14th February.
The day most people love. The day when most people have someone to love.
But it was a day some people hated. The day when these people have no one to love.
Ash rode a dongless primelord dragon, who had rap-battling Roserades orbit her, when he suddenly shitted himself. It wouldn't be a problem if he wore pants, which he didn't.
''Mama say me no gay. Mama say take gun and kill LGBT. Mama say me do good thing.'' he said, as he juggled Nosepasses and threw them at the dragon. ''Mama say kill female gays, male gays, lesbian gays and dickpussies.'' he said, as he polished his dickgun. It was crafted from rabid Glalies' buttcum, their shit and not fully digested pieces of food are still there.
Ash's caped dome snapped in an unknown direction, and he sniffled. He saw a pair of guys hold hands. LIke an evil amor on burning cocaine, he hurtled his gun at one guy. It collided with a sound vaguely resembling a baby hydra being neutered. Ash snotted, the new substance shaping itself into monstrous as fuck old ladies, who made dubstep sounds out of every orifice each second or two. The ladies four-leggedly crawled at the other guy, who was so horrified, that he lost sense of time and space, and became but a potato. Fuck knows why.
''Ash'' the dragon droned. ''You should stop. This is homoph-'' She was interrupted by Ash's cock that tore the fabric and slammed on the top of her head. His cock wasn't a cock, it was the cock. It pulsed few times and shot lasers that collided with a pair of birds that just talked, and dissolved into nothings.
The dragon had enough. She snarled in unhindered rage and summoned her armor from the world of utter hatred. Ash snorted.
''Dra-'' he was interrupted by an agony missile colliding with his young thick skull. He got up.
''I shall not allow you to spread such bullscat. For I am Delisha Ketchup!'' she added and sucker-punched him in the stomach. He threw up and shat himself, then he flew to Pluto and sucked it up his dickhole. But the planet was too big and straight, so it punched him with it's planetal feet. He landed on Venus, where Delisha charged her death laser and shot at him, making him nipplepregnant. His tits grew and attracted rage sages, who were into man-milk. One of them bit on his nipple causing it to explode, the shockwave causing them to make sweet love and have orgasm each 5 seconds. Ash bent down and shot lasers from his prostate at Delisha, who tried to dodge it, but was pelted by a buttlaser. He laughed a throaty laugh, then planted his anus on the ground. It shook, as seconds later, he zarted and he was propelled into space, his destination utterly unknown.
''Oh no...'' spoke Delisha, as she shed a tear of genuine sadness, her voice having slight despair in it. The ultimate homophobe escaped her draconic grasp and now about to destroy everyone's free right to love anyone...
Ash, meanwhile sniffled out some gay suns that tried to pelt him with sun lasers, but he ate them and transformed it into pure cuntrage that killed the fucking shit out of the suns. When he traveled further into space, his straight anus twitched violently as if feeling a gay. He looked into distance and saw it.
Planet Filgaia. Ash hated the name, but he didn't know why. He ditched his anus and crash-landed in Rudy's house. Ash looked around and saw Rudy screw a Lucario on a bed. It wasn't a bed, it was a mattress with some sticks nailed by some goddamn genius, who wasn't a genius, but a nipplehair dwelling flea who was drowned in catfish bile and snuffed in a smelly bedroom of a gashish smuggler. Ash noticed a dong between Lucario's limbs. It was Rudy's... or so he could tell, as why he would screw a male Lucario?
''YES RUDY YES FUCK ME FUCK YOUR LUCARIO BOY FUCK MEE!''
...
Ash yawned, waking an angry placenta dragon up. It snarled in Russian, but Ash didn't believe it, so he stole it's eggs, and hid them in his anus, a new one that grew on his face. The eggs hatched and hatchlings thought Ash's anus was their mom. Karamba.
''YOU FUCKING TURD!'' The placenta dragon let out a guttural scream and summoned it's whip from the world that was filled airtight with giant solar mosquto aircrafts. Ash grinned like Terminator after his first time with a girl, and put up his skin-naked ass in the air. The placenta dragon charged the whip with the powers of 5th dimension.
5th Dimension was a dimension filled with centaur moles. They were herms, had 5423 breasts each and melted rocks with titlasers. The placenta dragon tried to whack his ass, but his ass grew hands and blocked the blow. They then flew into space and threw a quasar at the placenta dragon, who escaped into past.
Meanwhile, Delisha was talking with Brock about Ash's homophobic burst. It happens on each Valentine's Day: he'd ride her just to peek on lovey pairs. But this year, he went major apeshit, big time.
''I don't know what to do.'' Brock said.
''I know what to do.'' They heard a sweet voice coming. They looked and saw the sexiest girl in the world. May Maple...
Back to Ash, the quasar he was about to launch called him on a date, but he doused it with his snot leakage. He then roared so hard, that dimensions became extensions, .mp3, .zip and .jpeg. His schizoid claustrophilia was considered the scariest donut ever, so his urine was red, not pink. He revived Adolf Hitler, dickslapped him and threw him back where be belongs, then he summoned all bicycles and built a spinner, for no reason whatsoever. He laughed throatly at his success and returned to Earth.
When he landed, it was deathly quiet... So quiet, that he heard his testicles wrestling. He didn't believe the atmosphere, so he hatepunched it. The atmoshpere was pissed beyond belief and turned all clouds into overgrown trombocytes that molested everyone. EVERYONE.
Ash gaped in disbelief. His cap came off and his hair became lasers. The cap erupted with scorpions' jizz that set the lasers on fire. His jizzed hair gave birth to aquatic mutant pineapples, who kicked everyone below the belt, no exceptions. Then he shed a glycerine tear, that gave his antisocial personality disorder a comorbid testicular tachophobia, characterised by heavy sarcophagus smell and unadulterated jolly behavior. He let out a black metal scream and rammed his head in the concrete ground with full force, where he was met with a kinky anthro bedbug orgy that resembled a saint elephant being meatgrinded and fried in gasoline for 12 years and 1 hour, while Cynthia's Garchomp sang about unearthly ghostfaggots inhabiting his humble abode in the skytower made entirely out of silver vampires' broken cockbones. Or a musky killer-for-hire masturbating to Super Mario World's soundtrack with his feet, while his Persian vomited nuclear bombs every minute for his girlfriend, a nazi Purugly who was into 100000-on-1 fights with nigger tyrannosaurs, who were made of helmets and pistols, but still rexes. Whatever surfs your log.
Ash decided to watch some TV.
A new challenger appeared! It's Sad Face, a bastard child result of Sad Deathnight getting funky with Doh from Arkanoid.
A new challenger appeared! It's a big robot named Meow Killslash, he pisses thunder beams and shits uranium oxide.
Fight!
Sad Face began by burping out supermassive black holes and spelling vain curses at Meow, but he was smarter. Meow retched out a bunch of platypus lizards that smelled of fried dragon shit. They took over the world and dictated few rules of death:
1. You are one of us. You just didn't evolve yet.
2. Autechre make the best music in the world. If you've been told that, good. If not, die.
3. If you will ever catch a pokemon, teach them the dubstep dance. Believe me, this will help you in the future.
4. If you think your pokemon doesn't love you, die.
5. If you have a tsundere friend/rival/pokemon, kill them with an iron, mercilessly. They will only hurt your feelings, disrespect you and in the end, they'll sell your organs, as it's the only things they value in you.
6. If your Gardevoir shows you a lot of attention, have sex with it, gender doesn't matter. If you won't, die.
7. If you noticed that this 'if' is number nine, die.
Sad Face made a deal with Meow and concocted a vicious plan: they would breed like saint Lopunnies (saint 'cuz they don't use condoms) and then take over the galaxy. Ash watched the TV with growing homophobic fury and erection. Sad Face drilled Meow and came hundreds of times. Ash was so furious that he ripped out Meow's male womb, but it was too late. It shook and rose in temperature, and it erupted with little butts and dicks, all male. They bred at sonicspeed, quickly overpopulating and enslaving everyone. EVERYONE.
Sad Face and Meow Killslash married under their castle's roof, which entirely crafted from killer badgers' souls.
The holy man started reading stuff that they read on marriages, while background played 'Squarepusher - Tommib'.
''So, Sad Face, do you agree to love Meow Killslash, cherish him, understand him, support him and fuck him everyday?'' holy man said.
''Yea, I do.'' Sad Face droned happily.
''And you, Meow Killslash, do you agree to endure this shit? Like; sexistic disrespect; bringing him breakfast into bed and not hearing a simple fucking 'thank you'; him orgasming during sex and you not; pregnancy stuff; him harshly critiquing your cooking, behavior or clothes; his eternally sad, unshaven face; his kids hating you and loving him; his future impotency; his laziness and joblessness; you working at jobs for his sake; him being mostly occupied with TV or internet or video games, not you; cleaning up the house, that he mostly makes dirty; and worst of all: his dumb, unbearable, douchy parents that always look for something imperfect to blame you for. Do you agree?'' the holy man finalized, smiling at Meow.
''Yess-u!~'' Meow giggled as he hugged Sad Face.
''Now as queer and queer, you can mash your lips. I have more gay marriages to manage!'' he winked and ran off, breaking through the wall. Sad Face and Meow Killslash rammed their faces at each other and kissed hungrily, while the DJ played drill-n-bass songs.
Meanwhile, Ash caught the priest, blasted him with a cocklaser, marinated him in liquid nitrogenium, fed him to electric BDSM sharks, recycled the fecal matter back into the priest, cut him in half and sewn him back, brutalized him with a rock whale, ate 21,544,534,673 cow stomaches, puked in his mouth, and finally Ash summoned the darkness of the horrifying depths of Buddhistic hell, scaring priest's soul out and haunting it 'til the end of the days! The priest died.
Ash laughed throatily at his success and went to retrieve Earth from queers' reign!
When Ash arrived at Earth, he was baffled by the amount of queers there. He stripped himself, drawing their attention. His anus twitched again. He shoved his arm in his anus and took out his flamethrower, made of a petrified Ninetales especially for flamethrowing. He fried 'em, enjoying their melodic screams and suffering a load of sadistic orgasms. But he wasn't done yet, so he swathed his ass in gay blood and flew away!
He found Sad Face and Meow fucking like crazy. He summoned a spear crafted entirely of unfathomable pain, and flung in at Meow, who caught it with his asshole and lauched it back, burning with black flames. Ash blocked it by extremis with his Pikachu, but he became one of them! Pikachu fell in love with Ash's pants, so he ripped them off and married them near a beach where whales made love with box jellyfishes. It made a long-lost and forgotten god fall from the bloody skies. It was Mkghtfrdsq, god of mindless puberty. He wore nothing but his chest armor rinsed in herm virgin's blood and fish hymens. Yeah, other than that, he was butt-naked.
'''WHAT THE FU-'' Mkghtfrdsq was about to smash them all into smithereens with a curse, but he was sent into Hades by Ash's glare! Meow liked that guy, so he tried to hatefuck Ash for him. Sad Face curled up in fear, singing to comfort himself. Ash slammed Meow's crotch with a shovel, driving his bladder into his lungs. Then he dropkicked Meow launching him in a vagina-shaped nebula where he will remain for the rest of his days!
Ash walked towards the other foe, who still trembled in terror. Sad Face begged for mercy...which only fueled Ash's rage like a galactic supernova! His fist collided with Sad Face's freckled face with such mind-boggling and testicle-obliterating force, the fuckwave made all the meteors into cat-faced taco samurais that juggled the solar system with their feet while dancing dubstep and fapping to kinky shota porn mangas. It also made the sky rain unholy pissfire and cuntfishes that smelled of muddy crap and turned anything into broken jockstraps at contact. But Sad Face wasn't a simple cookie; he countered by calling it bullshit, spanking him, then slamming a huge dildo into his stomach. Ash was so fucking mad that his arms ignited with vicious fuckrage. He drove his knuckle into Sad's cranium, destroying it into shmillions of ruined skulls. Then Ash summoned his stick, Fuckmauler, from the dimension where everyone fucked. He swung his cane at an upward arc making his nose meet his butt, then cleaving his frame by thinking about Nurse Joy. Ash stomped, causing a portal to open and Sad fell there, into the world of filthy, worn out hookers. Ash's fuckrage calmed down, and he left this place. But he felt something in his ass. It was the gay blood, and he became one without realizing! He reminded himself to fap to Gardevoir porn 1000 times, and-
He was met by someone familiar. It was May Maple, lust made flesh.
''Oooohhh, Ash.'' she crooned. ''I see you became a gay. This is so sad. You know, I thought of you...'' she said quietly, as she placed a palm on her boob, then squeezed it. Ash groaned, clutching his stomach and having a massive nosebleed, seeing a nipple protrude from her shirt. She wore no bras, it seems. She placed another hand on the right tit and groped it, playing with them. Ash imagined his... between those.
''Come with me, Ash.'' she said sweetly. ''I will help you...'' she approached him and helped him. He got up and went with her...
Some years later we see a home full of kids and Pokemon. They lived in a house in Sootopolis City, the best place they could find to live a peaceful life. They never fought, meditated together, swam together, just spent time together and were a nice couple.
Until the bass dropped.