Secrets
Chapter 1
Sara stood in the doorway to Grissom's office.
"Are you ready, Gil?" she asked him for the third time that night.
"Yes, dear. Give me a few more minutes," he replied.
Sara rolled her eyes.
"That's what you said fifteen minutes ago," she reminded him.
He looked up at her sheepishly.
"Why don't you go wait in the car, honey? I promise I'm almost done here," he answered.
Sara stretched and yawned. She was quite tired from having pulled a double shift.
"Okay. Be quick," she pleaded.
Grissom was overwhelmed by the paperwork that had piled up on his desk during the past couple of days. He had to fill out employee evaluations, schedule the shifts for the next month, put in Catherine's request for some vacation time and Ecklie had asked him to write a speech for the Sheriff's banquet next week. Grissom wasn't even going to be attending it. He shook his head and wrote Ecklie a memo to that effect.
Grissom was only made aware of the time by the rumbling of his stomach. He looked up and saw that Sara had been in the car for over an hour. He sighed and got ready to leave, surprised that Sara hadn't come to get him. When he got to the car, he found out why. He couldn't help but smile a little when he saw that she had fallen asleep. He tried not to wake her up, but she was a light sleeper.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," he said.
"What took so long?" she asked him groggily.
"You saw how much paperwork there was on my desk, Sara. It's all done now, though," he answered.
She nodded, but didn't speak. They continued in silence until they were home.
When they got to the apartment they shared, they began to get ready for bed. Sara was brushing her teeth in the washroom.
"What were you thinking about?" he called out to her from the bedroom.
He knew that he could usually count on getting an honest answer to this question.
Sara finished brushing her teeth, then replied, "I'm thinking about us."
Her answer took Grissom off-guard. He frowned.
"Oh? What conclusions are you coming to?" he asked.
"That I'm tired of hiding. I'm tired of feeling like our relationship is something to be ashamed of," she replied, walking into the bedroom.
She went to sit on the bed, next to Grissom. He tousled her hair playfully. She couldn't help but smile a little.
"I'm not ashamed, Sara. Really. I just don't think that this is anybody's business. Much less Ecklie's," he explained.
Sara sighed. He took her hand and started tracing slow circles on her palm with his thumb.
"How much vacation time do you have?" he asked her.
"Gil, you know I have about ten weeks," she answered.
He nodded. He seemed to be thinking something over in his mind.
"I think we need a break from work. I think…I think we should go on vacation. Just the two of us," he finally said.
Grissom had said it hesitantly, as if he wasn't sure the words that were coming out of his mouth were really his. Sara was just as incredulous, since she couldn't recall the last time either of them had called in sick, much less taken a vacation.
"Let's do it!" she finally exclaimed.
"Yeah?" he asked tentatively.
She nodded.
"Okay. I'll put in a request tomorrow," he stated, still trying to convince himself that he really wanted to go through with it.
Chapter 2
"Gil, what time does our plane leave at?" Sara asked Grissom over the phone.
She looked at her watch. It was about 3:00 pm, the day before they were scheduled to fly to California for a week-long getaway.
"There's been a change of plans: We aren't going to California anymore." Grissom replied.
Something in the tone of his voice made her suspicious. She had a feeling that the vacation was far from cancelled and that he had something up his sleeve.
"Huh. Gil, what's going on?" Sara asked.
"We're going somewhere else," he explained simply.
"Uh…Okay. Where exactly is it we're going, then?" Sara asked, her curiosity piqued.
"Ah. It's going to be a surprise, my dear," he answered.
Being naturally curious, Sara hated surprises.
"Gil…" she began.
"Sorry, you're breaking up, Sara. I'm in a bad spot. Pack warm clothes, see you after work!" he interrupted.
With that, he hung up on her.
Sara stared at her phone and shook her head. She couldn't suppress a smile. She wondered if Gil Grissom ever did anything with even a hint of normality.
Chapter 3
Sara met Grissom at the car after work. It had been a long day, and they were both more than ready to take some time off. The original plan had been to spend a week in San Francisco. She was wondering what he had in mind now.
"Did you get my message?" he asked her.
"Uh, yeah. Since when are we taking two weeks off instead of one?" she asked in return.
"Since I put us in for two weeks of vacation time," he replied, raising an eyebrow.
"Okay, then. Uh, to be honest, I'm completely lost, Gil. Care to clue me in?" she asked him.
He smiled and chuckled. His good mood was contagious. He hadn't seemed this relaxed in a very, very long time. She settled for that, since she was sure he was determined to keep the destination a surprise. He could be just as stubborn as her when he wanted to be.
"C'mon, get in the car and let's be on our way!" he urged excitedly.
"Okay, okay!" she said, laughing.
After about half an hour, Sara stared wondering why they weren't at the airport yet. She voiced her concern.
"Oh, right. I never did answer your question, did I? Well, we aren't taking a plane anymore," he explained.
"Gil! Those tickets were non-refundable!" Sara exclaimed, incredulous.
"Relax. Guy at the airport owed Jim a favour," he responded.
"Because now Jim knows about us?" Sara asked, getting angrier by the second.
"I didn't tell him, he figured it out," Grissom answered.
He promptly added: "Sara, you know if there's one person we can trust, it's Jim."
Sara nodded curtly, obviously unsatisfied with that statement. She crossed her arms over her chest and looked out the window, away from him.
"Look, Sara. Just relax, okay? We don't get to spend much time away from the lab. Let's make the most of it," he pleaded.
She looked over at him and sighed. She knew she was being childish.
"Yeah. You're right. As usual," she remarked, smirking.
He was watching the road, but she could tell that he was smiling.
At some point during the car ride (she couldn't exactly pinpoint when) Sara had fallen asleep.
"Morning, sunshine," Grissom said.
She groaned and stretched.
"You've been sleeping for about two hours," he replied, yawning.
Sara saw an opportunity.
"You look tired. Need me to take the wheel?" she asked.
"Nice try. I'm pulling into a motel. We can continue tomorrow," he answered.
Sara sighed.
Chapter 4
Sara was up by 5:30 the next morning. She made a pot of coffee and snooped around the motel room for a few minutes. She was looking for any kind of clue that might reveal where he was planning on taking her. Grissom apparently knew her too well and had made sure there was absolutely nothing in the room") that would reveal the location. She sighed. Finding nothing better to do, she took a book out of her suitcase and read until he woke up.
"How much further, Gil?" she inquired.
"About an hour. Why?" he asked in turn.
"Uh…I'm getting kind of car sick. It's okay, as long as it is actually only an hour away and you aren't trying to be clever by making me think it's closer than it really is," she replied.
"We're actually about ten minutes away," he stated, a smug smile on his face.
Sara rolled her eyes. Of course they were.
Grissom stopped a few minutes later, though Sara couldn't see why he would stop there. They were surrounded by snow-covered pine trees. As soon as the car stopped, Sara was searching for answers.
"Okay. Tell me where we are," she demanded.
"Aspen, Colorado," he replied matter-of-factly.
"What are we doing in Aspen, Colorado? I mean, other than freezing," she asked.
"I have a friend who has a log cabin. It's about five more minutes up that road," he answered, gesturing into the distance.
"Right. So, this sounded like a good idea because…?" she inquired.
"You'll know when you see the log cabin," he replied, winking.
Sara raised an eyebrow and shook her head as he started up the road.
She wondered if she'd ever get used to Grissom's quirks. Sara could not think of anyone else that she knew who would have thought that a log cabin in Colorado would beat a hotel room in San Francisco. She didn't quite know why she put up with it. Maybe it was because she had waited so long for him to finally accept his feelings for her. Maybe it was because she had found that his quirks were what made him who he was and that she loved him exactly because he wasn't like most other men. In the end, he always did make her feel like he was worth it, and this was no exception.
The so-called log cabin was not a typical rustic getaway. It was the size of a small mansion. Smoke was coming out of the chimney and the lights were on. From what Sara could see, it was well-furnished and the walls were rich, dark colours. They were clearly expected. As she stepped out of the car, Sara raised an eyebrow and turned to face Grissom, who had his arms crossed over his chest and had a very smug grin on his face.
"Not what you had in mind was it?" he asked her.
Sara was too stunned to answer. She turned to grab her bags from the trunk.
"Wait until you see the inside," Grissom mused.
Sara frowned. She hated not knowing what to expect.
When she went inside, Sara got very worked up indeed.
"Uh, Gil. Can you, um…do something about that?" she asked, pointing to the bear-skinned rug in front of the fireplace in the reading room just outside the atrium.
Grissom apologized profusely and put the rug away. He checked to see if there were any other rugs or trophies that might offend Sara. He came back and sighed.
"I'm really sorry, honey. Are you okay?" he asked her, although he could plainly see that she had lost all colour in her face.
He took her bags, set them down, sat her in an armchair and got her a glass of water.
"I'm fine, really. You couldn't have known. It's okay. Really," she muttered, trying to convince herself as much as him.
Grissom brought in the rest of the bags. Sara was still in the armchair staring blankly at the wall.
"This vacation isn't exactly starting off very well, is it?" he mused.
Sara put her hand on his face and looked into his eyes.
"It's okay. Really. It's not your fault. Let's just forget this happened and enjoy the rest of our time together," she assured him.
He nodded. Sara cocked her head to the side and frowned.
"What?" he asked.
"Let's do something about this beard," she replied coyly.
She knew he really liked it, but it really didn't appeal to her. He chuckled, knowing he had no say in the matter.
Chapter 5
The next morning, Sara was up before Grissom, as usual. She prepared some coffee and decided to explore a bit more of the lodge. Of course, she wound up in the library. She was in awe as she walked through the seemingly endless rows of books. The shelves were deep chestnut and at least eight feet tall. A decade would not have sufficed for her to read even half of the books in the library. She made her way to the main floor of the cabin. There were wonderfully big bay windows in the sitting room where the bear skin rug had been. She stood in front of them. It was too dark to see anything, but she remembered that there was a large pine forest a little to the left of the cabin. She planned on coaxing Gil into going for a walk.
Sara felt uneasy after that thought. She wasn't exactly sure why, but she was beginning to wonder where her relationship with Grissom was heading. She tried to be rational and tell herself that he wouldn't have brought her to Aspen for two weeks if his feelings weren't as strong as they used to be. Sara chastised herself. Grissom had given absolutely no indication that anything had changed between them. Still, she couldn't shake the feeling that something big was going to happen.
When Grissom woke up, he saw that Sara wasn't by his side. There was a cup of coffee and some toast on his bedside table. Smiling, he got up, took the plate and the mug and headed for the dining room. When he saw that Sara wasn't there, he decided to sit down and have breakfast anyway. When he had finished his coffee, and she still hadn't come to meet him, he began to get a little bit worried. He searched in the places where he thought she would most likely be, such as the library and the quiet reading room next to it. Giving up for the time being, he decided he might as well take a book and go read in the living room. He was surprised to find her there, staring through the bay window, into the pine forest. She didn't turn when he called her name.
Not understanding why, he came up behind her and put a hand on her shoulder. She jumped.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. I thought you'd heard me call out to you," he explained.
She turned to face him. He frowned when he saw that she had been crying. He wiped the tears from her cheeks.
"What's wrong?" was all he could manage to ask her.
"I don't know. I just…I just feel kind of lost, I guess," she explained.
Grissom was at a loss for words. All he could do was pull her towards him and hold her tightly.
"You shouldn't have to put up with this, you know?" she told him.
"Sara, let's not start this again," he pleaded.
"Why do you do it? Put up with me, I mean," she asked.
He raised an eyebrow and pulled away so that she was at arm's length.
"To put it simply, because you're worth it," he replied firmly.
She nodded, but didn't speak for some time. She looked as if she wanted to ask him something.
"Just say what's on your mind," he impelled.
"Have you ever been in love? Close to getting married?" she finally asked.
"I'm assuming you mean other than Nicole Daley in second grade," he replied.
"I'm being serious, Gil," she warned.
Grissom's face darkened a bit, like it usually did when he wanted to shut someone out.
"Twice," he replied.
Sara was shocked and a little hurt that he hadn't bothered to mention that earlier.
"How come you never told me?" she asked, her voice breaking a little.
"The first one is very painful, Sara, and I don't feel I need to relive it too often," he confessed.
She nodded. She wanted to know more, but she wasn't going to push him. Not just yet. He sighed and seemed resigned to explain anyways. He gestured towards a couch and they sat next to each other.
"When I was twenty years old, I was already a coroner and I'd finished most of my studies. I was naïve. I felt that all I was missing was to find someone to share it with. I met this woman who worked as an assistant to the Chief Medical Examiner. There was an almost instant connection between us and we started off as very good friends. Eventually, our feelings progressed. We dated for three years. I was so sure she was the one. I was searching for the right ring," he began to explain.
"What happened?" Sara asked, urging him to continue.
"I'd just gotten off shift. I was exhausted, but we were going out to see a movie. I was going to bring her for a roller-coaster ride afterwards and ask her to marry me, even though she'd have to wait a little while to get the ring. We never made it to the theatre. Drunk driver," he said, finishing.
Sara almost regretted having asked him. She could see in his eyes that he was going through it in his mind for what must have been the millionth time. He was reliving it, and she felt responsible for it. She reached out to take his hand. She squeezed it and he squeezed back.
"I had no idea, Gil," she said sincerely.
He assured her that it had all happened a long time ago and that he had dealt with it. After a few minutes, Sara's curiosity got the best of her.
"What about the second time?" she asked.
"I'll tell you about that one when the time is right," he answered.
Sara was puzzled by his answer, but she wasn't going to pry. She decided to change the subject.
"So, I was thinking that pine forest looks very nice. Would you like to go take a walk in it today?" she asked him.
"Not today, dear. I was thinking we could just relax a bit and read or something," he replied.
"Okay. That's fine. I'm sure it'll still be there tomorrow," she replied, smiling half-heartedly.
Grissom knew it would disappoint her, but he had something special he wanted to do in that forest, and while he was sure he wanted to do it, he thought it would be better to wait until they'd been there at least a week before doing it so that they could enjoy their getaway properly.
Chapter 6
A few days later, Sara still hadn't gotten Grissom to go out for a walk in the pine forest. She thought it was quite ridiculous that Grissom, being a nature-lover as well, would choose such a beautiful setting and then not enjoy it with her. He never passed up an opportunity to explore his surroundings, and this would be a prime setting for him to study winter insects. He was definitely up to something, and she was going to find out what it was. She was about to suggest walking in the forest for the umpteenth time, but he spoke first.
"You know, I think today would be a good day to go explore that pine forest for winter insects," he stated, hardly looking up from his book.
Sara's shoulders fell. He'd stolen her fun.
"Huh. Funny. I was about to suggest that," she replied, a little put out.
"Really? I never would have guessed," Grissom quipped, smirking.
Sara playfully tapped him with her book.
The forest was just as beautiful as it had promised to be. The pine trees were the guardians of the forest, standing tall and straight, providing refuge to any small animals and birds that might still have been out that time of year. Sara spotted some rabbit footprints and followed them to a burrow. For a moment, she forgot her suspicions entirely. Grissom, for his part, had nearly forgotten why he'd wanted to wait so long to take her out there. He was only supposed to be pretending to search for insects, but he'd actually found some and was quite engrossed.
After almost an hour of walking along and heading off to see this or that paw print, Sara was beginning to get a bit cold. They hadn't wandered very far from the cabin. They had been far too busy minutely scrutinizing their surroundings. She turned around to see that Grissom appeared to be examining a tree trunk. She rolled her eyes.
Grissom had ended up remembering what he'd wanted to do in the forest. He had purposely turned his back to Sara and pretended to be looking at insects on a tree. He was actually pulling out a velvet box. He was planning on acting as though he had found some rare insect and wanted to show it to her. He was hoping she'd fall for it, look into his hands and see her engagement ring.
Sara couldn't pass up the scene that was offering itself to her: A clear shot at the back of Grissom's head. She grabbed some snow and fashioned a snowball.
"Hey! Look, at this! I found …"
Gil didn't get to finish his sentence. He got a snowball to the right side of his face, and his glasses went flying, along with the velvet box and the ring.
Sara saw the box and realized what she had just done. She ran over to him and helped him up.
"Gil…I…I don't know what to say! About throwing the snowball, I mean. That was incredibly juvenile of me," she apologized.
"I have an idea. I'll be right back," he said, ignoring her apology.
"Right behind you," she replied.
Gil headed to the car and got a tarp from the trunk. Sara helped him carry it back to the spot where they were.
"All we have to do is put the snow on the tarp, spread it out, look through it and then make a pile somewhere we know the ring won't be," he said matter-of-factly.
Sara nodded. She was surprised he was as calm and collected as he was.
"Okay, let's do this," she agreed.
They searched for the better part of an hour before finding the velvet box.
"Well, that's something, I guess," said Grissom.
Sara shrugged. She felt foolish.
"Usually it's the guy who ruins the proposal," she muttered to herself.
"What was that?" Grissom asked.
"Uh, I was just wondering if it was white or yellow gold," she asked in turn.
"White gold. Makes it harder to find, but I think you'll like it," he answered, smiling.
"Hmph. If we do find it," she said, muttering to herself again.
"What? You'll have to speak up if you want me to hear you over the wind," Grissom said.
"Uh, it's nothing. Really," she lied.
They sifted through snow, side by side for another 15 minutes before Grissom finally found the ring.
"I found it!" he said, sounding like a child on Christmas morning.
Sara couldn't stop her breath from catching in her chest. The fact that Grissom was going to ask her to marry him hadn't really had the time to sink in until now. She was excited, yet apprehensive.
They both stood up. Gil smiled widely at her.
"Let's get married. What do you think?" he asked.
Sara couldn't help but chuckle a bit at the unconventional way he'd phrased the question.
"Okay. Yes. Let's do it," she answered.
They embraced and laughed. He put the ring on her finger. It was beautiful. 10 karat white gold with three small diamonds. It was simple and elegant. It didn't quite fit, however; it was slightly big. Grissom pursed his lips, as he often did when he was thinking.
"Just keep it in the box for now, Gil. We can get it resized when we get back," she suggested.
He nodded. The ring could wait. He tucked it away. They started walking back to the cabin, hand in hand.
"By the way, would now be a good time to ask about that second woman?" Sara asked, trying to be as casual as possible.
"Second woman? Oh, right. That. I was talking about you," he replied, shrugging his shoulders.
Sara rolled her eyes. He could be so corny at times. They got into the lodge and Grissom made a fire in the living room's fireplace. They found some blankets in a closet and wrapped themselves in them. It seemed a perfect setting. A happy couple lying on a couch, wrapped in blankets in front of the fireplace.
"Okay, Gil. I have one last question," Sara confessed.
"Of course you do," he teased.
"How are we going to explain the engagement ring to Ecklie?" she asked.
"I don't know. I hadn't thought that far ahead," he replied frankly.
There was a short pause.
"That's fine. I just won't wear it just yet. We'll figure it out," she replied confidently.
"Yes. We will," he answered softly.
They lapsed into silence as they watched the fire burn itself out.
They spent the remainder of their getaway either reading quietly or discussing how to break the news to the team.
Chapter 7
Walking into the lab after two weeks of vacation was not easy. Rumours of their vacation together, along with the previous suspicions of their coworkers led to many uncomfortable questions and smug smiles. They looked at each other, knowing what was about to happen as soon as Gil stepped into his office.
"How lovely to see you, Conrad," Grissom exclaimed sarcastically when he saw the assistant lab director sitting at his desk.
"Sit down," Ecklie replied gruffly.
"You're in my chair," Gil replied.
Ecklie rolled his eyes. He was clearly worn thin and had no patience left for shenanigans.
"Stop being a smartass. Explain to me what was going through your mind when you and CSI Sidle violated lab policy," he demanded.
"Taking a vacation with a co-worker is a violation of lab policy?" Grissom asked, feigning confusion.
"I told you to sit down, Gil," Ecklie snapped.
Grissom took a seat in front of his own desk, collected himself for a moment and finally spoke.
"Conrad, when you started seeing the woman who would later become your wife, did you ever do anything irrational because you felt you were in love?" he asked.
The conversation had taken a turn that Ecklie wasn't comfortable with.
"Look. I'm not going to waste any more time, Gil. One of you is switching shifts. That's final. I want to know who by end of shift tonight," he snapped.
The assistant lab director got up, shook his head, muttered something and left Grissom's office.
Grissom got up and went to sit in the chair Ecklie had been in. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. He was trying to decide what to do when Sara knocked on his door.
"Hey. What did Ecklie have to say?" she asked.
Grissom gestured for her to come in a close the door.
"One of us will no longer be working the graveyard shift," Grissom replied.
"Which one of us did he fire?" she asked vehemently.
"Calm down. He didn't fire anyone. He asked me which one of us is going to change shifts. He wants the answer by end of shift tonight," he answered.
Sara didn't even hesitate.
"I'll do it," she offered.
Gil was slightly surprised.
"Are you sure? I mean…We can discuss this, you know," he stated.
"I'm sure. The team needs you, and I think it was about time for me to make a few changes," she assured him.
Grissom thought about it for a moment.
"Okay. I'll let Ecklie know," he finally said.
She turned to leave, but Gil stopped her.
"I picked this up from the jeweller's today," he said, pulling out the ring. He placed it on her finger. It fit perfectly.
"Thank you," Sara whispered.
A smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. The experience was cathartic. There was no more reason to hide, to feel ashamed. He pulled her in close to him. Things could never be the same again, but for the moment, it didn't seem to matter.