February 18, 2007
Sirius Black wasn't sure how to feel when he got the call from his brother revealing that their mother had passed away the night before. It was nothing like when James and Lily had died. That was terrible. He had felt like a part of him had died. But this… this was different.
He had never had the best relationship with Walburga Black, in fact it had been awful. Toxic was perhaps the word he thought best suited it. When he realised that the first thing he felt was relief, he immediately began to feel guilty.
"Does that make me terrible? Am I bad person, Remus?" Sirius asked his boyfriend, who was dressing their adopted son, Harry, getting ready to drive everyone to the funeral.
"Of course, not. You're only human, Sirius. You can't help how you feel," Remus said.
Well, of course, Remus wasn't going to tell him he was a terrible person. He loved Sirius. He couldn't see things objectively.
"What I feel is guilt," Sirius replied.
Remus frowned and shrugged.
"Go say goodbye to Padfoot, Harry," Remus said, patting Harry on the shoulder.
The three-year old dashed out of his room laughing along the way. A moment later there were sounds of a barking dog and a happy child laughing in unison.
Remus walked over to Sirius and gave him a brief, tender kiss on the lips.
"That woman made you miserable for most of your life while you were alive. Don't allow her to torment you after she's dead too," Remus said.
Sirius sighed and nodded. He knew Remus was right but wasn't sure if that would really help him shake that feeling. The true test would be the funeral. Could he look his relatives in the face and bury his guilt at the same time?
"No, Padfoot. You aren't coming," Remus said to the big, black dog as they made it to the front door.
Harry hugged the dog's neck again then Remus picked up Harry up. Padfoot whimpered and laid by the door where he would probably still be when they returned, unless Peter came home to provide him with a much needed distraction.
The funeral was down in London. His mother and father had bought plots in a cemetery down there years ago in the company of other members of the Black family. It had been a while since Sirius had been back down to London. James had taken them all down there a few times for teenage shenanigans. Remus had been talking about visiting his sister down there for ages but nothing ever came of it.
Sirius wasn't even sure why he had agreed to go to the blasted funeral. Perhaps, it was that dreaded beast they called closure. If he could see her lowered into ground he would know she was gone; he would know he was free.
The funeral was more unpleasant that Sirius anticipated. His cousin Bellatrix wouldn't stop sneering at him and most of the relatives didn't even want to acknowledge that he existed, though they were more than happy to talk to Regulus.
Only one relative approached Sirius after the funeral had ended, one he had worried might never accept him if she knew he was gay. His cousin Andromeda approached him, with a tall and thin girl with short brown hair by her side that Sirius realised must be her daughter, Nymphadora.
"Sirius. It's good to see you," Andromeda said, touching her cousin on the arm affectionately.
Andromeda was an attractive woman by most standards. Good looks ran in the Black family. But there was a warmth to her that no one else in the family had. Despite sharing a clear resemblance to her sisters Narcissa and Bellatrix her demeanour was very different.
"Same to you. And you must be Nymphadora," Sirius said, smiling at the girl.
"Don't call me that," the girl said, scowling.
"The other children at school aren't very kind. We've taken to calling her Dora though she seems to like it when people just call her Tonks," Andromeda said, almost sounding like she was apologising.
"Pleased to meet you, Tonks," Remus chimed in.
The girl smiled at Remus and said, "Hi."
"Hi," Harry said to her.
The boy had slowly been creeping up to her, smiling with his usual curiosity.
"This is Harry," Sirius said to the girl.
"Hi, Harry," Tonks said to the three-year old.
"Harry is my adopted son… our adopted son I mean… umm… Oh, Andromeda this is…" Sirius started while gesturing towards Remus, suddenly becoming unsure how to finish that sentence.
"Your fiancé, I believe," Andromeda said, gesturing at the pagan ring on Remus's finger.
"Yes. Yes he is," Sirius admitted.
"How wonderful! When is the wedding? I would like to attend," Andromeda said.
Sirius grinned.
"It's actually still a bit off. We want it to be special. We've currently set it for Halloween next year. You are certainly welcome to come and bring your husband and daughter. It's going to be a pagan wedding," Sirius said.
"That sounds delightful. Oh, I'm sorry Ted isn't here today. You know how the family treats him," Andromeda said, her dark red lips frowning.
Sirius nodded. When Andromeda had married Ted Tonks, someone they believed was far below her in class, many of them wanted to disown her. He didn't imagine he would have a much better chance at getting them to accept Remus.
"Well, I'm afraid we must be going. It was wonderful to see you again, Sirius," Andromeda said and gave him a hug.
"It was nice to meet you," Remus said and Andromeda clasped his hands then said, "The pleasure was all mine."
As soon as Andromeda was gone another figure arrived, almost on cue: Andromeda's sister Bellatrix.
"Hello, Sirius," Bellatrix said with a sneer.
"Hello, Bella," Sirius said.
"Is this your… boyfriend," Bellatrix asked, giving Remus a nasty look.
"Yes," Sirius said, wishing she would just go away.
"Heard about your friends," Bellatrix said, her thin lips twitching in an almost grin.
Sirius didn't reply. Instead he looked around, wondering where his brother had wandered off to. When he turned around three additional figures had arrived: his cousin Narcissa, her husband Lucius Malfoy and their young son.
"Narcissa," Sirius said.
Narcissa scowled at first but that evolved into a polite smile.
"Sirius," she echoed.
"This is his boyfriend," Bellatrix said, pointing at Remus.
Lucius looked uncomfortable and clutched his son's shoulders as if wanting to protect him.
"How lovely," Narcissa said in a way that sounded anything but sincere.
"Hi," Harry said to Lucius and Narcissa's offspring.
The blond haired child didn't reply. He appeared to be Harry's age but he already had a self-important and disapproving look to him.
"Be polite, Draco. Say hello," Narcissa said to her son.
"Hello," the small, scowling boy said.
Harry smiled at Draco, possibly unaware of how unpleasant he was being or possibly not really caring.
"Well, it was… nice seeing you," Narcissa said and walked away with her family.
Bellatrix remained for a moment then snickered and walked away as well. Sirius finally located Regulus walking around in the back of the cemetery, looking worn down.
"Sirius," Regs said and walked over and gave his brother a hug.
"Oh. Hi, Regs," Sirius said, not used to such affection from his brother.
"I'm glad you came. Listen, I meant what I said before… about splitting whatever mum's left me. It might take some time, of course. All her assets have to be sold and she didn't leave everything to me. But whatever she did leave… half of it is yours," Regulus said.
Regulus looked better than the last couple of times Sirius saw him but he still had a look to him that said that at any moment he could fall of an edge into whatever darkness he had fallen into before.
"Hello, Harry," Regulus said to Harry.
"This is your uncle Regulus, Harry," Sirius said to his son.
"Hi," Harry said.
"The lad's eyes are really something," Regulus said.
"He inherited those from his mother. Otherwise he looks very much like his father," Sirius said.
Regulus smiled.
"You should come stay with us sometime, Regulus," Remus said.
"I'd like that. Just need to get everything with mum's estate settled. Well, I better let you blokes go. Long drive back to North Yorkshire," Regulus said.
"Good seeing you," Sirius said.
"Cheers," Regulus said.
The drive back up north was quiet, at least as long as Sirius remained awake. Sirius was grateful to get home and get himself into pyjamas to snuggle with Remus and Harry on the sofa with Padfoot sleeping at their feet.
They sat and watched telly while Harry slept between them and Sirius puzzled over the strange feelings he was experiencing after the funeral. He felt a sense of peace and he felt great happiness over reconnecting with his favourite cousin. But he also received a reminder that he can probably never be comfortable with his much of his biological family. Instead he would have to settle for the family that he had there in Richmond: his fiancé and his son. Everything else was just a bonus.
Sirius sighed in peace and didn't feel guilty at all.