This story is set just after Aaron has found out that Robert paid Ryan to make false allegations towards Gordon. Literally the following morning. The story place out from there. 'He's Everything' is co-written by two people; Steph who writes Aaron and Beth who writes Robert. This story is a slow build up but progresses faster as it goes on, promising smut for later chapters.
When Aaron Livesy woke up that morning, he felt as tired and emotionally worn as he had done the night before. His mind plagued with Gordon, Katie, Jackson and everything else, things that weren't his fault, things that were... He tortured himself over and over again. Resenting every fiber in his own body. But this night that familiar self loathing was added with an old feeling he hadn't felt in some time - disappointment. He was disappointed in Robert for his lies and disappointed in his Mum for continuing on with it. To think he'd been beating himself up thinking someone else had suffered because he hadn't spoke out sooner...
That was Robert all over.
Getting out of bed was hard but he managed it and made his way downstairs. Chas was already up; she hadn't slept much herself.
"Aaron-" She began.
"I don't want to talk about it." He cut her off before she even started and made his way over to the kitchen to flick on the kettle.
-
Meanwhile, rolling over in bed with an exhausted groan, Robert Sugden wearily reached out for his phone in the ever crumpling covers of the spare room single, barely opening one eye as to try and track down if he'd had any calls or messages overnight - he hadn't. Pursing his lips in a surprised manner, he was kind of glad to have not been greeted with his usual business lark and the odd spam text trying to sell him a new fridge freezer. It was an underlying problem that he hadn't received even one text though, not even from a certain dark haired male whom he recently needed to hear from all the time in order to keep his own self sanity. Scrolling, tapping and deleting ... nah, he couldn't text Aaron, not again. Heck, it was only eight in the morning, he should at least get up and eat first before prying, but with the shrill laughter of his baby sister and her prince charming downstairs, all he could do was tug on his tousled blonde hair irritably.
Finally dressed, leather jacketed, and toast filled, he nodded his way out of a full ear chewing conversation with anyone who stood in his way, giving promisings of being home early for tea - but the sighs he received back he knew all too well. When was he ever home on time? Stepping down the few steps and onto the street, the wind whipped at his hair. Robert looked towards the cafe and debated going to get an Americano, but the pulse at the back of his mind lured his body forward and towards the pub, feeling like a moth to a flame. A few months ago he'd of laughed at himself for being so desperately hooked, but now he didn't even give his feelings a second thought, they didn't come first anymore. He'd hurt Aaron, and he had to fix it, or at least try.
Inviting himself around the back of the bar, he lurked behind the living room door a few moments, jaw flexing repeatedly as he exhaled a breath, before surging himself forward and letting himself be seen, giving Chas a little head nod towards the door in which he could of been seen as polite, but what he really wanted was for her to bugger off out of the way. He cleared his throat, feebly swaying, hands deep in his pockets,
''Aaron,'' He started calmly, voice tinted with a slight unsure nature around the edges, pursing his lips. ''How, uh - how're you doing?''
Chas lingered at first before deciding against staying. There was a time where should would never have willingly left Robert alone with her son, out of fear honestly. Fear that Robert would upset Aaron and he'd take it out on himself. But as of late, Robert had really been helpful and put himself on the line, she had to give him that. Even if he still left a bad taste in her mouth. A leopard couldn't change it's spots, especially one like Robert Sugden.
As Chas left the room, her hand lightly grazed Aaron's arm as she passed him. But then the door clicked. Leaving the two of them on their own.
"You might have ruined the entire case against Gordon with your lies, after everything I've been through recently to put him behind bars, everything I've had to talk about... I'm absolutely brilliant thanks for asking, mate." He retorted sarcastically, voice rich with emotion and his eyes held their usual watery glint when he spoke about something that hurt him. "Nothing you say can make this right. So why are you even here? I'm not interested, Robert."
Before beginning an answer, Robert needed an excuse to drop his eyes for a few moments, so he took a few steps towards the minimal kitchen area, leaning the bottom of his back against the counter, he could've kept walking forward, but he didn't. Pulling out his hands to awkwardly punctuate his speech, his cheeks looked uncomfortably sucked in, finding it difficult to raise his eyes up to Aaron's level, hearing the sound of his voice in this way was enough to make a very guilt ridden Sugden,
''M'here for the cuppa, obviously.'' His head nods once towards the brewing kettle, unable to make a statement without it being laced with an uncomfortable cover up for real emotions, managing a quick half scoff-smirk but it quickly fell when he actually saw the other's face, pupils softening, ''I - well - I came to apologize. But like I said, I was only trying to help you, Aaron. I wasn't thinking about myself, I just want to see that scum behind bars, surely you can't fault me for that, right?''
"By getting an innocent young lad caught up in all this? You think I want that do you? No, that's the problem isn't it Robert - you don't think, you never think. Maybe if you did then Katie would-" Aaron stopped himself, knowing as soon as that sentence started that it wasn't a good idea. It wasn't a road he particularly wanted to go down when his head was such a mess already today. Feeling deflated, and overwhelmed, Aaron lowered himself into the sofa, practically sinking into it. Honestly his legs had just felt weak for a minute and he'd needed to sit down. He was tired. Tired of all of it. Gordon, everyone looking at him, tip toeing around him, he was tired of Robert pretending to actually care about him. Who did Robert think he was fooling?
Not looking in Robert's direction, Aaron pulled the sleeves of his pajama top down over his hands, feeling insecure. He worried his bottom lip, chewing it. "If the police find out it was a set up with Ryan, you-..." He struggled with words, fidgeting and taking a shaky breath before continuing, "you could get seriously done... I'm not worth it, you shouldn't have done it Robert."
Robert had thought he'd built up an excellent poker face around the subject of that particular blonde girl who constantly came up to taunt his past, but it seemed not, because as soon as Katie was mentioned the corners of his eyes flinched a bit, feeling silenced for a minute, almost glad Aaron had moved to sit on the sofa so he had a moment to recollect his mind instead of just snapping back in a defeated manner. Hearing him pipe up again, he turned his body towards the sofa, eyeing him from afar. Aaron was right, he could go away for a seriously long time - but like he'd said, it'd be worth it, that wasn't the statement that bothered him, the next thing the other man said, did.
''You're worth it to me,'' He shot back, the look on his face almost surprised on how Aaron could think that of himself, especially now with just how much Robert had come to think of him. He moved to sit on the sofa next to him, putting his hands on his own knees, sat forward, but head turned to face him, 'I get it. 'I messed up. But ... yesterday, with Adam, I saw you loosen up, the first time I can say I've seen it for ages, and whilst I can sit here and apologize Aaron, that's what would've made it worth it.''
Robert had a way of shutting him up, even if only just for a minute or two, Aaron was speechless and became mentally stunted for a reasonable response to fire back at him. He was still angry - and hurt. But when Robert said things like that, he didn't have a clue about what they meant to Aaron - what they still meant. Even now. He could almost believe he was worth it, almost.
The words he said next were riddled with vulnerability, "I thought you'd stopped lying to me." The skin around his eyes were flushed red, the waterline of his eyes lining with liquid. He sniffed but he didn't cry, he couldn't show Robert just how much this had upset him. Instead of crying, he chewed the skin on his bottom lip until a coppery taste filled his mouth. "When you told me that I could win this, that we could put that scum behind bars, I started to..." He came unstick, struggling with himself. Aaron dragged his sleeve over his eyes and scrunched them, pushing his thumb and forefinger against closed eyelids. "I started listening. But I can't beat him can I Robert.. it's over before it's already started." Aaron's voice grew hoarse with emotion.
Robert's underlying guilt only worsened as he saw Aaron's expression, not really edging towards showing any course of real emotional change on his own features, but his face had softened considerably despite how tightly locked into place his jaw was. He was conflicted between wanting to remain reserved and dignified for his and Aaron's sake, and just wanting to provide some kind of comfort, he couldn't fathom how much he despised feeling hopeless.
''I'm not lying.'' He said shortly, almost coming across blunt but his own voice had a trusting tone to it now, trying to get his points across, he wished he could explain it more, but he usually just shot out random statements to avoid going into full offload mode. Robert's eyes fixed on Aaron's lip biting for a moment, knowing this habit the other had well by now, the middle of his forehead creasing a bit as how painful it looked. Snapping back into defense mode, he answered, ''It's not over, he's going away for a long time, Aaron, prison is where he belongs, along with all the other pitiful souls in the world, surely the police won't mess you around any longer, they're doing their job, just - painfully slowly.'' He sighed, shaking his head a bit, he reckoned he could do a better job of it sometimes. On impulse, he nodded towards the others' lips, pursing his own tightly, '' - Hey, stop that, you'll give yourself an injury.''
Aaron's eyes flickered to the side in their sockets, at Robert, and he released the skin of his lip. The taste of copper lingered as he found himself looking Robert in the eye. It was only for the briefest of moments because Aaron looked down, averting his gaze immediately; he could never maintain eye contact for long. But the moment was enough for unwanted emotion to shape inside him. It also didn't help that Robert was paying a bit of attention to his mouth, he felt conscious of it all of a sudden.
"Don't worry about it, I've done worse." Aaron responded tightly, referring to chewing his lip. But Robert knew that already considering he'd been the one responsible for getting him to hospital when one of his cuts turned septic. "Just promise me," He said quickly to divert the topic they were on, "that you won't meddle with the case anymore, I'm serious Robert. If you care about me like you say you do, you'll leave it alone. Quite honestly I don't want you involved in my business anymore." That came out nastier than anticipated and Aaron mentally cursed his defensive reflex.
Robert felt like he was on an endless cycle of thinking like he was saying all of the half decent things, but constantly getting shot down as soon as they left his mouth, which provided him with a feeling that made him want to write the word 'prat' all over his own forehead. Metaphorically, of course, he'd never actually draw on himself, that'd be absurd. He'd lost count of how many deflated sighs had left his mouth now, but his eyes never left Aaron, as if he was scared the other would just run off.
''You want me to stay out of your business? Fine,'' He said almost bitterly, but this was only because he was only just starting to come to terms with letting it be known he felt dejected, ''But just so you know, again. I was just trying to help, I wouldn't of done it if I knew you'd bite my head off.'' He puffed, giving his forehead a shake, jaw aching now at how much it'd clenched together. The annoyance of not being able to get the other to understand caused him to snap back in his own way, but deep down he knew this was something he couldn't just welcome someone back after, either.
Aaron didn't want Robert to stay out of his business at all, that was the problem. He wanted him all up in his business; because if he was being completely honest with himself - Robert had helped him more than anyone. He couldn't have done this without him, couldn't have got this far... telling his Mum, speaking to the police, finding Sandra, none of it. Even if Robert thought he could have done this all by myself - he really couldn't have. Still, it didn't excuse his lies about Ryan, especially when Aaron was just beginning to trust him again. They took one step forward, two steps back; it was always the way...
"Listen mate," He sighed in defeat. "I meant what I said before, right? - About not being able to do this without your help. But that's it, you've done enough so just leave it..." Without thinking, Aaron placed one of his sleeve covered hands on Robert's leg and stared at him with those vulnerable eyes of his, still slightly watery. "If you got caught out... i-if the police knew about the lying. You'd go down Robert and honestly I.. I couldn't deal with that." He looked down, throat tightening.
Robert almost rolled his eyes at the lengthy amount of times the other tried to push him away - it wasn't going to work. He wasn't budging, no amount of shoving or shouting would make him move this time, he'd come too far in himself, to prove to everyone he wasn't just some rich smarmy git who liked to go around making sarcastic comments and hurting people - he had a heart, even if it was locked so far down it was hard for even himself to reach sometimes. He blinked once when he felt a hand on his leg, looking down towards it with a signature glimpse of more doe eyes than usual,
''They won't find out...'' He started, but even he was unsure, how could know? ''The only way I'd go to prison is if Ryan blabs about me bribing him, but the kid seemed smart enough, ignoring the fact he can't hold a proper conversation, but that's teenagers for you.'' Robert turned his eyes to look at Aaron again, tone now as soft as a feather, and to anyone else who knew him they probably wouldn't recognize it, ''I'm not going anywhere..'' He glanced at the others' hand on his leg again, hesitating moving his own, but since it was previously resting against his own knee anyway, it only took a few inches to the left for their fingers to be touching, allowing a light and brief stroke of his pinkie against Aaron's, ''-I promise.''
The touch was small but it was enough to make Aaron's breathing falter. His nostrils flared as he inhaled; needing more oxygen in his lungs right then because it didn't feel like he had any. Deny it as much as he would, Robert Sugden was still under his skin. He loved this prat so much that he hated himself for it. Hated how much he needed him, especially right now when he was feeling his most vulnerable. He was worried he'd wobble without Robert around, that he wouldn't be able to fight Gordon down in court. But he wasn't just about to admit that out loud..
"No..." He said, mostly to himself. Aaron withdrew his hand from the warmth, not letting himself feel it. "Maybe you should just go home Robert." And just like that Aaron Livesy had slammed those walls back down again, not letting himself feel anything - it frightened him. His feelings for Robert made him unstable so as soon as he felt an inkling of anything for him again, he was sent into a flurry of panic. Aaron stood up and created space between them, rubbing a hand over his face. He couldn't look at him anymore, because if he did he...
He'd cave to his comfort. He wanted it. Aaron wanted nothing more than to be held by Robert, to kiss him, all the time.
As Robert was about to curl his fingers around Aaron's further, to close the gap between their skin, it was pulled away before he could even give it a second thought, his eyes closing for a split second due to the fast impact of disappointment that was thrust against his stomach, furrowing his brows into a frown. It wasn't as though his heart was hammering loud enough as it was, the altering change of emotions every five minutes was enough to put a man into complete self destruct,
''- Aaron.'' He called out his name again, it seeming to roll off of his tongue the more times he said it, moving to stand up in front of the other with his back more towards the exit as though to block off the other escaping before he could say anything else, ''I...'' He started, sighing deeply and evidently, looking towards his shoes, a hand frantically moving up to his back of his own neck to rub at the warmth there, feeling little goosebumps prop up at the touch. Another kicked puppy look washed over him as he was suggested to leave, ''You want me to go?'' He asked, managing to look him right in the eye now, holding himself open, ''Right, if that's the way you want it.'' Obviously Robert didn't, but overstepping boundaries was something he wanted to avoid like the plague, ''I'll uh ... see you at work? Or, I'll text you, or something...''
Aaron reeled at Robert's words, adrenaline prickling under his skin, making him feel cold, and stressed out. His warmth was about two seconds from walking out that door and vanishing. He could prevent it if he only opened his mouth and said the right words..
Yes, go. Go before I do something I'll punish myself for later. His mind screamed. Begged. But Aaron Livesy's heart had never had a good relationship with his head. Wasn't that been the reason for this situation with Robert in the first place? Before Aaron had the time to decide on his next words, Robert was turning to leave and without thinking, he reacted. His arm shot forward and he found his fingers curling around Robert's arm, stopping him. "No... Robert I-" He struggled with himself, fighting his demons.
"Stay," and then he pathetically added, "please."
Robert took a few moments just in case Aaron changed his mind, but he quickly began to feel like a right idiot standing there, which sent alarm bells through his mind pulling his body towards the door - so he did just that, he turned and reached for the white painted door he'd seen many a time before him, usually being slammed in his face. He felt like he'd run a marathon, emotionally drained and tired, but nothing compared to how he knew the other must be feeling, which made the pain he felt worse. Get a grip, Sugden. That was all he found himself narrating in his head. Constantly.
He half expected the sudden tugging on his arm to be one that would soon be lurching him forwards and away, but he was wronged as he felt it pulling him back. Stunned, his foot spun him back around, pressing his lips together as his head automatically whipped down to check out Aaron's hand on his arm, looking as though it was something he hadn't seen in a long time. Robert remained silent, but nodded once as though to say he understood, managing a quick half grin that didn't really contain any emotion, it certainly wasn't pure happiness, the tension in the air could still be cut with a knife, but it was just intended to show he was okay with still being here,
''I'll finish off making that brew you started then, shall I?''
"I- y-yeah... Yeah I'd appreciate that, thanks." Aaron's voice was strained, he felt uncomfortable all of a sudden. He couldn't believe he'd outright asked Robert to say; even he knew he was giving mixed signals now, pulling Robert back and forth. But he just couldn't help it, he was always fighting himself. There was a constant battle in his head when it came to Robert. Like he knew Robert was bad for him but the only thing that could soothe him when he was low and hurting.
"That's if you don't have something important to do, tea would be good..." Referring to himself as unimportant, because he was. Especially to the likes of Robert; he might not have many fans in the village, but he could definitely be doing something better with his time than lingering here. Aaron wondered if he'd been selfish to ask Robert to stay. Just because he was feeling pathetic and fragile, it didn't mean he should be babysat. He felt irritated at himself then and glanced at the door, tempted to walk out it himself. He couldn't deal with this...
Aaron threw himself back on the sofa as a result and found himself resting with a hand over his face, thumb and forefinger pressing into his tired eyes. He was so exhausted that he didn't have the energy to battle even himself. So yeah he's let Robert make the bloody tea, let him make him feel a little better.
He needed him otherwise he was going to fall apart before the day was up.
Glad of his dignity because of the accepted offer, he took a few strides before his long legs had taken him to the kitchen counter, conjuring up a couple of mugs and flicking back on the kettle, rummaging around for milk and sugars. He never did anything lightly, which wasn't intended, Robert was just heavy handed, clattering things about as he tried to make it all and balance his thoughts at the same time. Maybe the noise was a cover up to drown out loud whisperings in his head. The conversation him and Aaron had at the park a few nights ago kept cropping up - he really did mean everything he said, but now he knew he'd most probably blown it. Heck, Aaron couldn't even bare to touch him for more than a second. Clenching his jaw, he slammed a cup down at his racing mind games, hurriedly finishing the teas and taking them back to the little table before anything else could put him off.
Robert slumped down next to Aaron, making sure to be kept a few inches away so the other could maintain his personal space, but it proved difficult providing how small the sofa was, especially with two grown men sandwiched together on it, ''We should just not talk anymore about Gordon for the rest of the afternoon, forget it, forget him, let's put something crappy on the telly and stop being a couple of mardy gits, eh?''
Aaron was quiet for a minute and it didn't look like he was going to respond to Robert, when finally he removed his hand from his face and braved a glance at the other man's direction. He found himself nodding, "yeah..." He said under his breath, but he appreciated the idea so much more than the tone in his voice showed. Honestly, he was sick to death of talking about Gordon, of everyone tip toeing around him like he was some fragile china doll that might shatter at any moment. Perhaps they weren't entirely wrong, but everyone acting like he was broken was exactly what he didn't want. He was still Aaron Livesy and he'd be grateful if everyone could treat him like normal.
The concept of a day in with Robert, drinking tea, watching television, whilst still wearing his pajamas was a bit... odd, considering everything.. But the feeling wasn't unpleasant - he welcomed it.
Aaron took the remote control from the coffee table and flicked the tele on, browsing through the channels; he hadn't watched television in a while and nothing interested his unsettled mind so he decided to leave Film 4 on as it was playing random films throughout the day, it'd do - and it was a noise in the background so the room wasn't as awkwardly silent as before. Which Aaron was also grateful for. He picked up the tea in both hands, enjoying the heat on his palms, he brought the cup to his lips and took a sip. Pausing. His eyes traveled to Robert again, slowly swallowing the substance...
He'd remembered exactly how he liked his tea. Aaron didn't know why but that made him a bit happy. The corners of his bristly lips started to curl upwards, he smiled secretly behind the cup. His first smile in weeks.
For a moment after he'd sat down, Robert checked his mug, running his thumb over the rim just in case it hadn't been washed properly, checking the thimble amount of skin there for dust, and only then did he take a sip, welcoming the burning hot sensation to awaken his dried out throat, feeling it massage the temples in his head, only just realizing he'd sported a headache, it seemed to be easing since he'd gotten up this morning, though. Turning his eyes to give Aaron a sly once over, it'd only just properly registered he was still in pajamas and his eyebrows rose a bit, admittedly, in a comical fashion, but nobody saw him do it, so it was alright.
He saw the smile - Aaron might've thought he didn't, but he did. He noticed. Robert managed a playful 'how good am I?' signifying head tilt, before breaking out into his own smug grin, still completely silent.
Watching the box for a good twenty minutes, Robert stretched out his long limbs, feeling himself unwind as he did so, ''What's this load of crap on the tele? I don't like soppy movies, you should know that about me by now, Livesy. Get some Top Gear on, that's more your type of thing, isn't it?'' He sniggered under his breath, giving the other a light nudge against his arm, hoping to bring some lightheartedness to the stuffy air around them, however spacious the living room might have been.
"Yeah? Alright mate, like Downton Abbey is your thing?" Aaron challenged back but there was no menace in his voice, in his own way Aaron was being light hearted too. When Robert nudged him, he felt strange, it was such a casual display but with Aaron it started off a chain reaction, reminding him of the last time he'd sat on a sofa in his night wear with Robert, when Chrissie was away. It was domestic, that was the word he was looking for - normal. No hiding. Just them, enjoying a week together. Aaron hadn't hated it then and he sure didn't hate it now. He welcomed it and actually found his body slightly leaning towards the poncy man that had hurt him so much.
"Top Gear it is then..." He muttered under his breath as he scooped up the remote control and changed the channel.
As they sat there, unbeknownst to them, Chas had come downstairs. She was heading out to get some more food in when she paused by the door. She could see Robert sat with Aaron through the crack in the door and she was greeted with the age old dread that Aaron was going to start letting Robert into his heart again. Helpful or not - Robert was a murderer and he couldn't change; she didn't want anyone like that around her son. He deserved more in her opinion. Aaron had been through enough already and she couldn't see her boy break apart another time. But just like the last time when she's witnessed an intoxicated Robert try and kiss Aaron, she grabbed her coat and walked straight out.
Aaron heard the door click and glanced over the back of the sofa, frowning. "I think Mum went out." He commented, hoping she was alright.
Robert couldn't help but let out another chuckle, giving a shrug of his broad shoulders, ''I beg your pardon, I happen to have a thing for a bit of Downton Abbey, if you don't mind, I'd quite like if you removed that sarcastic tone from your voice, mister!'' He blurted back, the corners of his eyes crinkling ever so slightly as he relaxed into the conversation, every so often faltering his smile with a throat clearing grunt - not wanting to seem like this was coming completely natural to him, they had only just come out of a near blazing row, after all. That was just the thing though, their dynamic, it'd always been hate one minute and the next ... love, he guessed? Not that Aaron loved him anymore after all he'd done, but that thought was enough to shut Robert up once again as the channel got changed.
On impulse as soon as he felt the others' body leaning slightly against his own, he scuttled his own bottom over to the left slightly, a questionable expression on his face whereas anyone who looked at him would know he was on the brink of another beam - but - on the down low, for him ... not cool. Playing it cool was just his thing, even if he won a million quid he'd probably act like he'd found a tenner. Glad of the warmth between their wedged up arms now, he settled to watch the next program.
That was until Aaron piped up about Chas, and he almost scoffed with an eye roll, muttering under his breath, ''Typical,'' Chas was always ruining his moments, and he was still sore about being called a glittery turd, but alas, he kept up his doting human role, he was only doing it for the greasy monkey next to him, everyone else was one to work on later. ''And? She's allowed to go in and out, isn't she? Oh, wait, is this because I'm here? It's not really new news, Aaron, we've been around her for weeks now. Civil, at least. It's not like we're stripping each-others clothes off.'' Robert said before he could stop himself, giving an awkward cough instantly afterwards, '' - That, uh, that came out wrong.''
Smart move, Sugden, real smart move.
Aaron had stiffened beside Robert and gone rigid, every inch of his body was frozen. Even though physically he hadn't moved, Aaron couldn't have been further away from Robert right then. He wore that surprised, slightly wide eyed expression, and his hairy lips were parted. The only reason he did anything at all next was because his throat had become exceedingly dry and he was forced to swallow, moistening it. Tongue flicking out to swipe saliva over his bottom lip too.
"Yeah, we're not. It's not like you'd want to do that again anyway, after what you know..." Aaron replied so bitterly. His voice tinted with nastiness. "I'm probably dirty to someone like you."
He felt sick.
The very middle of Robert's forehead absent mindedly creased when he saw Aaron's tongue dart across his lip, eyes following every millisecond of the action, suddenly realising his own mouth could do with about ten pints of water at once, straining his jaw so much it looked like the corners of his cheeks were hollowed, lightly embarrased by his own words. The crease that some very alluring lip licking had caused the blonde soon changed into a deep frown, it was his his whole body shook it's head at Aaron. He was so wrong.
''Yeah, I would.'' Robert didn't care what he was initiating just from that very sentence, he just knew he had to try and boost the others' self esteem up as quick as possible to relieve any kind of mood that was forming, ''Like I said the other night, I still see you like that, I always will. You're not dirty, you're...'' He wavered his hands, trying to pick the right dialogue, one word pushing at his lips, he was restrictive, but he did puff it out eventually, ''- attractive. At least, I think you are.''
Aaron didn't think Robert had ever commented on his appearance before, at least not in a positive way. It surprised him, catching him off guard just enough to break even more of his defensive composure. "Attractive?" The word rolled off his tongue and he frowned at it, "you actually find me attractive? Are you for real?" When he turned his head to look at Robert, his eyes were intense, dark - daring him to lie. Daring him to compliment his appearance just out of self pity. "How can you possibly find me attractive, Robert?"
I'm short, I'm covered in scars, I throw on hoodies and work at the scrapyard, I live with my Mum, I've cried in front of you more times than I'd like, I've been sexually abused by my Dad. I'm...
"I'm disgusting." The last two words he said were hollow, disturbingly so. He sounded lifeless for a moment, like a ghost. As if there was a body and a skeleton but no soul.
Robert was now faced with a dilemma, an almost impossible situation, one that was very difficult for someone with his personality to think about, and to be fair, there wasn't many people like him out there. He had to battle his head and his heart, to give a compliment, to actually give one out to someone he cared about and whom he wanted to tip toe around's feelings. The answer was obvious, he had always fancied Aaron, and would continue to do so, but it was hard for him to actually get the words out. ''Yes, Aaron, I'm for real.'' He struggled, words hard and pointed, looking towards the floor again now.
''Look, I just do, alright?'' He almost argued, as a defense mechanism for his guard seemingly dropping the more and more they spoke, but he pulled himself together, literally, pulling up his own jacket slightly as though to get a grip and be a man about it, ''Hey, wait a second, you're not disgusting, far from it..'' He took a breath, going slightly light-headed, it was only then he knew he was about to spurt out something that had been bubbling underneath for a long while now,
''You might not think so, but you are my type. Not that I've ever seen anyone quite like you before but - that's just it. You're... different. Sure, you might not have the greatest fashion sense, but, that hoodie you wear nearly every day? It works for me. The way you gel your hair so much it looks like you've rolled it in chip fat? Works for me. That ... that stupid lip bite thing that you do when you're nervous or - or upset, works for me too! So, there, now you have it, I find you attractive Aaron, very much so, actually.'' He trailed off, feeling the colour almost drain from his face at the sudden unusual anxiety he felt, feeling like he had to get away quickly before anything shameful could happen to him - like rejection. Oh no, he had to leave. Fast.
''I'm sorry Aaron, I... I've got to go. Like I said, I'll text you.'' He stammered out like an out of character wreck, almost tumbling over the mini table as he stood up, hurrying for the door and disappearing out of it without another word.
Thud. Thud.
Aaron could hear his heart hammering against his rib cage, threatening to break out and escape after Robert. He couldn't believe what he'd just heard, like literally, could not believe it. He couldn't. It wouldn't digest. Robert had all but said he was worthless in the past, that he was nothing but a boring self harmer, and that was it. And Aaron had believed it. Even when Robert confessed to loving him, Aaron couldn't accept it because he didn't believe someone like him could be loved. He was too much of a mess. He'd well and truly fucked up his entire life and yet Robert... Robert could say all of that to him and...
The waterline of Aaron's eyes over spilled and two tears ran down into his bristles. He opened his mouth and let out a shaky gasp because he couldn't breathe. He felt like he'd been held under water all his life and Robert had pulled him to the surface, giving him the oxygen he needed to go on. If there was anyone who could make him feel good about himself - it was Robert, and only Robert.
*
Meanwhile, Chas was just walking back to the pub with an armful of groceries when she saw Robert burst out of the door, looking like a train wreck.
"That lasted long didn't it? You both looked cosy before I left. Have you done something already? You better not have upset him Robert." Chas snapped. Always assuming the worst.
Robert ran his fingers through his hair as he hurried down the few steps of the pub, looking like someone who'd just taken a blow to the stomach, coming to a stuttering halt when he saw Chas, the gravel underneath his shoes scratching harshly at his vividly fast stop,
''Is this you jumping the gun about me again, Chas? I haven't, he's fine,'' Robert lied, shoving his hands into his pockets as he seemed as neutral as possible, but the tone in his voice always told different stories, ''I came over for a cuppa, we had a chat, now I'm going home, is that too much to handle?'' He asked, walls straight back up around him, he definitely had an attitude with everyone who wasn't Aaron or his baby sister.
"No, it isn't. But that's all it can be between the two of you Robert, do you hear me? You shouldn't be anywhere near him at all." Chas barked back, like a bitch protecting her pup. "Especially when he's like this, now more than ever, I need you to leave him be. My son's fragile, he always has been but now he's more vulnerable than he's ever been and I don't need you breaking his heart anymore. You've done enough damage in this village and to Aaron... He needs to be around people who love him and want to take care of him, Robert. He needs his family and that isn't you, it's never going to be. You had a chance before but you chose to live a lie and stay so far in the closet that you might as well have been in Narnia. You hurt so many people but no... Not anymore. Not our Aaron." She pointed a finger at his face, looking at him sternly.
"I appreciate everything you've done, putting yourself at risk of going to prison to get Gordon sent down. Thank you, Robert. But that's enough. Stay. Away. From. Aaron." She announced each word so sharply, mouthing them clearly so he got it.
If Chas Dingle hadn't been so closely related to the man he was in love with, Robert doubted she'd even have her head going for her right now, the way she thought she could speak to him, and it wasn't that he was down to hit women, but she just got so far under his skin he felt like it couldn't be controlled sometimes. It took an arm and a leg for him not to start a scene in the middle of the street, repeating opening and closing his mouth like a fish replica to try and get a word in, but she was so loud and fast he would be lucky if he could even blink without being interrupted,
''Believe it or not, I do care about Aaron. A lot. Whilst you appreciate what I've done, I appreciate your grating protectiveness, but I'm sorry, I can't do that, I can't stay away from him and I won't. What are you going to do, shoot me?'' He remarked through gritted teeth, having a lingering regret once he'd bustled the last part, but after that he walked straight past her, eyes like stone, shaking his head like it hadn't been shook in years, scratching the back of his neck. He'd prove her wrong. He'd said it once, but now he was on about his 100th chance, couldn't be that bad, right?
Chas didn't believe a word of it. How could she? Robert had done nothing but lie his way out of things since he'd come into Aaron's life and her poor son had somehow thought it was acceptable to be treated like rubbish by Robert because he loved him. There was a point where he settled for being his bit on the side and no son of hers was going to be a murderers mistress. Ever. Not if she could do anything to stop it...
Returning back to the pub, she went right inside to find Aaron curled up on the sofa, just staring into space. His eyes were puffy and red, she knew he'd been crying and her blood boiled at Robert. Confirming what she already knew.
"Oh love... Has he upset you? I told you he was bad-" she started as she walked in and put her shopping bags down. But Aaron cut her right off before she even had a chance to slate Robert. "It's not like that, I'm not upset."
"But you've been crying-"
"Not because I'm sad Mum, for once, not because I'm upset with him." Aaron snapped, back up. "Just lay off, yeah?"
Chas' shoulders sagged and a heavy sigh left her lips. "I am your Mum you know Aaron, I just care about you," she stated but when he didn't responded she felt defeated and added. "Alright love, I'll make us some lunch."
Robert needed a drink, a good one at that, but it was straining because just moments ago he'd stormed out of the very pub he could have bought one from, having enough dignity to know returning back there was not a good idea. Rolling his head to the side, he eyed David's shop, knowing within a few minutes he could have a large bottle of wine and a case of beers for himself. It was drowning him out, despising things in his life not going right, he knew it'd catch up on him sometime. Everything couldn't be perfect, that much scared him to death.
Doing exactly as his impulses told him, he carried out his armful of different alcohols and a frozen pizza to stick in the oven for later, seeing as though Vic had a late shift and there wouldn't be anything waiting for him to warm up in the microwave whenever he felt peckish. Robert's aura had sunk down to a look of avoidableness, glad to know that from years of practice, when he had this expression, nobody bothered him. He wasn't in control of his life so the best thing to do was forget about it. It was silly how this had stemmed from him releasing some feelings, but nearly every year of his life growing up he'd been taught to bottle it up, so the sheer feeling of it made him feel sick. Always, there was a lingering feeling of police around every corner, but the whole feelings thing still took up the top spot.
Flinging himself down on the sofa just like he had done at Aaron's, he was about to crack open a beer, before he stopped. Robert actually stopped to think, which was award winning in itself. He had a better idea. Nodding to himself with a powerful rush of adrenaline, he shoved all of his items in the fridge, knowing he could put them into a more enjoyable use if he just waited. Getting out his mobile, he pressed Aaron's name and slowly typed out a text with his thumb,
'Sorry about earlier. Meet me at the barn tomorrow around 5pm?'
Aaron was in the middle of tucking into a shepherds pie when he felt his phone vibrate in the pocket of his pajama bottoms. Chas was sat opposite him at the table, scooping a forkful of peas and potato into her mouth, concentrating on not dropping any of the peas. He looked up at her cautiously before deciding that he would quickly check his phone; it could be something to do with work is what he told himself, even if he didn't really believe it would be.
Forking food into his mouth, he reached under the table, keeping his eyes on Chas as his phone slid out of his pocket and lit up under the table. It wasn't that she could control him, he was a grown man after all, but he knew he'd the look, the knowing one, and it'd irritate him. So he wanted to keep everything with Robert on the low, but after his confession earlier Aaron was drawn into checking his messages and he wasn't surprised when he saw 'New Message: Robert' written on screen.
Aaron sucked in his bottom lip and bit it with top teeth, holding that face as he pressed 'open'. The text was so simple but he appreciated it. It was evidence he was being thought of. His eyes scanned the words a few times before he pressed 'reply' and tapped in: 'Maybe x' he um'd and uh'd over the kiss at the end before finally deciding Robert deserved it after his speech earlier. He pressed 'send' and shoved his phone away. Trying not to smile in front of Chas.
Robert had almost fallen asleep on the palm of his hand, realizing just how exhausted he was, not having slept properly in a while and not realizing it till now, now he was alone. Jumping when heard his phone ding, he opened one eye, groaning a bit at the brightness of his phone in the dark room, but his growing smug grin was evident in the glow of his television screen. He didn't hesitate in typing back, though he never got better at texting, he'd always been slow at it squinting at the keys and letters he was pressing, ''I'll take that as a yes. See you tomorrow, Livesy x'
The kiss on the text came natural as long as he wasn't the first one to initiate it, allowing himself to relax again droop against the arm on the sofa, it being bigger than the bed Victoria gave him as long as he got the right angle. Robert Sugden was not a natural romantic, but he could hear his sisters voice wittering in his ear already and what he should and shouldn't do, what he can and can't wear. Maybe his maroon suit, that was always a good one. After all, what was a smitten kitten like him to do? Psh, smitten kitten, he could kill her sometimes, but that didn't falter his smile in the slightest.
With that, he was asleep.
When Aaron read the reply, he was in the bathroom taking a leak, he hadn't checked his phone a second time at the table with his Mum sitting right there. Instead, he'd eaten his dinner and indulged in idle chit chat, which he wasn't very good at. When Chas said she'd wash up, he waved her off with a 'goodnight' under his breath. He'd gone straight to the toilet, intending on pissing but casually pulled his phone out to check Robert's message. A scoff left his lips when he read it. "Arrogant git." He murmured, putting his phone on the window sil. Shaking himself, he tugged his pajamas up and went to go and lie down. Hoping that sleeping would be easier tonight...
By the time morning came Aaron woke with a start, not remembering falling asleep to his surprise, he must have just dozed off. That wasn't like him. But he shuffled out of bed all the same and went to have a shower. He'd be lying if he said he didn't feel the smallest bit lighter today, he didn't wake up and think of Gordon's dirty hands touching him... His mind was on seeing Robert later. He best make himself look presentable. Aaron didn't know why he cared but he just did. He didn't want to wear a hoody today.
He might even trim his facial hair down.
-
To be continued...