For my friend Macy Vitmin...

A/N: I do not own Resident Evil. This disclaimer will be in effect for the rest of the story.

For my friend Macy Vitmin. She bravely struggles with Lupus every day and I love her so much for that. Thank you for your friendship.

Why didn't people believe me? I had Lupus; it was as clear as day to me. Why did other people have trouble seeing the truth?

Systemic Lupus Erthymatosis...my own personal demon… It had taken everything from me: my hope, my happiness, my friends... Yet...I was still alive.

It had not killed me...

I had a mild form of Lupus. I was shocked when I heard those words uttered from my doctor.

How the hell could Lupus be mild? That thought just didn't make sense. I always thought that Lupus was this horrible disease that no one wanted. There was no cure and everyone was afraid to talk about it. It was hard to treat and even harder to live with.

How was a life like that possible from a mild disease. I didn't understand it at all.

Mild suffering...

I wasn't mildly suffering; I was suffering severely.

The phone rang; I knew who it was. My Rheumatologist...he was calling about my test results.

I picked up the phone. "Hello," I answered.

"Hey Jill, I got your test results back," he began. "Well, everything looks normal. Your Lupus is not showing up in the tests." he explained.

My blood went cold. "Are you sure?" I asked unsteadily.

"Yeah," he answered. "Your blood work is clean. I don't know what to tell you. I can't diagnose you until I can get some adequate results. But I'm not going to do all the blood tests over again because I know they'll always be negative...and that's a waste of money."

I wanted to cry. This was a horrible nightmare come true. Why were the blood tests always negative? I felt like I was living a horrible nightmare. But when was I going to wake up?

"What are we going to do?" I stammered, starting to cry.

"I don't know," he replied sadly. "I'm pretty sure you have it, I just don't know how to prove it. We may never be able to prove it. I'm sorry Jill."

I shook my head, crying fully now. "It's okay, it's not your fault," I slammed the phone down as I hung up.

Then I screamed.

I went into the bathroom and closed the door. I screamed and beat my fists against the mirror.

"Why?" I screamed. "Why God, why?"

Defeated, I slid to the floor. "Come on Jill," I whispered to myself. "You Can do this. You're Jill valentine. You're a fighter. You will never give up. Always remember that?"

I had forgotten that recently. I was a strong woman and I could do this!

I stared at my tear-stained reflection. "Look at me," I gurgled. "I look so ugly!"

I had all the symptoms, but because the tests were negative, I was forced to suffer.

All I was thinking was "Get me out of here!"

I wanted to end it all. I had a razor blade in my cabinet, no, Tylenol would do the trick.

No, that was suicide. I couldn't give up...not yet. There was still something left in this world for me.

All I had to do was find it.

I fell asleep on my bed. The whole endeavor had drained me of all energy. That's Lupus did...it drained you of everything you had. Then when you woke up, everything was different.

My dream was weird; everything jumped and warped around me. Where was I? I didn't know. I wasn't home... I was in a magical world, full of creatures I had never seen before. They were like dinosaurs, but more humanoid. I cried as I saw the beautiful butterflies flying through the sky.

I wanted to also fly away and be free.

I breathed in the crisp, clean air. The forest stretched for miles. Everything was so peaceful. I wanted to go there and stay forever.

Too bad it was just a dream. I wanted to live there. It was so much better than my home and where I was living.

I always wanted to be a butterfly and flap my wings to freedom.

Lupus was a terrible barrior to freedom and happiness. I still had my job, and I was happy in my friendship with Chris.

He was my rock throughout all of this. I loved him.

At times I wanted Chris to feel the horrible pain I was going through. But then...I realized how cruel that would be.

Chris was a good guy; he didn't deserve lung pain, kidney pain, joint pain, nose pain, mouth sores and the endless list of complaints that came with Lupus.

He was my friend: someone I could trust. I really needed him now.

I picked myself off the forest floor... Sick or not, I was going to have to live sooner or later. The world needed me; my inner self needed me, and most of all I had to do this: live.

I was in a town out west. I didn't work in Raccoon City ever since it was demolished. And after being controlled by Wesker, I needed to get away from everything.

I moved to a town in Wyoming. Wyoming was a large state without a lot of people.

It was the perfect place for me to recover.

Surprisingly, Chris moved there too. Now...I had my best friend back.

"I love you so much Chris..." I whispered to myself.

The forest seemed to breathe around me.

"Hello," I called out.

No one answered. I got a creeped out feeling, like I wasn't alone. Who was there? I continued to walk around the forest...

Then I felt a powerful longing pull at my heart.

And I woke up.

I couldn't believe the experience I had. It was a dream, but it seemed so real. If I didn't know better, I would have thought that was a real place.

My cell phone rang; I picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Hey Jill, you finally picked up!"

It was Chris.

"Hi Chris, I wasn't expecting your call," I answered back.

"Yeah, I tend to do that," he answered.

"Chris,"I breathed. "I'm really glad to hear from you, I had the worst day."

He signed. "Another asshole doctor?"

"Yeah," I answered.

"They said there wasn't anything wrong with me. My blood tests were clean, I couldn't have Lupus."

Chris groaned on the other end. "Just because the Lupus doesn't show up doesn't mean it's not there."

"I tried to tell him that but he wouldn't listen."

"He thinks because he has an MD, that he's better than everyone else?"

"Yeah."

"That arrogance is going to get him in trouble."

"I know... but in his defence, Lupus is a hard disease to diagnose."

"I know, but he should treat you with respect, Jill. You're a warrior, not a patient. You're a fighter, not a coward. He needs to see you the way you really are. You're just trying to feel better. How is that a crime?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. He's just following the rules."

"Well just following the rules can cause a lot of shit."

"I want to see you," he explained. "I miss you Jill. Where are you?"

"Home," I said. "Be careful. You may not like what you're going to see."

I'll always like what I see when I see you. I won't judge, promise."

I smiled. "Thanks Chris, it means a lot to me that you're willing to support me when everyone else has abandoned me."

"That's what Friends are for." He hung up.

I smiled after the phone conversation. I really loved Chris. He was so sweet to me.

Sometimes I wondered what would happen if we dated...

No, that would ruin a great friendship...

But at the same time...life was short...

And for me...maybe even shorter?