away as I could. I was undressed and the thought of her next to me like that, was just too creepy.

"Utau! I'm not dressed" I said, sounding slightly annoyed. She looked at me with wide eyes.

"So?" she replied and practically leapt at me. She hugged me tightly and I felt her leg brush against mine, which was far too close for comfort.

I shoved her off of me and turned to face the wall.

"You need to get some sleep." I said coldly.

"Ikuto?"

She sat there, motionless for a moment, looking at me. She then cautiously crawled over to me and kissed me lightly on the cheek. I flinched, frowning at my younger sister.

"I'm sorry" Utau said softly. She left and quietly shut the door behind her. I felt kind of bad about acting mad at her, but it was the only way she'd listen.

I let out a frustrated groan and tried to sleep.

I was almost drifting off when I heard a noise. My eyes shot open and I listened hard. Please don't let it be dad… I heard it again but I couldn't make sense of it. I could tell it was coming from the room next door, Utau's bedroom. I slowly got up and threw on a pair of boxers before creeping out of my room and stopping by my sister's door. Thank the lord for my silent, cat-like ability to get around everywhere unnoticed.

I listened again and I heard quiet sobbing. She was crying.

I hoped it wasn't me that hurt her… Now I felt guilty. Ugh, I was going to kick myself in the morning for this…

I quietly opened her bedroom door and watched as she shot up in bed.

"H-Hello?" she said, the fear obvious in her voice.

"It's okay, it's me" I whispered. I heard her sigh with relief and I walked towards her bed, feeling even guiltier as I watched her huddle up, staring up at me as tears formed in her big violet eyes.

"I, I said I'm sorry Ikuto. I really am, I didn't…" she stopped mid-sentence as I lifted back her bed sheet and climbed into her bed. I sat there looking at her and sighed again, ignoring the look of surprise painted over her features.

"Don't be sorry" I said quietly, "Go to sleep"

Her lips parted and she watched me for a moment, then she smiled sweetly.

"Th-Thank you big brother." she whispered. I lay down on my back and stared out of the window that filled the room with a dim light. I noticed Utau was still sitting up and I saw her turn to face the opposite direction. I looked at her and noticed her shoulders were shaking. She was crying again. I bit my lip; I hated seeing her like this.

Sitting up again, I pulled her to me with one hand and pushed her onto her back. She stared up at me and I wiped away a tear from her cheek.

"Utau, shh, I'm here" I said softly. I didn't show this side often, but I couldn't watch my sister cry and do nothing about it. I then lay back down and closed my eyes, one arm wrapped around her waist and the other placed lazily by my side. I didn't like holding her this way, but I knew it made her feel safe and it would stop her tears.

"I…Ikuto can I? Can I…" said Utau. I knew what she meant, and reluctantly nodded. I was her big brother, and she needed me. I had no choice. I saw her face light up and she placed her head on my chest, wrapping an arm around me. I looked at the ceiling and reminded myself over and over, this was my sister. This was okay right? Siblings hugged like this all the time, I'm just protecting her that's all, but I knew it meant more to her than that. I didn't like it.

I pulled the covers up further so that it covered Utau's shoulder and my lips formed a small smile as I watched her fall asleep. Soon afterwards, I closed my own eyes and drifted off into a light slumber.

I woke up the next morning with a yawn and glanced at the clock hanging on the wall. It was seven and both Utau and I had school that day. I gently shook my little sister, who was still curled up next to me with her head resting on my chest.

"Huh?" she said, opening her eyes and rubbing them.

"You have to get ready for school" I said coolly. She nodded.

"I'm going to get in the shower. Listen, Ikuto? Thank you for staying with me."

"Mm" I replied, avoiding her gaze. She brought her face closer to mine, our lips mere centimetres apart. Utau started to close the gap between us but I firmly placed a hand on her shoulder to stop her. She looked down, disappointed. I got up and went to my room to get ready for school.

…

I heaved a sigh as I placed my bag down by my door and slumped onto my bed. My eyes fell shut and I considered completing some homework but quickly decided against it. No, a nice nap seemed much more appealing.

I woke up much later than I had planned. It was now six thirty and I assumed it was due to the lack of sleep I had gotten the night before. I groaned and rubbed my eyes. I wanted to see Amu today but it was probably too late now. Suddenly my door opened. I looked up in surprise and stared at her.

"What is it this time?" I asked, yawning. My expression soon softened as I noticed she had been crying. Not again.

"Mama and Papa are fighting again…" she said in a tiny voice. As if on cue, I heard something smash and my mother shouting. I shook my head and cursed under my breath. I grabbed some money out of my bag and took Utau by the arm.

"Come on, we're going out." I said. I wasn't going to just sit here and listen to those idiots argue all night. We probably wouldn't get dinner again, so it was best for me and Utau to just get out of there.

"Where do you think you're going?!" my dad snapped at us. I glared at him and opened the front door.

"Out" I replied and before he could answer I hurried Utau out the door and led her down the street. I was surprised he had even noticed us leaving to be honest.

"Where are we going Ikuto?" asked Utau, clinging to my arm tightly.

"To get some dinner" I replied blankly.

We got some food from a nearby café and I led Utau to the small grassy clearing that I always went to. When I needed to think, sleep, play my violin and just get away from it all, I would go there. It was surrounded by trees and on a clear night you had a complete view of the stars, it was beautiful. I grinned at the amazed look on my sister's face; I knew she'd like it here.

"I wonder where Iru and Eru are…" mumbled Utau.

"With Yoru I assume" I answered casually before taking a mouthful of food. We sat there for about an hour eating and talking, purposely trying to pass the time. I didn't want to go back home, but we both knew we had to. We slowly made our way home and got back at around nine. I crept in the doorway and shut the door behind me as quietly as I could, praying that it was unheard. We made it to our bedrooms and I got changed into a loose T-shirt and shorts. I lay down on my bed and got under the covers. Maybe tonight I'd get a good sleep.

'Knock Knock'

Or not.

Mm, there's chapter 1 but I've pretty much wrote the whole story in my head so chapter 2 will be up very soon. Please Review ^^

SayoChan x