This story is on request from my friend. Enjoy!
Snape stood in his classroom one day, cleaning his tabletop from another messy experiment. Potter and the Red Haired One had not been attending their Iniuria Magna potion, and a huge, golf-ball sized drop had landed on each of their faces, earning them two months in the infirmary.
'Great, two months in which I will not have to deal with them.' Snape thought inside his greasy head.
Suddenly, Snape whipped his head around as he saw two…people out of his peripheral vision.
"WHAT, exactly, are you doing inside of my classroom? I will have you know-"
"Uhhh, buddeh, weer just looking' fer the gah who runsh dish place," the first sordid human told him.
"My name is Professor Snape, and I will have you call me by no other name."
"Alraght. Yer new name ish Shirrlee." he replied.
"Tell him abawt deh problem!" exclaimed the second.
"Raght. Weel, we ish here toe talk. Yew Magikers is taken' our fewd shupplah."
"Such ash pikkls," informed the second.
"Such ash pikkls," repeated the first.
"Ayund cawfeh," continued the second.
"Ayund cawfeh," repeated the first.
"Ayund pah," added the second, thoughtfully.
"Ayund pah," repeated the first, seeming to grow tired of this.
"But doyont forgeht chez," intoned the second.
"But doyont forgeht chez," repeated the first.
Then they glanced at each other, and realizing what they had left out, their eyes grew wide.
"AYUND CHAWKOLATE!" they whined. Then they started bouncing around the room (and off of the ceiling) because of this thought.
"Alright," the weary professor admitted, "I will take you to see the headmaster. But first, what are the two of you called?"
They stopped, mid-flight, and fell to the floor.
"Weel, I'm called Billeh," the second human answered.
"Ayund I ish called Joe." the first sordid human told him.
"What… are… you?" asked Snape warily.
"We ish…. REDNECKES!" Then the two "rednecks" did a weird handshake that Snape assumed that they had learned from the cows.
Snape slapped his face.
"Very well, I shall take you to Professor Dumbledore, our Headmaster."
"Ooh! Da heedmaster!" the rednecks cried in unison.
While they were walking down the hallways, student, well, sniggered. The rednecks got in their face and yelled at them, "WHY ISH YEW LAFFIN AT US! YEW MAGIKERS ISH WEERED! DA GUYSH WEAR DRESSHESH, AND DA GIRLS WEAR TIIES!" But when they noticed that Snape had moved on, they yelled, "HAY SHIRRLEE! WAYAT UUPP!" and scurried down the hallway to follow him.
Soon, to Snape's relief, they were at his office. Snape rapped gently on the door. "Professor, some… visitors to see you."
It did not take long for Dumbledore to come to a verdict: the rednecks would stay in Slytherin and have specially cooked meals for them.
Snape, once again, slapped his face. He did not, for the first time, know what to do.