It's my first funny fic! It's in three parts, and the first two are humor fics, but the third aint. . .just read it okay? I worked for quite a while on it ^^ A certain person brought it to my attention that they didn't know what the plot line is, and so I thought to myself, is there a plot at all? Nope! It's one of those a-day-in-the-life-of things. It's with all the characters, so that includes both Ash-tachi & TR.
Disclaimer: I own Pokemon. My name is Nintendo. My hobby is sueing people, and I LOVE it. Steal my characters and may death come unto you. (Nah don't worry, I'm just kidding, don't sue me. . .^^;;)
A couple quick little things, since there are parts in this fic that might make you think I believe otherwise...
1)I am NOT a Pokeshipper! I never have written any Pokeshippy fics, and I never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever will. So don't get worried over it.
2)I am a strong believer that James is straight. . .how else could I be a Rocketshipper?
Lovers & Losers, Unite!
Part 1
"I'VE, been workin' on the RAIL-road, ALL the live-long day. . ."
"Shut up James."
"Sorry."
Since the crack of dawnm, Jessie and James had been working on their next move to capture Pikachu - well, I guess, kinda, ya sure. When Jessie got word from one of those episode guides that tells you what happens in the upcoming (or pending) episodes that Burn Boy was on a train back home to Pallet, along with Stone(d) Guy and Watergirl (also since dawn, James had spent most of the "plotting" time making up nicknames. Jessie and he were Macho-Blue Man and Raging Mad Thundergirl), they set about pennying the track.
"Mmhm - and when the twerp train passes through here it'll be buh bye pika pika!" Jessie smiled and made weird little squirming motions, imitating what Pikachu and friends would soon look like.
Meowth had initially been all for the plan, but quit when his inept comrades failed to realize you only need one penny to penny a rail. He was currently basking in the sun, enjoying the latest issue of 'Catpen Monthly.'
"An' if ya have a problem with it, please contact my rear end."
Hm. I'll have to pass on that one, Meowth. Anyway, James had been working
up quite an appetite and would probably collapse from exhaustion any time now.
"Who's writing this?!"
Um, I am, James.
"Then can I have a donut?"
No.
"I want a donut!"
*BOINK*
"Shut up James, or we'll never finish! I've run out of change - Meowth you sick little insubordanant, use Pay Day!" Raging Mad Thundergi - uh, Jessie fumed at her companion.
Meowth was a Pokemon of little tolerance.
*BOINK* He knocked her over the head with a mango from a fruit bowl he had by his chair.
"I can't use Pay Day ya morons! Tememba da Orange Islands?!"
James stuttered and collapsed in a heap. "I . . . *still*. . . wanna . . . donut. . ."
"Well tough; we don't have any donuts! And now we don't have any money either
because Meowth's too lazy to use Pay Day, and OH MY GOD WHAT DID YOU GET IN MY HAIR I'LL KILL YOU!"
Thus ensued a rather violent game of cat and mouse, or should I say cat and raging wild boar.
"And what is THAT supposed to mean?!"
That you're a raging wild boar.
"How DARE you?!"
Oh shut up Jessie. Get on with it.
"Haha! Ya Jess, if ya wanna get rich so bad pound those Christmas ornaments on ya ears into coins and use dem fer money!"
James pondered. "Hey, I thought she was Raging Mad Thundergirl!"
"Grr. . . get out of my site you lunatics!" Jessie pulled a fan out of her - well I dunno but she pulled it out - and whacked her two partners sky-high. They landed somewhere.
*BOINK*
Jessie, suddenly realizing that she had just inflicted a great amount of pain and suffering upon the two best friends she ever had (again), leaned back into Meowths chair and sipped on one of his leftover martinis.
~~~
"Ash, I can't believe you stole that Ponyta!"
"Well *I* didn't know it belonged to that little girl!"
"That wasn't a girl! That was a Jynx!"
"WHAT?!" Ash exclaimed as Misty screeched in his ear.
"I SAID IT WAS A JYNX!"
"Put a sock in it you overgrown Bulbasaur."
"BROCK, he called ME a BULBASAUR!" Misty exclaimed as her voice went all
high-pitchy and irritating - oops wait it's like that all the time. But it was breaking some glass, that's for sure.
"Hey watch it!" a passenger screeched out when a window shattered into his soup.
The Pewter City gym leader wanted to avoid this conversation at all costs. "Will ya quit yellin'?"
"Pi-KA, pika!" [translation: Shut UP, Brock!] The little rat had become quite
annoyed at everyone lately. Especially people whos hair consisted big jagged spikes. So basically, just about everyone he ever knew.
"Misty, it's not like I'm not going to return it. I just wanna. . . try it out first to make sure I didn't hurt it when I caught it."
"I DON'T THINK SO ASH KETCHUM YOU'RE GOING TO GIVE ME THAT PONYTA RIGHT NOW AND I'M GOING TO GO RETURN IT!"
"No way! Uh, I mean, fine, go ahead. But good luck jumping off the train and
getting back to that girl."
"I will, and you can bet your life on it!"
*Sigh* why can't those two ever just kiss and make up?
"What?! Ewww!" Ash and Misty screamed in unison.
Well, I personally think you should so you're going to right here. . .
With that Ash and Misty stepped up to each other and through the magic of
anime-created drugs (well, actually it was Pokemon Carbos that Brock slipped them beforehand, but who's asking), the pair fell head over heels for one another, as well as head over heels off the train.
"Hey guys wait up you're not supposed to do that yet!" Brock called after him as he leapt off the train into a herd of Charizard.
"Hey! What's a bunch of Charizards doing in the middle of a field?!"
I don't know.
"Wait a minute, where'd Pikachu go? Aw dang!"
"Pika pi!" [Sayonara suckers!] Pikachu called back and waved, smiling, as it leaned out the windowsill of the train. It was feeling quite content with itself. It's plan was to travel to New York and become a stock broker, or something.
Brock sighed. "Well, I guess Ash probably deserves this anyway. Man, he's such a loser!"
~~~
"OH I'M SUCH A LOSER!" James wailed out into the night sky.
"Well it's not like ya never expected it," Meowth made a half-hearted attempt to calm his friend down, but moreso just to shut him up. "Or at least, you should have expected it. I sure as hell did."
"An' if ya don't like it, conact my-"
Yes Meowth we know; shut up.
"Why doesn't Jessie ever respect me? Why does she always have to whack me
whenever I do something she doesn't like? Why doesn't she have any tolerance for anything at all? Why doesn't she like me?!" the teenage boy refused to cease his rantings and Meowth climbed up into a nearby tree and covered his ears with two prickly bird nests.
"Because ya always screw up," the feline bluntly stated.
"It's not *my* fault I'm so stupid!" James tried to reason, his voice goin' all yaoi again.
"Well, I'm not the one ya should be yellin' at. Go tell *her* if you're so frikkin' upset." Meowth scowled at the irratating blue haired boy that now stood moping before him.
"Oh, *sniff*, I suppose you're right. But. . . I'm so scared! Really really scared!" Suddenly James began jumping around and grabbing his hair in a mad fit.
Meowth looked on comically. "Ha, well, I suppose I shouldn't be surprized at dat. After all, you *are* such a loser. Haha!"
~~~
"Oh my, James, what a surprise - ACK what are *you* doing here?! Where's the
other two twerps you're usually with? Where's Pikachu? Did they die when they
fell off the train? Did the train even crash?! Answer me you little squinty eyed imbecil!"
Brock was in a state of what you could call 'intoxicated fear.' After having been torched by Ash's Charizard (who a while back had managed to escape and join up with the Flametorchers, a gang of wild fire lizard Pokemon that roamed the land searching for their leader, a lizard named - well they didn't know his name, but "We'll know him when we see him, we swear it!"), Brock managed to jump off a cliff and land right smack down in Jessie's lap, who was sunbathing at the moment. "Uh. . . hi!" he said, face bright with hope.
Jessie, of course, was outraged. "Get off of me you brat before I throw you off *another* cliff!"
Even though Team Rocket were sworn enemies of Ash, Misty - and Brock - he
couldn't help being human. A lovelorn, teenage, hormone-driven, male human, at that. "I thought I'd drop by to say hello. . . *oof*" Brock landed face-first into the sand as Jessie grabbed the scruff of his neck and plummeted his head beside her lounge chair.
"Now shut up and stay that way you perverted little gasbag!"
"Pi pika chu pipipipika." [Where'd you get 'gasbag' from?] Pikachu flew in on a parasail and landed gently next to Brock. New York just didn't work out.
Jessie eyed the little creature suspiciously. "Where did you come from? Did you fall off the train? Is that what happened to this kid?" she pointed dumbly at Brock, who lay gigging incessantly, mouth full of sand and under-developed Krabby eggs.
Pikachu shook its head. "Pichu pika pika, chu kakaka pi pikapi. . . " [He kinda jumped, and so did Ashy-boy and his girlfriend. . .]
~~~
"Hey Ash?"
"Mmmm. . . yeah baby?"
"You're my big strong Machamp you know that right?"
Ash snuggled up against Misty and whispered in her ear, "Of course I am snuggums and you're my little Jigglypuff, teehee!"
Misty eyed him and blew air into her cheeks so they puffed out and made her look like a Jigglypuff. "So then you'll listen to me sing, right?"
"Oh yeah, if it helps me fall asleep. . ."
Misty sat straight up and pulled out a Pokeball, hurling it straight at Ash's face. "Alright then, Misty calls Staryu!"
"WOOAUGH!" Ash yelped in pain as the metallic sphere hit him square in the nose.
"Hea-ya!" Staryu yelled it's battle cry as it's trainer leapt up.
"Alright Staryu, Swift attack!" It seemed the PokeCarbos were starting to loose their effect on Misty (thank God).
"Hea-ya!" Staryu called again as it began hurling rubber throwing stars at Ash, who backed up against a tree cowering in fear. Without his 'trusty' Pikachu nearby, he was really very patheticly defenseless.
"Misty," *THONK* "whadda ya," *THONK* "doin'?" *THONK* Ash pleaded for Misty to explain herself, but it was no use.
In the midst of her current reign of terror, Misty stood before Ash and began
to recite a little speech she had concocted just a few minutes before. "Well Ashy-boy, you said you wanted to go to sleep, and well, this outta help! I've put up with a lot hanging around with you, Ash Ketchum, and you never even got me another bike! It's not like I never pulled your butt out of a hundred different. . ." Ash had been laid unconscious several minutes before, but Misty was having too much fun to stop. ". . . you almost killed Togepi, and you expect me to lay down my Pokeballs and confess my love for you, Ash? Hm? I didn't think so! Hahahahaha!"
~~~
"Ha ha, James, ya lost yer noodles again."
"Don't laugh over other peoples food deprivation!" James yelled back. He then paused, looked over the bridge at the river where his lunch now lay, and thought for a moment before adding, "Especially mine!"
Meowth leapt up onto James's shoulder, which James didn't seem to mind. He was too depressed. "Well, at least ya still got some of the noodles left up here," he thonked on James's head rather hard to prove his point. The cat was rewarded with a slight noise similar to a baby's rattle. "See? There's definetly *somethin'* swimmin' around up der."
James took no notice and continued walking along, his thoughts set on Jessie and how much she hated him. He took out one of his roses and looked at it sullenly. "Why do I even carry around these things? A rose so much like her! Beautiful, soft, something I never want to be without, yet it's nasty and horrible and prickly and scary and OUCH I PRICKED MYSELF ON THE ROSE MEOWTH HELP AAAAAH!"
"Oy." Meowth buried his face in his paws.
~~~
"Misty, come on! We're stuck here together and we have to find Brock and
Pikachu!" Ash whined. By this time the effects of the PokeCarbos had fully worn off.
Misty wasn't so entirely eager, though. She eyed Ash evily and sarcastically spat, "The last time *I* checked, Pikachu didn't really feel very happy to see you. And I wouldn't be surprised, considering the way you tied it up as soon as you met and everything!"
"Huh? How'd you know that! And besides, that was because it was trying to kill me!"
"Excuses, excuses. And those gloves! Pink rubber gloves! Jessie would have *killed* you if she found you wearing those things in public!"
"What does she have to do with anything?!" Ash was utterly confused now, and
was ready to run away from his assailiant when she grabbed him by the ear and
began dragging him down a path towards the forest.
Misty howled out more rantings at Ash before binding his hands and feet together with some vines on a nearby oak. "If you haven't noticed, Jessie may be a total moron who never does anything right, just like the rest of Team Rocket, but they work their asses off to catch Pikachu! I don't know about you but I give them a dang lot of credit for their persistance in this whole thing! After all, if it wasn't for YOU," Ash then recieved a swift kick in the behind from Misty before she continued, "they'd be rich succesful criminals by now! The only reason they're not is because YOU," the cringing boy recieved yet another kick, "keep getting in their WAY!"
Because Misty was so weak Ash felt barely any pain, but just the concept of
someone other than Team Rocket admitting that Jessie and James were actually
*good* at something made him cry. "Waaaah! Why am I so abused? Why doesn't
Pikachu like me anymore? Why don't *you* like me anymore?"
"I NEVER liked you! It was those stupid PokeCarbos Brock slipped us!"
But Ash wasn't convinced. "But you sang me that song! Ya know, it was called 'Misty's Song' or something and it was all about how you loved me and stuff and the cd sold over 4 million copies and now it's available in Spanish! There's a sequel out now too, and I think it has more love songs from you to me on it. . ."
"Um, Ash, maybe you should SHUT UP!"
"Eeek! Okay fine, but can you at least tell me where we're going?"
"We're going to find Team Rocket's hideout so you can apologize to them for being so mean to them all the time!"
"Noooooooo!"
~~~
"Hahaha! Who would know? I always thought she had a crush on that Ash kid! After all, the song, the looks, the following, the bickering - I would never have guessed she had a crush on that old fart professor guy."
"Pipi, ka pika! Pika chu chu!" [Yeah, she's got little photos of him cut into heart shapes and everything! It's disgusting!] Pikachu nodded its head up and down. The little rodent sat with Jessie at her, James, and Meowth's cabin, gossiping away about Ash and his hairy little friends.
"What about that other twerp - your master. Who does he like?" Jessie was getting quite a kick out of the whole situation. She hadn't had anyone to gossip with other than James in years.
Pikachu suddenly wasn't so enthusiastic. It bent it's head down and looked at the floor, it's tail swishing to and fro, making little squiggly lines in the dust. "Pi, pi-ka pichu pi pika. . . chu."
"Me?!" Jessie leapt up and bashed Pikachu over the head with an oyster mallot. "You must be kidding me! That kid's so dense he probably can't even recognize the full extent of my beauty, or any of it for that matter, and for some reason you say he likes me? Never!"
"Pichu, pikakaka?" [If *he's* so dense why does *he* always keep you from catching me?] Pikachu rubbed its head and stated matter-of-factly.
Jessie paused before answering. "Because he sucks! But he's not here this time; there's just Mr. Loser Sliteyes who doesn't have a strand of sense between his ears. Haha, I've got you now you little runt!" Jessie leapt in the air and seized Pikachu by it's tail. Before it could attack she flung the pathetic little Pokie in a rubber crate and dashed off upstairs to transport it to the boss via one of those little things that can transport matter across the web.
"Pi, pipipi, pi pi!" [I really, seriously, have to go to the bathroom!]
Jessie beamed. "Really? Congratulations!"
"Pika chuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu?!" [Can I have some Charmiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin?!"]
~~~
"Tink of it dis way, me patedic 'ole buddy. Now dat Jessie aint around, dere's no one to slap ya and hit ya fer bein so dumb all da time and call ya names - "
"- and to wake me up violently whenever I sleep in late and bash me over the head for no reason and OH JESSIE I MISS YOU!!!" James dropped to his knees and wailed out into the sky.
Meowth extraced his claws and swiped at James' face. "Dis otta shut ya up!" he half berated, half complained.
"Eeee! Ow, that hurt!" James complained. He then began hopping up and down on one foot. "You stupid cat why'd you hit my toe! You've never hit my toe before! My feet are off-limits! You *know* that!"
Meowth tilted his head to one side. "James I didn't go near ya stinky feet. Don't flatter yaself."
James began to get scared (ahem, again, cough). "B-but, if you didn't hit my foot, th-th-th-then who did?" James then stood stock-still with a blank look on his face. But not for long. "Aaaugh! Jessie where are you I'm scared!"
~~~
"Chu! Chu chu pi, pika kaka chu pipika ka. Chu chu pi pikachu." [Now Listen! Bounty is three-ply, but the layers are pressed together so it's more like cardboard than a paper towel. But that's not half as bad as that Hunter crap] Pikachu looked up, anime-watery-eyed, and gently rubbed it's cheek. "Ka ka pika chu!" [I literally cut myself when I was trying to dry my face!]
Jessie sat cross-legged, taking in Pikachu's paper products advice with great reverence. She gaped at the rodent, her face a picture of sheer horror. "That's terrible! You should sue!"
Pikachu nodded it's head. "Ka, pika pipika chu chu." [Yeah, that's what I thought, but freakin' Ash slapped a band-aid on me and pushed it all away]
"What an ass!"
"Ka pika." [Damn straight]
Jessie was visually enjoying their conversation. She decided to chime in with one of her little anecdotes. "You know, once I bought a compact and I went to put some foundation on, only to find that the applicator was made of - get this - foam!"
Pikachu gasped in horror. "Chu!" [Ick!]
"Yeah, ick is right." Jessie straightened up before continuing. "And do you know what I did?"
Pikachu leaned in closer. "Pi?" [What?]
"I went over to their factory myself, and kicked the managers butt!"
Pikachu smiled. "Pi pika ka! Chuchu, ka pika kachu." [You go girl! Those losers, they mislabeled my mascara once!]
Now a bit confused, Jessie asked, "You wear makeup?"
Pikachu nodded enthusiastically. "Pi ka! Pikaka chu pichu pi ka? Pika pika chu ka pi." [Of course! How do you think I keep these cheeks so red? Every morning before anyone wakes up I go and do myself over]
"Hm." Jessie pondered for a moment, then smiled and clasped her hands together. "I know! Let's do makeovers!"
Pikachu leapt up in the air and gave Jessie a high-five. "Pika!" [Yay!]
~~~
As we end Part 1 of our story, we are left with many questions to ponder.
Will Ash survive Misty's sudden Temper Attack? Or, more appropriately, will
Misty survive Ash's Raging Hormone Attack?
Will Pikachu be the next Covergirl? Will Jessie try to make over Brock? If she does, will he willingly oblige?
What *exactly* stubbed James' toe? Was it a maddened ghost? Or did he trip into a rock? And will Meowth ever shut up? Find out this and more in Part 2 of "Losers and Lovers, Unite!"
Disclaimer: I own Pokemon. My name is Nintendo. My hobby is sueing people, and I LOVE it. Steal my characters and may death come unto you. (Nah don't worry, I'm just kidding, don't sue me. . .^^;;)
A couple quick little things, since there are parts in this fic that might make you think I believe otherwise...
1)I am NOT a Pokeshipper! I never have written any Pokeshippy fics, and I never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever will. So don't get worried over it.
2)I am a strong believer that James is straight. . .how else could I be a Rocketshipper?
Lovers & Losers, Unite!
Part 1
"I'VE, been workin' on the RAIL-road, ALL the live-long day. . ."
"Shut up James."
"Sorry."
Since the crack of dawnm, Jessie and James had been working on their next move to capture Pikachu - well, I guess, kinda, ya sure. When Jessie got word from one of those episode guides that tells you what happens in the upcoming (or pending) episodes that Burn Boy was on a train back home to Pallet, along with Stone(d) Guy and Watergirl (also since dawn, James had spent most of the "plotting" time making up nicknames. Jessie and he were Macho-Blue Man and Raging Mad Thundergirl), they set about pennying the track.
"Mmhm - and when the twerp train passes through here it'll be buh bye pika pika!" Jessie smiled and made weird little squirming motions, imitating what Pikachu and friends would soon look like.
Meowth had initially been all for the plan, but quit when his inept comrades failed to realize you only need one penny to penny a rail. He was currently basking in the sun, enjoying the latest issue of 'Catpen Monthly.'
"An' if ya have a problem with it, please contact my rear end."
Hm. I'll have to pass on that one, Meowth. Anyway, James had been working
up quite an appetite and would probably collapse from exhaustion any time now.
"Who's writing this?!"
Um, I am, James.
"Then can I have a donut?"
No.
"I want a donut!"
*BOINK*
"Shut up James, or we'll never finish! I've run out of change - Meowth you sick little insubordanant, use Pay Day!" Raging Mad Thundergi - uh, Jessie fumed at her companion.
Meowth was a Pokemon of little tolerance.
*BOINK* He knocked her over the head with a mango from a fruit bowl he had by his chair.
"I can't use Pay Day ya morons! Tememba da Orange Islands?!"
James stuttered and collapsed in a heap. "I . . . *still*. . . wanna . . . donut. . ."
"Well tough; we don't have any donuts! And now we don't have any money either
because Meowth's too lazy to use Pay Day, and OH MY GOD WHAT DID YOU GET IN MY HAIR I'LL KILL YOU!"
Thus ensued a rather violent game of cat and mouse, or should I say cat and raging wild boar.
"And what is THAT supposed to mean?!"
That you're a raging wild boar.
"How DARE you?!"
Oh shut up Jessie. Get on with it.
"Haha! Ya Jess, if ya wanna get rich so bad pound those Christmas ornaments on ya ears into coins and use dem fer money!"
James pondered. "Hey, I thought she was Raging Mad Thundergirl!"
"Grr. . . get out of my site you lunatics!" Jessie pulled a fan out of her - well I dunno but she pulled it out - and whacked her two partners sky-high. They landed somewhere.
*BOINK*
Jessie, suddenly realizing that she had just inflicted a great amount of pain and suffering upon the two best friends she ever had (again), leaned back into Meowths chair and sipped on one of his leftover martinis.
~~~
"Ash, I can't believe you stole that Ponyta!"
"Well *I* didn't know it belonged to that little girl!"
"That wasn't a girl! That was a Jynx!"
"WHAT?!" Ash exclaimed as Misty screeched in his ear.
"I SAID IT WAS A JYNX!"
"Put a sock in it you overgrown Bulbasaur."
"BROCK, he called ME a BULBASAUR!" Misty exclaimed as her voice went all
high-pitchy and irritating - oops wait it's like that all the time. But it was breaking some glass, that's for sure.
"Hey watch it!" a passenger screeched out when a window shattered into his soup.
The Pewter City gym leader wanted to avoid this conversation at all costs. "Will ya quit yellin'?"
"Pi-KA, pika!" [translation: Shut UP, Brock!] The little rat had become quite
annoyed at everyone lately. Especially people whos hair consisted big jagged spikes. So basically, just about everyone he ever knew.
"Misty, it's not like I'm not going to return it. I just wanna. . . try it out first to make sure I didn't hurt it when I caught it."
"I DON'T THINK SO ASH KETCHUM YOU'RE GOING TO GIVE ME THAT PONYTA RIGHT NOW AND I'M GOING TO GO RETURN IT!"
"No way! Uh, I mean, fine, go ahead. But good luck jumping off the train and
getting back to that girl."
"I will, and you can bet your life on it!"
*Sigh* why can't those two ever just kiss and make up?
"What?! Ewww!" Ash and Misty screamed in unison.
Well, I personally think you should so you're going to right here. . .
With that Ash and Misty stepped up to each other and through the magic of
anime-created drugs (well, actually it was Pokemon Carbos that Brock slipped them beforehand, but who's asking), the pair fell head over heels for one another, as well as head over heels off the train.
"Hey guys wait up you're not supposed to do that yet!" Brock called after him as he leapt off the train into a herd of Charizard.
"Hey! What's a bunch of Charizards doing in the middle of a field?!"
I don't know.
"Wait a minute, where'd Pikachu go? Aw dang!"
"Pika pi!" [Sayonara suckers!] Pikachu called back and waved, smiling, as it leaned out the windowsill of the train. It was feeling quite content with itself. It's plan was to travel to New York and become a stock broker, or something.
Brock sighed. "Well, I guess Ash probably deserves this anyway. Man, he's such a loser!"
~~~
"OH I'M SUCH A LOSER!" James wailed out into the night sky.
"Well it's not like ya never expected it," Meowth made a half-hearted attempt to calm his friend down, but moreso just to shut him up. "Or at least, you should have expected it. I sure as hell did."
"An' if ya don't like it, conact my-"
Yes Meowth we know; shut up.
"Why doesn't Jessie ever respect me? Why does she always have to whack me
whenever I do something she doesn't like? Why doesn't she have any tolerance for anything at all? Why doesn't she like me?!" the teenage boy refused to cease his rantings and Meowth climbed up into a nearby tree and covered his ears with two prickly bird nests.
"Because ya always screw up," the feline bluntly stated.
"It's not *my* fault I'm so stupid!" James tried to reason, his voice goin' all yaoi again.
"Well, I'm not the one ya should be yellin' at. Go tell *her* if you're so frikkin' upset." Meowth scowled at the irratating blue haired boy that now stood moping before him.
"Oh, *sniff*, I suppose you're right. But. . . I'm so scared! Really really scared!" Suddenly James began jumping around and grabbing his hair in a mad fit.
Meowth looked on comically. "Ha, well, I suppose I shouldn't be surprized at dat. After all, you *are* such a loser. Haha!"
~~~
"Oh my, James, what a surprise - ACK what are *you* doing here?! Where's the
other two twerps you're usually with? Where's Pikachu? Did they die when they
fell off the train? Did the train even crash?! Answer me you little squinty eyed imbecil!"
Brock was in a state of what you could call 'intoxicated fear.' After having been torched by Ash's Charizard (who a while back had managed to escape and join up with the Flametorchers, a gang of wild fire lizard Pokemon that roamed the land searching for their leader, a lizard named - well they didn't know his name, but "We'll know him when we see him, we swear it!"), Brock managed to jump off a cliff and land right smack down in Jessie's lap, who was sunbathing at the moment. "Uh. . . hi!" he said, face bright with hope.
Jessie, of course, was outraged. "Get off of me you brat before I throw you off *another* cliff!"
Even though Team Rocket were sworn enemies of Ash, Misty - and Brock - he
couldn't help being human. A lovelorn, teenage, hormone-driven, male human, at that. "I thought I'd drop by to say hello. . . *oof*" Brock landed face-first into the sand as Jessie grabbed the scruff of his neck and plummeted his head beside her lounge chair.
"Now shut up and stay that way you perverted little gasbag!"
"Pi pika chu pipipipika." [Where'd you get 'gasbag' from?] Pikachu flew in on a parasail and landed gently next to Brock. New York just didn't work out.
Jessie eyed the little creature suspiciously. "Where did you come from? Did you fall off the train? Is that what happened to this kid?" she pointed dumbly at Brock, who lay gigging incessantly, mouth full of sand and under-developed Krabby eggs.
Pikachu shook its head. "Pichu pika pika, chu kakaka pi pikapi. . . " [He kinda jumped, and so did Ashy-boy and his girlfriend. . .]
~~~
"Hey Ash?"
"Mmmm. . . yeah baby?"
"You're my big strong Machamp you know that right?"
Ash snuggled up against Misty and whispered in her ear, "Of course I am snuggums and you're my little Jigglypuff, teehee!"
Misty eyed him and blew air into her cheeks so they puffed out and made her look like a Jigglypuff. "So then you'll listen to me sing, right?"
"Oh yeah, if it helps me fall asleep. . ."
Misty sat straight up and pulled out a Pokeball, hurling it straight at Ash's face. "Alright then, Misty calls Staryu!"
"WOOAUGH!" Ash yelped in pain as the metallic sphere hit him square in the nose.
"Hea-ya!" Staryu yelled it's battle cry as it's trainer leapt up.
"Alright Staryu, Swift attack!" It seemed the PokeCarbos were starting to loose their effect on Misty (thank God).
"Hea-ya!" Staryu called again as it began hurling rubber throwing stars at Ash, who backed up against a tree cowering in fear. Without his 'trusty' Pikachu nearby, he was really very patheticly defenseless.
"Misty," *THONK* "whadda ya," *THONK* "doin'?" *THONK* Ash pleaded for Misty to explain herself, but it was no use.
In the midst of her current reign of terror, Misty stood before Ash and began
to recite a little speech she had concocted just a few minutes before. "Well Ashy-boy, you said you wanted to go to sleep, and well, this outta help! I've put up with a lot hanging around with you, Ash Ketchum, and you never even got me another bike! It's not like I never pulled your butt out of a hundred different. . ." Ash had been laid unconscious several minutes before, but Misty was having too much fun to stop. ". . . you almost killed Togepi, and you expect me to lay down my Pokeballs and confess my love for you, Ash? Hm? I didn't think so! Hahahahaha!"
~~~
"Ha ha, James, ya lost yer noodles again."
"Don't laugh over other peoples food deprivation!" James yelled back. He then paused, looked over the bridge at the river where his lunch now lay, and thought for a moment before adding, "Especially mine!"
Meowth leapt up onto James's shoulder, which James didn't seem to mind. He was too depressed. "Well, at least ya still got some of the noodles left up here," he thonked on James's head rather hard to prove his point. The cat was rewarded with a slight noise similar to a baby's rattle. "See? There's definetly *somethin'* swimmin' around up der."
James took no notice and continued walking along, his thoughts set on Jessie and how much she hated him. He took out one of his roses and looked at it sullenly. "Why do I even carry around these things? A rose so much like her! Beautiful, soft, something I never want to be without, yet it's nasty and horrible and prickly and scary and OUCH I PRICKED MYSELF ON THE ROSE MEOWTH HELP AAAAAH!"
"Oy." Meowth buried his face in his paws.
~~~
"Misty, come on! We're stuck here together and we have to find Brock and
Pikachu!" Ash whined. By this time the effects of the PokeCarbos had fully worn off.
Misty wasn't so entirely eager, though. She eyed Ash evily and sarcastically spat, "The last time *I* checked, Pikachu didn't really feel very happy to see you. And I wouldn't be surprised, considering the way you tied it up as soon as you met and everything!"
"Huh? How'd you know that! And besides, that was because it was trying to kill me!"
"Excuses, excuses. And those gloves! Pink rubber gloves! Jessie would have *killed* you if she found you wearing those things in public!"
"What does she have to do with anything?!" Ash was utterly confused now, and
was ready to run away from his assailiant when she grabbed him by the ear and
began dragging him down a path towards the forest.
Misty howled out more rantings at Ash before binding his hands and feet together with some vines on a nearby oak. "If you haven't noticed, Jessie may be a total moron who never does anything right, just like the rest of Team Rocket, but they work their asses off to catch Pikachu! I don't know about you but I give them a dang lot of credit for their persistance in this whole thing! After all, if it wasn't for YOU," Ash then recieved a swift kick in the behind from Misty before she continued, "they'd be rich succesful criminals by now! The only reason they're not is because YOU," the cringing boy recieved yet another kick, "keep getting in their WAY!"
Because Misty was so weak Ash felt barely any pain, but just the concept of
someone other than Team Rocket admitting that Jessie and James were actually
*good* at something made him cry. "Waaaah! Why am I so abused? Why doesn't
Pikachu like me anymore? Why don't *you* like me anymore?"
"I NEVER liked you! It was those stupid PokeCarbos Brock slipped us!"
But Ash wasn't convinced. "But you sang me that song! Ya know, it was called 'Misty's Song' or something and it was all about how you loved me and stuff and the cd sold over 4 million copies and now it's available in Spanish! There's a sequel out now too, and I think it has more love songs from you to me on it. . ."
"Um, Ash, maybe you should SHUT UP!"
"Eeek! Okay fine, but can you at least tell me where we're going?"
"We're going to find Team Rocket's hideout so you can apologize to them for being so mean to them all the time!"
"Noooooooo!"
~~~
"Hahaha! Who would know? I always thought she had a crush on that Ash kid! After all, the song, the looks, the following, the bickering - I would never have guessed she had a crush on that old fart professor guy."
"Pipi, ka pika! Pika chu chu!" [Yeah, she's got little photos of him cut into heart shapes and everything! It's disgusting!] Pikachu nodded its head up and down. The little rodent sat with Jessie at her, James, and Meowth's cabin, gossiping away about Ash and his hairy little friends.
"What about that other twerp - your master. Who does he like?" Jessie was getting quite a kick out of the whole situation. She hadn't had anyone to gossip with other than James in years.
Pikachu suddenly wasn't so enthusiastic. It bent it's head down and looked at the floor, it's tail swishing to and fro, making little squiggly lines in the dust. "Pi, pi-ka pichu pi pika. . . chu."
"Me?!" Jessie leapt up and bashed Pikachu over the head with an oyster mallot. "You must be kidding me! That kid's so dense he probably can't even recognize the full extent of my beauty, or any of it for that matter, and for some reason you say he likes me? Never!"
"Pichu, pikakaka?" [If *he's* so dense why does *he* always keep you from catching me?] Pikachu rubbed its head and stated matter-of-factly.
Jessie paused before answering. "Because he sucks! But he's not here this time; there's just Mr. Loser Sliteyes who doesn't have a strand of sense between his ears. Haha, I've got you now you little runt!" Jessie leapt in the air and seized Pikachu by it's tail. Before it could attack she flung the pathetic little Pokie in a rubber crate and dashed off upstairs to transport it to the boss via one of those little things that can transport matter across the web.
"Pi, pipipi, pi pi!" [I really, seriously, have to go to the bathroom!]
Jessie beamed. "Really? Congratulations!"
"Pika chuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu?!" [Can I have some Charmiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin?!"]
~~~
"Tink of it dis way, me patedic 'ole buddy. Now dat Jessie aint around, dere's no one to slap ya and hit ya fer bein so dumb all da time and call ya names - "
"- and to wake me up violently whenever I sleep in late and bash me over the head for no reason and OH JESSIE I MISS YOU!!!" James dropped to his knees and wailed out into the sky.
Meowth extraced his claws and swiped at James' face. "Dis otta shut ya up!" he half berated, half complained.
"Eeee! Ow, that hurt!" James complained. He then began hopping up and down on one foot. "You stupid cat why'd you hit my toe! You've never hit my toe before! My feet are off-limits! You *know* that!"
Meowth tilted his head to one side. "James I didn't go near ya stinky feet. Don't flatter yaself."
James began to get scared (ahem, again, cough). "B-but, if you didn't hit my foot, th-th-th-then who did?" James then stood stock-still with a blank look on his face. But not for long. "Aaaugh! Jessie where are you I'm scared!"
~~~
"Chu! Chu chu pi, pika kaka chu pipika ka. Chu chu pi pikachu." [Now Listen! Bounty is three-ply, but the layers are pressed together so it's more like cardboard than a paper towel. But that's not half as bad as that Hunter crap] Pikachu looked up, anime-watery-eyed, and gently rubbed it's cheek. "Ka ka pika chu!" [I literally cut myself when I was trying to dry my face!]
Jessie sat cross-legged, taking in Pikachu's paper products advice with great reverence. She gaped at the rodent, her face a picture of sheer horror. "That's terrible! You should sue!"
Pikachu nodded it's head. "Ka, pika pipika chu chu." [Yeah, that's what I thought, but freakin' Ash slapped a band-aid on me and pushed it all away]
"What an ass!"
"Ka pika." [Damn straight]
Jessie was visually enjoying their conversation. She decided to chime in with one of her little anecdotes. "You know, once I bought a compact and I went to put some foundation on, only to find that the applicator was made of - get this - foam!"
Pikachu gasped in horror. "Chu!" [Ick!]
"Yeah, ick is right." Jessie straightened up before continuing. "And do you know what I did?"
Pikachu leaned in closer. "Pi?" [What?]
"I went over to their factory myself, and kicked the managers butt!"
Pikachu smiled. "Pi pika ka! Chuchu, ka pika kachu." [You go girl! Those losers, they mislabeled my mascara once!]
Now a bit confused, Jessie asked, "You wear makeup?"
Pikachu nodded enthusiastically. "Pi ka! Pikaka chu pichu pi ka? Pika pika chu ka pi." [Of course! How do you think I keep these cheeks so red? Every morning before anyone wakes up I go and do myself over]
"Hm." Jessie pondered for a moment, then smiled and clasped her hands together. "I know! Let's do makeovers!"
Pikachu leapt up in the air and gave Jessie a high-five. "Pika!" [Yay!]
~~~
As we end Part 1 of our story, we are left with many questions to ponder.
Will Ash survive Misty's sudden Temper Attack? Or, more appropriately, will
Misty survive Ash's Raging Hormone Attack?
Will Pikachu be the next Covergirl? Will Jessie try to make over Brock? If she does, will he willingly oblige?
What *exactly* stubbed James' toe? Was it a maddened ghost? Or did he trip into a rock? And will Meowth ever shut up? Find out this and more in Part 2 of "Losers and Lovers, Unite!"