Chapter 1: Amnesia

Disclaimer: I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin

Summary: Levi absorbed all the information like a sponge, eager to learn more about himself. [Modern AU]

It was like emerging from deep water.

His body felt weak and heavy.

Images blurred around him and voices echoed in a far corner of his mind before he faded. When he woke up again, the world was no longer a dizzying vortex of colors and sounds. His eyes were glazed over as he watched the blobs around him move without really seeing them. He was barely conscious for a few seconds before going under again.

The third time he woke up, everything was much less foggy. He blinked, trying to clear his head as his eyesight took a few seconds to adjust to his surroundings.

White walls engulfed him. A steady beeping came from his left. It began to pick up as the fog covering his mind began to dissipate. Still a little groggy, he turned at the sound of the door opening. A woman in light blue scrubs came up to him.

"Welcome back," she smiled. She could see awareness creeping into his gray eyes. "You were in an accident, do you remember?" He shook his head. "It's alright, that's not uncommon." She held up three fingers. "Can you see how many fingers I'm holding up?"

"Three," he croaked. His voice wasn't as raspy as he was expecting. So he couldn't have been unconscious for long.

"Can you follow my finger?"

He did.

"You didn't suffer from any spinal injuries but just to be sure, can you wiggle your toes and fingers for me, please?"

Relief that he could still feel and work his limbs and everything from his eyebrows and to his toes eased his tensed muscles. The nurse finished her check-up and smiled, "Looks like you're going to be just fine. We'd like to keep you for a few more days, just to make sure you're in perfect condition."

Her words were met with a grateful nod.

"Now, one last question. Do you know your name?"

He opened his mouth to answer, but nothing came out. The nurse's expectant expression morphed into a frown. Seeing him start to panic, she quickly said, "Don't worry, let me call the doctor and she can help clear this up." She was an intern. Recognizing the delicate situation for what it was, she decided it prudent to let the more experienced professional handle it.

Petra wrung her hands nervously, waiting for the doctor. Her eyes darted around the room, bouncing from the posters of the human brain to the bookshelf to the back of three photo frames. She couldn't help but take a weird interest in who was in the photos. The doctor's family? Or a graduation photo? A pet, maybe? She curled her fingers into fists, squashing the impulse to grab them moments before the woman walked in, shutting the door quietly behind her.

"How is he?" Petra stood up.

Dr. Miller waved her hand, gesturing for the young woman to sit back down. "His injuries were non-threatening and there's no permanent damage in his body. He'll be sore for a week but he'll be fully healed by the end of the month."

"Oh thank you!" Petra said in relief and her heartbeat finally, after what felt like forever, came under control.

"However," the doctor began calmly, "there is one issue."

"What's wrong?" Her eyes widened in alarm.

"Mr. Ackerman seems to have lost his memories."

"What? He's...got amnesia?" Of all the things she was expecting, that was not it. She'd worried herself sick over Levi not making it, falling into a coma, or becoming crippled. Amnesia hadn't crossed her mind. Petra felt completely unprepared and didn't know how to react to the situation.

"I can't say anything for certain right now," Dr. Miller said. "We'd like to do a few more tests."

"Does he remember anything? How long will it last?"

"He didn't suffer any noticeable damage to his brain. It could be purely psychological. There's a chance he'll wake up tomorrow and remember everything. However, we'll need to do tests to be sure."

"What," Petra swallowed, her mouth dry, "what kind of tests?"

"Physical exams to check reflexes, sensory function, and balance. Cognitive exams to check his general knowledge, knowledge of the past, and personal knowledge. Also, I'd like to run diagnostic tests such as an MRI and a CT scan."

"What can you learn from those? Will they determine how long his amnesia will last?" She knew it was impossible to tell how long someone could be effected by memory loss, but she couldn't help but ask anyway.

"There's been a lot of progress in the field of neuroscience, but the human brain is still a mystery. Unfortunately, there are no tests we can do to tell how long it'll affect him. As I said before, it might be short-term. These tests will help determine what kind of amnesia he's suffering from."

"Okay, whatever you think is best. Can I see him?"

"Of course," Dr. Miller stood. "I imagine it would a relief for him to see you. I should warn you, there's a high possibility he won't remember you. From what I've gathered, I'm fairly certain he won't." Petra visibly collected herself, preparing herself mentally for the meet. "He doesn't know who he is, where he is, and it is a very confusing and scary situation for him. Knowing he has someone to rely on will help ease his anxiety."

Petra nodded, following the woman to the cream-colored room. Inside was a single, occupied bed by the window. Levi locked eyes with her for a second before the doctor spoke, catching his attention. It had been enough to make her freeze. Should I be here? Immediately she felt ridiculous for having such a silly thought. Ignoring the painful squeeze in her chest, she came closer.

"...I'll leave you two then," Dr. Miller said, smiling, breaking Petra's thoughts and bringing the young woman back to the present.

"Hey," she said softly, mentally cursing herself for not saying something of more substance.

"Hello," Levi blinked, observing the woman before him. "Who're you?"

She felt slightly overwhelmed by the depth of his stare. Uncertainty crept into her thoughts. "I'm Petra. I'm your wife." There, she said it. Feeling the weight of his gaze, she turned to grab the comfy looking tan chair and moved it by his bedside, taking a seat. "Do you remember me?"

"No."

Sadness seeped into her expression before she quickly covered it with a smile.

An uncomfortable feeling welled up in Levi's chest.

His wife was dressed modestly, a white cashmere top with a red skirt and black tights. Her clothes were wrinkled. Aside from the left ring finger and simple gold earnings, he saw no other pieces of jewelry. The way she dressed was his first impression of her. Levi frowned, she'd looked so gentle and his answer had upset her. It didn't make him feel good inside.

"That's okay, Dr. Miller said that was highly possible," she reassured him, placing her hand on his. She quickly retracted it when his eyes landed on her slim fingers. Petra watched him carefully, trying not to make him uncomfortable with sudden contact, knowing her husband preferred his personal space.

The caring way she was watching made Levi feel...nice. And he wished she hadn't removed her hand, it was warm and soft and he found himself missing the feeling, as ephemeral as it had been. It had also brought up another question. "Where's my ring?" He looked at his empty left hand.

"I think they had to remove it. It was probably procedural," she shrugged, not expecting those words to come out of his mouth. He's not the man you remember. He has no idea who he is anymore.

"How did I end up here?" Levi asked. "I was told I had an accident but that's about it."

"You were brought here last night, after you crashed into a tree."

For some inexplicable reason, Levi felt embarrassed. "Was I drunk?"

"No, no, it wasn't your fault," Petra shook her head. "You were driving near a trail and there have been accidents on that road when deer suddenly jump out." He nodded, glad it hadn't been because of something stupid he did. "It happened just as you came around a curve. They told me from the tire tracks they found, you must've swerved to avoid hitting a deer—they found fresh tracks—and ended up hitting a tree instead."

Levi watched curiously as Petra suddenly tried to stifle a yawn. The dark bags under her eyes made her state of dress make more sense. Has she been here since last night? The nurse had told him he'd been declared safe and not in danger soon after he'd been brought in. Yet his wife hadn't slept a wink until he woke up.

"You're tired, you should get some rest."

"Oh no," she held up her hands, smiling, "I'm alright, I—"

"It's okay," Levi shrugged, "I'm not going anywhere. The tests are going to take a while I assume."

Petra shook her head, "And that's why I need to stay. You should have someone by your side...so...you're...not alone." She tugged nervously at her hair, intimidated.

Levi blinked, noticing her blush and darting eyes, looking everywhere but at him. You're creeping her out. So caught up in her eyes and touched by her devotion, he hadn't realized how hard he must have been staring. "Right," Levi nodded. He wasn't sure if he should thank her. She smiled, pleased, and he felt it too late now. "Have you had anything to eat?"

On cue, a loud growl erupted from her stomach. Redness flooded her cheeks. Her face morphed into an expression of mortification, making him chuckle.

"That's my answer then. If you want to stay, I'd be grateful," he admitted honestly. "But you should get something to eat first."

Petra shot up, nodding, "Yeah, I'll go now." She gave him a backward glance at the door.

"I'll be here," he gave her a small wave, trying to look encouraging. With a nod, she closed the door behind her. Levi settled back, looking thoughtful. "Petra," he tested the name out. It felt neither familiar nor foreign. My name is Levi. I have a wife. Her name is Petra. He closed his eyes. She's pretty nice. And pretty. He wondered how they met. Did they have kids?

She would have told me. And she had looked young, early twenties if he were to guess. Questions whirled around in his head. He had wanted to ask her so many things, eager to soak up all the information she had to offer. But it didn't feel right to want to hog her all to himself and neglect her own well-being.

When Petra returned less than five minutes later holding a bag of chips, cookies, and a bottle of juice, Levi shot her a look of disapproval, stopping her in her tracks. "You should eat some proper food."

Petra took a seat, "It's alright. I don't like hospital food."

He frowned, "Have you been in the hospital before?"

"No," Petra admitted sheepishly, "but all the movies and TV shows say it tastes awful." She couldn't help but giggle at the look on his face. "The expressions you're making…are so you."

Levi decided he really liked her smile. She was happy and it lit up her entire face. "Tell me about yourself."

She stopped, hand frozen in the air with a chip. "You...want to know about me?" He nodded. "I… Don't you want to know about yourself?"

"Yeah, but I'm more curious about you right now." He didn't know how to explain it to her. Like learning more about her would explain something about himself.

"Okay," Petra nodded, then took a sip of her soda. "Um, let's see...uh...I'm twenty-one. I love movies and TV shows and reading. Courage, loyalty, and perseverance are my three of my favorite values. I'm not religious but I can respect religion and those who do believe. I do believe in aliens though, and equality for everyone. Not a fan of politics. And I really love animals! Christmas is my favorite holiday. I really appreciate friends and family and like to have a strong relationship with them. My favorite color is...gosh, that's a hard one."

Levi couldn't help but be amused by her last answer. She seemed to have a firm stance on the more serious topics but had a hard time deciding what her favorite color was.

"I guess it kind of depends. Right now it's blue, like lapis lazuli blue."

"What do you hate?"

Petra seemed slightly taken back by the question. "I don't really know. I mean, I hate abusers like anyone else. But I don't really hate anyone or anything on a personal basis. Except for jay-walkers maybe," she shrugged, smiling. "It just takes so much effort," Petra shook her head.

Before Levi could ask her another question, the door opened. It was time to start the tests. They began with a physical exam. Some questions, such as if he were taking a new medication or had any allergies, were directed at Petra. The physical involved checking his head, neck, abdominal area, blood, reflexes, sensory function, and balance. It had all been pretty easy. Levi hadn't minded those.

Next came the cognitive exam with questions about current times and he was asked who the president was and events that had taken place recently. Levi had some trouble answering some of those questions, but drew a complete blank when it came to personal information.

He couldn't recall any family or friends or events directly related to him. It was unnerving. Not knowing who he was. His eyes flickered over to his wife, finding comfort in her supportive presence.

Finally came the brain scans. Levi didn't mind the CT scan too much. It had taken about five minutes. The MRI was a different story. "You'll have to stay still for about half an hour," the technician said, strapping Levi in. "It may feel claustrophobic, but there is a two-way intercom so we can talk. Let me know if you feel too uncomfortable."

"I'm not claustrophobic, am I?" Levi asked. The MRI machine reminded him of the CT one, both shaped like a donut. Except this one had much less room.

"You're not too keen on people invading your personal space, but no, you're not claustrophobic. Though I can understand why you might feel so," Petra eyed the white machinery. "Don't worry, like he said, we can still talk." The procedure took over half an hour, and while dull, it wasn't as awful as he had been expecting.

"Hospital food sucks," Levi stabbed at his food unhappily, making Petra smile. Rarely did she see this side of him.

"You never did like broccoli."

"What was I like?" Levi finally asked.

Petra paused thoughtfully. "Very driven." Her lips twitched, "And a huge clean-freak."

Levi nodded, "Explains the urges I keep having to fix a few things here and there."

"You really enjoy tea and you're very athletic. Oh, and you're twenty-five."

"When did we get married?"

"Three years ago."

The answer took him by surprise. I would've been twenty-two, and she would've been eighteen. She hadn't brought up kids so he was sure it wasn't an unplanned pregnancy. "Why did we get married so young?"

Petra hesitated for a moment. "That's kind of complicated."

Levi shrugged, "The results won't be back for hours. I've got time."

"Right," she nodded. "It was an arranged marriage."

"Really?" That was not what he had been expecting. "Why? How?"

"It was done by my father and your uncle. They'd known each other for a very long time. They figured might as well make it official and join families."

That made a little more sense. "Why did you agree? You were really young."

Sadness once again overtook her features. This time she didn't try to hide her pain.

"My father, my only family, passed away when I was seventeen. He was very sick and it was one of the reasons he brought it up. Dad didn't want to leave me all alone in this world. He had been a lawyer for your family's company for over twenty years so your uncle was completely for it. I'd met you a few times over the years so we were at least acquainted." She smiled softly, "You were very kind to me when my dad passed away."

Levi was glad for that. "Tell me more."

"Well, we got married after I graduated from high school. It was around the same time you graduated with a degree in Software Engineering."

"Are you in college now?"

"Yes, Sina University, the same one you attended. I'm majoring in Chemistry."

"Is it hard?"

"A little. I'm in my junior year so I'm finally doing core classes for my degree."

"You mentioned my family's company. And my uncle. Can you tell me more about them?" He wondered about his parents and potential siblings. What were they like? Did they know he was hospitalized from in an accident? Petra must have told them. Were they worried about him?

"We're actually here in Shinganshina visiting your cousin's—Mikasa's—family. You were raised by your uncle in Sina but spent a lot of time here with your cousin. You two are close, especially since neither of you has any siblings."

"Do they know I'm here?"

"No, they're on a camping trip for the weekend. The cell reception's pretty bad out there. Your uncle's not in the country and I wasn't able to get in touch with him."

Levi asked more questions, about his uncle, his cousin and her parents, the company, and about himself.

Petra was more than happy to answer and share many things in detail.

Sometimes, he found the answers a little odd but kept that to himself, more so out of hope that he was just overthinking things.

It's so soft. His lips twitched into a smile. And knotted. Petra's eyes fluttered open. She caught Levi's hand before he could retract it. Blinking twice to clear the last of the sleep, she straightened up. Levi gently tugged his hand from hers. "The results are here. The doctor said she'll be ready to see us in a couple of minutes."

"I'm sorry," Petra began to straighten her hair and clothes.

"It's alright. You were tired. When was the last time you slept?" He asked. She took a few seconds to think, trying to calculate in her head. "Too long," Levi said when Petra didn't reply immediately. She yawned and stretched. "You're still tired. You only slept two hours."

"I'm okay for now. What did you do for two hours?"

Watched you sleep and fantasized about us didn't seem like a particularly appropriate answer. "Took a nap and spaced-out for the last half hour."

"Are those your clothes?"

"Yes," Levi picked up the clear packet, making out a gray shirt and black pants. "Fortunately, they didn't get any blood on them." He touched the bandaged cut on his forehead.

"Well," Petra stood, "I'll leave you to get changed."

"No need, I can get changed in the bathroom," Levi moved the blanket aside, getting out of bed.

He mentally cringed when he realized he wasn't wearing anything underneath the hospital robe. Undoubtedly it wasn't anything his wife hadn't seen before. And despite everything she'd shared about herself, she still felt like a stranger to him. He felt like a stranger to himself. Much to his relief, the bathroom was behind her and he hoped she wouldn't turn to watch him. It took him a minute to pull on his clothes. His body was sore and stiff but nothing he couldn't handle.

Levi stared at his reflection. Black hair in an undercut with gray, sunken eyes, and pale skin. The man staring back was a stranger. A confused and tired stranger. He swallowed, watching the Adam's apple bob up and down. So, this is what I look like. Levi's fingers rested on his face.

Looking at his reflection and not recognizing the face staring back was incredibly unnerving.

"Levi?" Petra knocked on the door. "Are you okay?" There was a hint of worry in her tone.

Snapping out of his weird trance, he stared at his reflection a few more seconds to memorize the face gazing back, and opened the door. "I'm almost ready, I just need to put my shoes on."

They couldn't decipher the expression on the doctor's face, a calm, professional look firmly in place. "How do you feel Mr. Ackerman?"

"There's a dull ache, but nothing too bad."

"You can take aspirin for the pain. Don't do anything too stressful on your mind or your body. The best thing for you right now is plenty of rest." Dr. Miller opened the manila folder, spreading out the black sheets with gray-blue images of the brain. "This is what a normal, healthy brain looks like." She tapped the images across from it. "This is your brain."

"There doesn't seem to be a difference," Petra said.

"Is that good or bad?" Levi wasn't sure.

"Both," the doctor replied. "The good news is that you don't have any damage to your brain. The bad news is, it's hard to pinpoint what exactly is causing your amnesia. If there had been visible damage, we could've ascertained a possibly reason for your memory loss. As it is, we don't know what exactly caused your amnesia and how to fix it. Medical science has not yet completely discovered the secrets of the human mind."

"So, what now?" Petra asked.

"From what we've gathered, your mind is clear of any personal memories while your procedural memories—muscle memory—remains intact. There's nothing to suggest you'll have continuous amnesia in the future. That is, you make new memories and forget them later. But that's not a certainty."

"Is there a chance they'll come back?" Levi asked.

"I have no way of confirming that but there is a possibility that eventually, in time, you may get them back."

"But there's also a chance I'll continue to have amnesia."

"Again, it's a possibility. We'll have to wait and see. Fortunately, we live in an advanced world. With the help of technology, it's possible to live a relatively normal life if that does happen."

The conversation wrapped up soon after that and the couple took their leave.

Levi stared out the window, watching the streets and houses outside the car. Petra pulled up to a charming two-story brick house with white trims and dark brown doors and windows. His eyes scanned everything, absorbing every little detail. So, this is home. Or home away from home. The interior was clean, stylish, and surprisingly homey.

"It's..." Strange. Foreign. Unknown. "...nice." That wasn't entirely false. There were little personal touches here and there. He saw funny paintings, a bowl of candy, photos, and figurines that all screamed Petra.

"Let me show you around."

After he had toured the entire house, it felt slightly less odd. He still felt out of place but now at least he knew where everything was. They changed into more comfortable clothes since it was evening and neither had plans to leave the house. An awkward silence had fallen between them. Levi grasped at something, anything, to break the silence. "Tell me about...current events," he finally said lamely.

Current events? Why not just watch the news? Levi sighed internally. Petra pulled up her legs, making herself comfortable on the couch. "Current events?"

"Yeah, what's going on? Any interesting events."

It was a dull topic what with him not knowing who she was talking about, but at least the silence was gone. The mood improved greatly once they somehow landed on the subject of TV and movie stars. And then to the shows and films themselves. Petra had grabbed her laptop from the table so she could search who and what they were talking about and he could see them.

Once a comfortable rhythm had been set, Levi asked more pointed questions, mainly concerning his family. Heating up leftovers, they settled to watch home videos and stroll through photos on Petra's laptop.

Levi absorbed all the information like a sponge, eager to learn more about himself.

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