Incomplete
It was cold. It was cold and wet and the last few days have been weighing heavily on both of them.
She felt like her life was over, like her body was being dragged through all the scenery of hell. It was awful, she couldn't possibly take much more. Both her mind and body would fall, give out, burn up, and quit.
The only thing that seems to be holding her together is Castle. Since she knocked on his apartment door he's been with her every step of the way. Through the leads, obstacles, brick walls, and the take downs he's been here.
He's not asking questions which she's kinda happy about and he's not spitting crazy theories. It is a relief that he's taking this so seriously because this is her mothers case they're investigating and to have him make up some silly story just might push her over the edge. But at the same time he's not acting himself. She needs him to be his normal happy self because it'll give her the strength to get through this.
She can tell that he's been trying to cheer her up even if its just through the small things. Bringing her coffee on time, making her laugh even if its just a chuckle.
He could never imagine leaving her during this terrible time of distress. From previous experiences he knows she'll just close herself up, runaway from him and everything that he fought for will have been for nothing. He can't have that.
So he includes himself but at the same time gives her the space she needs. Anything she wants.
But for some reason it's not enough for her. She leaves him anyway. Something about never being able to put him first when it comes to her mothers case. And what can he possibly say to that?
Okay I understand? No that's unacceptable?
What!
He didn't know and so he let her walk away, run away from him and all that they could've been together. And over the next few months he wonders what he did. What it was exactly that made her feel like he was too much, that made her feel overwhelmed in their relationship. He finds nothing. He thought he did everything right evidently not otherwise his heart wouldn't hurt so much.
It burns, every beat of his heart without her in his life.
He checks in with the boys when he can, doesn't want their friendship to die just because he and Kate aren't together anymore. But he can hear the meekness in their pitiful voices and he wants to throw the phone, break the walks, and scream at the tops of his lungs because he's fine! He doesn't need her in his life. But everyone keeps giving him looks and comfort for his broken heart.
Well he's had broken hearts before it's no big deal. He can handle it.
He wishes the words were true, knows that it's impossible to live without Kate because she was him. His other half that's been ripped from his soul. And what is he going to do? Living an incomplete life?
God, it hurts.
Why? Why did he let her off so easily? He should've fought for her!
He was all that she needed and she left him. She left him based on lie, a cowards way out and she can't take it back. It's too late. It's been nine months since they broke up and they haven't spoken since.
Why? Why did she leave the only good thing in her life? She was scared and she wanted an excuse to leave. She didn't think she was ready to be with him yet, despite her forcing herself on him that night. That decision spur of the moment in hopes to get her partner back. But now that she sees what her life is like without him, she can barely live. She doesn't want to do anything, nearly fired from the department but she doesn't care.
All she wants is him.
It's rained almost everyday since she left him. Storms, dark clouds, blizzards, any and everything and it makes her reluctant to leave her apartment, makes her want to stay in bed all day and night. Be lazy and pine over him.
She wants him back. But it's too late. And knowing that makes it a thousand times worse, the pain, the depression. She can't live this life without the one person that completes it. Yes, Castle. He completes it and he's all she wants, all she thinks about and it hurts her worse, deeper than the bullet that pierced her heart.
All she does is cry. And she's sick more often now. People are constantly indirectly consoling her and she wants to tell them to just drop it and leave it alone but she doesn't even have the energy for that. What has she done with herself? She's turned into this weak pathetic woman because of a guy.
She wishes she could think like that and just make herself forget him but he isn't just any guy. He's the man she was meant to be with and she's fucked it up. All for being afraid and a coward instead of telling him how she felt. If she would've just talked to him maybe they'd still be together, maybe she wouldn't hurt this much, maybe she wouldn't want to put a fucking bullet in her brain.
Shit.
It hurts more and more everyday. And she constantly asks herself what is she going to do?
She's running out of answers.
After a eighteen months he sends a letter, telling her off. Telling her everything he feels towards her. His anger, hatred for her cowards way out. And it feels good. To let her know. And at the end he asks her to call him if she still loves him.
That was a week ago.
Maybe he shouldn't have sent it.
After another month he worries that she didn't get it but then he gets a call from Ryan. And he tells him to sit down because he has bad news.
She's in the hospital due to an overdose. And his heart breaks all over again but he wastes no time getting to her.
He runs outside, in the rain, cold and without an umbrella. Catches the first cab he sees and he just needs to see her. Needs to know that she'll be okay that she won't leave him permanently. Because his heart can't take anymore. It's already smashed into tiny fragments and swept up and dumped into the shadows of his chest. This would set off an explosion, turning him into nothing.
When she wakes she smiles when she sees him then frowns and looks away.
"What're you doing here?"
And it's as if she shot him in the chest. What is he doing here? Is this really what's become of them?
"I needed to know you were okay."
"Of course. It was just an accident." Her voice is bitter, cold, pure hatred leaking from every word. Or is it heartbreak?
"Are you mad at me?" He seethes.
"Yes."
"But you're the one who-" he stops himself, no need for either one to be reminded of that day. "I can't believe you have the nerve."
"Well you told me you hated me so I guess were even."
"I didn't say I hated you. I said I hated what you did."
"What's the difference Castle?" And the way she says his name now. Sharp and with hatred. No love at all.
"I even asked you to call me."
"I didn't get to that part."
"You were too busy trying to kill yourself," he yells at her.
This is how they're spending their first day together? Hatred and biting words. Yelling, fighting instead of kisses and loving each other as deeply as they once did, as he knows they still can.
"I took a sleeping pill then got in the tub to read. I had a glass of wine. Don't flatter yourself."
He didn't mean it like that. Doesn't she know him better than that? "So you didn't finish the letter?"
"No."
And that's all she has to say. Folds her arms and looks away from him. Now what is he supposed to do? He can't force her to talk to him. So he grabs his coat and leaves without looking back.
But he never hears her sobs.
Doesn't hear her beg for him to come back.
He was gone.
It was too late.
Review and tell me how I did? This is my first time writing fanfic.