The Wonders of Nibelheim
Chapter I
"This is bullshit," Elena said.
She had been hunched in the passenger seat for the last hour of their drive, arms folded, chin on her chest, frowning so her eyebrows shadowed the top of her vision. Inside she felt all hot and twisted up. Her mother would have said she was "stewing".
They were rolling through the wasteland and everything outside the windows was grey. Grey rocks, grey dirt, the grey skeletons of long-dead shrubs. Overhead, a sheet of cloud hung from the sky. Elena caught herself wondering if anything would ever grow here again.
"What?" Rude said, his eyes not leaving the road.
"This," Elena told him, pushing herself up in the seat. "This whole vacation thing. It's bullshit and I don't need it."
Rude grunted and Elena couldn't figure what he meant by it. Why did the big bastard have to make himself so hard to understand?
"I can't believe Rufus is making me take a holiday," she carried on. "I'm not a little girl. I can decide for myself."
Rude's big shoulders rose and fell. A shrug. "You haven't had a day off in two years," he said. Now that Rude was talking, Elena wished he'd shut his mouth. She should have known he'd tow Rufus' line.
"Neither have you!" she objected. "None of us have."
Rude didn't say anything, but the lines rolling in on his forehead told Elena she'd scored a point. He arced the car around a bend.
"You know what? I don't even want your sympathy," Elena told him. "I want to work. Turn this car around and take me back to Edge."
Rude stayed silent, focused on the road. Elena wanted to punch him. In the back of her mind she knew she was being unreasonable; this wasn't Rude's fault, he didn't deserve the ear-bashing she was giving him. But knowing that only made her more pissed off.
Then she noticed how uncomfortable Rude was – how his hands shifted on the wheel, his shoulders crept up towards his ears, his breathing had lost its steady rhythm – and her stomach twisted and guilt melted down the insides of her ribcage. She remembered how much Rude hated fighting with people he cared about.
"I'm sorry," she said, letting her body slump back into the seat. "I didn't mean that. I'm just – I'm in a shitty mood, okay? It's all that stuff Rufus said about 'time to heal'. Can't he see that I'm fine? The remnants didn't even mess me up all that bad. Shit, Tseng got it much worse, but he's still back at HQ working his butt off. So how come he doesn't need a break? How come it's just me?"
Rude took a deep breath. "Laney, look. I'm just going to say it. You're not fine."
"What?"
"You haven't been yourself, y'know? I can look at you right now and see it. You haven't been eating well, sleeping, exercising. All you've done since we got you back is work. It's like you've got a fever, or something, y'know?"
For a moment Elena considered telling him about the nightmares. But Rude couldn't help her with them; he'd only worry. Besides, Turks didn't talk about that kind of stuff. They just hardened up and got on with the job.
"I think Rufus is worried about you," Rude said. "Hell, we all are."
Shit, was this was how the other Turks saw her? Weak, vulnerable? Little Laney, still the rookie in need of protection.
"Shit, Rude. You guys don't have to worry about me. I'm –"
A thought struck her and she left her sentence hanging.
"Shit, is Rufus hanging me out to dry?" she said. Panic scrambled in her belly. "He's hanging me out to dry, isn't he?"
"That's not –"
"Shit. Shit shit shit. I know I fucked up in the crater –"
"Laney –"
"I should have followed orders and got out of there, but –"
"Elena!" Rude barked. Elena froze and stared at him with the lids peeled back from her eyeballs, her hands squeezed into fists.
"Look. I don't know what's going on in Rufus' head, but I can guarantee he's not punishing you. You're a good Turk, Laney. Rufus knows that. We all do."
At Rude's words the hammering in Elena's chest softened and she breathed out, slowly, and sank back into the upholstery, fists unwinding. "Hey," she said, a smile gently pulling her lips apart. "Thanks, Rude."
Rude only grunted.
As the road continued south, the wasteland began to fray at the edges. Clumps of grass and small, tangled shrubs sprouted in green patches from the dead earth, and before long the road was cutting through a wide and windswept prairie.
Elena was quiet, staring out at the passing scenery, listening to the wind hiss and snap at the car windows. "A good Turk". The compliment glowed in her chest. But she couldn't help thinking that maybe she didn't deserve it.
After half an hour's silence, Rude asked, "So why Nibelheim?"
"What do you mean?"
"You could have gone anywhere for your vacation," Rude said. "Icicle, Wutai, Costa del Sol – why pick that backwater?"
"Guess I wanted somewhere I could do things, you know? Be active. I don't want to just lie on a beach. I want to climb mountains, or something," Elena said. Rufus might be able to stop her working, but he couldn't force her to take it easy.
That was something none of them understood: relaxation was the last thing she needed. She had to keep busy, keep her mind occupied. That was the most important thing.
"Besides, I've been to all those other places," she said. "We went skiing every year when I was a kid. I want somewhere new."
"You've never been to Nibelheim?"
Elena shook her head.
"Weird place. You know about the –"
"The fire?"
"The incident."
"Of course. I read the file."
Rude nodded. "You'll get a warm reception, though."
"Why's that?"
"The townspeople. They're all ex-Shinra. Loyal, too. We did background checks on all of them."
Elena frowned. "Do they know about the incident?" she asked.
"We told them the town got attacked by monsters, that Sephiroth and the other troops got killed fighting them off. But that was before all those copies started showing up. Maybe they've figured it out." Rude sighed and his posture sank. "Guess it doesn't really matter now, anyway."
Another hour's driving and they were in Junon. As Rude guided the car through the terraced streets, Elena was shocked by how run-down the place was, how empty. It was six months since she'd last been there, but even in that time Junon had decayed. Windows were boarded up, trash piled in the gutters, and the sea air had corroded every exposed piece of metal. White lines of bird guano dripped down the building facades.
When she'd lived there as a child the city had been so neat and clean, and full of people. Elena remembered the soldiers patrolling the streets in their bright blue uniforms, the high crimson banners of Shinra.
"Not exactly bustling, is it?" she said. "I guess everyone moved away when the garrison disbanded."
"The village down below," Rude said. "It's gotten bigger. Still plenty of fish in the sea. That's one thing we didn't quite ruin."
He seemed to somehow shrink, and his eyes dropped to his lap for a second.
They both had these odd reflective moments sometimes, Reno and Rude. Tseng too, when he thought nobody was watching. They'd go all distant, look a little lost. Elena figured these moments had something to do with guilt, and she'd never asked about them. They made her glad she'd never had to do anything that really ate at her.
Rude pulled up at the docks and helped Elena get her bags out of the boot. "Take care of yourself, Laney," he said. "Please, try to relax. See you in two weeks."
Elena had to fight the urge to give him a hug. Turks didn't hug. "Yeah. Thanks for the ride, Rude," she said.
When he'd gone she was left standing on the pier with her suitcase and her backpack. A flock of seagulls wheeled overhead, screeching.
A/N: This is something I've had stewing away for a long, long time. I have now tried writing it three times.
It's my inclination not to post anything until I'm at least a few chapters ahead; I don't want to keep people waiting on updates, or create too much pressure for myself (I'm probably being a little egotistical in assuming people actually read/are invested in my shit, but hey). Also if I get a few chapters in and realize I don't like the story idea, I can bail without anyone noticing.
But I've been really slack with writing lately, and I think maybe a little pressure might help me get this finished (third time lucky!). So: here it is. I hope to have a second chapter done soon.
Thanks for reading!