July 22, 2011
"What I Thought Was Forever"
During my 1st year of High School, I had a boyfriend, even though my parents told me not to think of having one or breathing a word about the subject. But still, despite that fact, I stayed together with him. And we stayed bonded for 1 year and 7 months, right until the summer before we were to become seniors (4th year HS students). He was my first love.
That was my first, and hopefully not my last, relationship. He had influenced me greatly, from how I did at school to how I thought of myself as a person. I was deeply, truly, and honestly in love. Every little bit of him I wanted to know about. He had such beautiful dark brown eyes, the kind that could look at you with such meaning. Lips that only spoke when cued to do so, he never butts in when I tell him such long stories, and never looked bored or seem sleepy when I did so, a smile that could rid all the world of its sorrow, and light up any room. He smelled always of baby powder, even thought he never really put it on his face. When I stared at him, I could see no one else. He loved me. He cared for me. He was my best friend. It killed me when he called one day asking if I would be okay if we broke up.
You see, in our 3rd year, he decided to train to become an officer for next year's CadT (Citizenship Advancement Training). One of the things you should be to become an officer, was, single. Well, you could have a girlfriend/ boyfriend, but he/ she should belong to another year; because if they were to become officers next year, they needed not to be biased, and equally strict to all. No special treatment allowed to friends. He told me we had to break up because of this. He didn't want to harm me in any way, he told me that night when he called me.
After that relationship drew to an end, or what seemed to be its end, I got into a series of flings and had stupid short-time boyfriends. I was really depressed. Nothing made sense. I lost myself. He was a part of me, a part of who I was. I was turning into a whole different person without him. No one could control me; I did crazy things. But during my 4th year, we still talked, he sent me these mixed-signals during our CAdT period… he would sometimes look at me while we did our exercises, and call my name in a special way. I talked to him sometimes during dismissal because I couldn't get any closure; I couldn't move on and consider him just as my friend. Then he told me that I should wait until our graduation ball to tell me something. And when that moment came, after waiting for months, thinking he was going to get back together, he told me to move on, that he did not love me, and still, there was something I felt he could not tell me. And, after the day of our graduation, I found out that he loved another girl and confessed to her after the graduation ceremony. I have not talked to him since the ball. And I do not plan to talk to him, ever again.
I have moved on. And ever since, I have been better, happier. I used to be such a pessimistic person but now I am an optimistic one. I got it from him.
The END.