Title: Unforgiving Afterlife

Rating: T

Genre: Angst/Family

Author notes: Hey…Ok, so after watching the latest episode of season 4 here in the UK 'In the Beginning' I was amazed by the episodes implications to the world of Supernatural, it was so enjoyable to watch. As well as this, I then read another fic from this sight about that episode and it really inspired me to write this particular piece, I recommend you all check it out, it's called 'Angel in the Headlights' by Bittersweet words…so be kind and please let me know what you think, comments are always welcomed…just not too harsh :D

Summary: Tag one shot to 1.09 'Home' and 4.03 'In the Beginning'. Mary's POV during Home, she now realises who Dean is, the one from her past that is.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Supernatural characters or worlds…unfortunately, what I wouldn't give to own Sam and Dean *sigh*…

Unforgiving Afterlife

An afterlife of peaceful rest is a wish only the foolish would long for, I knew different, I have known different.

For so long I have protected myself from the evil determined to move me along from something more precious to me than any afterlife, my home.

The flames lick at my skin, but I can't feel them, time has stretched for so long here, the pain is nothing more than a distant memory, a memory I am more than happy to forget over others. Memories are all I have here; the ones worth remembering have to fight for control if I ever want to help those that matter to me.

Many years ago someone had tried to help me, I didn't know it then, I was young, naive. I should have listened.

He had looked at me with those piercing green eyes and spoke with utter conviction a warning I can only condemn myself for ignoring. "On November 2nd, 1983, don't get out of bed. No matter what you hear or what you see. Promise me you won't get out of bed."

I never did find out who he really was, for many years he had given me false hope of something bigger, something better, his last apparition to me was one of ethereal quality, his lone figure illuminated impressively by the bright headlights behind him, for many years he was the angel who I hoped would look out for my son, a son who was blessed with his name...Dean.

I never saw him again and all my son needed to know was that someone was there; someone was watching over him, it was all I needed to know.

Something has changed, I feel different, I can feel...evil. And they're in my home.

With an emblazing grace I moved through to my living room, one with the fire that had consumed my being so long ago, a pain I had learnt to harness in order to survive. I could feel my hair dance around my neck, hot, fiery wisps hypnotisingly attractive.

But as I near, the evil doesn't feel as strong anymore; in fact it's the complete opposite, could it be? Had they finally come home?

For a moment I feel hope, only a glimmer at first, but its there.

The flames obey my commands and dissipate as quick and as delicately as they came, leaving my final appearance visible to the two visions stood before me.

In the darkness of the room all I can make out is two figures from the distance I stand, two sets of eyes staring back at me, the first dark, the second a chillingly familiar green.

I daren't make any assumptions, how could this even be?

They don't seem to make an attempt to move, both showing a distant look on their faces, maybe, just maybe it was them. I take a step forwards, then another and another until I am able to see the first figures face in more detail and for a second my breath catches in the back of my throat, if my heart still held a beat it would have skipped.

It was him.

A smile tugged at my lips, I don't smile much anymore, but this seemed natural, almost instinctive.

He just keeps staring back at me and for a split second I think that he won't remember who I am, but his simple reply washes away all of my uncertainties and enlightens me in a way I had longed for since the day I died, to hear that one word leave the mouth of my precious boy.

"Mom?" His voice cracks as he says it, and I can tell he doesn't believe it's really me, just as I can't believe it is really him.

It is at that moment, clarity washes over me. "Dean." It is a statement, not a question; he is Dean, not only my son, the boy I had assured each and every night of his guardian angel, but Dean who had tried to warn me those many years ago, they were one and the same, his very own angel.

Everything suddenly made a strange kind of sense, the unexplainable feeling of recognition I felt whenever I looked at him in the past, his mysterious answers and explanations, his attempt to try and save me...that's when the sadness hit me, I managed to keep my composure, the smile on my face unfaltering, but inside the realisation that my son had somehow gone back in time and tried to save me from being killed was heartbreakingly real, never had I felt so angry at that yellow eyed demon for taking that love away from my son.

That doesn't matter now. He is here and now I truly know who he is.

My eyes lift over his shoulder and I spot my baby boy behind him, a boy I had missed watching grow up, despite his age there was still one thing the same...his eyes, so revealing, so loving.

I make my way over to him, keeping my anger at bay seeing him constrained against the wall like that.

I can't help myself a heart warming smile creased my lips at the sight of him, I had waited all this time to see my boys again and now they were here, both of them and I could never have felt happier. "Sam." His name feels so natural from my mouth; I had missed saying their names, where I am now voices aren't important.

My eyes drink the sight of him, my boys are so handsome, someday they are going to make very noble husbands and fathers, no matter what they do, I will always be proud of them, but myself on the other hand is another matter.

My mind wandered back to that day, the day Dean disappeared, never to be seen again, the day my life changed from everything that I knew, the life I signed away without realising, my sons.

I can't keep the grim expression from my face any longer; the resentment towards my past choice was evident in my features. I held my sons gaze and said what I have always needed to say to him. "I'm sorry." And I meant it, I truly meant it.

I was the one who made the deal with the yellow eyed demon and for that I stripped my son of a normal life, for years I fed myself the lie that I didn't know this is what was going to happen, but deep down I guess I have always known what that deal had meant, but I was selfish, I wanted John back and held no regards for anything else.

Guilt overcame me, Sam continued to look at me with those adoring eyes of his, making me hate myself even more.

"What for?" He asked me, but I wouldn't give him an answer, I couldn't. I know he deserved one, but I wanted to be selfish again...I wanted my son to love me.

Is that too much for a mother to ask?

I don't want to leave, I don't want to tear my eyes away from him, a long moment passes in silence, his eyes searching my sullen face for the answers he seeks to questions that have plagued his mind since he could remember, but it doesn't stop me from not wanting him to love me, and by learning the truth, that I am responsible for his pain is something I would die all over again for to protect.

I walk away before he asks again, time fragmented around me as I moved out of this time zones frequency, my presence seemingly skipping through time in front of their very eyes. I turned towards the empty room, sensing the evil that had been lurking there the entire time, determination deep in my heart and proven on my face.

"You, get out of my house...And let go of my son!" I mustered together all of my residing strength, conjuring the flames at my will, dragging deep from beneath me, exerting my entire being into my final act of atonement. The fire once again took its place around my form, my hair trailing in long flames of vengeance above me, white-hot anger searing its way through me as the fire grew.

I knew what this meant, I knew what I was doing and I only hope one day they will forgive me, for everything.

This was it, I could finally make things right, I could finally move on knowing that my boys are safe and Sam knows how truly sorry I am. I intend on destroying this thing once and for all, even if that means my soul is the price; my boys' lives are worth it. I lunge forward with the last once of energy I have; the fire penetrated the evil that lurked above me, engulfing all of it and banishing it from my home.

It was done.

The last seconds of my paranormal existence were ones of contented happiness, satisfied that I had said all that needed to be said, despite how little that may be, and all I needed to know is that my boys' knew how very sorry I was.

And they did.

My body tingled all over, teasingly pleasant, forcing a smile to my lips, the heat of the fire gone, and the burn of past memories relinquished.

I held no hopes of an afterlife; I wasn't one of those you could call foolish, but I had found piece in my final death, and for that my wish just came true.

Well? What did you think?

It's been a while since i have written anything so it was nice to get back into the writing world lol

Reviews always make me happy, so please leave me one :D

Cee xx