So this is the first time writing smut for me, tell me what you think about it and what I should improve about it :) hope you like it ^^
have a nice read! :3
It was our usual lazy morning lunchtime. I was lying on Phil, resting my head on his chest while watching attack on titan on TV and eating breakfast. He held me in his arms and buried his head in my back to hide his face whenever the sad, gory scenes came. I just laughed and turned over to kiss him. He wraps his arms around my neck and kisses me back. We end up making out with each other on the couch until we remember we have to get ready to go to work at the radio station. It's like this almost every morning, it has become our routine. Phil and I were dating now for 2 month and it has been the happiest time of my life by now. I feel so lucky and fulfilled, but since a few days now i feel like something's missing, like there needs to be something; something more. I don't know how to explain it, i've been feeling weird like that around Phil for days now. Not like I didn't want him anymore, no, more like… I needed something from him. Our relationship went perfectly fine by now, but it still needed this certain… passion, you know? I love kissing Phil, making out with him, cuddling him, but i want more. I need more. How could I possibly tell him? I don't know if he thinks the same about me, I don't want to rush him into it. I happen to fantasize about him sometimes during the day. As I went to take a shower I imagined how it would be taking it with Phil. Standing under the hot water, kissing and touching our wet, naked bodies. Just thinking of it almost made me hard. « Shake these thoughts out you pervert! », i thought to myself while getting ready.
« Come on Dan, we'll be late! », Phil called from the front door. « If we miss our train it's over ». As usual I'm the one who's late, which stressed him out like hell. I just finished showering, still needed to get dressed. I put on a towel around my waist and went out of the bathroom, but as I opened the door Phil was standing in front of me. « Dan you- », he stopped and stared at me. « … Oh, you're not dressed. ». He looked really uncomfortable, which is weird since he already saw me in underwear so it wouldn't be a big deal to see me just with a towel. « I'll just wait in the living room, hurry up. », he said looking at the ground and walked away. I went in my room and put some clothes on. « How can I tell him if seeing me naked makes him so uncomfortable? Telling him would probably scare or disgust him. What should I do? », I said to myself. There needs to be a way to make him understand without directly saying it. But what if he really doesn't want it?
We ran down the street until we arrived at the train station and we just caught our train on last minute. « I told you we wouldn't miss our train », I said breathing heavily from the marathon we just ran. Phil sat down also finding his breath again. « We wouldn't have to run if we left earlier. », he said. I sat down next to him. « Should I say something now? Is it the right place for a conversation like that? Should i rather wait or show him instead? », my thoughts were racing in my head. I decided to stay quiet and wait. I looked down at his hand resting on his lap. I wanted to hold it, like we usually do now, but instead I accidentally grabbed his crotch. Phil startled and looked at me shocked, his eyes wide open. « Sorry, I just wanted to hold hands, but my hand slipped. », I said a bit embarrassed. « It's ok. », he answered also embarrassed, looking at the ground again. How am I supposed to feel about that now?
After our set at the radio station we came back home. Honestly, I couldn't get this though about Phil and me out of my head the whole time. I even kept on staring at him during the whole radio show, hoping he wouldn't notice. It was awkwardly quiet, none of us didn't talk, even on the train. That wasn't usual. Was it my fault? Did he notice I stared at him after all?
Phil just sat down on the couch in our living room and turned on his laptop. Why is he so quiet? He's been so absent today. I'm not the only one acting weird these past days. Should I ask him? I swallowed and sat down next to him. « Phil? », I asked « Is everything alright? You've been so quiet today. » He slowly turned his head and looked at me. « No, everything's fine. », he replied « I just… don't have anything to say i guess. Probably it's just because i'm a bit tired today.» Although he was smiling, I could see the sadness in his eyes. « Are you sure? », I kept asking, hoping I'd get a proper answer this time. He leaned in and kissed me then smiled again. It broke my heart even more knowing he's sad, but doesn't want to tell me. I decided not to force it out of him and went back to my room and also went on my laptop. I browsed on tumblr again to pass the time until lunch, but as always when i'm on tumblr, i completely forget about time. As i looked what time it is, it was already 9pm. No wonder i'm starving to death! Why didn't Phil call me for lunch like he does every day? Was he mad at me? I shake off the bad thoughts and stormed out of my room to the kitchen. « Phil, do you actually know what time it is? Why didn't you- » , I stopped as I saw no one in the kitchen. Where is he? I searched for him in the living room and saw him still lying on the couch fast asleep. « Are you actually kidding me? », I said to myself shaking my head. I went closer to wake him up, but stopped to look at him for a bit. I watched him sleep for a while. « You're lucky you're so cute when you sleep. », I said in a quiet voice to not wake him up and stroke his hair. Suddenly he moved, I thought he woke up. He looked up to me with half open eyes. « Hey. », I said quietly while smiling. « Hey. », Phil replied also smiling, then pulled me over his body and began to kiss me. He hugged me tighter and tighter against him, his hands went lower on my butt. What the hell is going on? this isn't the way we usually kiss. He never grabbed my butt before either. « Phil, what are you- » , I asked as i pulled out of the kiss, but got cut off by him biting my neck. I couldn't help but moan every time he bit, this is my sensitive spot. Every time I tried to pull out and stand up, he pulls me back agains him. His hands were now under my shirt, stroking and undressing me. This is a critical situation, if he keeps going on, I don't think I can hold back much longer. I was already hard. « Phil, I think we should stop for now. », I said as I sat up and noticed he was also hard.
« But we're not done yet. », he answered « We'll finish it like we usually do » What does he mean by that? We never did it like that before. Wait, he's not completely awake right now, does this mean he thinks he's still dreaming? Hold on, does he usually have wet dreams about me? My thoughts interrupted as Phil kissed my neck again. He brushed his hand through my hair. I shivered of all over my body. I didn't know if I should wake him up or not, I kinda didn't want to interrupt this. My whole body was trembling, my heartbeat racing. I enjoyed this moment, I didn't wanted it to end. I held his head and kissed him. Even though Phil was kind of unconscious about it, I didn't interrupted it, but as soon as he slid his hand in my pants i jumped up and pushed it away in one motion. My body reacted on it's own.
« Stop!. », I yelled, still in shock. I was so confused at this moment. It's not that I didn't wanted it to happen, but it was so sudden. Phil finally woke up completely and realized what just happened. He stared at me with wide open eyes and an expression of shock and terror. « Dan… I..I though I was… you were… », his voice trembled and cut off. « I'm so sorry. », he said and ran out of the room in his bedroom. I was still sitting half undressed on the couch, still trying to realize what just happened.
After a while of thinking and calming myself, I decided to go to his room. It was about time I tell him that I want more, that i NEED more. He seems to have the same thoughts as me, judging from what just happened. Hesitantly I slowly open the door and see him sitting on his bed, staring at the ground. He looked up to me with a sad look. « Dan, I'm so sorry, I thou- », he started but I cut him off with a kiss and pushed him on his bed. « You can apologize later, let's just finish now what you started before. », I said after pulling out of the kiss. Phil looked extremely confused about this situation, almost as much as I was earlier, but then gave in and pulled me closer. We were both still aroused from earlier. I undressed him from his shirt and kissed his neck while he pulled my pants off. It felt weird doing this with him, but at the same time like the best thing in the world. Suddenly Phil grabbed me by the shoulders and pushed me back on the bed then started kissing me. « Why didn't you tell me sooner? », I asked as I breath out for some air. Phil gazed at me with his big deep blue eyes then smirked. « I was worried it'd disgust you since you've never done it with a guy before. », he said while finding his breath again. I had the exact same feeling about it, I feel so much more relieved. We gazed at each other for a few seconds, i could lose myself in his big ocean blue eyes. He started kissing me softly again while reaching down to my crotch area to hold my member. I jumped up a little and draw together, then wrapped my arms around him. My whole body trembled and I whimpered as he started to move his hand up and down. The kiss went more intense and passionate, I could feel his tongue agains mine. His handmotion went faster and I tried as hard as I could to hold everything back. Phil started licking my neck, which made me shiver and let out a moan. He then started kissing and softly biting it. I grasp the bedsheets as I moan out loud, my body trembling even more and still holding everything back. Phil leaned over to my ear and whispered « You don't need to hold back, let yourself go. ». I could feel his warm breath on my ear and as soon as he bit it I couldn't handle it anymore.
« Oh god, no, I'm gonna… », I whimpered. I bit my lip and let out a loud moan while I free myself, then fell back, exhausted, on his bed. I was sweaty and breathing heavily, Phil leaned back to my ear and whispered again « Now it's my turn. ». I gulped at this phrase. He undid his belt and started pulling off his pants infront of me. I had a scary premonition of what was coming at me. He leaned back over me and held my hips. « Are you ready? », he asked softly, staring right into my eyes. I nodded slowly and saw Phil smirking for a second. The next second felt his member entering me. It was painful, I didn't expect that. I whimpered out loud and turned my body away. Phil looked at me worried. « Are you ok? », he asked. I tried to shake off the pain as good as I could and moved my body back like before. « Keep on going. », I whispered. Phil tried again, but this time he went alot more careful and more gentle, to be sure not to hurt me. That's just the way he is, always soft and gentle, even in this kind of situation. I felt pain again at first, I ignored it, then after a while it vanished. No pain, I just felt Phil inside me. I reach out to his head and pulled him closer for a kiss. He held my head with one hand and with his other he grabbed my wrist and pinned it above my head on the bed. I begun to trail kiss his neck while he was thrusting. I had shivers down my spine and felt Phil's body also trembling. He let out some little moans from time to time, biting his lips, tying to hold back. I wanted to tease him and bit his lip while kissing to make him moan louder. He pulled back and glared at me for a few seconds, then gave one harder thrust to tease me back. I reacted with a loud moan and leaned my head back. Phil chuckled a little from my reaction. I decided to take revenge and went to bit his neck, which finally made him react a loud whimper. I leaned closer to his ear and whispered « You don't need to hold back anymore, Phil. », then looked up and smirked at him. He smiled widely and buried his head in my shoulder, pushing me back on the bed. I ran my hand through his silky, dark hair and felt his movement accelerate. I tighten my fists and grip his head while I started moaning. Phil turned his head and whispered again in my ear « I love you », then kissed me. He moaned more and louder before he gave one last thrust and freed himself. He collapsed from exhaustion on me and I could feel his breath on my neck. We were both breathing heavily. Phil was resting his head on my shoulder while gazing at me, I turn my head to face him. « I love you too », I said with a weak, tired voice while finding my breath again. He kissed me softly then buried his head on my neck and we both fell asleep.